What can i legally do?

[Bells1986]

What is the name of your state? TENNESSEE

Please help me understand what is legal and what I can Do?
Q- husband says he can take our son to anywhere and around anyone he wants and I by law cannot say no. Also he says he dosent have to tell me about where or who he is taking my son or what he is doing? Is that true and what legal rights do I have as his mother and primary care taker?

Details of situation- husband leaves without notice and immediately moves in with a new female same day. New female has a record of attempted theft 8 months ago. Dosent have custody of her own children. Beloved substance issue and is mentally unstable but unknown if documented.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? TENNESSEE

Please help me understand what is legal and what I can Do?
Q- husband says he can take our son to anywhere and around anyone he wants and I by law cannot say no. Also he says he dosent have to tell me about where or who he is taking my son or what he is doing? Is that true and what legal rights do I have as his mother and primary care taker?

Details of situation- husband leaves without notice and immediately moves in with a new female same day. New female has a record of attempted theft 8 months ago. Dosent have custody of her own children. Beloved substance issue and is mentally unstable but unknown if documented.

You and he have equal legal rights. He has the legal right to take the child around anyone he wants, you have the legal right to do the same. You also have the legal right to keep the child with you. You could literally keep the child away from him entirely. He could sneak behind your back and get the child and then keep the child away from you entirely. Its kind of a free for all until you get to court and get custody orders ironed out.

I suggest that you do that ASAP.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Legally, you can file for divorce. As can your husband.
Legally, you can petition for custody. As can Dad.
Legally, Dad can bring his child around whoever he pleases, unless there is a court order stating otherwise.
In the absence of any court orders regarding custody/visitation/parenting time, there are no real limitations; in the absence of a court order, no one is violating a court order.

It is unclear why his new Lady Love does not have custody of her children. She may have made that choice voluntarily.

If she is on the state's Child Abuse Registry or the state's Sex Offender registry, that might be relevant.

Her criminal record (theft/attempted theft) is not relevant, because the alleged crime has nothing to do with endangering children.
Any substance abuse and mental health issues only become relevant if there is documented proof of them AND there is reasonable grounds to believe that she is a danger to the children. Drug addict in recovery over a year - not necessarily an issue. Drug addict who's caught driving under the influence last week... another story.

If there are legal, provable reasons to believe that Dad's new Lady Love is a danger to the children, you can request t hat she not be present during Dad's visits or that the visits be supervised (by someone other than Dad) if she is there.

You could ask, in petitioning for custody/visitation, that there be a "no paramour" clause, at least in the temporary orders while the divorce is being settled, but fully expect Dad to protest, since "the horse is out of the barn".

 

[Ohiogal]

You and he have equal legal rights. He has the legal right to take the child around anyone he wants, you have the legal right to do the same. You also have the legal right to keep the child with you. You could literally keep the child away from him entirely. He could sneak behind your back and get the child and then keep the child away from you entirely. Its kind of a free for all until you get to court and get custody orders ironed out.

I suggest that you do that ASAP.

This is the worst advice ever. Do not play keep away with the child.

 

[Zigner]

This is the worst advice ever. Do not play keep away with the child.

I don't think that LdiJ was advocating actually doing those things, although her post could have been improved by pointing out what a terrible idea such actions would be.

 

[not2cleverRed]

This is the worst advice ever. Do not play keep away with the child.

I think by "that" in "I suggest that you do that ASAP", LdiJ meant, "Get to court and get custody orders ironed out."

 

[Maymee]

He is right. Without a parenting plan/court order saying otherwise, he has the right to have your mutual child around anyone at any place he wishes - within reason of course (I.e., a bar or strip club is a huge no no)

An attempted theft charge will not be enough to restrict the females presence during dad’s time as it was not a crime against a child. If there are no convictions for drug use, a smart lawyer won’t even approach it. And unless she doesn’t have custody of her own child because neglect/crimes against them, again it shouldn’t even be considered.

Depending on your county in TN, some judges will still order a no paramour clause but those are easily challenged and often overturned on appeal.

The best thing you can do is simply accept dad has a new girlfriend and teach your son to respect (even if he doesn’t like) her. It will make post-divorce life better for all.

Oh, and do not disparage her to your child. I have never seen that end well.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? TENNESSEE

Please help me understand what is legal and what I can Do?
Q- husband says he can take our son to anywhere and around anyone he wants and I by law cannot say no. Also he says he dosent have to tell me about where or who he is taking my son or what he is doing? Is that true and what legal rights do I have as his mother and primary care taker?

Details of situation- husband leaves without notice and immediately moves in with a new female same day. New female has a record of attempted theft 8 months ago. Dosent have custody of her own children. Beloved substance issue and is mentally unstable but unknown if documented.

How old is the child?

 

[LdiJ]

I don't think that LdiJ was advocating actually doing those things, although her post could have been improved by pointing out what a terrible idea such actions would be.

I would have thought that my somewhat harsh wording would have gotten that point across.

 

[Zigner]

I would have thought that my somewhat harsh wording would have gotten that point across.

It might have, but it might not have. Sometimes it's better to err on the side of clarity (something I still forget to do occasionally )

 

[t74]

Expect that you will also have to play by the rules you want applied to him.

You are NOT the MIP (Most Important Parent). In fact, it could be argued that a father is more important than a mother for the development of males of certain ages.

 

[LdiJ]

Expect that you will also have to play by the rules you want applied to him.

You are NOT the MIP (Most Important Parent). In fact, it could be argued that a father is more important than a mother for the development of males of certain ages.

Are you really going to say that kind of idiocy? Really?

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Obama said pretty much the same thing early in his first term.

The same may be true for girls as well. I've never heard a stripper with "Mommy Issues."

 

[t74]

Given the problems with young men in communities with absent fathers, the importance of fathers to the success of young men is ignored by the men in the community. Girls with absent fathers and even average mothers are less of a problem.