My wife and her son

[stealth2]

Yes I have three sons myself and she has a second son. None of them know about the ins and outs.

I think you missed my point, but that's okay. Have a lovely day.

 

[clri000]

Oh yes I get your point 5 by 5. You may be missing the point that this is escalating for 15 years. He has had all the chances in the world and blew them all. Now that I get close to retirement, I don't want to deal with this no more knowing there's no end to it. When I retire I'll fall back on half of my income.

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh yes I get your point 5 by 5. You may be missing the point that this is escalating for 15 years. He has had all the chances in the world and blew them all. Now that I get close to retirement, I don't want to deal with this no more knowing there's no end to it. When I retire I'll fall back on half of my income.

That is possible depending.

 

[clri000]

My marriage went the same way when my son became an addict and a criminal and my ex enabled him.

My advice: YOU file for divorce. Get a jump on her and get out. Take whatever lumps come your way. You'll survive and recover. I did.

Otherwise nothing changes and you'll sink further and further into the morass of despair.

What would be the benefit of ME filing for divorce?

 

[stealth2]

What would be the benefit of ME filing for divorce?

Being PROactive vs REactive. Fortune favors the bold.

 

[not2cleverRed]

What would be the benefit of ME filing for divorce?

The person who files gets to be in the position of offense, not defense.

You get to draw the first line in the sand, rather than just reacting.

Put another way: she gets to make idle threats every time that you complaint ("I'll take to the cleaners in a divorce.") And the longer you put up with it, the more valid the argument that you are giving (tacit) approval.

Call. Her. Bluff. Life is too short. Half of what you have now is better than half of whatever is left 5 years from now as she finds new ways of dissipating more assets or adding more marital debt.

 

[slac.in.the.box]

One of your rights, is the right to try and salvage your marriage. Twenty years is a lot of shared history and companioinship to throw away in a big angry divorce after which there is no going back.

There are marriage counselors, and they're not all alike, practicing from diverse perspectives and paradigms. Lots of married people have natural resentments and angers that fester over time until they are in the open and dealt with, which can be challenging because of the short fuses to the sore spots. Over the past century of marriage counseling, many techniques for coping have been developed, which is why there's so many perspectives and practices, from PhD's to alternative counselors; so there's not a one solution fits all, and there might not be a solution at all; however, you can't find out without trying. There could be a chance that one of the perspectives would resonate well with you, her, or both of you, and empower you to overcome differences that you thought were irreconcilable. I don't believe divorce should be the first step, if there's been something during those 20 years worth saving. Even her brutal street junkie son could be salvageable if you give him purpose, rehab, and hope. Perhaps you both have already been through that and it didn't work. But if you haven't, it's something to consider.

As far as the legal rights in a divorce, I'm not an expert, and the divorce lawyer advice is sound. But I know that if you didn't want her to get half, you needed to have a prenuptial agreement.

 

[clri000]

This is so beautifully written, I'm tempted to modify it a bit and send her way. I'm not sure, however, how she would take it. She may see this as a confirmation to get on with a divorce because her mind is not in balance these days. You just don't know how she will take things. In this outfit I'm the 'waterline'. She and her son are the 'bloodline', if you allow me to quote his words. They bump up each other with so much crap and believe each other's visions without thinking things through. They have zero money, and I have all the resources and I'm afraid she will go an extra mile to secure his future without thinking about ours. I have proposed counseling sessions before, but she's not open to it so I don't see why she would be open to it now. never the less, I'm an open door. Thank you for your beautiful response.

 

[FarmerJ]

Helping and enabling are quite different, your wife is enabling and its not likely to ever stop unless you put a end to it. Consult with a divorce attorney or else it may cost you even more.

 

[clri000]

Helping and enabling are quite different, your wife is enabling and its not likely to ever stop unless you put a end to it. Consult with a divorce attorney or else it may cost you even more.

I already put an end to it, and is the reason why she threatens with with a divorce now. I'm not consulting an attorney yet because it may throw oil on the fire if I did. I try to steer the situation in a direction to where it doesn't escalate. I agree with you. Her intentions may be good, but how many marriages do they have to ruin to get him on his feet? I could live with it if I knew it was temporary, but this is going to be forever. Today I learned that he didn't go to court for a speeding ticket. Every week it's something else. There's simply no hope for such people.

 

[stealth2]

I'm not consulting an attorney yet because it may throw oil on the fire if I did.

You DO know you don't have to make aware you've spoken w/a lawyer, yes?

 

[Ohiogal]

I already put an end to it, and is the reason why she threatens with with a divorce now. I'm not consulting an attorney yet because it may throw oil on the fire if I did. I try to steer the situation in a direction to where it doesn't escalate. I agree with you. Her intentions may be good, but how many marriages do they have to ruin to get him on his feet? I could live with it if I knew it was temporary, but this is going to be forever. Today I learned that he didn't go to court for a speeding ticket. Every week it's something else. There's simply no hope for such people.

You realize you don't have a right to "put an end to it" -- you can express your opinion but she can keep giving him money out of the marital funds. The only way you can control all the money you earn is to get a divorce and then at least if you have to pay her anything, you can control what you do with your portion.

 

[clri000]

You realize you don't have a right to "put an end to it" -- you can express your opinion but she can keep giving him money out of the marital funds. The only way you can control all the money you earn is to get a divorce and then at least if you have to pay her anything, you can control what you do with your portion.

High five!

 

[Ohiogal]

High five!

Not with Coronavirus in the US.

 

[clri000]

High five!

You realize you don't have a right to "put an end to it" -- you can express your opinion but she can keep giving him money out of the marital funds. The only way you can control all the money you earn is to get a divorce and then at least if you have to pay her anything, you can control what you do with your portion.

Question: If she's rightfully entitled to wire marital funds to her son, do I have the right to do the same and wire money to anyone I like so there's no money on the account anymore? That way I don't put "an end on it". I just do what she does.