What to do? Wants in the birth certificate after 9 years?

[dm1205]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Sorry in advance but this is going to be a long story and I'm not even sure if I'm posting on the right forum but here I go

Let's go back to 2006 when I had a daughter at 17 years old, her biological father never wanted anything to do with her to be honest, HE IS NOT ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE ...met her when she was 2 months old, went to see her maybe twice a month for the first year of her life, never gave any money and the. Disappeared, when my daughter was about to turn 4 her dad contacted me, told me he was a changed man, he wanted to make things right, blah blah blah, I let them meet each other (at this point I'm not sure if that was a good idea) and he started giving me $300 monthly because he decided to (I never asked for anything) but by then he was already military and out of state so they were never close except for the twice a month call.

I moved to another city because of a job opportunity and to my surprised two weeks later I received a call from my daughter's father saying he got transferred to a military base 30 min away from where I had just moved -_- ...he started taking her out on Saturdays and when she was comfortable enough with him and his wife he started having her Saturday and Sunday, this went for 9 months but then I my boyfriend who I left back home and I decided that the distance wasn't worth it and that the job wasn't as good as they told me it was gonna be so he surprised me, visited us, proposed to me and as soon as my daughter finished her school year we moved back (me and my by then fiancé talk to her and she was ok with everything)

As soon as we moved back her biological father went back to been MIA, calling once a month, sometimes every 6 weeks, not showing any interest and getting mad because my 6 year old didn't call him every weekend but like I told him at that age he as the parent is the one who should call and show interest (correct me if I wrong). I mean if she ever tells me she wants to call him I won't say no but I won't force her to call him either ...

Anyway I got married, my daughter is now 9 years old , my it's been 3 years since we moved out of there and 3 weeks ago he finally decided to come and see her, he took her out for the day, I asked her if she was ok with that and she said yes as long as he would bring her back the same day, it looks like the had a good day but when he brought her back he took a paper and a pen out of his car and told me he needed it to sign it, I asked what it was and he said it was the form to acknowledge paternity because now he wants to be on the birth certificate, I was in shock and a little insulted, he seriously thought I'm that stupid to sign something like that without even reading or researching or consulting somebody? I told him I had to call MY lawyer first (I don't even have lawyer) just to appear confident and that I would let him know, he told me it was nothing, nothing is gonna change, he just wants to be on the birth certificate but doesn't want to do it through the court because it's too much work -_-.

I called a lawyer that does free consultation through the phone cause right now we don't have that much money and he said its up to me but that he wouldn't sign anything either and to just let him go through the court process if he really wants to do it, but I've been thinking about it, my husband says the same, that he doesn't deserve to have it that easy since he's never been there for her but if he goes to the court a judge is gonna grant it to him anyway. I seriously don't know what to do, what would you do in my position? I don't even know why I'm so anxious about his reaction when I tell him I'm not signing anything :/

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Sorry in advance but this is going to be a long story and I'm not even sure if I'm posting on the right forum but here I go

Let's go back to 2006 when I had a daughter at 17 years old, her biological father never wanted anything to do with her to be honest, HE IS NOT ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE ...met her when she was 2 months old, went to see her maybe twice a month for the first year of her life, never gave any money and the. Disappeared, when my daughter was about to turn 4 her dad contacted me, told me he was a changed man, he wanted to make things right, blah blah blah, I let them meet each other (at this point I'm not sure if that was a good idea) and he started giving me $300 monthly because he decided to (I never asked for anything) but by then he was already military and out of state so they were never close except for the twice a month call.

I moved to another city because of a job opportunity and to my surprised two weeks later I received a call from my daughter's father saying he got transferred to a military base 30 min away from where I had just moved -_- ...he started taking her out on Saturdays and when she was comfortable enough with him and his wife he started having her Saturday and Sunday, this went for 9 months but then I my boyfriend who I left back home and I decided that the distance wasn't worth it and that the job wasn't as good as they told me it was gonna be so he surprised me, visited us, proposed to me and as soon as my daughter finished her school year we moved back (me and my by then fiancé talk to her and she was ok with everything)

As soon as we moved back her biological father went back to been MIA, calling once a month, sometimes every 6 weeks, not showing any interest and getting mad because my 6 year old didn't call him every weekend but like I told him at that age he as the parent is the one who should call and show interest (correct me if I wrong). I mean if she ever tells me she wants to call him I won't say no but I won't force her to call him either ...

