Girlfriend's soon to be ex husbsnd making life extremely difficult.

[n1x1n]

We live in Arizona, and my girlfriend is going through a divorce with her soon to be ex husband. They have 3 children, teenagers or older. My girlfriend and I are planning on moving in together, and they share the children 50/50, one week at a time. I myself have 2 children. One 12 and the other 3 years old.
I have a domestic violence background. Almost 2 and a half years ago, I was in a physical altercation with my ex wife, which landed me an open ended felony. I was given 3 years of probation, 26 weeks of dv classes, and 3 months of drug and alcohol testing, in addition to fees and such. I am fully responsible for what happened, I am holding myself accountable for it. Due to good behavior and completion of everything else, my probation is ending a year and a half early, which is coming up very soon.
That being said, the soon to be ex husband of my girlfriend has pushed for temporary orders against me and their children. I am currently not allowed around them, which makes things extremely difficult for us to move in together. My girlfriend and I both know he is doing this out of jealousy. I can understand that. He's got a lawyer, and my girlfriend is representing herself in court.
Now I get it, a lot of you will say perhaps your relationship with her is frowned upon since they had just separated and are now divorcing. Yes I get, but it's also not against the law for us to be in a relationship.
My girlfriend and I are drained, exhausted, and we just don't know what to do, short of hiring a lawyer for this process which will cost us a good 10 to 15K.
Can anybody help us, or have any good inputs that could help us for our upcoming hearing.

 

[LdiJ]

We live in Arizona, and my girlfriend is going through a divorce with her soon to be ex husband. They have 3 children, teenagers or older. My girlfriend and I are planning on moving in together, and they share the children 50/50, one week at a time. I myself have 2 children. One 12 and the other 3 years old.
I have a domestic violence background. Almost 2 and a half years ago, I was in a physical altercation with my ex wife, which landed me an open ended felony. I was given 3 years of probation, 26 weeks of dv classes, and 3 months of drug and alcohol testing, in addition to fees and such. I am fully responsible for what happened, I am holding myself accountable for it. Due to good behavior and completion of everything else, my probation is ending a year and a half early, which is coming up very soon.
That being said, the soon to be ex husband of my girlfriend has pushed for temporary orders against me and their children. I am currently not allowed around them, which makes things extremely difficult for us to move in together. My girlfriend and I both know he is doing this out of jealousy. I can understand that. He's got a lawyer, and my girlfriend is representing herself in court.
Now I get it, a lot of you will say perhaps your relationship with her is frowned upon since they had just separated and are now divorcing. Yes I get, but it's also not against the law for us to be in a relationship.
My girlfriend and I are drained, exhausted, and we just don't know what to do, short of hiring a lawyer for this process which will cost us a good 10 to 15K.
Can anybody help us, or have any good inputs that could help us for our upcoming hearing.

Let me speak to you with complete candor. Whether or not the ex husband harbors any jealousy, he is absolutely in the right to not want his children to be around anyone who has been convicted of domestic violence. You seem to truly be holding yourself accountable for your past errors, but that doesn't mean that he has any reason to trust you. He doesn't know you.

Plus, it was foolish of your girlfriend to even start dating you when she was not yet divorced, particularly when you have a record like that.

It is also extremely foolish of your girlfriend to be without an attorney when he has one. If you really care for her you might help her hire one.

What do you mean by "teenagers or older"? Any child who is over the age of 18 would no longer be subject to court orders.

 

[n1x1n]

Let me speak to you with complete candor. Whether or not the ex husband harbors any jealousy, he is absolutely in the right to not want his children to be around anyone who has been convicted of domestic violence. You seem to truly be holding yourself accountable for your past errors, but that doesn't mean that he has any reason to trust you. He doesn't know you.

Plus, it was foolish of your girlfriend to even start dating you when she was not yet divorced, particularly when you have a record like that.

It is also extremely foolish of your girlfriend to be without an attorney when he has one. If you really care for her you might help her hire one.

What do you mean by "teenagers or older"? Any child who is over the age of 18 would no longer be subject to court orders.

