Can a bio sibling of adopted daughters due to be a psychological parent?

[TheNJBen]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey

We adored 2 10 and 12 year old girls in April through DCPP. We allowed contact with a bio brother and grandmother however the brother is combative and perpetually hostile towards me and oversteps boundaries regarding conversations on the doings of their bio parents (it is not in their best interest to do so). So I cut him off after a conversation with the girls.

He said he has a lawyer and she said he can sue to be a psychological parent. My position is, first of all, he is only 20 years old and lives in another state. He was excluded from custody during the fostering phase due to his age, anger management history, and domestic violence issue. He’s rarely seen them for years and he only lived with them as children. During foster care, he was granted zero visitation and whatever contact or visits they had were facilitated by me. They love him but certainly not in a parental way. I know he can also sue for sibling rights but living out of state and considering the girls have literally thrived to the point even their lawyer said that she’s never seen anything like it, it will be hard to show that not having contact will be harmful.

I’m not sure if his lawyer has all the facts anyway or that he really actually talked to one because he is speaking in terms of getting custody away from us and bringing them to Virginia. The girls do not want that and have expressed from before they were even adopted that they want to be with us over him.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey

We adored 2 10 and 12 year old girls in April through DCPP. We allowed contact with a bio brother and grandmother however the brother is combative and perpetually hostile towards me and oversteps boundaries regarding conversations on the doings of their bio parents (it is not in their best interest to do so). So I cut him off after a conversation with the girls.

Can I assume that you meant to say that you adopted the 2 girls (although I can appreciate the use of the word adored also)

He said he has a lawyer and she said he can sue to be a psychological parent. My position is, first of all, he is only 20 years old and lives in another state. He was excluded from custody during the fostering phase due to his age, anger management history, and domestic violence issue. He’s rarely seen them for years and he only lived with them as children. During foster care, he was granted zero visitation and whatever contact or visits they had were facilitated by me. They love him but certainly not in a parental way. I know he can also sue for sibling rights but living out of state and considering the girls have literally thrived to the point even their lawyer said that she’s never seen anything like it, it will be hard to show that not having contact will be harmful.

There is no possible way that he can sue to be a psychological parent. A psychological parent is someone who has raised the children as their own (generally without the bio parents being present) and are regarded as a parent by the children. A big brother who lives in another state, and who has rarely seen them, doesn't qualify.

I’m not sure if his lawyer has all the facts anyway or that he really actually talked to one because he is speaking in terms of getting custody away from us and bringing them to Virginia. The girls do not want that and have expressed from before they were even adopted that they want to be with us over him.

His lawyer cannot have all the facts. You have adopted these children. They are no longer part of the biological family. The brother and grandmother both are legal strangers to the children and would have no standing at all for visitation or custody. The only exception to the visitation part is if you are family members of either of their biological parents, that might give the grandmother standing to sue for visitation. I would guess that the brother has told his lawyer that you are foster parents rather than adoptive parents. If you have heard from an attorney representing the biological brother, then you might have your adoption attorney respond to the letter explaining that the child have been adopted by you.

Otherwise, just ignore the biological brother's posturing.

 

[bcr229]

He said he has a lawyer and she said he can sue to be a psychological parent.

I wouldn't worry about it, especially if the adoption is done. A lot of people say they have an attorney and they say they are going to sue, but they are all bluster and don't follow through. You don't hear from the ones who are serious about suing until you get a demand letter from an attorney, or until a process server hands you papers.

 

[TheNJBen]

I wonder how these things even work in terms of a lawsuit. Technically NJ adoption records are sealed and confidential. I have birth certificate showing they were my daughters from birth and I’m under no obligation to even admit they are even adopted.

 

[LdiJ]

I wonder how these things even work in terms of a lawsuit. Technically NJ adoption records are sealed and confidential. I have birth certificate showing they were my daughters from birth and I’m under no obligation to even admit they are even adopted.

Well, that might be part of the problem. If the biological brother and grandmother don't know that you adopted the girls, that might be part of the problem. However, I suspect that the biological brother is just a bit young and ignorant about how things work. If he gives a lawyer the full information, the lawyer will tell him that he has no standing to sue. If he doesn't give the lawyer the full information the a lawyer might take the case, but you will be able to easily get it dismissed because he has no standing for visitation or custody.

 

[TheNJBen]

Well, that might be part of the problem. If the biological brother and grandmother don't know that you adopted the girls, that might be part of the problem. However, I suspect that the biological brother is just a bit young and ignorant about how things work. If he gives a lawyer the full information, the lawyer will tell him that he has no standing to sue. If he doesn't give the lawyer the full information the a lawyer might take the case, but you will be able to easily get it dismissed because he has no standing for visitation or custody.

No he knows. I was taking to my oldest this morning about it this morning. I do not want her in the middle of it but that ship has sailed since he messaged her screen shots of our conversation and tried to play her against me. She’s 11 and doesn’t need this and is upset with him over it. So I was like what will work to get through to him that you’re happy and ok and she was just like I don’t know he has anger issues. Which are known and documented hence the domestic violence issue. (He assaulted his mom as a juvenile).

 

[Mass_Shyster]

So I cut him off after a conversation with the girls.

he messaged her screen shots of our conversation and tried to play her against me. She’s 11 and doesn’t need this and is upset with him over it.

You should consider getting a restraining order against him. He has no business contacting an 11 year old girl against the wishes of her parents. He sounds dangerous.

 

[bcr229]

No he knows. I was taking to my oldest this morning about it this morning. I do not want her in the middle of it but that ship has sailed since he messaged her screen shots of our conversation and tried to play her against me. She’s 11 and doesn’t need this and is upset with him over it. So I was like what will work to get through to him that you’re happy and ok and she was just like I don’t know he has anger issues. Which are known and documented hence the domestic violence issue. (He assaulted his mom as a juvenile).

You should also have enough control over your daughter's phones and/or social media accounts that you can block him from contacting them.

 

[TheNJBen]

You should also have enough control over your daughter's phones and/or social media accounts that you can block him from contacting them.

That I can do. I left him one avenue on purpose after I asked him not to contact the girls. Now should he try anything in court I have clear evidence that his contact is harmful to my daughters and disruptive to my family.

 

[TheNJBen]

There’s been a dramatic change of events over the last hour. Now I want to know what I can do. He posted to his Facebook our text conversation. The issue is that conversation reveals our last name to the bio parents who all have an extensive criminal history. It also exposes the girls Instagram names. I can give them new names there which is fine. But exposure like that now endangers our entire family. This goes past being hostile to me and even past unsuccessfully trying to turn my own daughter against me. I can’t let endangering my family go unanswered.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

You need the restraining order now.

 

[eerelations]

Now should he try anything in court I have clear evidence that his contact is harmful to my daughters and disruptive to my family.

The issue of whether or not his contact is harmful to your daughters will not come up in court. If he tries to take you to court to obtain custody of your daughters, his case will be dismissed immediately...long before you might be required to provide your evidence.

 

[LdiJ]

You need the restraining order now.

Absolutely, the restraining order is critical.