Anyway I got married, my daughter is now 9 years old , my it's been 3 years since we moved out of there and 3 weeks ago he finally decided to come and see her, he took her out for the day, I asked her if she was ok with that and she said yes as long as he would bring her back the same day, it looks like the had a good day but when he brought her back he took a paper and a pen out of his car and told me he needed it to sign it, I asked what it was and he said it was the form to acknowledge paternity because now he wants to be on the birth certificate, I was in shock and a little insulted, he seriously thought I'm that stupid to sign something like that without even reading or researching or consulting somebody? I told him I had to call MY lawyer first (I don't even have lawyer) just to appear confident and that I would let him know, he told me it was nothing, nothing is gonna change, he just wants to be on the birth certificate but doesn't want to do it through the court because it's too much work -_-.

I called a lawyer that does free consultation through the phone cause right now we don't have that much money and he said its up to me but that he wouldn't sign anything either and to just let him go through the court process if he really wants to do it, but I've been thinking about it, my husband says the same, that he doesn't deserve to have it that easy since he's never been there for her but if he goes to the court a judge is gonna grant it to him anyway. I seriously don't know what to do, what would you do in my position? I don't even know why I'm so anxious about his reaction when I tell him I'm not signing anything :/

Tell him that you feel it would be better to have things established through the courts. Tell him that you are fine with going through the process of establishing paternity, visitation, and child support through the courts.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Sorry in advance but this is going to be a long story and I'm not even sure if I'm posting on the right forum but here I go

Let's go back to 2006 when I had a daughter at 17 years old, her biological father never wanted anything to do with her to be honest, HE IS NOT ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE ...met her when she was 2 months old, went to see her maybe twice a month for the first year of her life, never gave any money and the. Disappeared, when my daughter was about to turn 4 her dad contacted me, told me he was a changed man, he wanted to make things right, blah blah blah, I let them meet each other (at this point I'm not sure if that was a good idea) and he started giving me $300 monthly because he decided to (I never asked for anything) but by then he was already military and out of state so they were never close except for the twice a month call.

I moved to another city because of a job opportunity and to my surprised two weeks later I received a call from my daughter's father saying he got transferred to a military base 30 min away from where I had just moved -_- ...he started taking her out on Saturdays and when she was comfortable enough with him and his wife he started having her Saturday and Sunday, this went for 9 months but then I my boyfriend who I left back home and I decided that the distance wasn't worth it and that the job wasn't as good as they told me it was gonna be so he surprised me, visited us, proposed to me and as soon as my daughter finished her school year we moved back (me and my by then fiancé talk to her and she was ok with everything)

As soon as we moved back her biological father went back to been MIA, calling once a month, sometimes every 6 weeks, not showing any interest and getting mad because my 6 year old didn't call him every weekend but like I told him at that age he as the parent is the one who should call and show interest (correct me if I wrong). I mean if she ever tells me she wants to call him I won't say no but I won't force her to call him either ...

Anyway I got married, my daughter is now 9 years old , my it's been 3 years since we moved out of there and 3 weeks ago he finally decided to come and see her, he took her out for the day, I asked her if she was ok with that and she said yes as long as he would bring her back the same day, it looks like the had a good day but when he brought her back he took a paper and a pen out of his car and told me he needed it to sign it, I asked what it was and he said it was the form to acknowledge paternity because now he wants to be on the birth certificate, I was in shock and a little insulted, he seriously thought I'm that stupid to sign something like that without even reading or researching or consulting somebody? I told him I had to call MY lawyer first (I don't even have lawyer) just to appear confident and that I would let him know, he told me it was nothing, nothing is gonna change, he just wants to be on the birth certificate but doesn't want to do it through the court because it's too much work -_-.

