******REVISED******
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii
I just went to a TRO hearing and defended myself by getting legal advice through Legal Aide. In the event of this I pretty much got the worst possible outcome. When I was representing myself in court, I didn't know what I could say and what I couldn't say; which agitated the judge. She limited me on my responses and it seems like my statements just got written off. One of the things stated on my paper, I was asked a few different ways from my ex's attorney. My answer was No the first time and I said didn't quite understand the second time. The second time I said I don't know.
The accuser reported me of this as follows:
"After an argument, respondent grabbed/yanked children off bed, and I told him to stop/wait and respondent threatened to shoot me with a gun." Nov 1 2014
At this time I offered the most truthful answer I could give.
"I woke her up when I got home and confronted her about her fooling around, during that time my daughter woke up. I didn't want to argue in front of my daughter, because she was still sleepy; so I moved her to the couch. At which time she told me "Stop, don't touch her" and I told her "I don't want to argue in front of her". I said that my ex at that time always puts up a wall in our arguments, she will barrier herself with my kids or a blanket and just go silent. When we continued the argument after I carried my daughter to the couch, we were having a heated debate. She denied doing anything and asked why I was reading those text message/pictures. I responded likewise "Its like your trying to get me to act or something, its like you want me to shoot you and go after the guy I dunno. How could you do this to us after 10 yrs?" During this time in November she didn't call any cops during this altercation, because what I said didn't seem to bother her to much. In fact she tried to comfort and console me about it. We continued to argue about this till Jan/Feb where we decided to move on from this. Then the last week before June 9th I found a massage ticket from the other guy with dirty messages. We had an argument again and our breakup happened on the 9th. During this whole time since November she could of called the cops on me if she felt threatened. But she had no complaints on calling the cops later on June 9th 2015 when we argued. I stopped arguing during that argument seeing what it was doing to my kids and sat outside on the curb to wait for the cops. This was to show that I tried to take a better approach to this. My son was hiding under clothes, because he was scared, and it literally broke my heart when I seen that. I had no more fight in me and I didn't want to continue. Before all of this I personally apologized about the statement I had made to her and her mom, because I felt guilty. It was something that just rolled off my tongue without thinking of the ramifications of so. I even coached her from November to June and told her, "If she had no more trust in me and think I was going to hurt her, you should go move into your moms house and pursue your own en devours." and she responded "I just have to believe that you love me enough not to hurt me." Which I had no intentions of ever hurting her in the first place. Every other incident she would bring up in court after this main one which they locked on, she claimed to be scared of me. Alot of them she was asked if I was yelling or swearing and she would say No. Its because I don't try to argue with violence, because of the kids. From the beginning of our 10 yrs together, she claimed she was scared to defy me and she did what I said to console. I couldn't help but break down after hearing that, considering I'm kind of a pacifist, and she never was afraid to up and leave me. Which she did on a couple of occasions, she left me high and dry more then once. There was only 1 other time she could ever bring up that I physically grabbed her wrist back in 2004 this wasn't reported to police either and I explained I was protecting myself because she was cracking me over the head with a metal can. We were arguing in the car, she jumped out of the car when I was stopped at a light, she was 4/5 months pregnant, and I didn't want her to lose the baby. So I went after her and I kept pleading with her to stop and I'll take her anywhere she wants to go. That was before she started cracking me with her fists, kicking, and even with that metal can. 1 week later after all this died down, she told me I hurt her wrist and she started wearing a wrist band. I apologized again and I told her are you sure it wasn't from work. Anyways she got checked and they found no fractures or microfractures. This was all undocumented and just accounts.
Now I'm kind of stuck with the full TRO sentencing and I was wondering if any is there anyway to turn this. 1 yr away from her and my 2 kids and I can only visit them at PACT center. Which is crappy, because I was the primary caretaker of the children. I would cook, clean, take them to school, change them, take them out, etc. My ex at that time really didn't do anything for them and really neglected caring for them. If I hired an attorney, or is it worth turning? Am I just screwed, I know I even think it sounds bleak when looking at it. I just feel defeated in every way, just wanted to know if I'm just looking for hope when there is none.
