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Harassment?

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NC

Long but trying to get important details. So as these stories tend to start, I met a guy. On a dating app. First I should mention, I lost my husband to an impaired driver in December of 2018. Probably I wasn’t really ready to date. This is somewhat important later. So met the guy in July. Talked on the phone and texted some, met in person. We seemed to get along well.

We were seeing each other up until mid December. Now, the husband part comes in because I received funds from life insurance and a settlement. This guy figured out that I had some money because I took two months off from working, July and August. Just needed the mental break as I didn’t take enough time off after he died. So predictably he starts asking to borrow money. Me being me, loaned him money on several occasions for things like car repairs, a down payment on a car, and what he told me was attorney fees for custody issues with his ex. Somewhere around $5000. Always he said he was going to pay back.

I actually attempted to end the relationship on a few occasions because I felt like something was off. Blocked his phone number, ignored calls he’d keep sending messages and texts begging me to be patient with him.He talked about issues he’d had in the past with women cheating and told me he was just nervous. Finally we reached sort of a point in December where we argued and agreed to be just friends.We planned to meet and talk about things on a specific day. On the day in question I sent him a message letting him know I was on my way there. No reply but wasn’t unusual due to his odd work schedule and sleep.

Well I got to his house, he is there and also when pulling into the driveway I can see a woman in the house. I’d been to his house just maybe a week or two before. Put the car in reverse because I had a feeling I’d figured out the issue. Before I could leave he’s in the driveway by my car yelling at me. Then the woman comes out and decides she wants to speak to me and gets in my car. We went to a restaurant. This woman had probably 8 drinks and we talked. Turns out he had been seeing me behind her back the entire time. He lied about what he was borrowing money for. This woman got very emotional and began talking about burning his house down and things like that. She said repeatedly that she was going to jail that night.

I was pretty concerned at this point. Convinced her it would be better to go to a friends. Took her back to his house, she is screaming, it comes out that she had stolen his sons adhd meds, just lots of chaos. I’ve told her I will give her a ride. I just didn’t want anyone in trouble. Get her things get her dropped off. By then he’s calling me. Telling me she’s a horrible monster and that he’s glad she is gone etc. I tell him I understand it’s a difficult situation. We had a long conversation, he apologized for the deception talked about repaying me.We talked back and forth a bit for a day or two and he’s swearing he’s done with her. Then she texts me. Wants to make sure he isn’t talking to me. Told her the truth. So he blows up at me. Ended up blocking my number. I sent a few emails (asking about property that belonged to me at his house, asking about the money and when he plans to repay, and about changing the name on a cruise that he was supposed togo on so I could bring someone else) at no point did he ask me to stop. He did ignore. Was not sure if he was getting the messages so I sent his mother a text asking her to please have him contact me about a specific item that he had in his possession that was very important to me. He does text me back then. We had a phone conversation. Several conversations back and forth after that about repayment.
Next thing I know the sherif is at my door. He’s made a complaint for harassment. This occurred the day the girlfriend texted me (the complaint) but it was two weeks later that they came to my home. Now obviously I don’t feel like anything I did was harassing in nature. I honestly feel like this person purposely led me on for the purpose of obtaining money from me.

Im concerned about what could happen in court. Does the fact that he continued to have conversation with me after he filed these charges have any bearing on the outcome?
 


Should also mention the girlfriend in question has had multiple dui convictions, and in fact some of the money he borrowed was used by him to pay a bond for her on one of these offenses. So he asked me for money for his attorney, money that he knows I have because my husband was killed by a drunk driver, to bail a drunk driver out of jail. This is information that she told me while we were sitting there talking. He told her the money came from his Aunt. So obviously there was some upset on my part and the messages I sent were probably not polite exactly but they were not threatening. More along the lines of I don’t understand how you could do such a thing.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
If you have been charged with a crime then you need an attorney. With the help of an attorney you may be able to defend yourself against those charges. You can also sue him for the money that he owes you, but that is something that should wait until you have dealt with the criminal charges.

However, you need to understand that this guy is a con artist who took advantage of you. Even if you sue him and win, you may never be able to collect from him. Don't look for possible people to date on an app. The odds of it working out well are slim at best.
 