I understand, and there are truths to what you're saying. But my girlfriend and I fell in love, and we couldn't help it. One thing I must clarify is that she did NOT leave him for me. She was going to leave him whether I existed or not. She was tired of pretending. Her children are 12, 13, and 17 respectively.

I must emphasize once more that I have ONE domestic charge against me, and that had to do with my ex wife. I never was, I'm not, and I never will be a danger to my children or anybody's children for that matter. I made a stupid mistake once and I am still paying for it today. And again, I understand that. Whether it happened more than 2 years ago, or 20 years ago, I will always pay for it no matter what.

But guess what? I'm still a human being and not some animal. In this country, if you make one mistake, you're seeing as an animal, as someone who shouldn't have the right to vote, or simply fall in love with someone who clearly isn't, or I should say hasn't been happy with her husband for many years.

Perhaps you're right. He doesnt know me, but the fact of the matter is, I am NOT a threat to his children. As a matter of fact, the kids love me and we have so much in common. In addition to this, they get along very well with my children.

How is it that all of the sudden, he can dictate the law as his own just because he's got a lawyer. You're basically saying that my girlfriend and I don't stand a chance without one? Kind of sad don't you think...

 

[LdiJ]

I understand, and there are truths to what you're saying. But my girlfriend and I fell in love, and we couldn't help it. One thing I must clarify is that she did NOT leave him for me. She was going to leave him whether I existed or not. She was tired of pretending. Her children are 12, 13, and 17 respectively.

Then they are not teenagers or older, they are teenagers or younger, and two of them are quite young.

I must emphasize once more that I have ONE domestic charge against me, and that had to do with my ex wife. I never was, I'm not, and I never will be a danger to my children or anybody's children for that matter. I made a stupid mistake once and I am still paying for it today. And again, I understand that. Whether it happened more than 2 years ago, or 20 years ago, I will always pay for it no matter what.

If you don't understand that you will always have to prove yourself because of that, then you are not living in reality.

But guess what? I'm still a human being and not some animal. In this country, if you make one mistake, you're seeing as an animal, as someone who shouldn't have the right to vote, or simply fall in love with someone who clearly isn't, or I should say hasn't been happy with her husband for many years.

Unfortunately, this paragraph makes you look like you are NOT holding yourself accountable and that you are not accepting the reality of your past. In fact,, this paragraph makes you look a little violent.

Perhaps you're right. He doesnt know me, but the fact of the matter is, I am NOT a threat to his children. As a matter of fact, the kids love me and we have so much in common. In addition to this, they get along very well with my children.

Again, he knows of your past. He has no way of knowing that you are not a threat to his children.

How is it that all of the sudden, he can dictate the law as his own just because he's got a lawyer. You're basically saying that my girlfriend and I don't stand a chance without one? Kind of sad don't you think...

Courts MUST err on the side of the safety of children. They cannot err on the side of fairness to any adult party when children are involved. A lawyer is better positioned to argue in your favor. Although, quite frankly, an attorney representing your girlfriend would likely advise her to break up with you because of the domestic violence record. I am truly sorry, but that is just reality.

 

[n1x1n]

Then they are not teenagers or older, they are teenagers or younger, and two of them are quite young.



If you don't understand that you will always have to prove yourself because of that, then you are not living in reality.



Unfortunately, this paragraph makes you look like you are NOT holding yourself accountable and that you are not accepting the reality of your past. In fact,, this paragraph makes you look a little violent.



Again, he knows of your past. He has no way of knowing that you are not a threat to his children.



Courts MUST err on the side of the safety of children. They cannot err on the side of fairness to any adult party when children are involved. A lawyer is better positioned to argue in your favor. Although, quite frankly, an attorney representing your girlfriend would likely advise her to break up with you because of the domestic violence record. I am truly sorry, but that is just reality.

So basically you're saying that people like me do not deserve people like her. Maybe I should go and find a match.com site that will match me with someone who has been previously convicted of domestic violence?

You are literally proving my point when I said that "you" are viewing me as an animal, and not a human being.

