Pregnant teen reveals master runaway plan

[Ohiogal]

Girls, in general, tie a lot of their selves/identity in their overall appearance. Not as much as boys. By continuing your "requirement" of short hair for her, you have effectively told her that YOU get to choose her identity for her. Same with the clothes. So she wants to wear all black? What's wrong with it? Lots of women wear black, and I'm not talking about those who identify Goth (nothing wrong with that, tbh), but professional women. It was always my belief that stuff like hair, clothes, music are often ways that kids use to (a) express themselves and (b) try to shock their parents. LOL My kids learned early on that there was little which would shock me or make me flip my lid. Which left them quite comfortable in bringing up any topic with me.

I really do think you need to discuss with her psych what you can do to regain her trust.

p.s. I'm going to bet she has access to your computer and found your references to a PI.

Agreed but I will almost guarantee she is neither Goth or Emo (and no, nothing wrong with either). But I agree with everything you said.

 

[Just Blue]

Girls, in general, tie a lot of their selves/identity in their overall appearance. Not as much as boys. By continuing your "requirement" of short hair for her, you have effectively told her that YOU get to choose her identity for her. Same with the clothes. So she wants to wear all black? What's wrong with it? Lots of women wear black, and I'm not talking about those who identify Goth (nothing wrong with that, tbh), but professional women. It was always my belief that stuff like hair, clothes, music are often ways that kids use to (a) express themselves and (b) try to shock their parents. LOL My kids learned early on that there was little which would shock me or make me flip my lid. Which left them quite comfortable in bringing up any topic with me.

I really do think you need to discuss with her psych what you can do to regain her trust.

p.s. I'm going to bet she has access to your computer and found your references to a PI.

Yup!!!

 

[c0rd]

It's been a long day.

She didn't take anything with her, no clothes or personal hygiene products or anything, so she'll have to come back eventually. If she was going to be gone for good, she'd pack some things.

I tried to search for anything that might lead me to her. She left a journal behind but it's in french. I feel like a terrible father because I didn't even know that she speaks french. She isn't taking french in school or anything and her sister says their parents didn't speak french, so I don't know where she learned it. I don't know what's going on.

Her sister and I are taking tomorrow off to watch the Twilight movie and The Vampire Diaries. I don't understand how vampire romance can be her view of life and love.

We spend hours together as a family and she never talked about any of this. She barely talked at all. It can't be my fault that I don't know anything about her when she never wanted to talk to me. I tried to ask about her but she'd always say fine or good and nothing else.

I was never trying to take her identity away from her. They were rules. Parents have rules. I don't think of her like a possession. I'm upset and disturbed that it comes across that way. I never meant it that way. I never felt like they were trying to take my identity away and possess me even when I was in the military and they were a lot more strict than I ever was.

Isn't it aiding a delinquent to house a runaway minor? What action can I legally take against these people when I find them? Whether I'm good for her or not, they're keeping her from me and that can't be legal.

 

[CTU]

It's been a long day.

She didn't take anything with her, no clothes or personal hygiene products or anything, so she'll have to come back eventually. If she was going to be gone for good, she'd pack some things.

You might be surprised.

I tried to search for anything that might lead me to her. She left a journal behind but it's in french. I feel like a terrible father because I didn't even know that she speaks french. She isn't taking french in school or anything and her sister says their parents didn't speak french, so I don't know where she learned it. I don't know what's going on.

Her sister and I are taking tomorrow off to watch the Twilight movie and The Vampire Diaries. I don't understand how vampire romance can be her view of life and love.

We spend hours together as a family and she never talked about any of this. She barely talked at all. It can't be my fault that I don't know anything about her when she never wanted to talk to me. I tried to ask about her but she'd always say fine or good and nothing else.

I was never trying to take her identity away from her. They were rules. Parents have rules. I don't think of her like a possession. I'm upset and disturbed that it comes across that way. I never meant it that way. I never felt like they were trying to take my identity away and possess me even when I was in the military and they were a lot more strict than I ever was.

Isn't it aiding a delinquent to house a runaway minor? What action can I legally take against these people when I find them? Whether I'm good for her or not, they're keeping her from me and that can't be legal.

Regarding the underlined: Did you ever bother to ASK her?
Regarding the bolded: She's not you! She's sure as hell not your clone ... what you did and felt are not the point here! WHY do you expect her to react the same way as you?

Look at what you've written. You're still blaming her - you are not owning your own part (which is substantially larger than hers) in this at all.

And to top it off, you ask how to get those folks into trouble without saying a word about how you can reach her on her own level.

It's no wonder she feels the way she does. She's a stranger, in her own mind.

 

[Ohiogal]

You might be surprised.



Regarding the underlined: Did you ever bother to ASK her?
Regarding the bolded: She's not you! She's sure as hell not your clone ... what you did and felt are not the point here! WHY do you expect her to react the same way as you?

Look at what you've written. You're still blaming her - you are not owning your own part (which is substantially larger than hers) in this at all.

And to top it off, you ask how to get those folks into trouble without saying a word about how you can reach her on her own level.

It's no wonder she feels the way she does. She's a stranger, in her own mind.

Oh so he can google. He can't talk to this child he calls a daughter but he can google. And yeah... again, I know more about this girl than he does. I agree 100% with you CTU.

But the sad thing is, this guy will never get it. EVER.

 

[stealth2]

I was never trying to take her identity away from her. They were rules. Parents have rules. I don't think of her like a possession. I'm upset and disturbed that it comes across that way. I never meant it that way.

You may not have "meant" it that way, but I bet that's how she understood i.

Parents and rules. Well..... I'm a parent. And frankly, the rules I had were pretty basic. And minimal. Despite my lenient parenting style, they've grown up to be polite, respectful, kind, generous, etc. hard-working adults..... and each with a pretty good fashion sense!

