Divorcing, don't want wifes boyfriend around my kids

[Alabama35903]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My wife and I are in divorce proceedings (going on 4 months). She now has a boyfriend. We have two children both under 8 years old together.

My wife and her boyfriend intend to move in together, however, I do not want this new person around my children in any capacity at all.

What options can I legally pursue to keep her new interest away from the children? Is there something I can do on my side, or will she have to agree to anything that I suggest?

Thank you in advance.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My wife and I are in divorce proceedings (going on 4 months). She now has a boyfriend. We have two children both under 8 years old together.

My wife and her boyfriend intend to move in together, however, I do not want this new person around my children in any capacity at all.

What options can I legally pursue to keep her new interest away from the children? Is there something I can do on my side, or will she have to agree to anything that I suggest?

Thank you in advance.

You can try to get a judge to order a no paramour clause, but in reality, its unlikely that the judge would agree and it would nearly be impossible to enforce even if your wife agreed to one.

The reality of things is that both you and mom are eventually going to have new partners that are going to be around your children. No matter how much it hurts now, its eventually something that you are going to have to accept.

 

[Alabama35903]

Thank you for that! I have read about the "no paramour" clause a little, but I don't really understand all I have read. It seemed pretty easily enforceable, but I'm far from a legal expert.

If she and I try to avoid court all together, and I put it in an agreement and she refuses to sign I assume I'm left with little choice but to take the matter before a judge.



Thanks again for the answer. This is very new territory for me. I'm trying to navigate it as best I can.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for that! I have read about the "no paramour" clause a little, but I don't really understand all I have read. It seemed pretty easily enforceable, but I'm far from a legal expert.

If she and I try to avoid court all together, and I put it in an agreement and she refuses to sign I assume I'm left with little choice but to take the matter before a judge.



Thanks again for the answer. This is very new territory for me. I'm trying to navigate it as best I can.

No, its not easily legally enforceable at all. You would have no evidence if the clause is broken other than your children's word, and a judge would hand you your backside if you attempted to put your children in the middle by having them testify against their mother.

I can see little use to you to put something in an agreement that you know she won't agree to do.

 

[not2cleverRed]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My wife and I are in divorce proceedings (going on 4 months). She now has a boyfriend. We have two children both under 8 years old together.

My wife and her boyfriend intend to move in together, however, I do not want this new person around my children in any capacity at all.

What options can I legally pursue to keep her new interest away from the children? Is there something I can do on my side, or will she have to agree to anything that I suggest?

Thank you in advance.

Why?

Yes, I'm serious: why?

Is this because the relationship is new, and the divorce isn't final? Or is there an actually legally relevant reason - like a documented history of being a danger to children?

While I would concur that Mom is not being prudent, the fact is, if you are divorcing someone who doesn't share your moral values, it's going to be difficult to impose your values on their parenting time.

 

[Alabama35903]

Why?

Yes, I'm serious: why?

Is this because the relationship is new, and the divorce isn't final? Or is there an actually legally relevant reason - like a documented history of being a danger to children?

While I would concur that Mom is not being prudent, the fact is, if you are divorcing someone who doesn't share your moral values, it's going to be difficult to impose your values on their parenting time.

Legally, no. Of course, I did a background check, etc. on my own, so there is no LEGAL reason. I feel that this person was part of the cause of the divorce, however, which could speak to his moral values. My STBX did suggest that he would be willing to meet me to discuss the kids, etc. but I don't want anything to do with him at all. Obviously, I'm angered at this person for breaking up my marriage, and have no desire to "talk it out". I simply don't want him around my children.

 

[Just Blue]

Legally, no. Of course, I did a background check, etc. on my own, so there is no LEGAL reason. I feel that this person was part of the cause of the divorce, however, which could speak to his moral values. My STBX did suggest that he would be willing to meet me to discuss the kids, etc. but I don't want anything to do with him at all. Obviously, I'm angered at this person for breaking up my marriage, and have no desire to "talk it out". I simply don't want him around my children.

HE didn't break up your marriage your wife did.

 

[stealth2]

HE didn't break up your marriage your wife did.

Yep, this...

 

[LdiJ]

Legally, no. Of course, I did a background check, etc. on my own, so there is no LEGAL reason. I feel that this person was part of the cause of the divorce, however, which could speak to his moral values. My STBX did suggest that he would be willing to meet me to discuss the kids, etc. but I don't want anything to do with him at all. Obviously, I'm angered at this person for breaking up my marriage, and have no desire to "talk it out". I simply don't want him around my children.

I truly sympathize but you will not get what you want.

Please think long term...if you were able to prohibit him from being around your children your soon to be ex wife would equally be able to prohibit anyone new in your life, eventually, from being around the children either. You will not get what you want. I understand why you want it, and even sympathize with why you want it on an emotional level, but ultimately, you will not get it.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Legally, no. Of course, I did a background check, etc. on my own, so there is no LEGAL reason. I feel that this person was part of the cause of the divorce, however, which could speak to his moral values. My STBX did suggest that he would be willing to meet me to discuss the kids, etc. but I don't want anything to do with him at all. Obviously, I'm angered at this person for breaking up my marriage, and have no desire to "talk it out". I simply don't want him around my children.

Adultery is a sign of a problem in the marital relationship.

I get your anger, but you need to focus on what matters - and this isn't it.

Take the high road as much as you can - little pitchers see and absorb a lot.

 

[Alabama35903]

Adultery is a sign of a problem in the marital relationship.

I get your anger, but you need to focus on what matters - and this isn't it.

Take the high road as much as you can - little pitchers see and absorb a lot.

Sound advice, and will be heeded. Much of my reaction may be emotional, but I still feel like I do not want this man to have contact with my children. One FINAL question, if I may....

I read that the paramour clause is applicable to "overnight guests". If I were to pursue that would this person be considered a "guest" if she and him got an apartment together?

 

[CTU]

Sound advice, and will be heeded. Much of my reaction may be emotional, but I still feel like I do not want this man to have contact with my children. One FINAL question, if I may....

I read that the paramour clause is applicable to "overnight guests". If I were to pursue that would this person be considered a "guest" if she and him got an apartment together?

He'd be a tenant.

Let. It. Go.

Or would you rather he married Mom in a quickie wedding? Be careful.

 

[eerelations]

And as others have said, if you do manage to get a "no paramour" clause into your divorce decree, your STBX wife will get one too - which means (since you didn't seem to pick this up the previous times it was mentioned) that if at some time in the future you acquire a girlfriend, she will never be allowed to meet or be around your kids at any time, no matter how nice, kind, beautiful, educated, well-off, kid-friendly, moral, and law-abiding she may be. You will have to accept this before you start pushing for a "no paramour" clause in your divorce decree.

 

[Alabama35903]

And as others have said, if you do manage to get a "no paramour" clause into your divorce decree, your STBX wife will get one too - which means (since you didn't seem to pick this up the previous times it was mentioned) that if at some time in the future you acquire a girlfriend, she will never be allowed to meet or be around your kids at any time, no matter how nice, kind, beautiful, educated, well-off, kid-friendly, moral, and law-abiding she may be. You will have to accept this before you start pushing for a "no paramour" clause in your divorce decree.

You're correct. I want to thank everyone for their responses and assistance! It really is appreciated, and I believe I will reconsider pursuing it based on what I have read here! Thank you guys/girls again!