Can custodial parent modify shared parenting plan for no real reason?

[whodey01]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I have a shared parenting plan with my kids' mother that was finalized and ordered July 2016. In that plan we determined holiday schedules, tax claiming rights, times I am able to visit them during the week, vacations, and we decided that I get both of the kids (7yo and 3yo) every weekend. We also agreed on meeting halfway between her and I. Up to this point everything has been fine...well now she is demanding for me to drive that extra 10 minutes so she doesn't have to and is demanding that she gets them at least one weekend a month. Not fair in the least bit.

Basically she wants to meet at an exact halfway point that is in the middle of no where, like a field or a residential driveway. Thats not the issue but is really petty. The issue is that if I do not allow her to get them one weekend a month then she will take me back to court, have child support increased, and modify the parenting time schedule so that I get them every other weekend instead of every weekend.

Can she do this? Not saying she can't take me to court because she can but will they allow her to modify the plan for no real significant reason?

Since the order was established my current fiance and I have had another child so its important that my other two children get to see my new son at least every weekend; they have been for the past two months and from what I read maintaining their relationship with their other sibling is important. I also have a very close relationship with them and they are obsessed with me. I do let her get them on wknds occasionally but more times than not, come that Friday she calls me and tells me they want to come over rather than staying with her. From what I read she cannot just go in and get the order modified unless there is a change in circumstances since the original decree was finalized. Only thing that has changed is she moved further away from me by about 45 mins but other than that, nothing.

I can give more details if need be. I have a lot to say. Am I out of place? Can she doe this? Please help!!!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I have a shared parenting plan with my kids' mother that was finalized and ordered July 2016. In that plan we determined holiday schedules, tax claiming rights, times I am able to visit them during the week, vacations, and we decided that I get both of the kids (7yo and 3yo) every weekend. We also agreed on meeting halfway between her and I. Up to this point everything has been fine...well now she is demanding for me to drive that extra 10 minutes so she doesn't have to and is demanding that she gets them at least one weekend a month. Not fair in the least bit.

Actually, what is fair is that the children get at least a little bit of weekend time with both parents. So she is not being unreasonable to want one weekend a month with the children.

Basically she wants to meet at an exact halfway point that is in the middle of no where, like a field or a residential driveway. Thats not the issue but is really petty.

Who created the distance between you? How far apart do you live? What is generally appropriate is to either meet half way.

The issue is that if I do not allow her to get them one weekend a month then she will take me back to court, have child support increased, and modify the parenting time schedule so that I get them every other weekend instead of every weekend.

All of those things could happen, or they might not. I do think that she would get at least one weekend a month. Child support could be increased if you negotiated something less than guideline support.

Can she do this? Not saying she can't take me to court because she can but will they allow her to modify the plan for no real significant reason?

While it takes a significant change in circumstance to modify custody, it does not necessarily take a significant change in circumstance to modify timeshare. One parent getting every weekend is just not quite in the best interest of the children enough that a judge is likely to agree to a modification.

Since the order was established my current fiance and I have had another child so its important that my other two children get to see my new son at least every weekend; they have been for the past two months and from what I read maintaining their relationship with their other sibling is important. I also have a very close relationship with them and they are obsessed with me. I do let her get them on wknds occasionally but more times than not, come that Friday she calls me and tells me they want to come over rather than staying with her. From what I read she cannot just go in and get the order modified unless there is a change in circumstances since the original decree was finalized. Only thing that has changed is she moved further away from me by about 45 mins but other than that, nothing.

I can give more details if need be. I have a lot to say. Am I out of place? Can she doe this? Please help!!!

I understand that its important to you to spend as much time with your children as possible, but again, its generally considered to be in the best interest of children to spend some down time (non-school/non-work time) with BOTH parents. That is why its generally not considered to be in the best interest of children for one parent to get all the weekends.

The fact that mom increased the distance between the two homes could be a factor in your favor in terms of transportation issues.

 

[whodey01]

Their mother does not work. She's home with the 3yo all day and gets time with the 7yo after school. Btw the 7yo is being held back in school due to, at least what I like to blame, is negligence of her mother but thats not the issue at hand.

