Primary custodian in joint custody?

[TrueNorth]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

I feel that my question is pretty simple, but I need clarification. Here goes.

In my court order for my daughter, it states that we have joint legal custody with her mother as primary custodian (I'm the father). At the time of our agreement, my lawyer told me that she was demanding the order said that she was primary, but that it made no difference as there is no such thing as a primary legal custodian in a joint custody situation. I need to know, what is right? I'm trusting my lawyer when he said that those words were only added to appease here and that they don't actually mean anything.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

I feel that my question is pretty simple, but I need clarification. Here goes.

In my court order for my daughter, it states that we have joint legal custody with her mother as primary custodian (I'm the father). At the time of our agreement, my lawyer told me that she was demanding the order said that she was primary, but that it made no difference as there is no such thing as a primary legal custodian in a joint custody situation. I need to know, what is right? I'm trusting my lawyer when he said that those words were only added to appease here and that they don't actually mean anything.

"Primary Custodian" refers to physical custody. It is a rare situation indeed when physical custody is truly 50/50. Even if it were truly 50/50 in your situation, there would still need to be a "primary custodian" for matters such as enrollment in school, etc. I don't agree that the words don't mean anything, but think you're paraphrasing. I suspect that your order already contains all of the elements that would make her primary, so actually stating that she is primary doesn't change anything.

Perhaps you should ask your attorney for clarification?

 

[Zigner]

How is it that 2 years ago, you were the mother?

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-support-98/can-i-ask-dss-child-support-603446.html

 

[TrueNorth]

"Primary Custodian" refers to physical custody. It is a rare situation indeed when physical custody is truly 50/50. Even if it were truly 50/50 in your situation, there would still need to be a "primary custodian" for matters such as enrollment in school, etc. I don't agree that the words don't mean anything, but think you're paraphrasing. I suspect that your order already contains all of the elements that would make her primary, so actually stating that she is primary doesn't change anything.

Perhaps you should ask your attorney for clarification?

My lawyer's words were that there is "No such thing" as a primary legal custodian in a joint situation.

Quoted from my order exactly, "The parties shall share joint custody of their child with the mother as primary custodial parent and the father as secondary custodial parent" as far as custody goes, this is the only mention of it. The only reason I have less physical days is that the order is catered to my work schedule, actual physical custody is me with 40% and the mother with 60%

 

[TrueNorth]

How is it that 2 years ago, you were the mother?

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-support-98/can-i-ask-dss-child-support-603446.html

My Ex and I shared this account at one point. That was her posting about her other child's father.

 

[LdiJ]

My lawyer's words were that there is "No such thing" as a primary legal custodian in a joint situation.

Quoted from my order exactly, "The parties shall share joint custody of their child with the mother as primary custodial parent and the father as secondary custodial parent" as far as custody goes, this is the only mention of it. The only reason I have less physical days is that the order is catered to my work schedule, actual physical custody is me with 40% and the mother with 60%

There are two types of custody...legal custody (decision making) and physical custody (where the child lives). Your attorney is absolutely correct in that there is no primary custodial parent where joint legal custody is concerned. Sometimes an order will say that one or another of the parents gets final say if the two of you cannot agree, but even then, that doesn't indicate primary legal custody.

Unfortunately, I think that your attorney wimped a bit where your case is concerned, because your order is just vague enough to be a problem since it does not address legal and physical custody as separate issues. You will probably end up back in court if mom believes that she has primary decision making rights, and the judge might not punish her for making decisions without your agreement, but might just modify the order instead.

 

[Just Blue]

My Ex and I shared this account at one point. That was her posting about her other child's father.

I REALLY recommend you start your own acct and delete this thread.

 

[stealth2]

My Ex and I shared this account at one point. That was her posting about her other child's father.

Then maybe you should create a new account? Not too bright to use a shared (with your ex) one.

And your posts make it clear that Mom is the primary (physical) custodial parent. Do you know the difference between physical and legal custody?

 

[SESmama]

I have to wonder what brought the question to begin with.

 

[CJane]

So, you have joint legal and physical custody. This means that you share in decision making, and the child(ren) spends a significant amount of time with each of you. However, Mom is primary custodian because the child(ren) spends more time with her than with you. So, her address is used for school and mailing purposes, and is considered the child(ren)'s primary legal address.

It really is that simple.

 

[TrueNorth]

I'll take a stab at explaining. When we were together, before my daughter was school aged, she always told me how bad this school was, she also went there as a child. She used this as a basis to home school her older daughter, and her lack of discipline and alcoholism lead to home schooling failing and her older daughter now attends public school. We both agreed at the time the kids would not go to this particular elementary school, but a different one in her district. Now my daughter is about to enter school, and my ex is arguing that the school is now good enough. The school has poor ratings and I believe that she only wants to use it because of convenience. Does our previous agreement matter? Do I have any ground to stand on?

 

[TrueNorth]

Then maybe you should create a new account? Not too bright to use a shared (with your ex) one.

And your posts make it clear that Mom is the primary (physical) custodial parent. Do you know the difference between physical and legal custody?[/QUOTE

To clarify, it's my account that she used at one time, she doesn't have access. Also, there's nothing in this thread that I haven't already discussed with her. Sincerely, I appreciate your concern.

 

[LdiJ]

I'll take a stab at explaining. When we were together, before my daughter was school aged, she always told me how bad this school was, she also went there as a child. She used this as a basis to home school her older daughter, and her lack of discipline and alcoholism lead to home schooling failing and her older daughter now attends public school. We both agreed at the time the kids would not go to this particular elementary school, but a different one in her district. Now my daughter is about to enter school, and my ex is arguing that the school is now good enough. The school has poor ratings and I believe that she only wants to use it because of convenience. Does our previous agreement matter? Do I have any ground to stand on?

If the child primarily lives with mom, and that school is the normal school that the child would attend then no, you do not have a lot of ground to stand on. If the school you want the child to go to has open enrollment (she can actually attend that school) and it would not cause transportation problems for her to attend that school, and if you can prove that the school you want her to attend has significantly better scores than the school she would normally attend, then you might have a chance at prevailing. However, its already almost August and there is no way you are going to get this into court and get a decision made for this semester and maybe not even for this school year. This is something that should have been addressed at least six months ago.

 

[stealth2]

While we all want our kids to go to the "best" school possible, it is often the case, IME, that test scores (i.e. ratings) are often more due to more SPED kids than poor teachers. And at the K/1/2 level, parents have a lot to do with how well the child progresses.

Just a different way of looking at things...