Possible divorce questions

[NeedAdvice85]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI

My husband of almost 12 years has been accusing me of cheating for about a year and a half now even though I never have. He's went through phone records, Facebook account, etc. and even though he can see I'm not even talking to anyone,let alone physically cheating he still accuses me. He has it stuck in his head that I've been having an affair(s) and will not listen to anything I say.

Anyhow, earlier this week he told me he's filing for divorce and that's it, he's done. I told him if he's serious the kids and I are staying in the house until June when they're out of school. When we leave we will be going to my parents home almost an hour away. I don't want to make my kids go to new schools 2 months before the school year is over. Today my husband calls from work and says if he even thinks I've cheated again he's "putting my a** out".

So my questions are..

My husband is the only one on our mortgage, but my name is also on the deed. Can he throw me out?

I haven't worked since I was 17. He already had a child before we met that lived with him so I became an instant wife/mother. I have no money of my own. I cannot afford a lawyer or legal fees. Do you have to have a lawyer during a divorce? If not, what do I need to know if he actually goes through with a divorce?

I don't want to get divorced if there's a chance we can miraculously work this out, but I'm panicking right now and would greatly appreciate any legal advice.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MI

My husband of almost 12 years has been accusing me of cheating for about a year and a half now even though I never have. He's went through phone records, Facebook account, etc. and even though he can see I'm not even talking to anyone,let alone physically cheating he still accuses me. He has it stuck in his head that I've been having an affair(s) and will not listen to anything I say.

Anyhow, earlier this week he told me he's filing for divorce and that's it, he's done. I told him if he's serious the kids and I are staying in the house until June when they're out of school. When we leave we will be going to my parents home almost an hour away. I don't want to make my kids go to new schools 2 months before the school year is over. Today my husband calls from work and says if he even thinks I've cheated again he's "putting my a** out".

So my questions are..

My husband is the only one on our mortgage, but my name is also on the deed. Can he throw me out?

No, he cannot throw you out. Its your house too, legally and even if it wasn't, its the marital residence and he cannot throw you out. He can file for divorce and ask the judge to order that he get temporary sole possession of the marital residence, and if a judge agrees, the judge can order you to move, (not guaranteed that the judge would) but that cannot possibly happen before June.

I haven't worked since I was 17. He already had a child before we met that lived with him so I became an instant wife/mother. I have no money of my own. I cannot afford a lawyer or legal fees. Do you have to have a lawyer during a divorce? If not, what do I need to know if he actually goes through with a divorce?

I don't want to get divorced if there's a chance we can miraculously work this out, but I'm panicking right now and would greatly appreciate any legal advice.

If he hires an attorney you really need one as well. Its possible that your attorney could convince a judge to order that he pay for your attorney, but its only a possibility and you will at least have to come up with a retainer fee. You may need assistance from family.

Why do you want to stay married to a man who is convinced that you are cheating on him and who treats you like that? Is that the example that you want your children to learn?

 

[NeedAdvice85]

I don't have much family, and the ones I do have cannot afford a lawyer.

The reason I want to work it out (if things would go back to normal) is because we've been together 15 years, married 11 and up until the last year and a half things were pretty perfect. Plus we have two minor children.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Not legal advice, just an observation.

It sounds like there has been a sudden change in his personality/behavior. Has he had a full medical exam to rule out any health issues that could be a contributing factor?

While his current behavior is unacceptable and irrational, if the cause is a medical reason, perhaps he can get help.

 

[NeedAdvice85]

No, he hasn't and won't. He just has it stuck in his head that I'm cheating and won't consider any other possibilities. I've even mentioned paranoid personality disorder.

 

[stealth2]

No, he hasn't and won't. He just has it stuck in his head that I'm cheating and won't consider any other possibilities. I've even mentioned paranoid personality disorder.

Have you suggested marital counseling?

So what is giving him this impression? People get odd ideas from innocuous activities/changes.

p.s, Unless you are an actual physician, it is not wise to attempt diagnosing people with any type of illness/disorder.

 

[NeedAdvice85]

Tire tracks on the grass is one...he apparently thinks someone made a fast getaway I guess. We're on a corner acre and a half lot so we have a ride on mower and also have a mini atv. Tracks could have been either of those or someone pulling over to check their phone, etc. He says he just knows. He found cigarette butts outside and says they must be from whoever I'm supposedly cheating with. Never mind the McDonald's cups and other trash that's always outside thanks to people tossing things out their window...ridiculous things like that.

I'm not diagnosing him, but the description fits. He's never trusted anyone other than me, and even with me there's always been little spells where he would be suspicious for no reason. Just never this bad or this long. His mother disappeared when he was a kid and left him with his alcoholic abusive father. He got married at 18 and supposedly his then wife cheated repeatedly before taking off without a word, and then just about every gf between that time and when we got together cheated so he has serious trust issues. Because of his issues I've always went the extra step to not give him any reason not to trust me.

 

[stealth2]

Tire tracks on the grass is one...he apparently thinks someone made a fast getaway I guess. We're on a corner acre and a half lot so we have a ride on mower and also have a mini atv. Tracks could have been either of those or someone pulling over to check their phone, etc. He says he just knows. He found cigarette butts outside and says they must be from whoever I'm supposedly cheating with. Never mind the McDonald's cups and other trash that's always outside thanks to people tossing things out their window...ridiculous things like that.

I'm not diagnosing him, but the description fits. He's never trusted anyone other than me, and even with me there's always been little spells where he would be suspicious for no reason. Just never this bad or this long. His mother disappeared when he was a kid and left him with his alcoholic abusive father. He got married at 18 and supposedly his then wife cheated repeatedly before taking off without a word, and then just about every gf between that time and when we got together cheated so he has serious trust issues. Because of his issues I've always went the extra step to not give him any reason not to trust me.

Well then - I'd definitely be looking at marital counseling.