Seeking Advice about unborn child - WA

[cjohnston325687]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Thanks to those who have contributed to this website, seeing it has given me some ease. I read the letter to the newbies post and I read it says that this website isn't for support but I'm overwhelmed and torn about what I am about to write and I just want to learn what my options are in case things get ugly... I have a feeling things are going to get ugly.

I found out a few days ago that my ex-girlfriend is 3-4 weeks pregnant. The girl is 24 years old, doesn't have a GED, doesn't have a drivers license, hasn't ever held a job longer than a year, lives on food stamps, has been arrested for domestic violence, has a drug addiction, and lives at her moms house where drugs and domestic violence are prevalent.

She still wants to be with me but I don't want to be with her. Having this child would be a first time experience for both of us. I am torn between trying to provide at least emotional support throughout the pregnancy but at the same time I'm thinking I'm treading in dangerous water. Prior to having a conversation with my mother my plan was to tell her that I want to take the child until she has a safe place for the child to live. But after talking to my mother who has been through a custody battle, this might be something that has to be settled in court. I would rather it not be settled in court if it didn't have to. My ex-girlfriend and I still have a decent relationship and I've tried to help her get clean and don't want to have to take her child away.

I've looked a little into WA child custody laws and the first thing it mentions when a case goes to court is presenting a parenting plan. I was thinking about starting to develop one as well as gather evidence of this girls drug addiction as well if I needed to present that in court. At the same time I think if it goes there I might be a little worried about my safety. I also have a criminal record Robbery 1st degree, and two assaults in the 2nd degree. Since my last conviction in 2009 I have changed my life around, I'm a full time student and a 2nd year student government officer. Why I mention this is because I have "2 strikes" and I'm a little worried that if things go bad she may try to falsely accuse me of something to have me put in prison possibly for life. She knows that's one thing I am paranoid about.

With this being said, I am also unprepared to have a child as I live with my mom as well. But I'm working toward my future and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to support my child. My mom has also agreed to take custody of the child if she needed to, my mom is a working class citizen without any criminal history and has worked at McDonalds for over 15 years.

Sorry for all of the details.

I tried calling a lawyer today to ask questions but they wanted a $95 consultation fee so I passed. I know I have time but I just want to explore my options and hear what others have say about what I am going through and if there is anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks for your time.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Thanks to those who have contributed to this website, seeing it has given me some ease. I read the letter to the newbies post and I read it says that this website isn't for support but I'm overwhelmed and torn about what I am about to write and I just want to learn what my options are in case things get ugly... I have a feeling things are going to get ugly.

I found out a few days ago that my ex-girlfriend is 3-4 weeks pregnant. The girl is 24 years old, doesn't have a GED, doesn't have a drivers license, hasn't ever held a job longer than a year, lives on food stamps,

None of that is relevant.

has been arrested for domestic violence, has a drug addiction, and lives at her moms house where drugs and domestic violence are prevalent.

And how many convictions does she have?

She still wants to be with me but I don't want to be with her. Having this child would be a first time experience for both of us. I am torn between trying to provide at least emotional support throughout the pregnancy but at the same time I'm thinking I'm treading in dangerous water. Prior to having a conversation with my mother my plan was to tell her that I want to take the child until she has a safe place for the child to live.

Given that you won't be the legal father until paternity is established, you're really not in a good place there.

But after talking to my mother who has been through a custody battle, this might be something that has to be settled in court. I would rather it not be settled in court if it didn't have to. My ex-girlfriend and I still have a decent relationship and I've tried to help her get clean and don't want to have to take her child away.

No, you DO want it in court. Court orders protect everyone.

I've looked a little into WA child custody laws and the first thing it mentions when a case goes to court is presenting a parenting plan. I was thinking about starting to develop one as well as gather evidence of this girls drug addiction as well if I needed to present that in court. At the same time I think if it goes there I might be a little worried about my safety. I also have a criminal record Robbery 1st degree, and two assaults in the 2nd degree. Since my last conviction in 2009 I have changed my life around, I'm a full time student and a 2nd year student government officer. Why I mention this is because I have "2 strikes" and I'm a little worried that if things go bad she may try to falsely accuse me of something to have me put in prison possibly for life. She knows that's one thing I am paranoid about.

You're going way too fast. There is no child yet - let alone a child who is yours.

With this being said, I am also unprepared to have a child as I live with my mom as well. But I'm working toward my future and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to support my child. My mom has also agreed to take custody of the child if she needed to, my mom is a working class citizen without any criminal history and has worked at McDonalds for over 15 years.

What makes you think that your mother has standing to do anything? (hint: she doesn't)

Sorry for all of the details.

I tried calling a lawyer today to ask questions but they wanted a $95 consultation fee so I passed. I know I have time but I just want to explore my options and hear what others have say about what I am going through and if there is anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks for your time.

You're going way, way too fast.

By all means prepare a parenting plan, but if you have to "gather evidence" about "this girl", you really don't have much to begin with. And yes, your criminal history might be an issue.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Thanks to those who have contributed to this website, seeing it has given me some ease. I read the letter to the newbies post and I read it says that this website isn't for support but I'm overwhelmed and torn about what I am about to write and I just want to learn what my options are in case things get ugly... I have a feeling things are going to get ugly.

