help? Disabled, lost, and things are falling apart.

[Elaina]

Im 32, in Nebraska, on ssi for ptsd, agoraphobia, severe anxiety and panic disorders, depression, and insomnia. I got married a little under 2 years ago. My husband knew about my disorders and that I didn't work and received ssi and he was ok with it. I got $725 a month, less than $200 in ebt and about $800 a year utility assistance plus medicaid. As soon as we were married they took away my ebt and utility assistance. And even though my husband only made 11.50 an hour they dropped my ssi payments. They vary depending on if he gets a bonus or extra hours but most of the time he works a 40 hour week. Then he received $1 raise and it dropped again down to a little over $300. This year he received another raise which is only $40 more a week and they have sent a letter to me saying I've been cut off due to his income. And medicaid has sent me a letter saying they want to review if I'm still eligible. I also have pcos which I need medication for until I go through menopause. Note that every single penny I have ever gotten has gone towards our bills, I even have to ask him if I need a box of tampons and I have next to nothing for any personal needs. All clothes ect. are hand me downs I get from the church and family members.
Ever since we got married my husband has fought with me over money,, screamed and put me down, threatened with divorce... and it's making all my disorders worse. I'm starting to feel abused even. His mother is trying to bully me in to getting a job and fights with him about it regularly, her and I don't see eachother anymore after I read messages she sent him about me. She's old fashioned and doesn't care if I'm disabled or understand how it keeps me from work. Aside from the money issues, my husband I get along like a dream and I love him dearly with all I've got.
At this point I don't know what to do. It feels like I'm just waiting for everything to blow up. Which ends up in daily crying spells, a deep depression, even suicidal thoughts because i feel trapped and our marriage falling apart. He doesn't see it as his responsibility to take care of me financially, nor do i. I've lost all income and more than likely my medical insurance I need direly. My disorders are getting worse and I have no one to call on for help or even to talk to. I've tried my husband and he just yells at me, and doesn't know what to do either. Im starting to lose feelings for him, and i feel the same is going on with him. And things will only get worse when he has to pay all our bills this upcoming month. Im already nervous and sick over it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[CTU]

Im 32, in Nebraska, on ssi for ptsd, agoraphobia, severe anxiety and panic disorders, depression, and insomnia. I got married a little under 2 years ago. My husband knew about my disorders and that I didn't work and received ssi and he was ok with it. I got $725 a month, less than $200 in ebt and about $800 a year utility assistance plus medicaid. As soon as we were married they took away my ebt and utility assistance. And even though my husband only made 11.50 an hour they dropped my ssi payments. They vary depending on if he gets a bonus or extra hours but most of the time he works a 40 hour week. Then he received $1 raise and it dropped again down to a little over $300. This year he received another raise which is only $40 more a week and they have sent a letter to me saying I've been cut off due to his income. And medicaid has sent me a letter saying they want to review if I'm still eligible. I also have pcos which I need medication for until I go through menopause. Note that every single penny I have ever gotten has gone towards our bills, I even have to ask him if I need a box of tampons and I have next to nothing for any personal needs. All clothes ect. are hand me downs I get from the church and family members.
Ever since we got married my husband has fought with me over money,, screamed and put me down, threatened with divorce... and it's making all my disorders worse. I'm starting to feel abused even. His mother is trying to bully me in to getting a job and fights with him about it regularly, her and I don't see eachother anymore after I read messages she sent him about me. She's old fashioned and doesn't care if I'm disabled or understand how it keeps me from work. Aside from the money issues, my husband I get along like a dream and I love him dearly with all I've got.
At this point I don't know what to do. It feels like I'm just waiting for everything to blow up. Which ends up in daily crying spells, a deep depression, even suicidal thoughts because i feel trapped and our marriage falling apart. He doesn't see it as his responsibility to take care of me financially, nor do i. I've lost all income and more than likely my medical insurance I need direly. My disorders are getting worse and I have no one to call on for help or even to talk to. I've tried my husband and he just yells at me, and doesn't know what to do either. Im starting to lose feelings for him, and i feel the same is going on with him. And things will only get worse when he has to pay all our bills this upcoming month. Im already nervous and sick over it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Legalities aside, is there anywhere you can go even on a short-term basis? Do you have any friends or family who can help you out?

