Not putting child first

[Mike Cummings]

What is the name of your state? Maine. My son is 11 years old. His mom and I divorsed 8 years ago. We have shared parental rights. She has primary residence. I have my son on the weekends, and she has him during the week. My son's mother does not feed him properly and I can't change that on the little time I have him without her help and support. Is there anything I can do at this point to help my son get proper nutrition ? My son's mother is always trying to turn my son against me out of spite. She does it at my son's expense. She says things to my son to try and pursway him not to want to go with me. She tells him I am a bad person. She tries to make him feel unsafe when he is with me. If we have a special event planned like when the fair comes to my town she will not let him come with me. My son's mother does not want him to have fun basically when he is with me. My son is still young enough where he wants to please her, and can be persuaded by her. This is very hard on him and I end up being the bad guy in his eyes because of her. What can I do about getting her to stop saying bad things about me to my son ?

 

[Zigner]

What evidence do you have that the child is not getting proper nutrition?

 

[quincy]

Mike, here is a link to your other recent thread so others might have a fuller picture of your situation:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/threads/Maine-child-support-foster-care-income.657447/

It sounds as if you are either applying for a child support modification or your son’s mom is. Is that the case?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Maine. My son is 11 years old. His mom and I divorsed 8 years ago. We have shared parental rights. She has primary residence. I have my son on the weekends, and she has him during the week. My son's mother does not feed him properly and I can't change that on the little time I have him without her help and support. Is there anything I can do at this point to help my son get proper nutrition ? My son's mother is always trying to turn my son against me out of spite. She does it at my son's expense. She says things to my son to try and pursway him not to want to go with me. She tells him I am a bad person. She tries to make him feel unsafe when he is with me. If we have a special event planned like when the fair comes to my town she will not let him come with me. My son's mother does not want him to have fun basically when he is with me. My son is still young enough where he wants to please her, and can be persuaded by her. This is very hard on him and I end up being the bad guy in his eyes because of her. What can I do about getting her to stop saying bad things about me to my son ?

If she violates the custody order file for contempt. If you are planning "special events" on her custodial time, don't do that.

 

[Mike Cummings]

What evidence do you have that the child is not getting proper nutrition?

My son had blood work done a couple of times over the past few months because he was not feeling good, and tired a lot. His white blood cell count, and potassium was not where it should be.

 

[LdiJ]

My son had blood work done a couple of times over the past few months because he was not feeling good, and tired a lot. His white blood cell count, and potassium was not where it should be.

And you are blaming that on his nutrition rather than potential medical issues? I would hope that you are pressing his doctors to do more testing.

 

[Zigner]

According to the Mayo Clinic (https://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/low-white-blood-cell-count/basics/causes/sym-20050615), improper nutrition isn't one of the things that causes a low white blood cell count, nor does it cause low potassium levels (https://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/low-potassium/basics/causes/sym-20050632).

Please make sure your child has follow-up testing - there may be something seriously medically wrong.

 

[Mike Cummings]

If she violates the custody order file for contempt. If you are planning "special events" on her custodial time, don't do that.

Thank you. Yes I try very hard not to say anything bad about her, and do what is best for him. We are currently going to court for child support modification that she initiated. It looks like the portion I pay her may go down a little. She is not happy about that. She recently told my son that I don't want to support him. She tells him bad stuff just in general to try and keep control over me with him. It's so wrong and unhealthy for him. Can the court do anything about that ?

 

[not2cleverRed]

My son had blood work done a couple of times over the past few months because he was not feeling good, and tired a lot. His white blood cell count, and potassium was not where it should be.

While that may point at a medical problem, it is not inherently due to poor nutrition.

Your son needs further medical testing to determine whether he is seriously ill or if his "normal" is different from others. Has he seen a hematologist?

 

[Mike Cummings]

According to the Mayo Clinic (https://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/low-white-blood-cell-count/basics/causes/sym-20050615), improper nutrition isn't one of the things that causes a low white blood cell count, nor does it cause low potassium levels (https://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/low-potassium/basics/causes/sym-20050632).

Please make sure your child has follow-up testing - there may be something seriously medically wrong.

And you are blaming that on his nutrition rather than potential medical issues? I would hope that you are pressing his doctors to do more testing.

His mom is telling me it's fine and he doesn't need to go back. I don't know everything exactly. Only what she tells me. I will follow up with the doctor myself either way. Thank you.

 

[Mike Cummings]

According to the Mayo Clinic (https://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/low-white-blood-cell-count/basics/causes/sym-20050615), improper nutrition isn't one of the things that causes a low white blood cell count, nor does it cause low potassium levels (https://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/low-potassium/basics/causes/sym-20050632).

Please make sure your child has follow-up testing - there may be something seriously medically wrong.

I will. Thank you.

 

[Mike Cummings]

Is there anything I can do about his mother trying to turn my son against me ? All the bad things she tells him ? Can the judge or court do anything about that ?

 

[Just Blue]

Is there anything I can do about his mother trying to turn my son against me ? All the bad things she tells him ? Can the judge or court do anything about that ?

Ask the judge at your next case to order that neither parent will speak disparagingly of the other.

 

[LdiJ]

Is there anything I can do about his mother trying to turn my son against me ? All the bad things she tells him ? Can the judge or court do anything about that ?

Possibly the court can do something about that, but seriously dad, right now your focus should be on your son's health. The things you mentioned could be indications of serious health problems. The fact that you think it has anything to do with mom not feeding him properly is a bit scary. Particularly combined with the symptoms and the test results you mentioned.

 

[stealth2]

Seriously - you need to get on the phone with your son's doctor like yesterday, get a realistic picture of what's going on (medically) and what the dr feels should come next in terms of testing, treatment, etc.

ETA: Your concern about Mom not putting the child first wrt nutrition, trash talking you, etc. is misplaced. Fact is - if neither of you is willing to dig deeper into these blood test issues? NEITHER of you are putting the child first. NEITHER of you are looking at his best interests. BOTH of you are using him as a pawn in your long-term hatred of each other. <spit>