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii
I just went to a TRO hearing and defended myself by getting legal advice through Legal Aide. In the event of this I pretty much got the worst possible outcome. When I was representing myself in court, I didn't know what I could say and what I couldn't say; which agitated the judge. She limited me on my responses and it seems like my statements just got written off. One of the things stated on my paper, I was asked a few different ways from my ex's attorney. My answer was No the first time and I said didn't quite understand the second time. The second time I said I don't know.
The accuser reported me of this as follows:
"After an argument, respondent grabbed/yanked children off bed, and I told him to stop/wait and respondent threatened to shoot me with a gun." Nov 1 2014
At this time I offered the most truthful answer I could give.
"I woke her up when I got home and confronted her about her fooling around, during that time my daughter woke up. I didn't want to argue in front of my daughter, because she was still sleepy; so I moved her to the couch. At which time she told me "Stop, don't touch her" and I told her "I don't want to argue in front of her". I said that my ex at that time always puts up a wall in our arguments, she will barrier herself with my kids or a blanket and just go silent. When we continued the argument after I carried my daughter to the couch, we were having a heated debate. She denied doing anything and asked why I was reading those text message/pictures. I responded likewise "Its like your trying to get me to act or something, its like you want me to shoot you and go after the guy I dunno. How could you do this to us after 10 yrs?" During this time in November she didn't call any cops during this altercation, because what I said didn't seem to bother her to much. In fact she tried to comfort and console me about it. We continued to argue about this till Jan/Feb where we decided to move on from this. Then the last week before June 9th I found a massage ticket from the other guy with dirty messages. We had an argument again and our breakup happened on the 9th. During this whole time since November she could of called the cops on me if she felt threatened. But she had no complaints on calling the cops later on June 9th 2015 when we argued. I stopped arguing during that argument seeing what it was doing to my kids and sat outside on the curb to wait for the cops. This was to show that I tried to take a better approach to this. My son was hiding under clothes, because he was scared, and it literally broke my heart when I seen that. I had no more fight in me and I didn't want to continue. Before all of this I personally apologized about the statement I had made to her and her mom, because I felt guilty. It was something that just rolled off my tongue without thinking of the ramifications of so. I even coached her from November to June and told her, "If she had no more trust in me and think I was going to hurt her, you should go move into your moms house and pursue your own en devours." and she responded "I just have to believe that you love me enough not to hurt me." Which I had no intentions of ever hurting her in the first place. Every other incident she would bring up in court after this main one which they locked on, she claimed to be scared of me. Alot of them she was asked if I was yelling or swearing and she would say No. Its because I don't try to argue with violence, because of the kids. From the beginning of our 10 yrs together, she claimed she was scared to defy me and she did what I said to console. I couldn't help but break down after hearing that, considering I'm kind of a pacifist, and she never was afraid to up and leave me. Which she did on a couple of occasions, she left me high and dry more then once. There was only 1 other time she could ever bring up that I physically grabbed her wrist back in 2004 this wasn't reported to police either and I explained I was protecting myself because she was cracking me over the head with a metal can. We were arguing in the car, she jumped out of the car when I was stopped at a light, she was 4/5 months pregnant, and I didn't want her to lose the baby. So I went after her and I kept pleading with her to stop and I'll take her anywhere she wants to go. That was before she started cracking me with her fists, kicking, and even with that metal can. 1 week later after all this died down, she told me I hurt her wrist and she started wearing a wrist band. I apologized again and I told her are you sure it wasn't from work. Anyways she got checked and they found no fractures or microfractures. This was all undocumented and just accounts.
Now I'm kind of stuck with the full TRO sentencing and I was wondering if any is there anyway to turn this. 1 yr away from her and my 2 kids and I can only visit them at PACT center. Which is crappy, because I was the primary caretaker of the children. I would cook, clean, take them to school, change them, take them out, etc. My ex at that time really didn't do anything for them and really neglected caring for them. If I hired an attorney, or is it worth turning? Am I just screwed, I know I even think it sounds bleak when looking at it. I just feel defeated in every way, just wanted to know if I'm just looking for hope when there is none.
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