I found out a few days ago that my ex-girlfriend is 3-4 weeks pregnant. The girl is 24 years old, doesn't have a GED, doesn't have a drivers license, hasn't ever held a job longer than a year, lives on food stamps, has been arrested for domestic violence, has a drug addiction, and lives at her moms house where drugs and domestic violence are prevalent.

She still wants to be with me but I don't want to be with her. Having this child would be a first time experience for both of us. I am torn between trying to provide at least emotional support throughout the pregnancy but at the same time I'm thinking I'm treading in dangerous water. Prior to having a conversation with my mother my plan was to tell her that I want to take the child until she has a safe place for the child to live. But after talking to my mother who has been through a custody battle, this might be something that has to be settled in court. I would rather it not be settled in court if it didn't have to. My ex-girlfriend and I still have a decent relationship and I've tried to help her get clean and don't want to have to take her child away.

I've looked a little into WA child custody laws and the first thing it mentions when a case goes to court is presenting a parenting plan. I was thinking about starting to develop one as well as gather evidence of this girls drug addiction as well if I needed to present that in court. At the same time I think if it goes there I might be a little worried about my safety. I also have a criminal record Robbery 1st degree, and two assaults in the 2nd degree. Since my last conviction in 2009 I have changed my life around, I'm a full time student and a 2nd year student government officer. Why I mention this is because I have "2 strikes" and I'm a little worried that if things go bad she may try to falsely accuse me of something to have me put in prison possibly for life. She knows that's one thing I am paranoid about.

With this being said, I am also unprepared to have a child as I live with my mom as well. But I'm working toward my future and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to support my child. My mom has also agreed to take custody of the child if she needed to, my mom is a working class citizen without any criminal history and has worked at McDonalds for over 15 years.

Sorry for all of the details.

I tried calling a lawyer today to ask questions but they wanted a $95 consultation fee so I passed. I know I have time but I just want to explore my options and hear what others have say about what I am going through and if there is anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks for your time.

May I be blunt? Don't ...mess...with a druggie. Always put a condom on.

 

[Pinkie39]

May I be blunt? Don't ...mess...with a druggie. Always put a condom on.

Given the ex girlfriend's history, who knows if the baby is even the OPs. If I were him, I wouldn't do a thing after the baby is born until I had confirmation by a DNA test that it was mine.

 

[Just Blue]

Given the ex girlfriend's history, who knows if the baby is even the OPs. If I were him, I wouldn't do a thing after the baby is born until I had confirmation by a DNA test that it was mine.

I agree. If I were OP I would rush my a$$ to a clinic as well. God knows what nasty he has now. Yuck.

 

[Zigner]

I would suggest the same for the mom-to-be. It's obvious that the OP's decision making isn't stellar either.

 

[Just Blue]

I would suggest the same for the mom-to-be. It's obvious that the OP's decision making isn't stellar either.

Agreed. God knows where his "johnson" has been. Yuck.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Thanks to those who have contributed to this website, seeing it has given me some ease. I read the letter to the newbies post and I read it says that this website isn't for support but I'm overwhelmed and torn about what I am about to write and I just want to learn what my options are in case things get ugly... I have a feeling things are going to get ugly.

I found out a few days ago that my ex-girlfriend is 3-4 weeks pregnant. The girl is 24 years old, doesn't have a GED, doesn't have a drivers license, hasn't ever held a job longer than a year, lives on food stamps, has been arrested for domestic violence, has a drug addiction, and lives at her moms house where drugs and domestic violence are prevalent.

But you dated her, found her to be Mom material by sleeping with her.

She still wants to be with me but I don't want to be with her. Having this child would be a first time experience for both of us. I am torn between trying to provide at least emotional support throughout the pregnancy but at the same time I'm thinking I'm treading in dangerous water. Prior to having a conversation with my mother my plan was to tell her that I want to take the child until she has a safe place for the child to live. But after talking to my mother who has been through a custody battle, this might be something that has to be settled in court. I would rather it not be settled in court if it didn't have to. My ex-girlfriend and I still have a decent relationship and I've tried to help her get clean and don't want to have to take her child away.

Your mailman has as many "rights" to that child as you do. And he has as much of a chance as bringing the child into his home as you do.

In other words, zero rightss. zero chance.

I've looked a little into WA child custody laws and the first thing it mentions when a case goes to court is presenting a parenting plan. I was thinking about starting to develop one as well as gather evidence of this girls drug addiction as well if I needed to present that in court. At the same time I think if it goes there I might be a little worried about my safety. I also have a criminal record Robbery 1st degree, and two assaults in the 2nd degree. Since my last conviction in 2009 I have changed my life around, I'm a full time student and a 2nd year student government officer. Why I mention this is because I have "2 strikes" and I'm a little worried that if things go bad she may try to falsely accuse me of something to have me put in prison possibly for life. She knows that's one thing I am paranoid about.

"...gather evidence..."

You chose her. You might be Dad and you might not be. But she IS Mom.

With this being said, I am also unprepared to have a child as I live with my mom as well. But I'm working toward my future and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to support my child. My mom has also agreed to take custody of the child if she needed to, my mom is a working class citizen without any criminal history and has worked at McDonalds for over 15 years.

Sorry for all of the details.

I tried calling a lawyer today to ask questions but they wanted a $95 consultation fee so I passed. I know I have time but I just want to explore my options and hear what others have say about what I am going through and if there is anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks for your time.

$95 is the cheapest you will ever pay for an hour or so of an attorney's time. Start saving your money.

And Pinkie is right: paternity test first.