Legal to confiscate from a minor?

[Taxing Matters]

My question is.... if I show up at school, can I take the phone from her and hold it until the rightful owners show up (with a phone bill for proof) to pick it up? I know it's someone else's phone, but if I find it in the possession of my child, can I take it from her? Would it matter if it wasn't on school grounds?

You can take the phone from her, but you cannot withhold the phone from the rightful owner. Randomly showing up at the school hoping to catch her with it, however, is not likely to be very successful. You need to find a better way to deal with the proble, perhaps by shutting down her FB page or taking some disciplinary action against her, like grounding her, to get the message through that she needs to focus on class while at school rathern than using social media.

 

[Fizziii]

You can take the phone from her, but you cannot withhold the phone from the rightful owner. Randomly showing up at the school hoping to catch her with it, however, is not likely to be very successful. You need to find a better way to deal with the proble, perhaps by shutting down her FB page or taking some disciplinary action against her, like grounding her, to get the message through that she needs to focus on class while at school rathern than using social media.

How do I know who the rightful owner is if I take it? From what I gathered earlier on page one, the best bet would be to give it to the school... but how do I know they won't give it back to the student who could give it right back to my child? One thing I've learned from other children, is if you shut down the Facebook, they'll create a new one. At least I have the password and can monitor this one.

 

[Zigner]

How else would a parent know about the phone if it wasn't theirs?

 

[quincy]

When during the school day is your child using the phone?

 

[Fizziii]

When during the school day is your child using the phone?

Throughout the day. Mostly during passing periods, but I've seen messages indicating that she was finishing up a test, so that leads me to believe it's during class at times as well.

 

[quincy]

Throughout the day. Mostly during passing periods, but I've seen messages indicating that she was finishing up a test, so that leads me to believe it's during class at times as well.

Do you know any of the parents of her friends?

 

[Fizziii]

Do you know any of the parents of her friends?

I don't. She doesn't ever have friends over at my house, so I haven't even met her friends.

 

[quincy]

I don't. She doesn't ever have friends over at my house, so I haven't even met her friends.

Brainstorming with other parents seems out, then.

 

[Fizziii]

Brainstorming with other parents seems out, then.

It does give me an idea. Maybe I can get the friend's name who she borrows the phone from and see about talking to that specific parent... If she'll give me that info.

 

[quincy]

It does give me an idea. Maybe I can get the friend's name who she borrows the phone from and see about talking to that specific parent... If she'll give me that info.

That sounds like a good place to start.

It is possible the friend's parents are having the same problem with their child as you are having with yours.

Good luck.

 

[LdiJ]

I fully understand this. I've spoken with mom and we've spoken together with our daughter and told her not to be texting at school at all. We are in agreement on this. I'm well aware that our rules are different and what happens there I have no control over, nor do I try to. I try to keep the mom informed about what our daughter does when I notice it, and I've told her, if she doesn't care, then to tell me and I won't tell her.

I also make sure that if she gets in trouble with her mom that I don't enforce her punishments here without a good reason, and I try not to have my punishments in effect at her mom's house either unless I think there's a good reason that's not household specific. (i.e. bad grades, yes, not doing her chores here... not her mother's problem)


She doesn't deny it, but she doesn't really 'talk' either. You ask her questions and she just stands there mute not wanting to answer.

The bolded is what I am talking about. Example: You decide that because she has bad grades that she has to do extra chores and is banished from social media. Mom agrees that she should have extra chores but disagrees that she should be banished from social media and lets her be on social media at her house. You accept that graciously and move on...good. You punish the child additionally for disobeying your punishment at mom's house...very bad.

So, even if the "crime" is something that covers both houses, you never can impose a punishment that covers both houses unless the other parent 100% agrees to it.

 

[Fizziii]

The bolded is what I am talking about. Example: You decide that because she has bad grades that she has to do extra chores and is banished from social media. Mom agrees that she should have extra chores but disagrees that she should be banished from social media and lets her be on social media at her house. You accept that graciously and move on...good. You punish the child additionally for disobeying your punishment at mom's house...very bad.

So, even if the "crime" is something that covers both houses, you never can impose a punishment that covers both houses unless the other parent 100% agrees to it.

I understand I have 0 control about what happens at her mom's house. If I think she needs to be punished in both places, I'll discuss it with her mom. If her mom chooses not to punish her, then I'm not going to carry out extra punishment. Just like one day she decided not to go to the lady who regularly watches her after school when she's with her mom. She went somewhere else. I didn't punish her for that because that's not my place as that was between her and her mom.

 

[HRZ]

A teen probably assumes they need no parental or adult supervision ....and there are lots of latch key children out there ....but if daughter is not under Moms direct supervision or the designated provider and running around to places unknown with people unknown then red flags need to go up with both parents?

 

[Fizziii]

A teen probably assumes they need no parental or adult supervision ....and there are lots of latch key children out there ....but if daughter is not under Moms direct supervision or the designated provider and running around to places unknown with people unknown then red flags need to go up with both parents?

She wasn't with unknown people or places unknown. She had talked to me about it the day before and I told her to talk to her mom about it as it wasn't my night to have her, it was something she NEEDED to talk to her mom about. Apparently they had discussed it a few days prior and she was told no, but went anyway.