Looking for advice on the first action i should take

[D21stockhausen]

Hey, I hate to say but I'm in need of immediate help/advice in fastest way possible.. I'm dealing with an ex "girlfriend" I have a 2 yr old son with.. she is extremely controlling manipulative and unstable. I'm worried for my safety and security and also my son's.. she has been placing ultimatums of reporting false violence reports on me for the past 2 to 3 years.. And have documented a lot of her unstable actions. She has a long history with being unstable in her life and past relationships.. To cut to the chase, she forced me out of our home 2 months ago when she slandered me to my boss and in results got me fired then like I said forced me to leave my home in fear with her constant false threats and her vulger arguing in front of my child. I left everything and went to stay at my mothers 3 streets away.. she pinned me into a routine of her dropping my son off at 6am and after her work day she would pick him up an hour to 30mins before his bedtime, when I say pinned I mean she'll leave him on the doorset.... She also has an excuse at least 4 nights out of the week to not get him.. basicly making me the primary care giver, at least in my opinion. He spends majority of his week with me.. she doesn't help fiancially or with food. And she has the nerve to demand me to help her now that she can't afford the house.. shes set it up so I have no money and have no time to get a job. And so there's no interference in her schedule... To my main concern, she has really gone off the deep end even more than usual and I fear for my legal safety..the last couple days there's been a few "crazy" incidences. She came to pick him up this last Sunday to take him to Disney... She was unhinged and demanded I give her "vodka' or she wouldnt take my son, she made a huge scene.. she's always banging on the door cursing at me and my mother.... I had to call the police lastnight to get her to leave because she refused after we exchanged our son.. she's showing up with random bruises saying if I don't do what she says I'll be going to jail.. I've resorted to now meeting at the police station during exchanges for my own safety.. i don't want to drag this rant out any longer but this all needs to come to a hault... There has to be structure and repercussions for her unreal "jerry Springer" type of actions. I fear for my son's well being as he is exposed to all this as well as my own and just want her to have legal boundries.. I would love full custody but understand that a big task... What can I do?... I heard making a first action for child support andcustody is going to be in my advantage. I'm uneducated in family law and not sure even what's my first step to a stable life.

 

[Silverplum]

What's the name of your US state?

 

[CTU]

Hey, I hate to say but I'm in need of immediate help/advice in fastest way possible.. I'm dealing with an ex "girlfriend" I have a 2 yr old son with.. she is extremely controlling manipulative and unstable. I'm worried for my safety and security and also my son's.. she has been placing ultimatums of reporting false violence reports on me for the past 2 to 3 years.. And have documented a lot of her unstable actions. She has a long history with being unstable in her life and past relationships.. To cut to the chase, she forced me out of our home 2 months ago when she slandered me to my boss and in results got me fired then like I said forced me to leave my home in fear with her constant false threats and her vulger arguing in front of my child. I left everything and went to stay at my mothers 3 streets away.. she pinned me into a routine of her dropping my son off at 6am and after her work day she would pick him up an hour to 30mins before his bedtime, when I say pinned I mean she'll leave him on the doorset.... She also has an excuse at least 4 nights out of the week to not get him.. basicly making me the primary care giver, at least in my opinion. He spends majority of his week with me.. she doesn't help fiancially or with food. And she has the nerve to demand me to help her now that she can't afford the house.. shes set it up so I have no money and have no time to get a job. And so there's no interference in her schedule... To my main concern, she has really gone off the deep end even more than usual and I fear for my legal safety..the last couple days there's been a few "crazy" incidences. She came to pick him up this last Sunday to take him to Disney... She was unhinged and demanded I give her "vodka' or she wouldnt take my son, she made a huge scene.. she's always banging on the door cursing at me and my mother.... I had to call the police lastnight to get her to leave because she refused after we exchanged our son.. she's showing up with random bruises saying if I don't do what she says I'll be going to jail.. I've resorted to now meeting at the police station during exchanges for my own safety.. i don't want to drag this rant out any longer but this all needs to come to a hault... There has to be structure and repercussions for her unreal "jerry Springer" type of actions. I fear for my son's well being as he is exposed to all this as well as my own and just want her to have legal boundries.. I would love full custody but understand that a big task... What can I do?... I heard making a first action for child support andcustody is going to be in my advantage. I'm uneducated in family law and not sure even what's my first step to a stable life.

Which US state?

How many overnights do you have each week (since you left)?

