Should he adopt? HELP please!!

[xoamandagarza]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

The details: My husband's ex girlfriend had a child from someone else when they got together. The child's biological father is no longer in the picture. My husband helped raise this child from the age of 1 1/2. My husband and his ex split when the child was 5 years old. The boy is now 6 years old and still in our lives. There are no scheduled visits. We see him when we have the time. Either a lunch date, movie outing, or sleepover on the weekends. There is open communication and good relationship with his mother and grandmother.

Since my husband has been in the picture since he was a baby, he calls him dad. The mother wants to keep it that way. She has even offered my husband the chance to adopt him. Although he loves his son and would love to do so, he is concerned that the mother may hit him with child support. In their relationship he has seen her malicious acts. (Mother's background - She does not work and just had her second child. Random baby daddy. Just wanted another kid before her window closed. I don't believe she'll ever really get a job. Just free-loads with her mom.)

Another thing is, the mother and son are moving out of town in a month or two. We will no longer be close enough to visit his son regularly. Although, we will do our best to see him.

QUESTION: Being that this is not my husband's son and he is no longer with the mother, can he even adopt him? AND, could the mother even try and get child support from us?

Any answers or advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't want us going into this blind.

Thank you in advance!!

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

The details: My husband's ex girlfriend had a child from someone else when they got together. The child's biological father is no longer in the picture. My husband helped raise this child from the age of 1 1/2. My husband and his ex split when the child was 5 years old. The boy is now 6 years old and still in our lives. There are no scheduled visits. We see him when we have the time. Either a lunch date, movie outing, or sleepover on the weekends. There is open communication and good relationship with his mother and grandmother.

Since my husband has been in the picture since he was a baby, he calls him dad. The mother wants to keep it that way. She has even offered my husband the chance to adopt him. Although he loves his son and would love to do so, he is concerned that the mother may hit him with child support. In their relationship he has seen her malicious acts. (Mother's background - She does not work and just had her second child. Random baby daddy. Just wanted another kid before her window closed. I don't believe she'll ever really get a job. Just free-loads with her mom.)

Another thing is, the mother and son are moving out of town in a month or two. We will no longer be close enough to visit his son regularly. Although, we will do our best to see him.

QUESTION: Being that this is not my husband's son and he is no longer with the mother, can he even adopt him? AND, could the mother even try and get child support from us?

Any answers or advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't want us going into this blind.

Thank you in advance!!

sigh....

Peruse this forum for 20 min. Then edit your ^ post. Thanks.

 

[paddywakk]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

The details: My husband's ex girlfriend had a child from someone else when they got together. The child's biological father is no longer in the picture. My husband helped raise this child from the age of 1 1/2. My husband and his ex split when the child was 5 years old. The boy is now 6 years old and still in our lives. There are no scheduled visits. We see him when we have the time. Either a lunch date, movie outing, or sleepover on the weekends. There is open communication and good relationship with his mother and grandmother.

Since my husband has been in the picture since he was a baby, he calls him dad. The mother wants to keep it that way. She has even offered my husband the chance to adopt him. Although he loves his son and would love to do so, he is concerned that the mother may hit him with child support. In their relationship he has seen her malicious acts. (Mother's background - She does not work and just had her second child. Random baby daddy. Just wanted another kid before her window closed. I don't believe she'll ever really get a job. Just free-loads with her mom.)

Another thing is, the mother and son are moving out of town in a month or two. We will no longer be close enough to visit his son regularly. Although, we will do our best to see him.

QUESTION: Being that this is not my husband's son and he is no longer with the mother, can he even adopt him? AND, could the mother even try and get child support from us?

Any answers or advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't want us going into this blind.

Thank you in advance!!

I doubt he'd be able to adopt when he's married to someone not the child's mother. If he does adopt, though, he'd be responsible for child support.

 

[Zigner]

I doubt he'd be able to adopt when he's married to someone not the child's mother. If he does adopt, though, he'd be responsible for child support.

Please cut it out. You're WRONG. Here's why...for the OP's husband to adopt, the mother of the child and the father of the child would have to approve. Once he adopts, the mother of the child and the father of the child would no longer be the parents of the child. Just who do you think would have standing to sue for support?

 

[Just Blue]

I doubt he'd be able to adopt when he's married to someone not the child's mother. If he does adopt, though, he'd be responsible for child support.

For GOODNESS SAKE!! He CAN NOT ADOPT in this situation!! Geesh!! If either you or the OP bothered to peruse this forum for just a few min's you would have known that.


Where the Hell did common sense go??

 

[xoamandagarza]

Please cut it out. You're WRONG. Here's why...for the OP's husband to adopt, the mother of the child and the father of the child would have to approve. Once he adopts, the mother of the child and the father of the child would no longer be the parents of the child. Just who do you think would have standing to sue for support?

The mother isn't giving up her rights. Just the biological father.