I called a lawyer that does free consultation through the phone cause right now we don't have that much money and he said its up to me but that he wouldn't sign anything either and to just let him go through the court process if he really wants to do it, but I've been thinking about it, my husband says the same, that he doesn't deserve to have it that easy since he's never been there for her but if he goes to the court a judge is gonna grant it to him anyway. I seriously don't know what to do, what would you do in my position? I don't even know why I'm so anxious about his reaction when I tell him I'm not signing anything :/

If he wants the benefit of fatherhood then he should legally establish paternity via the courts. That would also establish formal child support and formal custody. It would benefit everyone in the long run. However he is the one who should initiate it.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Sorry in advance but this is going to be a long story and I'm not even sure if I'm posting on the right forum but here I go

Let's go back to 2006 when I had a daughter at 17 years old, her biological father never wanted anything to do with her to be honest, HE IS NOT ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE ...met her when she was 2 months old, went to see her maybe twice a month for the first year of her life, never gave any money and the. Disappeared, when my daughter was about to turn 4 her dad contacted me, told me he was a changed man, he wanted to make things right, blah blah blah, I let them meet each other (at this point I'm not sure if that was a good idea) and he started giving me $300 monthly because he decided to (I never asked for anything) but by then he was already military and out of state so they were never close except for the twice a month call.

I moved to another city because of a job opportunity and to my surprised two weeks later I received a call from my daughter's father saying he got transferred to a military base 30 min away from where I had just moved -_- ...he started taking her out on Saturdays and when she was comfortable enough with him and his wife he started having her Saturday and Sunday, this went for 9 months but then I my boyfriend who I left back home and I decided that the distance wasn't worth it and that the job wasn't as good as they told me it was gonna be so he surprised me, visited us, proposed to me and as soon as my daughter finished her school year we moved back (me and my by then fiancé talk to her and she was ok with everything)

As soon as we moved back her biological father went back to been MIA, calling once a month, sometimes every 6 weeks, not showing any interest and getting mad because my 6 year old didn't call him every weekend but like I told him at that age he as the parent is the one who should call and show interest (correct me if I wrong). I mean if she ever tells me she wants to call him I won't say no but I won't force her to call him either ...

Anyway I got married, my daughter is now 9 years old , my it's been 3 years since we moved out of there and 3 weeks ago he finally decided to come and see her, he took her out for the day, I asked her if she was ok with that and she said yes as long as he would bring her back the same day, it looks like the had a good day but when he brought her back he took a paper and a pen out of his car and told me he needed it to sign it, I asked what it was and he said it was the form to acknowledge paternity because now he wants to be on the birth certificate, I was in shock and a little insulted, he seriously thought I'm that stupid to sign something like that without even reading or researching or consulting somebody? I told him I had to call MY lawyer first (I don't even have lawyer) just to appear confident and that I would let him know, he told me it was nothing, nothing is gonna change, he just wants to be on the birth certificate but doesn't want to do it through the court because it's too much work -_-.

I called a lawyer that does free consultation through the phone cause right now we don't have that much money and he said its up to me but that he wouldn't sign anything either and to just let him go through the court process if he really wants to do it, but I've been thinking about it, my husband says the same, that he doesn't deserve to have it that easy since he's never been there for her but if he goes to the court a judge is gonna grant it to him anyway. I seriously don't know what to do, what would you do in my position? I don't even know why I'm so anxious about his reaction when I tell him I'm not signing anything :/

Ah, I see. So you and your husband have decided to be idiots about it. Makes sense, I guess.

Just sign the damn thing. If you really actually care about your daughter, you won't want to be playing stupid games. Correct?

 

[Proserpina]

If he wants the benefit of fatherhood then he should legally establish paternity via the courts. That would also establish formal child support and formal custody. It would benefit everyone in the long run. However he is the one who should initiate it.

It's okay for her and her husband to play games because they think he doesn't "deserve" anything?

Really?

Exactly how would it be harming the CHILD if they just signed the darned thing? Because the silly games WILL harm the child.

