Wife Had An Affair - Primary Home, Small Business, Rings Split (No Kids) ?

[pgriffin7]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

Hi,

I found out my wife was having an affair for over a year and we're now filing for divorce. I'm hoping someone could give me a little more direction here before I reach out to an attorney to see if it's worth doing a "contested" divorce vs. a "uncontested" divorce.

Before I found out about the affair we were going to have an amicable "uncontested" divorce and split everything 50/50; however, now that I found out she had a year long affair while still trying to work things out with me I don't feel like she's entitled to a 50/50 split anymore, so I'm doing a little more research on this on my own to better educate myself.

1. Would I be able to get a 75/25 split on the profits of the house due to the affair she had?

My dad gifted me money for the down payment when we first purchased the house, and her dad paid for the wedding. Based on past conversations with her she says it's not fair that my dad gave money towards an asset that has appreciated while her dad just spent money on a wedding with no return.

2. I started a side LLC business before we were married that's under just my name, would she be able to take anything from this business?

The business is not profitable currently since I reinvest any profits back to the business but it is growing each year, but I don't know if she's entitled to anything from my side business.

3. Would I be able to request to have the rings I gave her returned back to me?

I spent a decent amount of money on these rings and since she violated the trust in our marriage with this affair I would like to get them back instead of her holding on to them and selling them to make money on them.

Thank you!

 

[CTU]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

Hi,

I found out my wife was having an affair for over a year and we're now filing for divorce. I'm hoping someone could give me a little more direction here before I reach out to an attorney to see if it's worth doing a "contested" divorce vs. a "uncontested" divorce.

Before I found out about the affair we were going to have an amicable "uncontested" divorce and split everything 50/50; however, now that I found out she had a year long affair while still trying to work things out with me I don't feel like she's entitled to a 50/50 split anymore, so I'm doing a little more research on this on my own to better educate myself.

1. Would I be able to get a 75/25 split on the profits of the house due to the affair she had?

My dad gifted me money for the down payment when we first purchased the house, and her dad paid for the wedding. Based on past conversations with her she says it's not fair that my dad gave money towards an asset that has appreciated while her dad just spent money on a wedding with no return.

2. I started a side LLC business before we were married that's under just my name, would she be able to take anything from this business?

The business is not profitable currently since I reinvest any profits back to the business but it is growing each year, but I don't know if she's entitled to anything from my side business.

3. Would I be able to request to have the rings I gave her returned back to me?

I spent a decent amount of money on these rings and since she violated the trust in our marriage with this affair I would like to get them back instead of her holding on to them and selling them to make money on them.

Thank you!

1. Read this: http://www.lsnjlaw.org/Family-Relationships/Divorce/General-Information/Pages/Irreconcilable-Differences-NJ-No-Fault-Divorce.aspx#.Wd_DrjCQzIU

2. It will likely be split per NJ law

3. They're her rings.

 

[HighwayMan]

You should, of course, consult with an attorney, however based upon what I know and have read, New Jersey is like New York - infidelity means nothing and will not get you a dime more.

While infidelity can be stated as the grounds for divorce (although most people go the "no-fault" route) it doesn't mean much when it comes to how anything is handled.

Do you know what uncontested/contested mean? If you and your wife disagree on anything, then it will be contested. If everything is agreed to by both parties, then basically an agreement gets drawn up by an attorney and filed with the court. You don't get to choose between contested and uncontested - it's all based upon both parties agreeing or not. I don't see this being an uncontested case, but it's up to you and your wife.

 

[stealth2]

Yeah, no. NJ isn't going to care about her affair.

 

[LdiJ]

I definitely would recommend that you read through the web page that the previous poster linked.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

Hi,

I found out my wife was having an affair for over a year and we're now filing for divorce. I'm hoping someone could give me a little more direction here before I reach out to an attorney to see if it's worth doing a "contested" divorce vs. a "uncontested" divorce.

Before I found out about the affair we were going to have an amicable "uncontested" divorce and split everything 50/50; however, now that I found out she had a year long affair while still trying to work things out with me I don't feel like she's entitled to a 50/50 split anymore, so I'm doing a little more research on this on my own to better educate myself.

1. Would I be able to get a 75/25 split on the profits of the house due to the affair she had?

According to the information linked, no "fault" would not impact a property settlement.

My dad gifted me money for the down payment when we first purchased the house, and her dad paid for the wedding. Based on past conversations with her she says it's not fair that my dad gave money towards an asset that has appreciated while her dad just spent money on a wedding with no return.

