My husband filed on grounds of Adultry

[selera]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

So I received my paperwork yesterday and he has indeed filed on these grounds though there was nothing going on. He accused me because there was a few emails where I was being flirtatious with someone I never met. He was abusive emotionally throughout the marriage, but that is besides the point. He has to file this way because of his religion, he's a Jehovah's Witness, if he filed for any other reason, the church would throw him out. My brother states that a divorce decree that shows adultery as the reason for my divorce on my end could be bad for me in the future, in terms of if I ever apply for a mortgage, or if I need to immigrate to another country like the UK. (I have a boyfriend in England). I want out of the bad marriage as quickly as possible and don't have money to hire an attorney, is it worth the trouble to fight him on the adultery? we have no kids, no money, no joint property. Is it really going to effect me negatively in the future? it is 2017, not 1950. Any input is appreciated. thanks.

perplexed.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Maryland is a no fault state. Regardless of his faith, you can get a legal divorce without either party being "at fault".

You can contest the divorce, if you want to. He has to prove his allegations, if you contest it all the way to it going to trial. Proving adultery is difficult.

Contested divorces can be quite costly, even if settled without going to trial. It costs even more to go to trial.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

So I received my paperwork yesterday and he has indeed filed on these grounds though there was nothing going on. He accused me because there was a few emails where I was being flirtatious with someone I never met. He was abusive emotionally throughout the marriage, but that is besides the point. He has to file this way because of his religion, he's a Jehovah's Witness, if he filed for any other reason, the church would throw him out. My brother states that a divorce decree that shows adultery as the reason for my divorce on my end could be bad for me in the future, in terms of if I ever apply for a mortgage, or if I need to immigrate to another country like the UK. (I have a boyfriend in England). I want out of the bad marriage as quickly as possible and don't have money to hire an attorney, is it worth the trouble to fight him on the adultery? we have no kids, no money, no joint property. Is it really going to effect me negatively in the future? it is 2017, not 1950. Any input is appreciated. thanks.

perplexed.

You engaged in an emotional affair with someone? Yes, that could be considered adultery. Especially the fact that YOU have a BOYFRIEND. How do you have a boyfriend and are not committing adultery? The very fact that you have a boyfriend says you are engaged in an extramarital relationship.

 

[CTU]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

So I received my paperwork yesterday and he has indeed filed on these grounds though there was nothing going on. He accused me because there was a few emails where I was being flirtatious with someone I never met. He was abusive emotionally throughout the marriage, but that is besides the point. He has to file this way because of his religion, he's a Jehovah's Witness, if he filed for any other reason, the church would throw him out. My brother states that a divorce decree that shows adultery as the reason for my divorce on my end could be bad for me in the future, in terms of if I ever apply for a mortgage, or if I need to immigrate to another country like the UK. (I have a boyfriend in England). I want out of the bad marriage as quickly as possible and don't have money to hire an attorney, is it worth the trouble to fight him on the adultery? we have no kids, no money, no joint property. Is it really going to effect me negatively in the future? it is 2017, not 1950. Any input is appreciated. thanks.

perplexed.

The first thing you need to do is stop listening to other people.

Even if your divorce is granted on the basis of adultery, that in itself has NO bearing at all on your future immigrant status in the UK, or your ability to get a mortgage.

Read this, too - he's not going to get "kicked out" of the congregation for getting a no-fault divorce. He may not be able to remarry in the churh if he divorces without fault attached to the filing, but that's not the same thing at all.

https://www.jw.org/en/jehovahs-witnesses/faq/divorce-jw-view/

 

[selera]

The first thing you need to do is stop listening to other people.

Even if your divorce is granted on the basis of adultery, that in itself has NO bearing at all on your future immigrant status in the UK, or your ability to get a mortgage.