 

[LdiJ]

Hey, I hate to say but I'm in need of immediate help/advice in fastest way possible.. I'm dealing with an ex "girlfriend" I have a 2 yr old son with.. she is extremely controlling manipulative and unstable. I'm worried for my safety and security and also my son's.. she has been placing ultimatums of reporting false violence reports on me for the past 2 to 3 years.. And have documented a lot of her unstable actions. She has a long history with being unstable in her life and past relationships.. To cut to the chase, she forced me out of our home 2 months ago when she slandered me to my boss and in results got me fired then like I said forced me to leave my home in fear with her constant false threats and her vulger arguing in front of my child. I left everything and went to stay at my mothers 3 streets away.. she pinned me into a routine of her dropping my son off at 6am and after her work day she would pick him up an hour to 30mins before his bedtime, when I say pinned I mean she'll leave him on the doorset.... She also has an excuse at least 4 nights out of the week to not get him.. basicly making me the primary care giver, at least in my opinion. He spends majority of his week with me.. she doesn't help fiancially or with food. And she has the nerve to demand me to help her now that she can't afford the house.. shes set it up so I have no money and have no time to get a job. And so there's no interference in her schedule... To my main concern, she has really gone off the deep end even more than usual and I fear for my legal safety..the last couple days there's been a few "crazy" incidences. She came to pick him up this last Sunday to take him to Disney... She was unhinged and demanded I give her "vodka' or she wouldnt take my son, she made a huge scene.. she's always banging on the door cursing at me and my mother.... I had to call the police lastnight to get her to leave because she refused after we exchanged our son.. she's showing up with random bruises saying if I don't do what she says I'll be going to jail.. I've resorted to now meeting at the police station during exchanges for my own safety.. i don't want to drag this rant out any longer but this all needs to come to a hault... There has to be structure and repercussions for her unreal "jerry Springer" type of actions. I fear for my son's well being as he is exposed to all this as well as my own and just want her to have legal boundries.. I would love full custody but understand that a big task... What can I do?... I heard making a first action for child support andcustody is going to be in my advantage. I'm uneducated in family law and not sure even what's my first step to a stable life.

It really doesn't matter who files first. Custody decision are going to be made based on the best interest of the child. So, what you really need to do is get yourself an attorney and file for primary custody and child support.

However dad, you need to seriously examine what you are saying about mom. If you are in any way exaggerating or stating something that you do not have hard proof about you will hurt yourself more than help yourself. For example, she is not controlling, manipulative or unstable unless you have hard proof that she has been diagnosed as such. You need to focus more on the fact that you have been the child's primary caretaker and what is in the child's best interest and focus less on your perception of mom's shortcomings.

 

[D21stockhausen]

I live in Pinellas county Florida...... I do have a lot of witnesses and video and audio recordings of her off the wall actions..I do understand the rules of what can and cannot be used.. I don't think I'll be able to obtain any "diagnoses" of her bipolar disorder or other hard proof of baceracting or mental evals, because I thought that hippa laws would protect her... Due to her past relationship dcf made her do a psych evaluation in our dcf case plan we had 2 years ago, which is closed now... It was open due to a DV claim she made but she almost immediately dropped the charges because of of her omitting she lied about it to me over texts.... To stay more on point with what I should do now, I heard filing for child support will get the ball rolling and their services may even help fight for you.... After I left the home I have had my son most of every week other than 2 or 3 nights out of the week where she would pick him up at 7pm and drop him back off in the morning at 6am and sometimes sundays, but she claims it's every day..in the last week she's all sudden has been popping up more and speaking like she is the primary care giver, I'm assuming since I have mentioned to make this a legal matter... I believe she is using and taking advantage of me and my lack of family law knowledge until she gets her tax return(which she says she plans to move to Seattle).. btw she was a paralegal in family law so shes very calculated imo. Without the ability to hire an attorney at this time, I'm not sure how to go about this... She won't give up any control voluntarily in reguards of a parenting plan.

 

[CTU]

I live in Pinellas county Florida...... I do have a lot of witnesses and video and audio recordings of her off the wall actions..I do understand the rules of what can and cannot be used.. I don't think I'll be able to obtain any "diagnoses" of her bipolar disorder or other hard proof of baceracting or mental evals, because I thought that hippa laws would protect her... Due to her past relationship dcf made her do a psych evaluation in our dcf case plan we had 2 years ago, which is closed now... It was open due to a DV claim she made but she almost immediately dropped the charges because of of her omitting she lied about it to me over texts.... To stay more on point with what I should do now, I heard filing for child support will get the ball rolling and their services may even help fight for you.... After I left the home I have had my son most of every week other than 2 or 3 nights out of the week where she would pick him up at 7pm and drop him back off in the morning at 6am and sometimes sundays, but she claims it's every day..in the last week she's all sudden has been popping up more and speaking like she is the primary care giver, I'm assuming since I have mentioned to make this a legal matter... I believe she is using and taking advantage of me and my lack of family law knowledge until she gets her tax return(which she says she plans to move to Seattle).. btw she was a paralegal in family law so shes very calculated imo. Without the ability to hire an attorney at this time, I'm not sure how to go about this... She won't give up any control voluntarily in reguards of a parenting plan.

Seriously - don't make this about how bad Mom is.

Why? Because you're currently time-sharing with her, and that's basically telling the court that she's more than adequate parenting material. See where I'm headed there?

So in the last few months, how many overnights do each of you have? That's going to matter - perhaps critically.

Child support services won't touch your custody case.