She kind of has a point...particularly if the down payment was truly gifted, versus a loan.

2. I started a side LLC business before we were married that's under just my name, would she be able to take anything from this business?

Is the business a true bricks and mortar operation that could be run and worked by someone else, or is it a business that largely would be gone without your specific abilities?

The business is not profitable currently since I reinvest any profits back to the business but it is growing each year, but I don't know if she's entitled to anything from my side business.

Those profits you are reinvesting are marital property. Again, what type of business is this?

3. Would I be able to request to have the rings I gave her returned back to me?

I spent a decent amount of money on these rings and since she violated the trust in our marriage with this affair I would like to get them back instead of her holding on to them and selling them to make money on them.

Thank you!

You cannot get the rings back. They also cannot be sold for more than about 10-20% of what you paid for them. There is little demand for used jewelry.

 

[HRZ]

A wedding is not an asset.

When Dad made a gift ..exectly how was check made out...to son or to son and daughter in law ( couple )

Her affair gets you no legal leverage .

Long debates over small points may make two lawyers richer and that's about only winners .

Roughly what was down payment and what is current net equity ?

 

[not2cleverRed]

I am unclear what pigwidgeon's goal is.

One's goal in divorce should be to do as little damage to yourself as possible. The information provided by other posters is easily obtained information. Therefore, pigwidgeon didn't bother to google before posting, and uses fiction as a basis for his reasoning.

Take the high road. Aim for equitable, not petty. You may still not get 50/50, but ultimately the goal is to get rid of the ball and chain, is it not?

Choose carefully what you want to contest. My ex chose poorly, and it cost both of us a lot in legal fees, to get to about what I would have been willing to settle with from the start.

 

[HighwayMan]

My ex chose poorly, and it cost both of us a lot in legal fees, to get to about what I would have been willing to settle with from the start.

Amen. Same here.

What a huge waste of time and money.

 

[LdiJ]

Amen. Same here.

What a huge waste of time and money.

I was lucky. My ex felt so guilty that he would have allowed me to bleed him dry. Luckily I was more interested in the best interest of our child than revenge, so I was the one who insisted on financial parity.

 

[pgriffin7]

Thanks for all the replies!

I spoke to an attorney and he said the following.

1. Regarding the property split; you guys are right that in NJ it will be 50/50 regardless of the affair unless I can prove that she spent marital money towards supporting this affair.

However, he did say that if my father gifted me the money that I would be able to claim this off the top of the sale of the house and then split the remainder 50/50 with her. My father gifted me $100K for the down payment and the mortgage company had me fill out a "gift letter" that you can see in the link below. It shows that it was only gifted to me ("son") but the letter required both of us to sign it; however, I believe that since it just shows "son" that I could get this portion of the money back...I'm following up with my attorney on this now.

2. Regarding my small business; he said that if the business was started before being married, no marital funds were used to support the business, and she did not play any role in running the business then she would not be entitled to any of the business.

This is an online business that I started before we were married, which I basically run myself, so if I was gone this business would close. She has also never helped in running the business and I have an outside investor so no marital money has ever been used towards the business; so I think that I would be able to retain the whole business based on what my attorney said.

3. Regarding the rings; yeah she would end up keeping them since I gifted them to her.

 

[Zigner]

Thanks for all the replies!

I spoke to an attorney and he said the following.

1. Regarding the property split; you guys are right that in NJ it will be 50/50 regardless of the affair unless I can prove that she spent marital money towards supporting this affair.

However, he did say that if my father gifted me the money that I would be able to claim this off the top of the sale of the house and then split the remainder 50/50 with her. My father gifted me $100K for the down payment and the mortgage company had me fill out a "gift letter" that you can see in the link below. It shows that it was only gifted to me ("son") but the letter required both of us to sign it; however, I believe that since it just shows "son" that I could get this portion of the money back...I'm following up with my attorney on this now.

<link redacted>

2. Regarding my small business; he said that if the business was started before being married, no marital funds were used to support the business, and she did not play any role in running the business then she would not be entitled to any of the business.

This is an online business that I started before we were married, which I basically run myself, so if I was gone this business would close. She has also never helped in running the business and I have an outside investor so no marital money has ever been used towards the business; so I think that I would be able to retain the whole business based on what my attorney said.

3. Regarding the rings; yeah she would end up keeping them since I gifted them to her.

I've reported your post due to the link. It will be replaced after editing by admin.

 

[HighwayMan]

I am unclear what pigwidgeon's goal is.

How do you know what Mr. Griffin's first name is?