custodial mother passed away fl

[charles1989]

so September of last year i was notified i had a 9yr old daughter with another woman. went got paternity tested and she is mine. well we have all had a great relationship even with my wife involved of 8 years. she never wanted child support just me to be in our daughters life and she took to me right away and we have an awesome bond with both me and my wife. well this month tragedy struck her mother was killed in a car crash. how do i go from here? her grandmother wants to keep her there for the time being till everthing passes over and doesnt want to shake her up any more after this traumatic experience. and i agree to a point im not sure what florida allows but i dont want her to take custody of my daughter. im all for not taking her during this terrible ordeal. how long should i wait? what should i do?

 

[LdiJ]

so September of last year i was notified i had a 9yr old daughter with another woman. went got paternity tested and she is mine. well we have all had a great relationship even with my wife involved of 8 years. she never wanted child support just me to be in our daughters life and she took to me right away and we have an awesome bond with both me and my wife. well this month tragedy struck her mother was killed in a car crash. how do i go from here? her grandmother wants to keep her there for the time being till everthing passes over and doesnt want to shake her up any more after this traumatic experience. and i agree to a point im not sure what florida allows but i dont want her to take custody of my daughter. im all for not taking her during this terrible ordeal. how long should i wait? what should i do?

How far apart do the two of you live? Are you in the same community where the child can attend the same school and have the same friends, or are you far apart where moving to be with you will cause everything in her life to change? Having everything else changing in your life on top of losing your parent can be very devastating and traumatic for a child. So, I really do not think that you should be in a hurry.

However, at the same time you do not want grandma to get to the point where she thinks that she should have custody and where your daughter becomes her replacement for her deceased child either. Therefore, everybody should be on the same page that staying with grandma is temporary. So, I think that you shouldn't wait too long to make it clear that staying with grandma is temporary and that there is a date where its going to end.

You need to make sure that you are in regular contact with your child and seeing her as often as possible and then judge when you are going to talk to her and grandma by how things are going with her.

 

[charles1989]

40 mins apart i call my daughter every day and in summer we would have her 2 weeks at a time and she would go home for a weekend and couldnt wait to come back to our place. right now we were on a every other weekend and we are gonna keep that till things are calmed down but i made an appointment with a family law firm thrusday. i need to make sure my parental rights are legally recognized now not later.

 

[Just Blue]

40 mins apart i call my daughter every day and in summer we would have her 2 weeks at a time and she would go home for a weekend and couldnt wait to come back to our place. right now we were on a every other weekend and we are gonna keep that till things are calmed down but i made an appointment with a family law firm thrusday. i need to make sure my parental rights are legally recognized now not later.

Is it possible for you to move to your childs community?

 

[charles1989]

no we just purchased a house shes mentioned before all this moving in with us she has 2 brothers and a sister here its a family enviroment. my 3 of my 4 kids are homeschooled she is in a private school in her town.

 

[LdiJ]

40 mins apart i call my daughter every day and in summer we would have her 2 weeks at a time and she would go home for a weekend and couldnt wait to come back to our place. right now we were on a every other weekend and we are gonna keep that till things are calmed down but i made an appointment with a family law firm thrusday. i need to make sure my parental rights are legally recognized now not later.

I would take it to every weekend very shortly. Its not so far away that you could not facilitate going to a birthday party or something like that. The more time she spends in your household the easier the eventual transition will be. You also need to make sure that she spends plenty of time with her grandmother, but don't set up a regular schedule, that tends to cause a grandparent to have a feeling of entitlement where that schedule is concerned, and that is not in your child's best interest. Let things be more spontaneous.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ignore LD with her idea that you would take it to every weekend. Sue for custody. You have a CONSTITUTIONAL right to custody and your child should be with you. Was the paternity test court ordered?

 

[charles1989]

no but it was done thru the child support system voluntary and it puts my name on her birth certificate

 

[Ohiogal]

no but it was done thru the child support system voluntary and it puts my name on her birth certificate

Child support is considered a court order. Get your child.

 

[t74]

Make sure your daughter has health insurance coverage if her mother had been providing it.

Get her into counseling to help her deal with the death of her mother and transition to your home.

If she is having to move residences to her grandmother's home rather than remain in her original residence, there should be discussion about moving to your residence sooner rather than later. It is easier to move at the beginning of the school year rather than in the middle.

 

[CJane]

She clearly has a relationship with you and the members of your household. I assume school starts earlier there than it does here (we don't start til next week), but it honestly shouldn't be any more difficult for her to transition to your house NOW than for her to transition to Grandma's house, and then to your house later. AND, you risk establishing a status quo that you really do NOT want.

Pick kiddo up for Labor Day weekend. Inform Grandma when you pick her up (and she is in the car) that she will be staying with you going forward, and you will be more than happy to facilitate time with Grandma in her community as the family schedule allows. You're on her birth certificate. You're currently her only living parent. There is no reason you'd have to file for custody.

 

[LdiJ]

She clearly has a relationship with you and the members of your household. I assume school starts earlier there than it does here (we don't start til next week), but it honestly shouldn't be any more difficult for her to transition to your house NOW than for her to transition to Grandma's house, and then to your house later. AND, you risk establishing a status quo that you really do NOT want.

Pick kiddo up for Labor Day weekend. Inform Grandma when you pick her up (and she is in the car) that she will be staying with you going forward, and you will be more than happy to facilitate time with Grandma in her community as the family schedule allows. You're on her birth certificate. You're currently her only living parent. There is no reason you'd have to file for custody.

I have to disagree with you on this one. You do not know that your suggestion is the best thing for this particular child. It could cause unnecessary trauma for the child for it to happen so abruptly.

I am the last person to encourage leaving a child with grandparents and I am not encouraging it now. I am however encouraging doing things in a manner that is least disruptive/traumatic for the child. She is a human being who just lost her mom.