When the order was established we met 'halfway' which was a lot close to me but was halfway between us at the time. She then moved 45 mins further away from me and now expects me to make up that time. Not only that, but attending school events and conferences is very difficult for me if not impossible at times. We live about 2 hours apart now, before she moved it was only 45 mins so much more convenient. I shouldn't have to increase my drive time based on her decisions. What if she keeps moving? Do i also need to keep driving further and continue to get pushed out? Before I could pick them up in the evenings and spend time with them, pick 7yo up from school, etc. Now I can't do any of that and looking like, to the kids, that I don't care anymore and I choose not to be involved. Really upsetting.

I understand it being in best interest of the kids for them to get to spend time with their mom on the weekends too but shouldn't she have brought that up in the initial order? She agreed to me getting them every weekend which I had been getting long before that was established. The thing is, the kids don't want to stay with her on the weekends. She is only trying to change it now because her husband is being manipulative.

The only thing that has changed since the order was established is that she moved further away. Might I add, she moved across a state border and did not give a reasonable notice of movement.

 

[LdiJ]

Their mother does not work. She's home with the 3yo all day and gets time with the 7yo after school. Btw the 7yo is being held back in school due to, at least what I like to blame, is negligence of her mother but thats not the issue at hand.

When the order was established we met 'halfway' which was a lot close to me but was halfway between us at the time. She then moved 45 mins further away from me and now expects me to make up that time. Not only that, but attending school events and conferences is very difficult for me if not impossible at times. We live about 2 hours apart now, before she moved it was only 45 mins so much more convenient. I shouldn't have to increase my drive time based on her decisions. What if she keeps moving? Do i also need to keep driving further and continue to get pushed out? Before I could pick them up in the evenings and spend time with them, pick 7yo up from school, etc. Now I can't do any of that and looking like, to the kids, that I don't care anymore and I choose not to be involved. Really upsetting.

I understand it being in best interest of the kids for them to get to spend time with their mom on the weekends too but shouldn't she have brought that up in the initial order? She agreed to me getting them every weekend which I had been getting long before that was established. The thing is, the kids don't want to stay with her on the weekends. She is only trying to change it now because her husband is being manipulative.

The only thing that has changed since the order was established is that she moved further away. Might I add, she moved across a state border and did not give a reasonable notice of movement.

So what did you do about that? If you did nothing about it at the time, then you basically agreed to the relocation. You cannot complain about it now.

 

[LdiJ]

Their mother does not work. She's home with the 3yo all day

That will only last until he starts school...therefore its temporary.

and gets time with the 7yo after school.

That is not the same as having weekend time.

Btw the 7yo is being held back in school due to, at least what I like to blame, is negligence of her mother but thats not the issue at hand.

Don't even mention that if you cannot prove that your opinion is true.

When the order was established we met 'halfway' which was a lot close to me but was halfway between us at the time. She then moved 45 mins further away from me and now expects me to make up that time. Not only that, but attending school events and conferences is very difficult for me if not impossible at times. We live about 2 hours apart now, before she moved it was only 45 mins so much more convenient. I shouldn't have to increase my drive time based on her decisions. What if she keeps moving? Do i also need to keep driving further and continue to get pushed out? Before I could pick them up in the evenings and spend time with them, pick 7yo up from school, etc. Now I can't do any of that and looking like, to the kids, that I don't care anymore and I choose not to be involved. Really upsetting.

45 mins + 45 mins does not equal two hours, it equals 1 1/2 hours. However as I previously mentioned, what did you do about that at the time? If you did nothing then you basically agreed to the relocation.

I understand it being in best interest of the kids for them to get to spend time with their mom on the weekends too but shouldn't she have brought that up in the initial order? She agreed to me getting them every weekend which I had been getting long before that was established. The thing is, the kids don't want to stay with her on the weekends. She is only trying to change it now because her husband is being manipulative.

I doubt that is true. Many parents agree to things that they later find unworkable. I am sure that mom has discovered that never having any official weekend time is causing problems, particularly with extended family functions.

The only thing that has changed since the order was established is that she moved further away. Might I add, she moved across a state border and did not give a reasonable notice of movement.

Again, did you do anything about that at the time?

 

[I'mTheFather]

Since the order is only 7 months old, it's entirely possible that she recently moved. So, it may not be correct to say that he can't do anything about the move now.