Yes I realize that now, honestly I seriously doubt I will date anyone ever after this whole fiasco. Between my first husband and the abuse there and this situation and also the stress I deal with daily (I arrived on the accident scene very quickly. Just knew. Probably 15 minutes after impact. My husband was on a motorcycle. The workers on scene apparently did not see me and I was able to get to my husband and it was not anything anyone should ever have to see) I’m not really in a great place. I’ve lost almost 100 pounds since last December and I don’t sleep much. This is just another added stress and seems very childish and petty from a 45 year old man. I have several children at home still. I suspect he is doing this in an attempt to get me to let go of the money he owes me. I have some consults set up. Was just curious about how it looks to the prosecutor when he initiated these charges at the magistrate and later sends me an email saying he owes me an apology.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Yes I realize that now, honestly I seriously doubt I will date anyone ever after this whole fiasco. Between my first husband and the abuse there and this situation and also the stress I deal with daily (I arrived on the accident scene very quickly. Just knew. Probably 15 minutes after impact. My husband was on a motorcycle. The workers on scene apparently did not see me and I was able to get to my husband and it was not anything anyone should ever have to see) I’m not really in a great place. I’ve lost almost 100 pounds since last December and I don’t sleep much. This is just another added stress and seems very childish and petty from a 45 year old man. I have several children at home still. I suspect he is doing this in an attempt to get me to let go of the money he owes me. I have some consults set up. Was just curious about how it looks to the prosecutor when he initiated these charges at the magistrate and later sends me an email saying he owes me an apology.
If your attorney is able to use the email as a defense (might not be possible, emails can be faked) it certainly won't look good to a prosecutor at all. It could even get the case dismissed entirely. However, you honestly do need an attorney on your side. This is not something that you should attempt to handle without one.
 
If he is using emails from me as a basis for this I can’t see why an email and a phone log from the day after he filed this thing that shows a 25 minute phone call initiated by him wouldn’t be able to also be used. I had no idea he had filed this until they showed up two weeks later. We had multiple conversations in the meantime via text message and he sent me a $100 payment towards what he owes. On another note, once I found out what had been going on I went and had a Pap test and std exam and was diagnosed with hpv. Had not had a Pap since 2017 prior. Never had an abnormal pap before. Have had no other sexual partners. Now I have to go have a biopsy done because of all of this. The whole situation is extremely frustrating.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
If he is using emails from me as a basis for this I can’t see why an email and a phone log from the day after he filed this thing that shows a 25 minute phone call initiated by him wouldn’t be able to also be used. I had no idea he had filed this until they showed up two weeks later. We had multiple conversations in the meantime via text message and he sent me a $100 payment towards what he owes. On another note, once I found out what had been going on I went and had a Pap test and std exam and was diagnosed with hpv. Had not had a Pap since 2017 prior. Never had an abnormal pap before. Have had no other sexual partners. Now I have to go have a biopsy done because of all of this. The whole situation is extremely frustrating.
Please understand that I fully sympathize with everything that you are going through, but you have apparently been charged with a crime, and you need an attorney to navigate this for you and get the charges, hopefully, dismissed. I am sure that your attorney will use whatever documentation that can be validated to help in accomplishing that. Its just that not all emails can necessarily be validated. The fact that he made a payment towards his debt however, is definitely something that your attorney can use.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
If he is using emails from me as a basis for this I can’t see why an email and a phone log from the day after he filed this thing that shows a 25 minute phone call initiated by him wouldn’t be able to also be used. I had no idea he had filed this until they showed up two weeks later. We had multiple conversations in the meantime via text message and he sent me a $100 payment towards what he owes. On another note, once I found out what had been going on I went and had a Pap test and std exam and was diagnosed with hpv. Had not had a Pap since 2017 prior. Never had an abnormal pap before. Have had no other sexual partners. Now I have to go have a biopsy done because of all of this. The whole situation is extremely frustrating.
Depending how presented, it may or may not be legally admissible.

You NEED a lawyer. You cannot afford to DIY this. You've already DIYed a loan agreement and botched it - don't make things worse. You are too emotional to go this alone. You need to be cold and business like with this, with firm boundaries.
 

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