Out of state visitation

[Polkadot78]

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts
My ex and I share joint legal custody with our 6 year old son, with myself having physical custody. He is a pilot and sees him around 6-9 days a month ( he has a variable schedule that changes monthly, he is a regional pilot). He informed me that he is moving to North Carolina in the next 4-6 months because he is recently engaged. I have 2 questions, when it comes to summer vacation, what could an example parenting plan look like, since he is only home 10 days a month? Our son wouldn’t be able to stay with him for 6 wks for example. My other question is- when our son travels to North Carolina (free for his dad and son/flight benefits) his dad seems to think he can fly by himself. I know some airlines will allow children 5 and up to fly alone, but our son has health issues (chronic lung disease which gives him severe asthma, and also a paralyzed hemidiaphragm which means one side of his diaphragm doesn’t work which Makes it harder for him to breath and or get sick). He has assistance when using his inhaler. I know he will be more self sufficient in a few more years but as of today, he needs more help then an average 6 year old which is my number 1 concern. That being said- I suggested his father fly here and fly home with our son- and he says our son can do it himself. I do not feel comfortable with that at all. Can anyone give me thoughts on the above? I appreciate any input. Just to add more information- we have an upcoming court date for modification of our custody agreement because the last 3 months he has cancelled seeing our son the day of visitation (not work related).

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts
My ex and I share joint legal custody with our 6 year old son, with myself having physical custody. He is a pilot and sees him around 6-9 days a month ( he has a variable schedule that changes monthly, he is a regional pilot). He informed me that he is moving to North Carolina in the next 4-6 months because he is recently engaged. I have 2 questions, when it comes to summer vacation, what could an example parenting plan look like, since he is only home 10 days a month? Our son wouldn’t be able to stay with him for 6 wks for example. My other question is- when our son travels to North Carolina (free for his dad and son/flight benefits) his dad seems to think he can fly by himself. I know some airlines will allow children 5 and up to fly alone, but our son has health issues (chronic lung disease which gives him severe asthma, and also a paralyzed hemidiaphragm which means one side of his diaphragm doesn’t work which Makes it harder for him to breath and or get sick). He has assistance when using his inhaler. I know he will be more self sufficient in a few more years but as of today, he needs more help then an average 6 year old which is my number 1 concern. That being said- I suggested his father fly here and fly home with our son- and he says our son can do it himself. I do not feel comfortable with that at all. Can anyone give me thoughts on the above? I appreciate any input. Just to add more information- we have an upcoming court date for modification of our custody agreement because the last 3 months he has cancelled seeing our son the day of visitation (not work related).

I would guess that dad would be hard pressed to find a judge that would agree with a child with health problems flying alone at age 6. Maybe at age 10 or older, but not at age 6. Few of them will agree to a healthy child flying alone at 6.

I suggest that you file in court for a modification of visitation based on dad's proposed move. That way you can hash it out formally with dad and get a judge to rule on anything the two of you cannot agree about.

 

[Polkadot78]

I would guess that dad would be hard pressed to find a judge that would agree with a child with health problems flying alone at age 6. Maybe at age 10 or older, but not at age 6. Few of them will agree to a healthy child flying alone at 6.

I suggest that you file in court for a modification of visitation based on dad's proposed move. That way you can hash it out formally with dad and get a judge to rule on anything the two of you cannot agree about.

Thank you for your quick response, much appreciated. Do you have any input on the summer vacation schedule with him traveling so frequently? Thanks is advance.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for your quick response, much appreciated. Do you have any input on the summer vacation schedule with him traveling so frequently? Thanks is advance.

He should have ten days each month during summer. As for flying alone, you might find that you will end up paying to fly with him if dad wants him to fly alone and you do not.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for your quick response, much appreciated. Do you have any input on the summer vacation schedule with him traveling so frequently? Thanks is advance.

That is going to be a tough one. You are probably going to have to accept that the child will end up spending some time with dad's girlfriend during dad's summer visits. Although, you may be able to convince dad to take his vacation during part of the child's summer visit so that it will minimize that. Also, you probably want to start out with a shorter period of time for the first summer or two.

 

[stealth2]

Few of them will agree to a healthy child flying alone at 6.

I disagree with this. If the airlines permit it, barring circumstances regarding the child, many judges would allow it. In *this* child's case, I can see a judge disallowing it.

As for summer, I can see much depending on both his parenting time during the school year and his work schedule. Do you know what his schedule will look like once he moves? It's entirely possible that he may be home more overnights than you realize. Lots of kids go to day camps in the summer, especially when parents work. That may be a possibility.

