Please help decide if to go to court or not!

[Zigner]

He was probably hoping she would come back, but she did not, and it was probably stupid of him to hope, he should have simply filed for divorce, but he didn't do it, because of the kids, in spite the fact that they have stopped living together. In her home country divorce would take 4 years. Are you seriously suggesting he would live alone all this time without any chance of finding a new partner and starting a new life? You are simply being judgmental.
What is the point in that?

The SUGGESTION is that he has done things out of order. To avoid "adultery", one would get divorced and THEN find a new girlfriend. Not judgment...fact.

 

[Miss_JK]

So he IS committing adultery, by this admission. Please, still your fingers and have him deal with his legal situation.

It doesn't really matter what he is committing. She does not care about that anyway. He is already dealing with the situation, but doesn't know if to trust his lawyer, that is why I was asking about the date of separation. It's not easy to still my fingers when our relationship is being ruined by this BS. He shares things with me, and what am I supposed to do, just tell him something stupid like 'Everything's gonna be alright', or ask him not to involve me? We tried it, it doesn't work, because we live together. It's completely normal that I care for him and therefore want to help in any way I can.

 

[Miss_JK]

The SUGGESTION is that he has done things out of order. To avoid "adultery", one would get divorced and THEN find a new girlfriend. Not judgment...fact.

It would take him 4 years to get divorced if he filed first. I know that he has done things in a wrong way, and I regret I got myself into all this, but what do you suggest we do, stop living together?

 

[Zigner]

It would take him 4 years to get divorced if he filed first. I know that he has done things in a wrong way, and I regret I got myself into all this, but what do you suggest we do, stop living together?

No, I suggest that you...


<get ready>
<wait for it>
<here it comes>


Let him handle his own business!

 

[Proserpina]

It would take him 4 years to get divorced if he filed first. I know that he has done things in a wrong way, and I regret I got myself into all this, but what do you suggest we do, stop living together?

Hon, what are you doing? You don't believe that, do you? It would take him 4 years? No, no it wouldn't.

Ask yourself the real reason he doesn't want to get divorced.

Regarding the I-864 issue. Frankly, he doesn't appear - assuming your words are reflecting his understanding - to realize exactly what his obligation is there and what he doesn't understand is how that obligation can drag on and on and on ad infinitum even with a property settlement already in her favor. He should not assume that civil court can or will override a federal obligation.

He needs an attorney, you need to take a good look at your own situation and it sounds like she is taking care of her business far better than he is right now.

 

[Proserpina]

It doesn't really matter what he is committing. She does not care about that anyway. He is already dealing with the situation, but doesn't know if to trust his lawyer, that is why I was asking about the date of separation. It's not easy to still my fingers when our relationship is being ruined by this BS. He shares things with me, and what am I supposed to do, just tell him something stupid like 'Everything's gonna be alright', or ask him not to involve me? We tried it, it doesn't work, because we live together. It's completely normal that I care for him and therefore want to help in any way I can.

That bit right there? That tells me that you want this divorce more than he does. Otherwise, it wouldn't still be an issue - would it?

 

[Ohiogal]

He was probably hoping she would come back, but she did not, and it was probably stupid of him to hope, he should have simply filed for divorce, but he didn't do it, because of the kids, in spite the fact that they have stopped living together. In her home country divorce would take 4 years. Are you seriously suggesting he would live alone all this time without any chance of finding a new partner and starting a new life? You are simply being judgmental.
What is the point in that?

The point is, he could have found a way to be in his children's lives since 2010 if he wasn't distracted by the woman who would commit adultery with him. Instead, he chose a bit of loose chick over his kids. That is sad for the kids. HE should be ashamed.

 

[SESmama]

Wouldn't he be able to file for divorce in his own state since he is still a resident?

That tells me more that he doesn't really want a divorce. He just HAD to wait until she filed.

And if the kids have been living overseas all this time (or a majority of the time) a judge will be unlikely to overturn that since the ruling court would be their home country, not Cali.


And I am sure I will be corrected if wrong

 

[anearthw]

He was probably hoping she would come back, but she did not, and it was probably stupid of him to hope, he should have simply filed for divorce, but he didn't do it, because of the kids, in spite the fact that they have stopped living together. In her home country divorce would take 4 years. Are you seriously suggesting he would live alone all this time without any chance of finding a new partner and starting a new life? You are simply being judgmental.
What is the point in that?

What's the point of not committing adultery? It's easier to facilitate a marriage separation/possible reunion and think clearly without backup plan B squawking in the background. You aren't his priority here, that much is obvious, too bad you are deluding yourself into thinking this is some amazing romance being held up by others screwing you over. If she changed her mind, you'd be gone in a second.

 

[not2cleverRed]

He was probably hoping she would come back, but she did not, and it was probably stupid of him to hope, he should have simply filed for divorce, but he didn't do it, because of the kids, in spite the fact that they have stopped living together. In her home country divorce would take 4 years. Are you seriously suggesting he would live alone all this time without any chance of finding a new partner and starting a new life? You are simply being judgmental.
What is the point in that?

Yes, that is EXACTLY what is suggested.

There is nothing wrong with living alone. NOTHING.