 

[Zigner]

The mother isn't giving up her rights. Just the biological father.

That can't be done in the scenario you've described...which is why I answered the way I did.

 

[CTU]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

The details: My husband's ex girlfriend had a child from someone else when they got together. The child's biological father is no longer in the picture. My husband helped raise this child from the age of 1 1/2. My husband and his ex split when the child was 5 years old. The boy is now 6 years old and still in our lives. There are no scheduled visits. We see him when we have the time. Either a lunch date, movie outing, or sleepover on the weekends. There is open communication and good relationship with his mother and grandmother.

Since my husband has been in the picture since he was a baby, he calls him dad. The mother wants to keep it that way. She has even offered my husband the chance to adopt him. Although he loves his son and would love to do so, he is concerned that the mother may hit him with child support. In their relationship he has seen her malicious acts. (Mother's background - She does not work and just had her second child. Random baby daddy. Just wanted another kid before her window closed. I don't believe she'll ever really get a job. Just free-loads with her mom.) [/qupte]

Another thing is, the mother and son are moving out of town in a month or two. We will no longer be close enough to visit his son regularly. Although, we will do our best to see him.

QUESTION: Being that this is not my husband's son and he is no longer with the mother, can he even adopt him? AND, could the mother even try and get child support from us?

Any answers or advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't want us going into this blind.

Thank you in advance!!

Reread your own words, OP.

You don't see anything vaguely contradictory? Nothing at all?

I hope for the child's sake that he's been told the truth about his father.

 

[Just Blue]

The mother isn't giving up her rights. Just the biological father.

You didn't bother to look did you?

 

[not2cleverRed]

The mother isn't giving up her rights. Just the biological father.

This won't work, legally.

The only way your husband can adopt at this point in time is if BOTH mother and father give up their parental rights AND you and your husband adopt.

While your husband was with the mother, if he married her, a step parent adoption would have been possible if the father consented. He did not, so that ship has sailed.

Children are entitled to support from their legal parents. There is nothing malicious about a custodial parent going to court and requesting that the other legal parent help support their mutual child.

There is, however, something malicious about an aspiring step-monster begrudging that support and demonizing the custodial parent.

The relationship, as you have described it, is that of something akin to a family friend or acquaintance. Your husband is not acting like a real father, and indeed he is not the real father to this child.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to use an example of a biological mother and a stepparent father to clarify this whole thing since this entire thread has been snippets of information that could easily be unclear to someone inexperienced with adoption law.

When mom and stepdad are married it is possible to do a stepparent adoption which would allow stepdad to become legal dad while mom still remains legal mom. In that scenario, if legal dad and legal mom were later to divorce, legal dad could have to pay child support if he does not get custody of the child. The adoption would of course require the biological father to either give up his rights voluntarily or be stripped of them by the courts, for cause.

If no adoption happens while they are married, then after they divorce a stepparent adoption is no longer possible. Its not entirely impossible for the stepparent to adopt the child, but it would require BOTH parents voluntarily giving up their parental rights so that he could do so. There are some rare instances where that might happen, but it would be pretty rare.

Therefore your husband could not adopt the child without mom giving up her parental rights and no longer being mom, which obviously means that your husband would be the child's only parent, and therefore the custodial parent, and therefore not paying child support.

Obviously, neither mom, nor your husband, nor you, understand what that is all about.

 

[Ohiogal]

I doubt he'd be able to adopt when he's married to someone not the child's mother. If he does adopt, though, he'd be responsible for child support.

Shut up. That is not right in any way shape or form. But good try.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am going to use an example of a biological mother and a stepparent father to clarify this whole thing since this entire thread has been snippets of information that could easily be unclear to someone inexperienced with adoption law.

When mom and stepdad are married it is possible to do a stepparent adoption which would allow stepdad to become legal dad while mom still remains legal mom. In that scenario, if legal dad and legal mom were later to divorce, legal dad could have to pay child support if he does not get custody of the child. The adoption would of course require the biological father to either give up his rights voluntarily or be stripped of them by the courts, for cause.

If no adoption happens while they are married, then after they divorce a stepparent adoption is no longer possible. Its not entirely impossible for the stepparent to adopt the child, but it would require BOTH parents voluntarily giving up their parental rights so that he could do so. There are some rare instances where that might happen, but it would be pretty rare.

Therefore your husband could not adopt the child without mom giving up her parental rights and no longer being mom, which obviously means that your husband would be the child's only parent, and therefore the custodial parent, and therefore not paying child support.

Obviously, neither mom, nor your husband, nor you, understand what that is all about.

Where did OP say her husband had one time been married to the mother of the child?

 

[CTU]

Where did OP say her husband had one time been married to the mother of the child?

(OP didn't ... L is just using a generic example, not one specific to the OP)

 

[Ohiogal]

(OP didn't ... L is just using a generic example, not one specific to the OP)

Okay. Suffering chocolate pretzel goodness denial.