 

[D21stockhausen]

Ok I understand now to not make defacing her my angle.. I will have go back through text and other methods to get an approximate number of overnights....

Another question... Can't she just say the number of overnights that I state isn't true and/or come with a different number? What proof holds up.

 

[D21stockhausen]

The only reason I ever give my son to her is because an officer said there's a law that enforces them to get the child back to the mother , even if I requires arresting the father for being defiant

 

[LdiJ]

Ok I understand now to not make defacing her my angle.. I will have go back through text and other methods to get an approximate number of overnights....

Another question... Can't she just say the number of overnights that I state isn't true and/or come with a different number? What proof holds up.

Then its going to boil down to who is the most credible. Who sounds more believable to the judge. It would be a good idea to start documenting the time that you have with the child.

Also, it will be assumed that you have to go back to work someday and that the child will then be in daycare...therefore its going to be the overnights and weekends that will be the most important in the long term.

 

[D21stockhausen]

He's always been in daycare but since "she" had me fired, I couldn't pay daycare and she refused to cover it and do so.. And in result the daycare won't take him back and no daycare will take him till it's paid off. Which to pay it of now is implausible for the both of us, and our ELC program is going to drop us... In my opinion she strategically did it so she can work, say Im unemployed and broke and have to watch our child full time every day because now she's the support system.. And she can surpress me from flourishing, diminishing me as a father. Like this morning, I told her last night that I wouldn't be available today to watch jet due to job interviews and attorney consultatons... She blew up and went on about me saying I'm abandoning my child and destroying her life and money and said I'd never see my son again..... Then 30mins ago, shes asking if I'm taking our son tomarrow so she can work....this woman is nuts, I hate to say it

 

[D21stockhausen]

This is where I'm at now... How do I go back to work.. she's ran me out of 3 jobs to convenience her needs.. for example, when I work for Interstate batteries and our son was months old, she would come and literaterally put our child while still in his car seat and set him in the front office and just walk out and leave me and everyone else in shock.. no manager will keep an employee with the baggage she brings... If I get a job, do I say "F" it to her schedule and if I do, how will that make me look. Specially if she loses her job in result to my new work schedule.....

 

[LdiJ]

He's always been in daycare but since "she" had me fired, I couldn't pay daycare and she refused to cover it and do so.. And in result the daycare won't take him back and no daycare will take him till it's paid off. Which to pay it of now is implausible for the both of us, and our ELC program is going to drop us... In my opinion she strategically did it so she can work, say Im unemployed and broke and have to watch our child full time every day because now she's the support system.. And she can surpress me from flourishing, diminishing me as a father. Like this morning, I told her last night that I wouldn't be available today to watch jet due to job interviews and attorney consultatons... She blew up and went on about me saying I'm abandoning my child and destroying her life and money and said I'd never see my son again..... Then 30mins ago, shes asking if I'm taking our son tomarrow so she can work....this woman is nuts, I hate to say it

He is your mutual child. You are both equally responsible to ensure that there is someone to care for him so that both of you can do what you need to do. It was not appropriate of you to tell her that you could not "watch" your child that day because you had other things you needed to do. You KNEW that she could not watch the child either because she had to work, so you simply should have found someone else to watch the child for that day.

Also, only YOU can keep yourself from flourishing or diminish yourself as a father.

 

[LdiJ]

This is where I'm at now... How do I go back to work.. she's ran me out of 3 jobs to convenience her needs.. for example, when I work for Interstate batteries and our son was months old, she would come and literaterally put our child while still in his car seat and set him in the front office and just walk out and leave me and everyone else in shock.. no manager will keep an employee with the baggage she brings... If I get a job, do I say "F" it to her schedule and if I do, how will that make me look. Specially if she loses her job in result to my new work schedule.....

Again, you find someone else to watch the child while you are both working.

 

[D21stockhausen]

I see what you both are saying.. but I don'thave the option for daycare or a sitter... It's just not available as of yet. I have the option to work daily but can't due to watching my son. From what I'm getting from this is that she's going to manipulate the arrangements how ever and if I try and take control or make it fair for the both of us I will be frowned upon.. so for my best angle to obtain majority custody it mainly will depend on who has the majority of overnights since separation (which would definitely be me).. so I'm just going to tell her if you keep him overnight that it will be her responsibility to find a sitter or watch him the next day, which will allow me to work... And vice versa, If I have the overnight I'll take responsibility the following day.. she will definitely give me the every overnight

 

[D21stockhausen]

Also all the bills(utilities, electric,cable) are in my name still and I told her at the beginning of the month that I was cutting them off on the first of January, mainly because she's putting me in debt with these companies and I want the complete separation in that aspect... I have everything my son needs(home,food,clothes,care) on my end so is a month an adequate length in time to give an Ex with out looking like I'm trying to sink her situation... That's not my intentions, I just don't won't her putting me in any further debt on mug account a and make it a bigger hassle to turn everything on in a new place of my own in the near future.... Would I be "frowned" upon for giving a months notice and going through with it... Knowing my son is well cared for with me