Should I sue my dad?

[pony.rider]

Oregon--
My dad sexually assaulted me until my mom walked in on him in the act. I had become emotionally numb to the pain he put me through as I was so young. Now, being an adult, I have sought after countless hours of counselling and mental health care (not only due to his emotional trauma, but it was apart of it) and I am faced with an unruly choice- should I get my moneys worth in damages? I have gone back and forth for years trying to decide if getting justice was the right choice but there are so many more variables than just me getting my justice. As my mother was raising three children on her own- finances were very tight, so getting a decent lawyer would face obvious difficulty. My mother was also paralyzed a few years after this situation was brought to the surface so dealing with that situation was punishing enough as an 8 y/o. There was also the Statute of Limitations set in place. The one thing I really wanted to get out of this (in the case that I did go to court) was that his nasty ass would be behind bars for a long time- I was informed that this would never happen as it happened when I was so young; that the best I would get would be a lump sum of money. I never wanted the money. Its not about the money. Its about him being punished for his gross ways. Now Im older and facing more horrors as I finally got myself out of a punishing home and into a place where I provide for myself and attempt to live a semi-normal life. Tomorrow I am getting my hands on a copy of the police report filed when I was four and again considering suing him for the damages adn claiming the money I deserve. It may seem like Im doing it just to get an extra buck but if I had a nickel for every "And how does that make you feel?" and "I think youre just so strong" that Ive received over the last 14 years it would equal more than he would ever have to pay. This asshole is still walking the streets with an extra boost of pride in knowing that he got away with this crime. Now I want to rob him of it, but I need to know how realistic it may be.

 

[LdiJ]

Did the crime occur in Oregon? How old are you now?

 

[commentator]

Does he have money that you could get? If he's not wealthy, there's no point in suing him. He just won't pay because he's not got the money. What does your current mental health professional think of this.? To me, it seems that this would be just an unnecessary continuation of the whole bad but in the past situation as you follow your quest for vengeance. And the best revenge after all, is that they don't steal away any more of your thought life, happiness, or chance of success once you have control of your own life. That's realistic. The imagined "closure" you think you might feel from digging up and carrying out some long drawn out process of making him pay is never going to be there. Work on your own well being. Pretend he died years ago.

 

[gryndor]

Pretend he died years ago.

This may or may not have been sarcastic, but it's fantastic advice. I was in a similar way (not my dad but a daycare provider, when I was three) and while we went through an EXTENSIVE and EXCRUCIATING court battle and got a little money for medical care and therapy, the person who changed me forever still walks free. I trigger from time to time, but the best thing in the world is that A) I'm pretty darn normal and functional for what happened and B) that scum-bag is dead in my eyes. I don't spend a second longer on him than I ever have to.

 

[commentator]

No, really, it was not meant to be sarcastic. But I truly believe that if you want to be miserable, hate someone. And if they're still eating at you, and you're thinking about them walking around enjoying every day, after what they did to me.... yada yada, misery accumulates, and its you who's being poisoned. So just pretend he died and go on with your life. This was said with support and encouragement, not with sarcasm.

 

[Taxing Matters]

Oregon--
Now I want to rob him of it, but I need to know how realistic it may be.

In what state did the abuse take place and in what state does he live now?

 

[xylene]

Pretending can be very difficult for some people.

Exploring options for litigation, while fraught with legal and emotion peril is not off base.

In this case there is real damning evidence; reports and witnesses.
It's true, this may not provide emotional closure, and could be extremely difficult emotionally and legally.

To undertake such a suit needs careful reflection and consultation with treating and legal experts.

I wish nothing but the best to you.