There may be some help available here, too: http://dhhs.ne.gov/children_family_services/Pages/fia_fiaindex.aspx

 

[ShyCat]

He doesn't see it as his responsibility to take care of me financially, nor do i.

Unsurprisingly, taxpayers (you know, the people that paid for your SSI, medicaid, etc.) disagree with both of you.

 

[Elaina]

Unsurprisingly, taxpayers (you know, the people that paid for your SSI, medicaid, etc.) disagree with both of you.

Advice? Not to be snotty, but I asked for advice.

 

[ShyCat]

Advice? Not to be snotty, but I asked for advice.

My apologies, I did neglect to add the implied advice. Here: You and your husband need to adjust your attitudes. You are married. Marriage is a financial partnership with mutual responsibilities to go along with the beneficial rights, your misunderstanding of that notwithstanding.

 

[Elaina]

My apologies, I did neglect to add the implied advice. Here: You and your husband need to adjust your attitudes. You are married. Marriage is a financial partnership with mutual responsibilities to go along with the beneficial rights, your misunderstanding of that notwithstanding.

If I did present that to him in any way, he would just yell at me. When this all started that's how I did feel about it, but after years of him telling me ( yelling at me ) that I'm not his responsibility financially just because I'm disabled... I guess I gave in and agreed, because I'm just tired of fighting. But aside from that I'm not getting any benefits anymore. Nothing. So I'm still in a position where I don't know what to do. Any more advice?

 

[Insane Jane]

...Any more advice?

Check with the State of Nebraska and your local town for job openings. Finding even a part time job would help you find yourself.

 

[LdiJ]

Guys and Gals...

You all truly do not understand how debilitating the OP's disabilities are. How the advice to "go get a job" is simply not workable in her situation. I had a period of time in my life where I literally could not leave the house without having a full blown panic attack. Medication, counseling and time brought me back to myself. My situation was temporary, thank god, but I am the exception to the rule, not the norm.

However, I think that she is likely better off not married. Her husband is at best, financially and verbally abusive. There are ways to manage to live on SSI alone, maybe not great, but ways to do it, and it sounds to me like she would be better off that way..

 

[Insane Jane]

Guys and Gals...

You all truly do not understand how debilitating the OP's disabilities are. How the advice to "go get a job" is simply not workable in her situation. I had a period of time in my life where I literally could not leave the house without having a full blown panic attack. Medication, counseling and time brought me back to myself. My situation was temporary, thank god, but I am the exception to the rule, not the norm.

However, I think that she is likely better off not married. Her husband is at best, financially and verbally abusive. There are ways to manage to live on SSI alone, maybe not great, but ways to do it, and it sounds to me like she would be better off that way..

Thanks. But I'm starting to realize that maybe we can't fix everyone over the internet.

 

[CTU]

Guys and Gals...

You all truly do not understand how debilitating the OP's disabilities are. How the advice to "go get a job" is simply not workable in her situation. I had a period of time in my life where I literally could not leave the house without having a full blown panic attack. Medication, counseling and time brought me back to myself. My situation was temporary, thank god, but I am the exception to the rule, not the norm.

However, I think that she is likely better off not married. Her husband is at best, financially and verbally abusive. There are ways to manage to live on SSI alone, maybe not great, but ways to do it, and it sounds to me like she would be better off that way..

Excuse me, "Gal", but I actually left a pretty decent link which may help. I'm clearly not "all", so let's not go assuming what "we" do or don't understand, eh?

 

[Elaina]

Guys and Gals...

You all truly do not understand how debilitating the OP's disabilities are. How the advice to "go get a job" is simply not workable in her situation. I had a period of time in my life where I literally could not leave the house without having a full blown panic attack. Medication, counseling and time brought me back to myself. My situation was temporary, thank god, but I am the exception to the rule, not the norm.

However, I think that she is likely better off not married. Her husband is at best, financially and verbally abusive. There are ways to manage to live on SSI alone, maybe not great, but ways to do it, and it sounds to me like she would be better off that way..

