Group chatting with the father of my child and his new wife

[PayrollHRGuy]

I left abruptly and did not retrieve all of my belongings when I left because he changed the locks. I gathered everything that I could but I know I didn't get all of my documents out of the house when I left. There's no telling what was left behind considering I lived there for 10yrs... doesn't really matter how she got it... she didn't get it from me and that's a problem

You said,

She was looking at my payment history and seeing when I re enrolled and if the payments were being automatically withdrawn... more so of seeing and looking at my info more so than my child.

That is all information that would be dated.

 

[Kaydee33]

This may seem a bit simplistic, but I suggest that you completely ignore the new woman. There's no reason for you to communicate with her at all.

Yes I agree and that has been my new approach to the matter and since I have done that, I get no response from anyone including the father. I asked him a question about the upcoming holidays regarding our child and since it wasn't through group messaging no answer has been given. Note I asked Sunday

 

[Kaydee33]

You said,



That is all information that would be dated.

The information is current and the same as the years before except a few minor changes in coverage. I left earlier this year... I'm not sure what you're asking or trying to figure out..

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

The information is current and the same as the years before except a few minor changes in coverage. I left earlier this year... I'm not sure what you're asking or trying to figure out..

You made it sound original that she had some online or up to date info. An old copy of the policy isn't a problem and neither is a current copy. It is also clear that you did renew because the child is still covered. And the fact that you autopay isn't a problem if she doesn't have access to your account info.

I was on your side for a while but now think you are making a mountain out of a grain of sand.

 

[Kaydee33]

You made it sound original that she had some online or up to date info. An old copy of the policy isn't a problem and neither is a current copy. It is also clear that you did renew because the child is still covered. And the fact that you autopay isn't a problem if she doesn't have access to your account info.

I was on your side for a while but now think you are making a mountain out of a grain of sand.

Well you're entitled to your opinion but her accessing information that serves no purpose to my child and to then question me about my information is a problem. It's privacy and boundaries. I left alot of important documents and other items in that house so there's no telling what she has access to or knows about. Like I stated before, i left abruptly and I won't go into the reasons why I left because that's not the point of the posting. The point was the ridiculous communication tactic that was to be held with the both of them through group messaging as if that was something that I had to do, lack of informing me when there is something going on with my child that requires my input, and the lack of boundaries and respect. Thanks for your input. I guess I will leave the grain of sand out of my next posting so that you don't get caught up on it.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Well you're entitled to your opinion but her accessing information that serves no purpose to my child and to then question me about my information is a problem. It's privacy and boundaries. I left alot if important documents and other items in that house so there's no telling what she has access to or knows about. Like I stated before, i left abruptly and I won't go into the reasons why I left because that's not the point of the posting.

She lives there she is free to read whatever you left laying around.

The point was the ridiculous communication tactic that was to be held with the both of them through group messaging

That I agree with and wouldn't even consider putting up with.

 

[Kaydee33]

This may seem a bit simplistic, but I suggest that you completely ignore the new woman. There's no reason for you to communicate with her at all.

Yes I agree and that has been my new approach lately but now when I message him directly I get no response at all... I'm still waiting for a response to a question i asked him over the weekend which i know i will get no answer to because i didn't ask it through a group text. Ridiculous!

 

[bcr229]

Yes I agree and that has been my new approach lately but now when I message him directly I get no response at all... I'm still waiting for a response to a question i asked him over the weekend which i know i will get no answer to because i didn't ask it through a group text. Ridiculous!

There was a poster here a few weeks ago who had a similar issue of the ex not responding to questions regarding their children. One poster suggested that rather than asking questions, when possible make statements with the caveat that if the ex did not agree then to respond with an alternative, and if no response was sent then it was assumed the ex agreed. As an example, instead of sending a text or email with "Will you be picking up <child> on Dec 24th at 6 pm this year?" because that's what's in the child custody/visitation agreement, you would send "I will have <child> ready on Dec 24th at 6 pm. If you need to pick him/her up at a different time please let me know."

 

[Kaydee33]

There was a poster here a few weeks ago who had a similar issue of the ex not responding to questions regarding their children. One poster suggested that rather than asking questions, when possible make statements with the caveat that if the ex did not agree then to respond with an alternative, and if no response was sent then it was assumed the ex agreed. As an example, instead of sending a text or email with "Will you be picking up <child> on Dec 24th at 6 pm this year?" because that's what's in the child custody/visitation agreement, you would send "I will have <child> ready on Dec 24th at 6 pm. If you need to pick him/her up at a different time please let me know."

Yes! Now that's advice I can use. That's a great approach thank you!

 

[LdiJ]

Yes I agree and that has been my new approach to the matter and since I have done that, I get no response from anyone including the father. I asked him a question about the upcoming holidays regarding our child and since it wasn't through group messaging no answer has been given. Note I asked Sunday

There is a way around that in the short term, it won't necessarily work in the long term. From now on, if you need an answer from him about something, simply state exactly what you want to happen, and tell him that unless you hear from him personally to the contrary, that you will assume that he agrees with you and will act accordingly.

That will force him to communicate with you. Then, if he does not respond, but rather his wife does, then inform her that again, unless you hear from him directly, you will assume that he agrees with you. That will drive them both nuts but it will either force him to try to take it to court to compel you to do things his way (which will backfire on him) or force him to act like a grownup.

 

[Just Blue]

There is a way around that in the short term, it won't necessarily work in the long term. From now on, if you need an answer from him about something, simply state exactly what you want to happen, and tell him that unless you hear from him personally to the contrary, that you will assume that he agrees with you and will act accordingly.

That will force him to communicate with you. Then, if he does not respond, but rather his wife does, then inform her that again, unless you hear from him directly, you will assume that he agrees with you. That will drive them both nuts but it will either force him to try to take it to court to compel you to do things his way (which will backfire on him) or force him to act like a grownup.

Post 38.

 

[FarmerJ]

have you considered just getting
POTS ( plain old telephone service ) regular telephone line ( or voip that a phone plugs into ) and tell him that this is now going to be your only phone service ( this way there wont be any more texting)

 

[Kaydee33]

have you considered just getting
POTS ( plain old telephone service ) regular telephone line ( or voip that a phone plugs into ) and tell him that this is now going to be your only phone service ( this way there wont be any more texting)

He doesn't answer the phone when I call