 

[whodey01]

The move was a complete different story and not the point I was trying to get across with this post. More about the move:

We lived 45 mins away as I said before she moved. She filed intent to move November 2nd. To move out of state you are required to give a 60 day notice to court before the move. She moved November 9th...7 days later after filing the intent. Im sure she could have been held in contempt and I could have called a hearing or whatever...but I didn't. I talked to a lawyer, he said my best bet was to just do nothing. In those 7 days, she moved my daughter to a different school district, got rid of her old apartment, and purchased a new house with her husband. Although I completely disagreed with the move...I did nothing to keep my rights and not risk the possibility of getting any rights or parental time taken away. Lawyer said they would not make her move back or make her change my daughter schools again. Anyway, not my point but just to clear that up. Her moving is nothing I am trying to contest.

Let me ask my original questions again. She is forcing me to drive further to get the kids now. Obviously I disagree since it wasn't my choice for her to move so I shouldn't have to sacrifice my time or my time with the kids. She wants to go to court to get that location changed and says she wants to get one weekend a month unless I drive the extra time. I have been getting the kids every weekend for the past 2 years. Yes, I do let her get them some weekends on occasion but its not set in stone.

My point is, its only been 7 months since the order was established. Nothing has changed aside from her move. I can no longer willy nilly go visit them during the week day evenings (I can but nearly 4 hour round trip is impossible). Can she go and demand one weekend, more child support, and to get a meeting location change without any solid proof of a change in circumstance?

If she continues to move further and further, will I have to continue to accommodate the halfway distance? Another father getting the shaft in my opinion.

 

[LdiJ]

The move was a complete different story and not the point I was trying to get across with this post. More about the move:

We lived 45 mins away as I said before she moved. She filed intent to move November 2nd. To move out of state you are required to give a 60 day notice to court before the move. She moved November 9th...7 days later after filing the intent. Im sure she could have been held in contempt and I could have called a hearing or whatever...but I didn't. I talked to a lawyer, he said my best bet was to just do nothing. In those 7 days, she moved my daughter to a different school district, got rid of her old apartment, and purchased a new house with her husband. Although I completely disagreed with the move...I did nothing to keep my rights and not risk the possibility of getting any rights or parental time taken away. Lawyer said they would not make her move back or make her change my daughter schools again. Anyway, not my point but just to clear that up. Her moving is nothing I am trying to contest.

Let me ask my original questions again. She is forcing me to drive further to get the kids now. Obviously I disagree since it wasn't my choice for her to move so I shouldn't have to sacrifice my time or my time with the kids. She wants to go to court to get that location changed and says she wants to get one weekend a month unless I drive the extra time. I have been getting the kids every weekend for the past 2 years. Yes, I do let her get them some weekends on occasion but its not set in stone.

My point is, its only been 7 months since the order was established. Nothing has changed aside from her move. I can no longer willy nilly go visit them during the week day evenings (I can but nearly 4 hour round trip is impossible). Can she go and demand one weekend, more child support, and to get a meeting location change without any solid proof of a change in circumstance?

If she continues to move further and further, will I have to continue to accommodate the halfway distance? Another father getting the shaft in my opinion.

It is reasonably probable that she would get one weekend a month. If you agreed on below guideline child support or your income has significantly increased she can get more child support. The odds on the transportation issue are greater in your favor. However, because you did not object to her move when it happened, please do not distract the judge by mentioning that you objected to the move, because you did not. This thread got distracted with that issue so do not distract the judge. Your argument should be that you do not feel that you should have increased driving when she is the one who created the distance.

 

[CJane]

What does your order say EXACTLY regarding travel? It makes a difference if it says something along the lines of "Parents shall meet at X location" (which happens to be 1/2 way between you) or "Parents shall meet halfway between their residences".

IF it says you are to meet halfway, then you are to meet halfway REGARDLESS of where that "used to be" vs where it is NOW. Order says 1/2 way. Does that mean that if Mom moves again, you're on the hook for the new 1/2 way, too? Yup, it sure does.

If you want that changed, you can file in court to change it, but you agreed to it and until a court changes it you must abide my it.

What does your order specifically state about weekday visits? I'm going to go out on a limb and presume that it doesn't say "Father may visit willy nilly throughout the week".