Legal to confiscate from a minor?

[Fizziii]

My daughter (14) is a Freshman in High School in Colorado. She does NOT have a cell phone. She DOES have Facebook which I monitor. She's constantly messaging throughout the day and I've learned that she's borrowing a phone from a friend, all day, every day. She does not bring it home. Her teachers can't take it from her unless they see her using it in class, even knowing that she doesn't have a cell phone.

My question is.... if I show up at school, can I take the phone from her and hold it until the rightful owners show up (with a phone bill for proof) to pick it up? I know it's someone else's phone, but if I find it in the possession of my child, can I take it from her? Would it matter if it wasn't on school grounds?

 

[Zigner]

My daughter (14) is a Freshman in High School in Colorado. She does NOT have a cell phone. She DOES have Facebook which I monitor. She's constantly messaging throughout the day and I've learned that she's borrowing a phone from a friend, all day, every day. She does not bring it home. Her teachers can't take it from her unless they see her using it in class, even knowing that she doesn't have a cell phone.

My question is.... if I show up at school, can I take the phone from her and hold it until the rightful owners show up (with a phone bill for proof) to pick it up? I know it's someone else's phone, but if I find it in the possession of my child, can I take it from her? Would it matter if it wasn't on school grounds?

If you're at the school, then you can force her to hand the phone over to the teacher/school office, etc.
If you're not at the school, then yes, you can take the phone from your child.

However, you must understand that taking away the phone isn't going to stop the behavior. You need to clamp down as a parent.

 

[HRZ]

IF you show up at school, might not your daughter be smart enough to ditch the phone before she Is with you ? Frankly I don't think it's up to school to assist in your discliplinary quest with a teen ...but I suspect you have a right to empty her backpack , and demand she empty her pockets etc. ( My local school has a written policy about the "confiscation" of phones ...to the best of my knowledge it has a zero enforcement rate )


AS a parent you have plenty of options to assign a pack of chores at home and restrict just about all activities outside home or school

 

[LdiJ]

My daughter (14) is a Freshman in High School in Colorado. She does NOT have a cell phone. She DOES have Facebook which I monitor. She's constantly messaging throughout the day and I've learned that she's borrowing a phone from a friend, all day, every day. She does not bring it home. Her teachers can't take it from her unless they see her using it in class, even knowing that she doesn't have a cell phone.

My question is.... if I show up at school, can I take the phone from her and hold it until the rightful owners show up (with a phone bill for proof) to pick it up? I know it's someone else's phone, but if I find it in the possession of my child, can I take it from her? Would it matter if it wasn't on school grounds?

I would not personally confiscate the phone unless I am immediately (or as quickly as possible) turning it over to its rightful owner. I do not think that I would even demand the phone bill as proof. Cell phones can be pricy and you do not want to be accused of withholding someone else's property.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

You have access to the Facebook account. Lock your child out of it.

 

[Zigner]

You have access to the Facebook account. Lock your child out of it.

She has access to this FB account, but won't have access to the next one.

Besides, FB isn't where the action is at for teens nowadays.

 

[Fizziii]

I am trying to clamp down as a parent, hence my question. I've already caught her with a second FB account and deleted that one, I've got her passwords for Instagram (locked her out of that one), snapchat, and Google Hangouts. I know kids are going to make accounts, so I don't want to completely lock her out of social media. I do monitor what goes on.

My situation is a split parenting arrangement and I'm the strict side. She spends most of her time here doing nothing but chores because of grades and things. She hates it (and probably me), but it's my job to be a parent, not a friend. She's flat out been told she's not to be texting during school, but she gets away with it and doesn't care what anyone says, so I'm trying to figure out my next step.

Zigler says "You need to clamp down as a parent. ". After I caught her texting, I e-mailed all of her teachers indicating she was texting in class, and I think I almost got her suspended/expelled for taking a picture of an assessment they were taking. Please believe that I'm doing my best to 'clamp down as a parent.' Also you say "She has access to this FB account, but won't have access to the next one. ".... I am a He.

 

[Zigner]

As stated in my signature: Gender references shall apply equally to either gender.

