Am I violating my visitation agreement?

[Menna331]

The decree was ordered in Texas. I am the mom and custodial parent.

Last night, my daughter had a father-daughter dance. When dad dropped her back off, I told him that I will be out of the state on his next visitation weekend, not this week's, but almost 3 weeks away.
I told him that if he wants to have them for his court-ordered time, he could pick them up from school. He claims that he can't because it is too early in the day and that I am in violation of our court order, which, from my understanding, says nothing about issues at the beginning of possession unless we Cannot take possession. Also, I understand that I am giving him much more than the required notice in order to adjust his potential schedule or ask someone else to pick them up. I will be putting it in writing today, per #8 below.

Here is the copied wording from our decree:

7. Inability to Exercise Possession – Each conservator is ORDERED to give
notice to the person in possession of the child on each occasion that the conservator will be
unable to exercise that conservator’s right of possession for any specified period. Such notice
must be received by the conservator in possession of the child at least four (4) hours prior to
the time the period of possession is scheduled to begin.
8. Written Notice – Written notice shall be deemed to have been timely made if
received or postmarked before or at the time that notice is due.
This concludes the Standard Possession Order.

We had an issue with the end of our last custodial switch, which is why he is saying this to me now.
It was Superbowl Sunday and he had agreed to tell me if he would be bringing them back early or on time. When I messaged him earlier that afternoon to see what he had decided, he said he never agreed to that, so I asked him to bring them at the ordered time. He refused. When I went to the location, he was not there at the court ordered time and I said I would alert the authorities if I did not have them within 2 hours. He showed up 1 hour later.

I only resorted to this because I have tried to be as fair and accommodating as possible, which he has acknowledged, and he always finds a way to back out of the agreement so I have to do all of the driving and pay for all of the fuel.

I am not trying to bad mouth him, only going on proven events. He is employed, but $40,000 behind in child support and the OAG will not do anything except send him a letter. He is supposed to pay for their medical insurance and have life insurance on himself, neither of which has happened in the 5 years since the order.

Am I in violation or should I be handling this a different way?

Thank you for any responses.

 

[Zigner]

Get a sitter for a few hours and then dad can pick daughter up at the regularly scheduled time.

 

[Menna331]

I will be out of town all week so I cannot just have them dropped off somewhere, not to mention I do not have any family in the area or a trusted sitter as I only go out when they are with him. I am having surgery and that is the only reason this is an exception.

 

[Zigner]

I will be out of town all week so I cannot just have them dropped off somewhere, not to mention I do not have any family in the area or a trusted sitter as I only go out when they are with him. I am having surgery and that is the only reason this is an exception.

If you're out of town, then how is kiddo getting to school?

 

[Menna331]

I live with my fiance, his mother gets them ready for school and watches them afterward. Dad does not have our address per my fear of property damage he has caused in the past, not that I could legally prove, so no protective/restraining order.
Fiance's mom does not have a vehicle big enough to carry all 4 of our combined children to a meeting place or dad's house. My fiance will not meet with him because dad has threatened to physically harm him, which wouldn't happen, but it's better not start something.

 

[Ohiogal]

The decree was ordered in Texas. I am the mom and custodial parent.

Last night, my daughter had a father-daughter dance. When dad dropped her back off, I told him that I will be out of the state on his next visitation weekend, not this week's, but almost 3 weeks away.
I told him that if he wants to have them for his court-ordered time, he could pick them up from school. He claims that he can't because it is too early in the day and that I am in violation of our court order, which, from my understanding, says nothing about issues at the beginning of possession unless we Cannot take possession. Also, I understand that I am giving him much more than the required notice in order to adjust his potential schedule or ask someone else to pick them up. I will be putting it in writing today, per #8 below.

Here is the copied wording from our decree:

7. Inability to Exercise Possession – Each conservator is ORDERED to give
notice to the person in possession of the child on each occasion that the conservator will be
unable to exercise that conservator’s right of possession for any specified period. Such notice
must be received by the conservator in possession of the child at least four (4) hours prior to
the time the period of possession is scheduled to begin.
8. Written Notice – Written notice shall be deemed to have been timely made if
received or postmarked before or at the time that notice is due.
This concludes the Standard Possession Order.

We had an issue with the end of our last custodial switch, which is why he is saying this to me now.
It was Superbowl Sunday and he had agreed to tell me if he would be bringing them back early or on time. When I messaged him earlier that afternoon to see what he had decided, he said he never agreed to that, so I asked him to bring them at the ordered time. He refused. When I went to the location, he was not there at the court ordered time and I said I would alert the authorities if I did not have them within 2 hours. He showed up 1 hour later.

I only resorted to this because I have tried to be as fair and accommodating as possible, which he has acknowledged, and he always finds a way to back out of the agreement so I have to do all of the driving and pay for all of the fuel.

I am not trying to bad mouth him, only going on proven events. He is employed, but $40,000 behind in child support and the OAG will not do anything except send him a letter. He is supposed to pay for their medical insurance and have life insurance on himself, neither of which has happened in the 5 years since the order.

Am I in violation or should I be handling this a different way?

Thank you for any responses.

That notice doesn't say you can DEMAND he take the child. You have your right of possession. You are exercising it. But you want to demand he get the child early. That is NOT what that part states. You are responsible for providing care for your child on your time.