 

[Silverplum]

God forbid it should be made easy for your daughter to have a true and complete record of her birth and her parentage.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Sorry in advance but this is going to be a long story and I'm not even sure if I'm posting on the right forum but here I go

Let's go back to 2006 when I had a daughter at 17 years old, her biological father never wanted anything to do with her to be honest, HE IS NOT ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE ...met her when she was 2 months old, went to see her maybe twice a month for the first year of her life, never gave any money and the. Disappeared, when my daughter was about to turn 4 her dad contacted me, told me he was a changed man, he wanted to make things right, blah blah blah, I let them meet each other (at this point I'm not sure if that was a good idea) and he started giving me $300 monthly because he decided to (I never asked for anything) but by then he was already military and out of state so they were never close except for the twice a month call.

I moved to another city because of a job opportunity and to my surprised two weeks later I received a call from my daughter's father saying he got transferred to a military base 30 min away from where I had just moved -_- ...he started taking her out on Saturdays and when she was comfortable enough with him and his wife he started having her Saturday and Sunday, this went for 9 months but then I my boyfriend who I left back home and I decided that the distance wasn't worth it and that the job wasn't as good as they told me it was gonna be so he surprised me, visited us, proposed to me and as soon as my daughter finished her school year we moved back (me and my by then fiancé talk to her and she was ok with everything)

As soon as we moved back her biological father went back to been MIA, calling once a month, sometimes every 6 weeks, not showing any interest and getting mad because my 6 year old didn't call him every weekend but like I told him at that age he as the parent is the one who should call and show interest (correct me if I wrong). I mean if she ever tells me she wants to call him I won't say no but I won't force her to call him either ...

Anyway I got married, my daughter is now 9 years old , my it's been 3 years since we moved out of there and 3 weeks ago he finally decided to come and see her, he took her out for the day, I asked her if she was ok with that and she said yes as long as he would bring her back the same day, it looks like the had a good day but when he brought her back he took a paper and a pen out of his car and told me he needed it to sign it, I asked what it was and he said it was the form to acknowledge paternity because now he wants to be on the birth certificate, I was in shock and a little insulted, he seriously thought I'm that stupid to sign something like that without even reading or researching or consulting somebody? I told him I had to call MY lawyer first (I don't even have lawyer) just to appear confident and that I would let him know, he told me it was nothing, nothing is gonna change, he just wants to be on the birth certificate but doesn't want to do it through the court because it's too much work -_-.

I called a lawyer that does free consultation through the phone cause right now we don't have that much money and he said its up to me but that he wouldn't sign anything either and to just let him go through the court process if he really wants to do it, but I've been thinking about it, my husband says the same, that he doesn't deserve to have it that easy since he's never been there for her but if he goes to the court a judge is gonna grant it to him anyway. I seriously don't know what to do, what would you do in my position? I don't even know why I'm so anxious about his reaction when I tell him I'm not signing anything :/

Guess what? You don't need to sign anything. He will go on the birth certificate if he files in court. He will also end up getting visitation and maybe even joint custody. As custodian, you are to facilitate the relationship. Moving away from dad is not the way to do that. How far away did you move? But suffice it to say, you lying to him is ridiculous.

 

[Silverplum]

Interesting: https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/what-if-my-daughter-doesnt-want-visit-him-607918.html

 

[LdiJ]

It's okay for her and her husband to play games because they think he doesn't "deserve" anything?

Really?

Exactly how would it be harming the CHILD if they just signed the darned thing? Because the silly games WILL harm the child.

Court orders are everyone's friend. What's more, if dad were here we would be telling him to take it to court so that he could get a court ordered DNA test before signing an affidavit of paternity.

Even the attorney she consulted advised that she not sign it and let dad take it to court. I am not sure why anyone here would suggest that she do that.

 

[LdiJ]

Guess what? You don't need to sign anything. He will go on the birth certificate if he files in court. He will also end up getting visitation and maybe even joint custody. As custodian, you are to facilitate the relationship. Moving away from dad is not the way to do that. How far away did you move? But suffice it to say, you lying to him is ridiculous.

The only lie she told was that she wanted to consult HER attorney first...she did consult an attorney she just didn't have one on retainer.

Also, the move away was 3 years ago so its moot now.

 

[Ohiogal]

The only lie she told was that she wanted to consult HER attorney first...she did consult an attorney she just didn't have one on retainer.