Read this, too - he's not going to get "kicked out" of the congregation for getting a no-fault divorce. He may not be able to remarry in the churh if he divorces without fault attached to the filing, but that's not the same thing at all.

https://www.jw.org/en/jehovahs-witnesses/faq/divorce-jw-view/

thank you for the honest answer. If it has not bearing, then I will probably not fight. I don't really care about someone else's moral compass as long as it doesn't effect me legally. I know what I did and did not do prior to him leaving me and telling me there was no hope of reconciliation. As far as what he told me about the divorce and his religion thing, it was the who did the filing that made the difference. If I filed for divorce, then it was fine for the no fault. But he wasn't allowed to file for divorce unless it was for adultery. Being that he left me when I was unemployed, had no money in my bank account, and almost lost my place to live before I found another job, he is the one who filed.

 

[selera]

You engaged in an emotional affair with someone? Yes, that could be considered adultery. Especially the fact that YOU have a BOYFRIEND. How do you have a boyfriend and are not committing adultery? The very fact that you have a boyfriend says you are engaged in an extramarital relationship.

I know what I did when he accused me of it. a few flirtatious emails with someone that I have never met in person hardly is adultery. If you believe it is, then you need to look up the legal definition again. Also, you shouldn't pass judgment on a situation you aren't in and know very little of. My husband is hardly innocent, not adultery, but abuse and neglect. He once a month about would tell me how he never really loved me, and how I forced him to say he loved me, forced him to move in with me, forced him to propose, forced him to marry me. He compared me to all his prior gfs and ex wives (yes there are 3). I was extremely depressed, I felt like dirt and was literally sick from it. The boyfriend I currently have from England became that recently as feelings developed between us over time, after my husband I separated. As of yet, we still have not met in person being that he's 3500+ miles away with an ocean in between us. So it's not like there has been sexual intercourse or any sexual acts which is what constitutes adultery in the state of Maryland, not just emotional attachments. We do have plans to meet in the coming year, but with the rate things are progressing in my divorce case, I could very well be divorced by that time.

 

[HRZ]

Laymans question : Just why does Hubby need or want a divorce ?

Religious v civil issues can be daunting...but personally ...adultry is still a criminal act in MD and so might be a false answer ...and Even if the law has not been enforced in 50 years...I'd not go there .absent attorney on my side.

 

[CTU]

Laymans question : Just why does Hubby need or want a divorce ?

Religious v civil issues can be daunting...but personally ...adultry is still a criminal act in MD and so might be a false answer ...and Even if the law has not been enforced in 50 years...I'd not go there .absent attorney on my side.

And it would STILL have no bearing on her chances of emigrating to the UK, nor will it have any bearing on her ability to obtain a mortgage.

 

[selera]

Laymans question : Just why does Hubby need or want a divorce ?

Religious v civil issues can be daunting...but personally ...adultry is still a criminal act in MD and so might be a false answer ...and Even if the law has not been enforced in 50 years...I'd not go there .absent attorney on my side.

Realistically, he's an ass who's decided that he couldn't change me into what he wanted, so he doesn't want me as a wife anymore. He's been pushing me to divorce him actually for some time. When I refused to do so he looked for any shred of evidence that I was cheating so he would have a reason. He thought it appropriate to go through my phone, texts and personal emails to find evidence. He thinks it was his right as my husband to invade my privacy. He changed drastically when he became religious, expected me to change as well, to follow bible principles and be a good wife, be submissive to him, let him be in charge of everything. He talked down to me constantly, like I was more of a child he needed to teach, not an equal. That didn't sit well with me. We had a lot of difference, probably due to culture. I was born here, in the Midwest, in Minnesota. He is from the Philippines and is 11 years older. His efforts to find an out increased when he realized there was a snowballs chance in hell I would convert.

 

[HRZ]

Im not going to plead quilty to crime , even one with a $10 penalty before I understand what's really behind hubbys motives...and OPs updates say Hubby left and left her in tough economic straits ...

THe elements of adultry may be specific to MD...and a quick scan of issues suggest a bit of flirting with somebody one has not physically met is not close to what Hubby needs to prove it .

Aside from a remotely possible $10 fine if OP has more than just long distance friendship with others ..there might be ZERO need for her to do anything the way Hubby wants to do it ?

 

[latigo]

Im not going to plead quilty to crime , even one with a $10 penalty before I understand what's really behind hubbys motives...and OPs updates say Hubby left and left her in tough economic straits ...

