Parent Refuses to let child fly alone for visitation

[texasmom124]

What is the name of your state?--TX

My daughter is almost 12 years of age and lives in upstate NY. Her mother has her filled with fear of flying alone, telling her someone is going to take her or she might get seated next to a child molester. Every time I get her for a visit, I have to fly with her. The expense is astronomical and it's getting to be so un-affordable I might have to limit my visits. I am working on amending our parenting plan to submit to the court. Does anyone have any language or wording recommendations that if she doesn not want our child to fly alone she must bear the expense of flying with her?

 

[stealth2]

Let's start with - who created the distance? How long ago?

Does your daughter have any.... issues.... that might preclude her flying alone? How mature is she? Can she stay home alone?

I'll go on from the answers.... Thanks.

 

[texasmom124]

Mom created the distance, about 5 years ago. She is 11 and when we talk to her she wants to fly alone, but then mom tells her someone will snatch her or a child predator will take her. Mom is the one refusing, I am ok with mom flying with her but mom is expecting me to pay and fly with her each time.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Is there anything in the custody agreement on which one of you pays for the transportation?

If there isn't there should be and barring a disparity in income it should be the mother because she created the distance.

 

[texasmom124]

She makes more than twice my salary

 

[paddywakk]

You might check with your usual airline and see if she can fly as an unaccompanied minor. My grandson does this frequently, and it does have a cost - $60 one way. But under this policy, the person taking the child to the airport must be named when making the reservation, and must check in at the ticket counter with the child, show ID, and go through security to the gate with the child, where they wait together for boarding to begin. The airline will call for unaccompanied minors, who board the plane with a flight attendant and are seated together.

The person picking up the child on the other end must be named when making the reservation, and must check in with the ticket desk when they arrive at the airport. Then they get a pass to go through security to the gate. The flight attendant escorts the child(ren) off the plane, and the pick-up person must show ID to the flight attendant and sign paperwork for the child.

He's done this 5-6 times, only once was he the only minor flying this way

 

[HRZ]

Personally , especially since Mom created the distance and Mom is trying to stick the added costs on you, I would NOT be preparing my own docuements absent a lawyer on my side.

Plus I would have the costs of each airline that offers accompany services printed out .

I would not rule out that Mom is stretching a small bit of truth about young travelers into an excuse to frustrate your visitations and you want your lawyer in the front line to defend or advance your point of view .

And unless the court order requires you to provide transportation I'd NOT be playing by Moms rules .

And it may be easier to defend than to attack ....ask your attorney !

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

She makes more than twice my salary

Is there some reason you only responded to my statement and not my question?

 

[HRZ]

as several volunteers post....explain exactly what the order says as to transportation costs. ...details may well matter.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

@texasmom124 I just noticed your username. Are you the spouse of the father or was your marriage with the mother of your child a same sex marriage?

I have no problem with the latter. I do have a problem with the spouse of a parent acting like it is their child and in fact acting as if they are the father.

 

[LdiJ]

Personally , especially since Mom created the distance and Mom is trying to stick the added costs on you, I would NOT be preparing my own docuements absent a lawyer on my side.

Plus I would have the costs of each airline that offers accompany services printed out .

I would not rule out that Mom is stretching a small bit of truth about young travelers into an excuse to frustrate your visitations and you want your lawyer in the front line to defend or advance your point of view .

And unless the court order requires you to provide transportation I'd NOT be playing by Moms rules .

And it may be easier to defend than to attack ....ask your attorney !

I think that the fact that mom created the distance is kind of immaterial at this point. It was 5 years ago and the status quo now is that the parents live in different states.

I think that what dad needs to do is take it back to court to get the court to order that the child can fly alone. Then, if mom really feels that strongly that someone needs to fly with the child, then mom can do it. Unless the child has special needs of some sort, I cannot imagine a judge saying that a 12 year old was too young to fly alone.

Dad might even want to force the issue a little. He might send the child home from a visitation flying solo (because mom cannot stop that from happening)

 

[adjusterjack]

Mom created the distance, about 5 years ago. She is 11 and when we talk to her she wants to fly alone, but then mom tells her someone will snatch her or a child predator will take her. Mom is the one refusing, I am ok with mom flying with her but mom is expecting me to pay and fly with her each time.

My kids were flying unaccompanied when my son was 10 and my daughter was 8. The flight attendants treated them like royalty. There isn't any reason for your ex's attitude other than that she hates you and wants to put the screws to you. You may have to get this back in court and get the court to order her to stand down and pay for the trips.

Or, if you really want to frost her cake, relocate to NY, get a job in her town, and live nearby where you can see your daughter every day.

 

[LdiJ]

My kids were flying unaccompanied when my son was 10 and my daughter was 8. The flight attendants treated them like royalty. There isn't any reason for your ex's attitude other than that she hates you and wants to put the screws to you. You may have to get this back in court and get the court to order her to stand down and pay for the trips.

Or, if you really want to frost her cake, relocate to NY, get a job in her town, and live nearby where you can see your daughter every day.

The bolded is actually an unfair statement to make. There are all kinds of emotional reasons why one parent (or even both parents) might be afraid of having their child on a plane alone. There are all kinds of fears that may be irrational, but real nevertheless. I never wanted my daughter on a plane without me, because if the plane went down, I wanted to go down with her. That was irrational on my part, but it was how I really felt. This mom could also have real fears, albeit irrational, as well.

 

[Just Blue]

The bolded is actually an unfair statement to make. There are all kinds of emotional reasons why one parent (or even both parents) might be afraid of having their child on a plane alone. There are all kinds of fears that may be irrational, but real nevertheless. I never wanted my daughter on a plane without me, because if the plane went down, I wanted to go down with her. That was irrational on my part, but it was how I really felt. This mom could also have real fears, albeit irrational, as well.

When lil'blu was gifted with a trip to Cali to stay with her sis for a couple of weeks I was afraid to let her go. I DID let her because i realized my fear was not rational. She had a blast and was treated very well by airline personal.

TBH...I came to the conclusion that I was being irrational with a "little" help from friends (thanks OG) and family. lol...

 

[stealth2]

My two flew UM starting at 5 & 7, and it IS scary for a parent. But... it did, in time, make it easier to help *me* let them go on other excursions.

But, in OP's situation, the devil may well be in the details...