Also, the move away was 3 years ago so its moot now.

She said this:

he seriously thought I'm that stupid to sign something like that without even reading or researching or consulting somebody? I told him I had to call MY lawyer first (I don't even have lawyer)

So she is a liar. And the move away might have been 3 years ago but she moved from Colorado to PA and gripes that dad doesn't visit with the child. Really? Oh and the story has changed quite frankly -- why?
In her other thread she stated:

) not sure if that's the correct amount he should be paying or not, 2 months later he told me he got moved to Colorado and about a month later my boyfriend got moved to CO as well, I couldn't believe the coincidence but oh well, we got married and obviously I moved with my now husband, my daughter's father wasn't too happy because the girlfriend I talked about was now his wife and she got mad when she found out I was going to be close to them but I made it clear that I didn't want any drama and we just needed to have a decent co-parenting relationship because that was the best thing for my daughter. While we were there he saw her every weekend (some weekends he didn't pick her up but it was a recurrent thing).

And yet in this thread:

I moved to another city because of a job opportunity and to my surprised two weeks later I received a call from my daughter's father saying he got transferred to a military base 30 min away from where I had just moved -_- ...he started taking her out on Saturdays and when she was comfortable enough with him and his wife he started having her Saturday and Sunday, this went for 9 months but then I my boyfriend who I left back home and I decided that the distance wasn't worth it and that the job wasn't as good as they told me it was gonna be so he surprised me, visited us, proposed to me and as soon as my daughter finished her school year we moved back (me and my by then fiancé talk to her and she was ok with everything)

So either her boyfriend got transferred or he didn't ... and she moved back to PA to be with him or she didn't. She can't keep her facts straight. That is a problem. I can point out more discrepancies (or lies) but these are the first two. AND she expects us to believe she isn't playing games. Well, guess what, she is.

 

[Zigner]

To be clear...the OP is under no legal obligation to sign the AoP.

 

[single317dad]

To be clear...the OP is under no legal obligation to sign the AoP.

While that's technically correct, how impressed will the judge be when the case is taking up the court's time because Mom -- for no reason other than sheer obstinance -- decided to make Dad take the issue to court rather than sign a document containing facts she knows to be true. She has the opportunity right now to take care of this matter and avoid wasting the court's time. She also has the opportunity to start righting her own part of the wrongs done the child (because, yes, Mom and Dad both did this child wrong).

 

[Zigner]

While that's technically correct, how impressed will the judge be when the case is taking up the court's time because Mom -- for no reason other than sheer obstinance -- decided to make Dad take the issue to court rather than sign a document containing facts she knows to be true. She has the opportunity right now to take care of this matter and avoid wasting the court's time. She also has the opportunity to start righting her own part of the wrongs done the child (because, yes, Mom and Dad both did this child wrong).

All that the court is going to know is that they have a paternity, visitation, custody, and CS case before them. One that the parents (both of them) took NINE YEARS to bring.

ETA: The OP is not wasting the court's time.

 

[stealth2]

It's actually in Dad's best interests (and Mom's, really) to get paternity, custody, visitation, CS established through court. I'd personally suggest that they come to an agreement and file it with the courts vs going through a hearing, etc. There is apparently no question for either of them that he is the father, and Mom may be able to negotiate a more favorable (for the daughter) stepped-up visitation plan.

Mom should realize, however, that it is not their daughter's decision whether she wants to see her father or not. Certainly not once it's signed by a judge.

OP, I'm going to give you a bit of admittedly unsolicited parenting advice. In both of your threads, I've been a bit concerned at both how you make it your daughter's choice ("if it's okay with her" language) as well as how tightly tied to your apron strings she seems to be (can't have fun at her 5th bday party w/o you, doesn't want to go to Dad's w/o you, etc.). I fear you may find her pulling away - hard - as she reaches her tween/teen years. And *then* you will have a problem. It's hard to tell if this is something only wrt her father, or an issue in other parts of her life, as your posts really only deal with her father. If it's the former? She is feeding off of your feelings regarding her father and you need to change how you present yourself/this situation to her. If the latter? You have some real work to do.