THe elements of adultry may be specific to MD...and a quick scan of issues suggest a bit of flirting with somebody one has not physically met is not close to what Hubby needs to prove it .

Aside from a remotely possible $10 fine if OP has more than just long distance friendship with others ..there might be ZERO need for her to do anything the way Hubby wants to do it ?

You are hopelessly demented!

 

[HRZ]

OPs marital drama or my mental state are not relevant ...so far there are no good reasons posted to rush to get divorced the way Hubby wants to do it ...other than to get it done ...and the no fault door is open and as a legal question ..darn workable and just as fast.

 

[selera]

Im not going to plead quilty to crime , even one with a $10 penalty before I understand what's really behind hubbys motives...and OPs updates say Hubby left and left her in tough economic straits ...

THe elements of adultry may be specific to MD...and a quick scan of issues suggest a bit of flirting with somebody one has not physically met is not close to what Hubby needs to prove it .

Aside from a remotely possible $10 fine if OP has more than just long distance friendship with others ..there might be ZERO need for her to do anything the way Hubby wants to do it ?

tempting, very tempting just to make him miserable, but then I'm not really better then he is. Granted, it was rather low of him to leave me with nothing while I was unemployed, and I did find notes that he made himself of his plans that were long before this happened. He wanted an out. He actually had a list. 1) was to try to get me to study with sisters from the congregation to learn to be a good wife. 2) was to wait until I had a job again "to avoid alimony" 3) return to the Philippines to teach his kids. So he plans on returning home to try to covert his adult children to the religion. He's lost it in his Zealotry.

I have gotten a new job, and after a bit of recovery, in the next few months, I will be making more money then he does by quite a bit probably. He doesn't make very much in all honesty. He is a bellman at a hotel. I don't really want to be tied to him. I want to be done, I want to change my name back to my Maiden name, and move on with my life. To be free to be myself again. I haven't had that in a long time. The sooner the better. And currently, I haven't the money to hire a lawyer, so dragging it out trying to fight isn't in my interest, hence the question if it will effect me long term if I just let it go through this way.

 

[Zigner]

tempting, very tempting just to make him miserable, but then I'm not really better then he is. Granted, it was rather low of him to leave me with nothing while I was unemployed, and I did find notes that he made himself of his plans that were long before this happened. He wanted an out. He actually had a list. 1) was to try to get me to study with sisters from the congregation to learn to be a good wife. 2) was to wait until I had a job again "to avoid alimony" 3) return to the Philippines to teach his kids. So he plans on returning home to try to covert his adult children to the religion. He's lost it in his Zealotry.

So what? He had a plan. That's what people are supposed to do. Furthermore, nothing that you have told us here amounts to "zealotry".

I have gotten a new job, and after a bit of recovery, in the next few months, I will be making more money then he does by quite a bit probably. He doesn't make very much in all honesty. He is a bellman at a hotel. I don't really want to be tied to him. I want to be done, I want to change my name back to my Maiden name, and move on with my life. To be free to be myself again. I haven't had that in a long time. The sooner the better. And currently, I haven't the money to hire a lawyer, so dragging it out trying to fight isn't in my interest, hence the question if it will effect me long term if I just let it go through this way.

You may end up paying him spousal support.

 

[selera]

So what? He had a plan. That's what people are supposed to do. Furthermore, nothing that you have told us here amounts to "zealotry".


You may end up paying him spousal support.

it doesn't sound like zealotry because I have not laid out all the details, because this is a legal forum, not a "bitch about religious stuff" forum. There is a lot more that I can tell you, but I was giving just a bit of things to be relevant. Believe me when I say that he went from non-religious when we met to religion being the most important thing in his life. More important then me, his life, his kids, his job, everything. All conversations had there are references made to Jehovah, no enjoyment is had in life anymore, everything is about how he can better serve his God and being ready for Paradise after the world ends. That is no way to live.


How can I end up paying him support when He's made more then me all along? We maintained separate bank accounts, have nothing to divide, and I was ill for much of the year and half of the actual marriage part of our relationship? So he paid the majority of the rent, and shared expenses. I paid for my car and personal stuff.