My ex is driving me up a wall!!!

[rgfalvella]

What is the name of your state? New York

Here’s the issue I need advice on. Around 11PM on December 23rd of last year, I found out that the chick I planned to marry was cheating on me. Then, I found out two days after Christmas that it had been going on since September. Then, I found out on my birthday (Jan 4th) that she cheated with multiple men. I threw 95% of everything she owned in the trash (including thousands of pictures), kept her cat and told her to get out and don't come back. I recorded the last conversation we had and I told her that I was throwing everything she didn’t take in the trash. Her response to that was “I don’t care”. While I was going through the apartment to throw away everything of hers, I found a piece of paper saying she was Hep C positive and I found a court order saying that she only had supervised visitation of her kids. She never told me she had Hep C and she told me she had joint custody of her kids. The order also states that she is not supposed to be in possession of any mind altering substances. However, even though it was only weed and alcohol, not only was she still using while we were together, but she posted it to FB and it’s still there to this day. She never told me about the order even though we were supposed to get married. Since dumping her, she has filed a false police report against me (I can physically prove she lied in it) and has been publicly posting rumors accusing me of crimes I didn't commit. The rumors are still actively posted to FaceBook. She used the police report to get an order of protection and claimed that I was “stalking” her. She didn’t show for court or return the court’s phone calls resulting in the OOP being dismissed/terminated. I am currently still receiving her mail, despite asking her to change her address and notifying USPS. I am also still getting all kinds of messages from her friends and family. I have changed my number, blocked her as well as her family and friends, I have done everything I can to ensure that they leave me alone. Three weeks ago tomorrow, I got a phone call from her telling me she wanted to come back “home”. My first question was “How did you get my number?”. I couldn’t understand her response due to her excessive sobbing. At first, I reminded her that she could not be with one man. Then, I asked her why she wanted to be with someone that she called a “stalker” and she said that she said it because she was mad at me. She really didn’t have a response to anything I asked so I decided to remind her that I threw away almost everything she owned, I told her she was a scumbag and unfit parent and then hung up on her. The following Saturday at 4:54 AM, I was awoken to a phone call from her friend asking me to give her another chance and had essentially the same response. Since the last call, there has been an increase in the amount of rumors, including saying that “I shot at a city cop when we were together”. I am now at the point where I do not know what to do. I do not want anything to do with her nor do I want to be contacted by her whether it’s directly or indirectly. She is a convicted felon and has done time and I don’t want to be the one to send her back there, but I feel like I am out of options. What would be the best way for me to deal with this?

Also, a lot of people told me I should go and get an order of protection against her but she doesn't obey court orders. She has also stated in the past that an OOP is just a piece of paper so I don't think that's going to stop her.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

She hasn't made any threats that you have told us about. You are the only person in your story to have actually broken any law.

 

[quincy]

You should look into getting a restraining order. If she doesn't obey the order, she can be arrested.

Although the statements you say were made about you could be considered defamatory (and possibly defamatory per se), you would want to be able demonstrate that the statements caused harm to your reputation.

A defamation suit can keep this woman in your life for a long time as the legal action works it's way through the court system. You are probably better off severing all contact with the woman instead.

In addition, defamation suits result in an award of monetary damages and you might not have much success collecting any money from this woman. The suit could be a hollow victory. And there is the chance she could file a counterclaim.

You can consult with an attorney in your area of New York who is well-versed in defamation law, for a personal review, but I think getting a restraining/no contact order could be your wisest course of action.

Here is a link to a brief overview of New York defamation law: http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/new-york-defamation-law

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

The OP may actually need some evidence that the ex actually made any defamatory statements because he certainly didn't write about such.

 

[LdiJ]

The OP may actually need some evidence that the ex actually made any defamatory statements because he certainly didn't write about such.

Are you sure you read the whole thing? It WAS a difficult read but my take is very different than yours.

 

[quincy]

The OP may actually need some evidence that the ex actually made any defamatory statements because he certainly didn't write about such.

Apparently there are still postings on Facebook. Printing these off would be smart, as would getting witnesses lined up who heard the lies - to have an attorney offer an opinion on the strength of a defamation claim.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Are you sure you read the whole thing? It WAS a difficult read but my take is very different than yours.

I tried and now, on about my 3rd reading of the OP see the bit about FB though it is not clear what was actually written on there.

 

[quincy]

I tried and now, on about my 3rd reading of the OP see the bit about FB though it is not clear what was actually written on there.

Because rgfalvella has committed his own crimes against his ex-fiancée - by throwing away her property and keeping her cat (and possibly by preventing her return to a place they shared) - I think the sooner the two remove themselves from each other's lives, the better it will be.

In my opinion, a no contact protection order can be the best way to do this. The police can then step in to assist if the terms of the order are violated.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Because rgfalvella has committed his own crimes against his ex-fiancée - by throwing away her property and keeping her cat (and possibly by preventing her return to a place they shared) - I think the sooner the two remove themselves from each other's lives, the better it will be.

In my opinion, a no contact protection order can be the best way to do this. The police can then step in to assist if the terms of the order are violated.

It is my understanding that in order to obtain a no contact protection order in NY there has to be behavior that is more than just annoying/harassing. The victim has to have a credible fear for their safety.

 

[quincy]

Links to the law:
https://opdv.ny.gov/professionals/criminal_justice/ops.html
https://www.nycourts.gov/faq/orderofprotection.shtml

 

[not2cleverRed]

Links to the law:
https://opdv.ny.gov/professionals/criminal_justice/ops.html
https://www.nycourts.gov/faq/orderofprotection.shtml

Perhaps OP will be so fortunate as to meet with a sympathetic judge in Family Court.

The judges in my county might grant a TRO, but a permanent RO is another story. OP is annoyed, not in fear of his safety.

 

[quincy]

Perhaps OP will be so fortunate as to meet with a sympathetic judge in Family Court.

The judges in my county might grant a TRO, but a permanent RO is another story. OP is annoyed, not in fear of his safety.

True. The harassment he is experiencing might be enough to support a temporary order but rgfarvella does not appear to be in any physical danger.