You're right, if I was capable of just getting a job, I wouldn't be in this position in the first place. It's hard for people to understand that haven't been there. I deal with that all the time, my husband, my in laws, any person I've ever had to tell I'm disabled, even doctors and dentists and the person that does my husband's taxes. And apparently people here too. They've all thrown attitude and shame at me and make me feel even worse about myself and the situation than I already do. It sure makes things a little harder. Even though, the thought of how I could attempt it is always there out of desperation. For starters I'm not sure how I would even fill out an application due to my lack of work history, and how I could explain that I can't work dealing with public without ruining their confidence in me and opinion of me. I literally freeze up sometimes and just break down in certain situations. And even without those situations, it's near impossible for me to focus when having to talk to people. I forget things all the time. I worked at a dollar store when I was 17, and was almost fired for forgetting to hand people their change when they would distract me by talking...I would close the drawer out of habit, and have to call the manager with the key to reopen it. At least once a day. Also there is the fact my last completed grade is 7th grade. I always think there has to be something out there for me. If someone would give me a chance, I'm a hard worker and I know how to follow instructions, im even really creative when given the chance. But on the down side I'm terribly quiet and I even speak so low that most can't hear me (ive always been that way but it got worse when i was punched in the throat by a 250 lb man about 6 years ago). Anyhow, i want to work... i dont know that there's anything i want more. It ruins my life and affects me all day everyday. Its just everytime I look through jobs all I see are ones that you have to deal with the public or have a licsense/education for. And like I said before I'm not sure how to go about applications and interviewing with all those things hindering me. And that's only the attempt to find a job. I panic at the thought. I wish I just had someone to help me.

 

[TheGeekess]

I would suggest contacting your state's vocational rehabilitation department. They'll do some testing, see what you CAN reasonably do, and help you arrange your future.

And LD? You presume too much. You don't know the path anyone on these boards have walked.

 

[Elaina]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I just searched for the website, and that looks like it may actually help. I wasn't even aware this existed. You don't know how much you just helped me and how much better you made me feel. Im so grateful you're in these forums. I was starting to wonder if this was another dead end and it was making me feel even more hopeless. Leaves me perplexed as to why social security doesn't point people in that direction or at least send out a pamphlet or a page with the website on it. When I contacted them and explained my situation and asked for advice or information on any programs, the response I got was literally, ma'am we don't find jobs for people, that's up to you. I even thought about calling back and trying to report the lady for being so rude about it. She barely let me get out of my mouth what I was trying to say, and kept interrupting me with assumptions. Anyway, again... thank you so so much for being here and being so helpful.

 

[Kit Cat]

Elaina,

I am sorry for the situation you are in. Reading your posts, I am worried you are getting yourself in something that could turn into a very bad situation. Please be careful.

1. You are about to lose your health insurance. If you do not change something, you may not be able to get it back. You live in a state where it is very difficult to get medicaid.

2. If you lose your insurance, what is going to happen? Is your husband going to pay for your medications and doctor's appointments? Do you need treatment to take care of yourself? If you have to ask him just to buy tampons, this is not a good situation.

3. You wrote above that you are still severely disabled... if this is true, please careful about Vocational Rehab programs. I have met a lot of people that had bad experiences.

4. If your SSI check stops for 12 months in a row, you may find it difficult or impossible to get back. It could take years to get back, or you may never get it back.

5. What is going to happen if your situation with your husband gets worse? If you start to feel that he yells at you too much or controls you too much, how are you going to leave? How will you take care of yourself if you've lost your SSI and medicaid and you are not well enough to work?

6. What is going to happen if your husband decides to leave you? How will you take care of yourself if you are too sick to work and you don't have SSI anymore?

7. If you start working or stop seeing a doctor it may be much harder for you to get SSI in the future. Only you know if you are well enough to work. No one else can know that for you.

_______________________

I don't really know what to say about your marriage. Some people above wrote that it may be abusive and I think this is a good point.

If your current situation is making you feel suicidal and your husband yells at you when you try to talk about it, that is a bad situation.

I can tell you that if you decide to separate from your husband and live apart and be financially separate, you will get your SSI and Medicaid back as long as it has been less than 12 months.

Once it has been 12 months, you will not have this option anymore.

____________________

I know you are looking for advice. I really don't know you and your health and what you feel capable of.

If I were in a situation like this, I would move out, get SSI and medicaid back, get the medication and treatment I needed, and find a way to take care of myself.

Once I had done all that I would feel a lot better because I would know I could take care of myself. And I would not have to worry about someone being abusive or yelling at me or about winding up homeless.

I don't know whether you are well enough to work or whether your marriage is too abusive - only you know those answers.

I would focus on just taking care of myself and getting into a better situation so that things don't get worse.