To me it is absolutely preposterous to think that I am a danger to their children considering I have never gotten into trouble for it. You and the judge and him and his lawyer seem to make a correlation of some sort that if one has a DV conviction in their past, they must be a danger to everyone in the world. That is just ridiculous. My girlfriend? That's one thing yeah... and I was transparent when we first met. I told her right away what I did to my ex wife and that I got arrested, and I was convicted. etc... Yet she's willing to give me a chance. Thank goodness there are still those who do not judge a book by their cover.

Our justice system is a complete disgrace and has gotten INTERSECTIONALITY written all over it... a defined "norm" in our society correct? And if you fall out of that norm, then you are screwed. God forbid if I was gay, or a person of color, or... a person who was previously convicted of domestic violence over 2 years ago and hasn't hurt or abused a fly ever since, who's getting off of probation early because of such good behavior... that still falls outside the norm.

Thank you sincerely for your input, but perhaps I am not the only one isn't "living in reality".

 

[LdiJ]

So basically you're saying that people like me do not deserve people like her. Maybe I should go and find a match.com site that will match me with someone who has been previously convicted of domestic violence?

No, what I am saying is anyone you are with that has children will have problems with the children's other parent due to your domestic violence record.

You are literally proving my point when I said that "you" are viewing me as an animal, and not a human being.

That statement is completely untrue. Saying that you are always going to have to deal with the consequences of your actions is not treating you like an animal. If your crime was embezzlement instead of domestic violence you would still have to deal with the consequences of your actions, it would just be in a different area of your life.

To me it is absolutely preposterous to think that I am a danger to their children considering I have never gotten into trouble for it. You and the judge and him and his lawyer seem to make a correlation of some sort that if one has a DV conviction in their past, they must be a danger to everyone in the world. That is just ridiculous. My girlfriend? That's one thing yeah... and I was transparent when we first met. I told her right away what I did to my ex wife and that I got arrested, and I was convicted. etc... Yet she's willing to give me a chance. Thank goodness there are still those who do not judge a book by their cover.

If you honestly cannot put yourself in the shoes of someone else, to understand their point of view, and honestly think its preposterous that a parent and a judge would have concerns with children being around someone who was convicted of domestic violence, then you have a problem that you need to resolve.

Our justice system is a complete disgrace and has gotten INTERSECTIONALITY written all over it... a defined "norm" in our society correct? And if you fall out of that norm, then you are screwed. God forbid if I was gay, or a person of color, or... a person who was previously convicted of domestic violence over 2 years ago and hasn't hurt or abused a fly ever since, who's getting off of probation early because of such good behavior... that still falls outside the norm.

Thank you sincerely for your input, but perhaps I am not the only one isn't "living in reality".

If you were gay, or a person of color, and did not have a domestic violence record, then nobody would be concerned that you were a potential danger to children. You also need to understand that 2 years is NOT a long time. Its a very short amount of time. If it was 10 or 20 years then you would have a stronger argument in your favor.

 

[stealth2]

They have 3 children, teenagers or older.

Her children are 12, 13, and 17 respectively.

Yeah - all three are teens and YOUNGER - none are older. I kind of expected 16, 17, 20.....

I myself have 2 children. One 12 and the other 3 years old.

Great example you and cupcake are giving five children.
^Before I even get to the meat of the matter.

 

[stealth2]

the soon to be ex husband of my girlfriend has pushed for temporary orders against me and their children. I

Good for Dad.

which makes things extremely difficult for us to move in together.

Waaaah.

I'm still a human ******* being and not some animal.

Reported for language - read the ToS.

In all honesty, it is not unreasonable for a parent to object to his/her children being exposed to adultery (which Cupcake's and your children are). It is not unreasonable for a parent to object to his/her children being exposed to someone who has been convicted of DV.

ETA: It would not be unreasonable for a parent to seek a change in parenting time if the former spouse showed poor judgment, as Cupcake does.

 

[Zigner]

So basically you're saying that people like me do not deserve people like her.