My kids spent the majority of the summer with their Dad. If he had to travel for work, their stepmom was home at night and they went to camp during the day.

 

[LdiJ]

I disagree with this. If the airlines permit it, barring circumstances regarding the child, many judges would allow it. In *this* child's case, I can see a judge disallowing it.

I have never seen a judge yet, out in the real world, who agreed with a child flying alone that young. That doesn't mean it hasn't happened, but its not my direct experience. Admittedly, my experience is limited to about half a dozen children, but those children were/are all over the country.

 

[stealth2]

I have never seen a judge yet, out in the real world, who agreed with a child flying alone that young. That doesn't mean it hasn't happened, but its not my direct experience. Admittedly, my experience is limited to about half a dozen children, but those children were/are all over the country.

A lot would depend on whether the flight is direct.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have never seen a judge yet, out in the real world, who agreed with a child flying alone that young. That doesn't mean it hasn't happened, but its not my direct experience. Admittedly, my experience is limited to about half a dozen children, but those children were/are all over the country.

Yes your experience is limited. I have seen it ordered MANY times. In several different courts.

 

[Ohiogal]

That is going to be a tough one. You are probably going to have to accept that the child will end up spending some time with dad's girlfriend during dad's summer visits. Although, you may be able to convince dad to take his vacation during part of the child's summer visit so that it will minimize that. Also, you probably want to start out with a shorter period of time for the first summer or two.

There is no need to start out with a shorter period of time for the first summer or two. This doesn't appear to be a situation where dad has been absent from his child's life and your suggestion is nothing but bias towards mom and against dad.

 

[not2cleverRed]

There is no need to start out with a shorter period of time for the first summer or two. This doesn't appear to be a situation where dad has been absent from his child's life and your suggestion is nothing but bias towards mom and against dad.

Well, considering for the last 3 months Dad has cancelled visitation at the last minute... he's not the most involved parent either.

I'd be less concerned about the plane rides, and more concerned about whether the last minute cancellations are just for the new honey. But if Mom is really concerned, she should contact the airline itself and inquire about their policies regarding child passengers with special medical needs.

Also since "engaged" doesn't seem to mean an intent to marry anymore, I could see having an issue with a medically fragile child being cared for by a stranger for 5 out of 6 weeks. Of course, for all we know, the new honey might travel a lot for work, like Dad, so maybe she wouldn't want that responsibility either. (Granted, it's Dad's responsibility to find childcare when exercising his parenting time...) Perhaps OP should consider listening/hearing out what Dad has in mind first.

 

[t74]

Why could not step-mom fly with the child? She will need to be educated about his health issues for problems while visiting in her home so she should be capable of handling him on a trip. It sounds like flexibility on the part of both parents is going to be needed with dad's work schedule.

 

[stealth2]

Why could not step-mom fly with the child?

It is my understanding that Dad and/or child (only) get free flights from Dad's airline. I would "assume" he is wanting to avoid paying airfare. However, if the judge agrees to the child flying alone, there is nothing to stop Mom from paying to fly with him.

 

[Polkadot78]

I disagree with this. If the airlines permit it, barring circumstances regarding the child, many judges would allow it. In *this* child's case, I can see a judge disallowing it.

As for summer, I can see much depending on both his parenting time during the school year and his work schedule. Do you know what his schedule will look like once he moves? It's entirely possible that he may be home more overnights than you realize. Lots of kids go to day camps in the summer, especially when parents work. That may be a possibility.

My kids spent the majority of the summer with their Dad. If he had to travel for work, their stepmom was home at night and they went to camp during the day.

Thanks for your response. His schedule will still look like it does now, it varies from 2 days off a week or he could get 3 days off in a row (rarely). As of now he never gets overnights at the airport he commutes out of. I forgot to mention his fiancé is a pilot also at a different company, same type of schedule, so she doesn't work a typical 9-5 either. I think proposing that he tries to take some of his vacation in the summer along with trying to "bid" for those days is a good option. But his seniority is at the bottom of the list. Again thank you!

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for your response. His schedule will still look like it does now, it varies from 2 days off a week or he could get 3 days off in a row (rarely). As of now he never gets overnights at the airport he commutes out of. I forgot to mention his fiancé is a pilot also at a different company, same type of schedule, so she doesn't work a typical 9-5 either. I think proposing that he tries to take some of his vacation in the summer along with trying to "bid" for those days is a good option. But his seniority is at the bottom of the list. Again thank you!

That WILL be tough if both of them have that kind of schedule. Unless dad can afford hiring a live in nanny for the period that the child is there a six weeks stretch definitely won't work.