 

[Ohiogal]

I live with my fiance, his mother gets them ready for school and watches them afterward. Dad does not have our address per my fear of property damage he has caused in the past, not that I could legally prove, so no protective/restraining order.
Fiance's mom does not have a vehicle big enough to carry all 4 of our combined children to a meeting place or dad's house. My fiance will not meet with him because dad has threatened to physically harm him, which wouldn't happen, but it's better not start something.

Then quite frankly, you are out of line for demanding dad pick up the child early. You need to arrange for the child to get dad at the beginning of his time due to your insolence.

 

[Menna331]

I am not trying to demand anything. I am simply giving him notice that I cannot provide the children as agreed and do not want my fiance to be assaulted simply trying to do just that.
As I stated before, I have always gone above and beyond to be accommodating to his schedule and the only reason he is doing this now is that he is mad that I "threatened" him when he did not follow through on his part AGAIN.
In the last 5 years, he has followed through maybe 20 times. I know I am at fault for allowing it to go on that long, but I naively thought it was best for our children for me to do whatever was needed for them to see him, and he has taken advantage of it way too much.
I am simply needing to know if I am in violation and if he can use it as evidence to get full custody when he takes me to court once our oldest is 12. He believes that he will get custody simply because that's what my son wants, but I know it is ultimately up to the judge.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not trying to demand anything. I am simply giving him notice that I cannot provide the children as agreed and do not want my fiance to be assaulted simply trying to do just that.
As I stated before, I have always gone above and beyond to be accommodating to his schedule and the only reason he is doing this now is that he is mad that I "threatened" him when he did not follow through on his part AGAIN.
In the last 5 years, he has followed through maybe 20 times. I know I am at fault for allowing it to go on that long, but I naively thought it was best for our children for me to do whatever was needed for them to see him.
I am simply needing to know if I am in violation and if he can use it as evidence to get full custody when he takes me to court once our oldest is 12. He believes that he will get custody simply because that's what my son wants, but I know it is ultimately up to the judge.

Do you care about the children? If so, then you make sure you follow the court order. Have your fiancé take the children to dad with a police escort or meet at the police station or watch the children that aren't yours so dad can have his children at the appropriate time. And children do NOT choose until they are 18. You don't have a choice as to providing the children. You have a COURT ORDER. Follow it.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I will be out of town all week so I cannot just have them dropped off somewhere, not to mention I do not have any family in the area or a trusted sitter as I only go out when they are with him. I am having surgery and that is the only reason this is an exception.

So, between you, your fiancé, and his mom, none of you know anyone? !

No neighbor, no one from school, no one?

He doesn't have to pick them up early. You need to be able to provide a reasonable place where he can pick up the kids at the court ordered time. Some of the 4 kids aren't yours - get a sitter for them and have the fiancé's mom drive the rest. or get a cab. Heck, a stretch limo might be cheaper than court.

 

[Menna331]

I do not have friends, MIL cannot drive them, and fiance won't.
We don't talk to the neighbors as we're in the country; I've only been in the area a year and am not social at all. I am not just going to go onto Care.com or Craigslist and leave my kids with a stranger or put them in a car with one. Two weeks is not long enough for me to trust someone with my children.
I know it seems I am obtuse, but I care for my children and he does not. He is only being difficult because he can.
I will see what I can arrange, but my options are obviously a bit limited.

 

[LdiJ]

I do not have friends, MIL cannot drive them, and fiance won't.
We don't talk to the neighbors as we're in the country; I've only been in the area a year and am not social at all. I am not just going to go onto Care.com or Craigslist and leave my kids with a stranger or put them in a car with one. Two weeks is not long enough for me to trust someone with my children.
I know it seems I am obtuse, but I care for my children and he does not. He is only being difficult because he can.
I will see what I can arrange, but my options are obviously a bit limited.

You need to put it in writing to dad that you will be out of town having surgery and that if he wants the children on that weekend he will have to pick them up from school. Then, if he doesn't pick them up he doesn't get them. This is not a business trip or a vacation or anything else, its freaking surgery.

However, if this were any other scenario, I would be telling you that you really are being a bit obtuse. You refuse to get creative at all to solve the problem. There are going to be more than one of those occasions while your children are still minors and you do have to learn to think outside the box.

However, for surgery? Its DAD's turn to think outside the box as far as I am concerned. It would certainly not be willful contempt on your part.

 

[Just Blue]

I do not have friends, MIL cannot drive them, and fiance won't.
We don't talk to the neighbors as we're in the country; I've only been in the area a year and am not social at all. I am not just going to go onto Care.com or Craigslist and leave my kids with a stranger or put them in a car with one. Two weeks is not long enough for me to trust someone with my children.
I know it seems I am obtuse, but I care for my children and he does not. He is only being difficult because he can.
I will see what I can arrange, but my options are obviously a bit limited.

Do your children have friends?

 

[Ohiogal]

Ignore Ld. She will get you in trouble.

 

[Ohiogal]

You need to put it in writing to dad that you will be out of town having surgery and that if he wants the children on that weekend he will have to pick them up from school. Then, if he doesn't pick them up he doesn't get them. This is not a business trip or a vacation or anything else, its freaking surgery.

However, if this were any other scenario, I would be telling you that you really are being a bit obtuse. You refuse to get creative at all to solve the problem. There are going to be more than one of those occasions while your children are still minors and you do have to learn to think outside the box.

However, for surgery? Its DAD's turn to think outside the box as far as I am concerned. It would certainly not be willful contempt on your part.

Your opinion doesn’t matter. Mom hasn’t even told dad where she lives you biased uterus. She also has people refusing to help her. Mom needs to figure it out.