Son living with & being alienated by fathers girlfriend who calls herself "mama".

[ciaomamabella]

Son living with & being alienated by fathers girlfriend who calls herself "mama".

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Hello,
I am a mother of a 10 year old boy. I have recently moved away to finish school. We have ALWAYS had 50/50 custody. I am the one who decided to finish school so I can provide for my son. (Small town where I'm from offers no opportunity). During this time, I purchased an ipod for my son so we can FaceTime and text etc. My sons father and I have not went back to court to change the visitation.
It has been difficult for me to get into contact with my son. His father and his girlfriend refuse to let us do FaceTime together. I do go back home about once a month for a few days and over the summer my son was here for 10 days. His father would not let him stay longer. He has his own room with my fiance and I and he knows that this is his other home. I stay very much in contact with his teacher and school as well as do parent/teacher conferences over the phone. My son has recently made me aware that he has moved in with his fathers girlfriend and stays with her during the week.

His father has moved to a different town (moved to his parents house) to work and my son only sees his father on Saturday and Sunday. My sons father lives in a trailer in his parents front yard. I was never made aware of this by my sons father. When my son was here during the summer, the emails that the girlfriend was sending him said "love, Mama" at the end. After finding this out, I confronted the girlfriend about all of it as well as my sons father. The girlfriend claimed that she has "adopted" my son and they have "adopted each other". She claims that my son is now her son. She states that by me saying that she is not the "mother", would be, "like saying the sky is red". I do understand that she does do the everyday tasks as a mother would do.
As a mother, hearing this is terrible for me since I have moved to a different town and don't have a visitation schedule like we used to. Hearing this has caused me to feel guilty etc, like I've lost my son, plus I do not feel that it is appropriate for my son to only be living with the girlfriend who is literally nuts and believes that she has morphed into my sons mother. (I've had this issue with her a few years ago, even to where she was telling me to remind me to tell my son to brush his teeth. Ridiculous). For the time being, I have established myself here with my fianc� and created a home for my son. Being successful in my home town was completely non existent. I had NO money and a terrible job. Now I am able to provide my son with everything he needs and don't have to worry about where our next meal is coming from, even while finishing school.
Now to the point: I am taking my sons father back to court where we can work out a schedule. I do not agree that my son should be living with the girlfriend, however I DO understand the importance of keeping him secure in his school that he has gone to since kindergarten. With me living not in the same town, it is impossible for my son to be with me and attend the same school. At this point I guess I can only ask for holidays and summer school. I however, want to know if anyone thinks that it would be at all appropriate for me to ask that my son live with me temporarily while his father gets his life together. I really do think that my son is being alienated from me and the girlfriend really believes that she has become my sons mother. She has called me BIO-mom in the past and has said that I have not built a strong relationship with my son. She restricts phone time with me and my son as well as does several other things that she is not legally allowed to do. I realize this is a unique situation and any help would be appreciated. Please I ask that people be respectful of me and my decision to move. It wasn't easy decision but I'm trying to do the best I can. I am doing everything for my son and our future. Advice would be very much appreciated. Also, it is my Thanksgiving day with my son coming up, and my son has the week off from school. I've tried to talk to his father about my son coming to my house for the week since it is my holiday, however he doesn't want to to work with me because my only real "legal day" is ON thanksgiving day, not the entire week.
Would a judge give the girlfriend Guardianship?
Any advice would be appriciated.

 

[single317dad]

- Please provide the exact text (without names) of any applicable court order that addresses custody and visitation.

It seems you have quite the conundrum regarding the living situation. You want your son to attend the same school, but since you've left and Dad has left, the only person in that school district willing to provide room and board for the child appears to be the girlfriend. If you don't want him there, you're going to have to come up with some other option before court. What could the judge order if you simply walked into court with a handful of impossibilities? You need to bring a solution to the court.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Hello,
I am a mother of a 10 year old boy. I have recently moved away to finish school. We have ALWAYS had 50/50 custody. I am the one who decided to finish school so I can provide for my son. (Small town where I'm from offers no opportunity). During this time, I purchased an ipod for my son so we can FaceTime and text etc. My sons father and I have not went back to court to change the visitation.
It has been difficult for me to get into contact with my son. His father and his girlfriend refuse to let us do FaceTime together. I do go back home about once a month for a few days and over the summer my son was here for 10 days. His father would not let him stay longer. He has his own room with my fiance and I and he knows that this is his other home. I stay very much in contact with his teacher and school as well as do parent/teacher conferences over the phone. My son has recently made me aware that he has moved in with his fathers girlfriend and stays with her during the week.