That's not my thought at all. My thought is that the five children don't deserve people like you or her. The two of you seem like a match made in heaven to me. I suggest that you both give full custody of the children to the other parents (respectively), then the two of you can go about your happy life together.

 

[Just Blue]

We live in Arizona, and my girlfriend is going through a divorce with her soon to be ex husband. They have 3 children, teenagers or older. My girlfriend and I are planning on moving in together, and they share the children 50/50, one week at a time. I myself have 2 children. One 12 and the other 3 years old.
I have a domestic violence background. Almost 2 and a half years ago, I was in a physical altercation with my ex wife, which landed me an open ended felony. I was given 3 years of probation, 26 weeks of dv classes, and 3 months of drug and alcohol testing, in addition to fees and such. I am fully responsible for what happened, I am holding myself accountable for it. Due to good behavior and completion of everything else, my probation is ending a year and a half early, which is coming up very soon.
That being said, the soon to be ex husband of my girlfriend has pushed for temporary orders against me and their children. I am currently not allowed around them, which makes things extremely difficult for us to move in together. My girlfriend and I both know he is doing this out of jealousy. I can understand that. He's got a lawyer, and my girlfriend is representing herself in court.
Now I get it, a lot of you will say perhaps your relationship with her is frowned upon since they had just separated and are now divorcing. Yes I get, but it's also not against the law for us to be in a relationship.
My girlfriend and I are drained, exhausted, and we just don't know what to do, short of hiring a lawyer for this process which will cost us a good 10 to 15K.
Can anybody help us, or have any good inputs that could help us for our upcoming hearing.

Wow...Just wow.

I strongly suggest you do not attend your girlfriends hearing. That would be frowned upon by the judge. Stop involving yourself in your girlfriends divorce/custody case.

 

[commentator]

That's not my thought at all. My thought is that the five children don't deserve people like you or her. The two of you seem like a match made in heaven to me. I suggest that you both give full custody of the children to the other parents (respectively), then the two of you can go about your happy life together.

Let it ride. Let this poster go to court with his unrepresented girlfriend, even speak on her behalf, and you are practically guaranteeing that is what will happen anyhow. I hope the other dad hangs in there! Hope they don't get an attorney! The more he talks, the more convincing it becomes that he has NOT learned, is NOT taking full responsibility, is still the 'same ol me' And the ONE eensy teensy domestic violence charge almost two and a half whole years ago(!) which would've been let's see, when his youngest child was quite a small baby must've been a pretty serious one to get him that kind of sentence, etc. And as for good decisions, hey, it was bigger than both of us. We just feel in love, what can ya say? The kind where you can't put anybody else's wants and needs and benefits ahead of your own for even a few months, this is bigger than all that.

 

[stealth2]

LOL I would love to see him stop in down the street, just to see the guys eviscerate him.

 

[Just Blue]

Let it ride. Let this poster go to court with his unrepresented girlfriend, even speak on her behalf, and you are practically guaranteeing that is what will happen anyhow. I hope the other dad hangs in there! Hope they don't get an attorney! The more he talks, the more convincing it becomes that he has NOT learned, is NOT taking full responsibility, is still the 'same ol me' And the ONE eensy teensy domestic violence charge almost two and a half whole years ago(!) which would've been let's see, when his youngest child was quite a small baby must've been a pretty serious one to get him that kind of sentence, etc. And as for good decisions, hey, it was bigger than both of us. We just feel in love, what can ya say? The kind where you can't put anybody else's wants and needs and benefits ahead of your own for even a few months, this is bigger than all that.

<3

 

[stealth2]

At the end of the day, Cupcake will likely need to choose between you and her kids. She should choose wisely.

 

[Just Blue]

At the end of the day, Cupcake will likely need to choose between you and her kids. She should choose wisely.

Had she chosen wisely OP wouldn't be posting here. Honestly...If one "must" jump back into the dating pool 32 seconds after separating from ones spouse, chose someone who won't interfere with the co-parenting relationship and keep the children out of it till the divorce is final. Picking a non-violent felon is preferable as well.

To clarify...Picking someone without a criminal record is best.