I never felt like they were trying to take my identity away and possess me even when I was in the military and they were a lot more strict than I ever wa.

Were you drafted? Or enlisted? (you're kind of on the cusp there, based on your kids' ages). I bet your daughter feels as though she was drafted.

And while you may not have felt that they were trying to take your identity or possess you, that is pretty much the point of the military - creating a cohesive unit of like parts. Individuality is not particulary encouraged, AFAIK. And they DO possess you - that's why you can't just leave when you feel like it.

-----------

As for what you do/don't know about her.... All of that starts at an early age - like when she first came to live with you early. I suspect that you were ill-eqipped to take in a child from such a different background.

 

[Ohiogal]

So her sister can take the day off school to watch Twilight and Vampire Diaries (totally different and they are not related to one another by the way) but other child is a problem child if she misses school. No favoritism between the sisters at all. I am sorta hoping you are a troll. A complete and total troll.

 

[c0rd]

What would you do if you were me? I admit that I might have a child who I can’t connect with and who I can’t handle. I don’t want to give up on her because I love her but what do you think is best for her? Everyone here is telling me she shouldn’t be with me and that I messed up but no one is giving me an alternative. I genuinely want what is best for her. Her sister is telling me not to look for her because she’s safe and happy. The police think I’m a whack-a-doodle. I didn’t sleep last night. I spent 12 hours typing French journal entries into Google Translate instead of sleeping. Maybe I am going crazy.

I’m not giving her up to the state. What do you think I should do?

CTU, I always tried to ask her how she was doing or what she was doing. She would say fine or good and nothing else. I tried to ask her. I tried to talk to her. She was a closed book.

Stealth, I enlisted. That goes to show how different I am from her and why I don’t understand her. I was very unequipped and I didn’t realize it because I could relate to her sister and I assumed their background would effect them both the same. I was wrong. I didn’t realize how different they were until it was too late and she already hated me. With help from psychologists and social workers, I still feel like she’s speaking a different language.

Ohio, there is no school today. We’re taking the day off from errands, work and chores. Her sister knows her a lot better than I do and she’s been talking to me. We’re having a movie marathon to try to make the best of a bad situation. Her sister was very upset by the goodbye note that she left her and she’s been telling me a lot of things that I didn’t know about her. Maybe it’s too little too late but I want to take it in.

 

[not2cleverRed]

What would you do if you were me? I admit that I might have a child who I can’t connect with and who I can’t handle. I don’t want to give up on her because I love her but what do you think is best for her? Everyone here is telling me she shouldn’t be with me and that I messed up but no one is giving me an alternative. I genuinely want what is best for her. Her sister is telling me not to look for her because she’s safe and happy. The police think I’m a whack-a-doodle. I didn’t sleep last night. I spent 12 hours typing French journal entries into Google Translate instead of sleeping. Maybe I am going crazy.

I’m not giving her up to the state. What do you think I should do?

CTU, I always tried to ask her how she was doing or what she was doing. She would say fine or good and nothing else. I tried to ask her. I tried to talk to her. She was a closed book.

Stealth, I enlisted. That goes to show how different I am from her and why I don’t understand her. I was very unequipped and I didn’t realize it because I could relate to her sister and I assumed their background would effect them both the same. I was wrong. I didn’t realize how different they were until it was too late and she already hated me. With help from psychologists and social workers, I still feel like she’s speaking a different language.

Ohio, there is no school today. We’re taking the day off from errands, work and chores. Her sister knows her a lot better than I do and she’s been talking to me. We’re having a movie marathon to try to make the best of a bad situation. Her sister was very upset by the goodbye note that she left her and she’s been telling me a lot of things that I didn’t know about her. Maybe it’s too little too late but I want to take it in.

Please explain your definition of love.

I'm not feeling it. I'm sensing frustration, resentment, a desire to control, and poor prioritization, but actual love and affection - I'm not seeing it.

 

[stealth2]

Stealth, I enlisted.

So, basically, you gave the military control of your identity. That's quite different to defining hers. I'm not sure I understand how you don't get that.

That goes to show how different I am from her and why I don’t understand her. I was very unequipped and I didn’t realize it because I could relate to her sister and I assumed their background would effect them both the same. I was wrong. I didn’t realize how different they were until it was too late and she already hated me. With help from psychologists and social workers, I still feel like she’s speaking a different language.

So..... all of your bio-kids are the same?

I'll be honest - I don't comprehend how it's possible to have a child living with you full time for several years and not knowing them, their likes, dislikes, etc. or that they're different from a sibling. It just makes no sense to me. I'm sorry.

 

[CTU]

Please explain your definition of love.

I'm not feeling it. I'm sensing frustration, resentment, a desire to control, and poor prioritization, but actual love and affection - I'm not seeing it.

I have to agree, sadly.

My overall impression is that OP - even if he's not aware of it - has been disappointed by this child for many years and I can pretty much guarantee that kiddo has picked up on this at a very, very early age.

Getting over years of feeling that you do little but disappoint your parent is tough. And sometimes, it never happens at all.

 

[CTU]

So, basically, you gave the military control of your identity. That's quite different to defining hers. I'm not sure I understand how you don't get that.



So..... all of your bio-kids are the same?

I'll be honest - I don't comprehend how it's possible to have a child living with you full time for several years and not knowing them, their likes, dislikes, etc. or that they're different from a sibling. It just makes no sense to me. I'm sorry.

I share your feeling. I'm at a loss of what else to say to this OP. I just don't know what to say.

 

[stealth2]

Her sister is telling me not to look for her because she’s safe and happy.

And I have a feeling Sissy knows *exactly* where she is.

 

[stealth2]

I agree, red & CTU. Shame, really.