His father has moved to a different town (moved to his parents house) to work and my son only sees his father on Saturday and Sunday. My sons father lives in a trailer in his parents front yard. I was never made aware of this by my sons father. When my son was here during the summer, the emails that the girlfriend was sending him said "love, Mama" at the end. After finding this out, I confronted the girlfriend about all of it as well as my sons father. The girlfriend claimed that she has "adopted" my son and they have "adopted each other". She claims that my son is now her son. She states that by me saying that she is not the "mother", would be, "like saying the sky is red". I do understand that she does do the everyday tasks as a mother would do.
As a mother, hearing this is terrible for me since I have moved to a different town and don't have a visitation schedule like we used to. Hearing this has caused me to feel guilty etc, like I've lost my son, plus I do not feel that it is appropriate for my son to only be living with the girlfriend who is literally nuts and believes that she has morphed into my sons mother. (I've had this issue with her a few years ago, even to where she was telling me to remind me to tell my son to brush his teeth. Ridiculous). For the time being, I have established myself here with my fianc� and created a home for my son. Being successful in my home town was completely non existent. I had NO money and a terrible job. Now I am able to provide my son with everything he needs and don't have to worry about where our next meal is coming from, even while finishing school.
Now to the point: I am taking my sons father back to court where we can work out a schedule. I do not agree that my son should be living with the girlfriend, however I DO understand the importance of keeping him secure in his school that he has gone to since kindergarten. With me living not in the same town, it is impossible for my son to be with me and attend the same school. At this point I guess I can only ask for holidays and summer school. I however, want to know if anyone thinks that it would be at all appropriate for me to ask that my son live with me temporarily while his father gets his life together. I really do think that my son is being alienated from me and the girlfriend really believes that she has become my sons mother. She has called me BIO-mom in the past and has said that I have not built a strong relationship with my son. She restricts phone time with me and my son as well as does several other things that she is not legally allowed to do. I realize this is a unique situation and any help would be appreciated. Please I ask that people be respectful of me and my decision to move. It wasn't easy decision but I'm trying to do the best I can. I am doing everything for my son and our future. Advice would be very much appreciated. Also, it is my Thanksgiving day with my son coming up, and my son has the week off from school. I've tried to talk to his father about my son coming to my house for the week since it is my holiday, however he doesn't want to to work with me because my only real "legal day" is ON thanksgiving day, not the entire week.
Any advice would be appriciated.

I think you need an attorney. Or to answer a lot of questions here, starting with: Is the 50/50 custody court ordered? Is there any support court ordered?

 

[ciaomamabella]

I absolutely agree with the fact that I need to come to court showing possibilities. I have contacted a "limited scope lawyer" who would assist me with writing my declaration etc. I am just unsure if it is okay for me to ask the court if my son come live with me temporarily while his father can get his life together. My concern is that my son is not with either of his parents only because he needs to attend the same school. I think that it would be better for my son to adjust to a different school rather than adjust to a stranger. The court order before I moved was 3 1/2 days with me (Mother) and the offset days with Father. When I moved, Father was living in a house that he had lived in for several years. His life fell apart as soon as I moved. I would have never moved had I known this was going to happen.

 

[ciaomamabella]

Oh, also, there has never been any child support orders. We have been in court since our son was 2 years old. We have always had 50/50 joint and legal custody. It is court ordered through mediation and to this day still in effect.

 

[Silverplum]

I absolutely agree with the fact that I need to come to court showing possibilities. I have contacted a "limited scope lawyer" who would assist me with writing my declaration etc. I am just unsure if it is okay for me to ask the court if my son come live with me temporarily while his father can get his life together. My concern is that my son is not with either of his parents only because he needs to attend the same school. I think that it would be better for my son to adjust to a different school rather than adjust to a stranger. The court order before I moved was 3 1/2 days with me (Mother) and the offset days with Father. When I moved, Father was living in a house that he had lived in for several years. His life fell apart as soon as I moved. I would have never moved had I known this was going to happen.

What do you mean by, "his life fell apart," and what, specifically, do you want Dad to "get together" in his life?

 

[Silverplum]

Oh, also, there has never been any child support orders. We have been in court since our son was 2 years old. We have always had 50/50 joint and legal custody. It is court ordered through mediation and to this day still in effect.

Thanks for clarifying that.

 

[ciaomamabella]

What do you mean by, "his life fell apart," and what, specifically, do you want Dad to "get together" in his life?

I mean that he lost his house and his job and is no longer able to provide a stable home for our son. i would like for him to be able to provide a home for our son. He no longer can so I think that while he is finding a home, my son should temporarily live with me.

 

[Silverplum]

I mean that he is no longer able to provide a stable home for our son. i would like for him to be able to provide a home for our son. He no longer can so I think that while he is finding a home, my son should temporarily live with me.

Trailers are homes. There is no law requiring children have their own rooms.

 

[ciaomamabella]

Trailers are homes. There is no law requiring children have their own rooms.

Im not bashing his choice of home. What I'm saying is that he is obviously not able to provide him with a home because my son is living with the girlfriend.

 

[CSO286]

I mean that he lost his house and his job and is no longer able to provide a stable home for our son. i would like for him to be able to provide a home for our son. He no longer can so I think that while he is finding a home, my son should temporarily live with me.

Why is the home "unstable"?

A job loss doesn't automatically render a home unstable.

 

[Silverplum]

Im not bashing his choice of home. What I'm saying is that he is obviously not able to provide him with a home because my son is living with the girlfriend.

If I were Dad's lawyer, and I am not an attorney at all, I think could cover that nicely in 2 seconds, and it would involve causing you to pay child support so that Dad can pay for daycare while he works.

Seriously. You need an attorney. This situation is a mess.

 

[Zigner]

Im not bashing his choice of home. What I'm saying is that he is obviously not able to provide him with a home because my son is living with the girlfriend.

Never mind - I misread that.

 

[ciaomamabella]

Im not bashing his choice of home. What I'm saying is that he is obviously not able to provide him with a home because my son is living with the girlfriend.

I know that I decided to move, however, does anyone really think that it is appropriate that my son is living alone with his fathers girlfriend at her fathers house? My son made me aware of it, not my sons father.

 

[LdiJ]

That makes no sense.

I think that what she is saying is that the child is not living with either parent, nor is the child living with any family member at all.

If I were mom, I would be fighting for primary custody at this point rather than having my son continue to live with dad's girlfriend. Yes, the child would have to change schools, but even if he has to change schools, it would be better for him to live with ONE of his parents.