 

[HRZ]

A long list of required chores ? ( and some positive incentives as appropriate )

BTW many a school hands out decent grades like candy in many a class merely for not being disruptive ...if your daughter is not getting good grades in above level courses she is not really making good use of education options available to her .

 

[Fizziii]

As stated in my signature: Gender references shall apply equally to either gender.

My apologies for the confusion.

A long list of required chores ? ( and some positive incentives as appropriate )

BTW many a school hands out decent grades like candy in many a class merely for not being disruptive ...if your daughter is not getting good grades in above level courses she is not really making good use of education options available to her .

Yes, as long as she pulls in good grades, she has positive incentives. Such as the ability to hang out with friends, or listen to music while doing said chores. I've tried a lot of things, and they're not really working. Which is why I'm wondering about a next step.

IF you show up at school, might not your daughter be smart enough to ditch the phone before she Is with you ?

This is always a possibility, but my work hours mean I'm not usually there at the school... so if I blindly show up one day, then it may not dawn on her to ditch it.

 

[Zigner]

It's possible that the child is not using a phone to post. Other devices can access social media sites.

 

[LdiJ]

I am trying to clamp down as a parent, hence my question. I've already caught her with a second FB account and deleted that one, I've got her passwords for Instagram (locked her out of that one), snapchat, and Google Hangouts. I know kids are going to make accounts, so I don't want to completely lock her out of social media. I do monitor what goes on.

My situation is a split parenting arrangement and I'm the strict side. She spends most of her time here doing nothing but chores because of grades and things. She hates it (and probably me), but it's my job to be a parent, not a friend. She's flat out been told she's not to be texting during school, but she gets away with it and doesn't care what anyone says, so I'm trying to figure out my next step.

Zigler says "You need to clamp down as a parent. ". After I caught her texting, I e-mailed all of her teachers indicating she was texting in class, and I think I almost got her suspended/expelled for taking a picture of an assessment they were taking. Please believe that I'm doing my best to 'clamp down as a parent.' Also you say "She has access to this FB account, but won't have access to the next one. ".... I am a He.

Dad, when you have a split parenting arrangement you have to accept that things will not be identical in both households...nor will the rules be the same in both households. Trying to impose YOUR rules at school when mom may not have the same rules can be problematic. It can also be problematic in other areas of her life. I am going to strongly recommend that you NOT punish your child for things that happen on mom's time unless mom has specifically asked you to back up a punishment that mom has devised. However, neither you nor mom are required to backup the other's punishments if you do not agree.

 

[Fizziii]

It's possible that the child is not using a phone to post. Other devices can access social media sites.

That is true. In talking with her though, she's said she borrows a phone from her friend.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

That is true. In talking with her though, she's said she borrows a phone from her friend.

What did she say about posting while at school when you confronted her about it. Take back some of those "positive incentives" when she violates this rule you have set.

 

[Fizziii]

Dad, when you have a split parenting arrangement you have to accept that things will not be identical in both households...nor will the rules be the same in both households. Trying to impose YOUR rules at school when mom may not have the same rules can be problematic. It can also be problematic in other areas of her life. I am going to strongly recommend that you NOT punish your child for things that happen on mom's time unless mom has specifically asked you to back up a punishment that mom has devised. However, neither you nor mom are required to backup the other's punishments if you do not agree.

I fully understand this. I've spoken with mom and we've spoken together with our daughter and told her not to be texting at school at all. We are in agreement on this. I'm well aware that our rules are different and what happens there I have no control over, nor do I try to. I try to keep the mom informed about what our daughter does when I notice it, and I've told her, if she doesn't care, then to tell me and I won't tell her.

I also make sure that if she gets in trouble with her mom that I don't enforce her punishments here without a good reason, and I try not to have my punishments in effect at her mom's house either unless I think there's a good reason that's not household specific. (i.e. bad grades, yes, not doing her chores here... not her mother's problem)

What did she say about posting while at school when you confronted her about it. Take back some of those "positive incentives" when she violates this rule you have set.

She doesn't deny it, but she doesn't really 'talk' either. You ask her questions and she just stands there mute not wanting to answer.