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Daughterdad

New member
What is the name of your state? California


There has been ongoing issues at my 13 year old daughters moms house and my daughter has expressed that she would rather be at my house. I’ve brought up these issues to my daughters mom and step dad asking things need to change or I’ll be filling for a new order. We currently split time 50/50. Her mom has never really been a stable person and just this past weekend my daughter called me from her room at moms house crying saying that her mom and step dad are having a really bad argument and thought she heard a slap and her mom saying “slap me again and see what happens”. Being concerned I call the local sheriffs office to do a welfare check. Long story short I’m asking if I or an attorney would have access to possible prior welfare checks to her moms house not made by me? I have a hunch that there has been and if that can be brought to court. Thanks for the help
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? California


There has been ongoing issues at my 13 year old daughters moms house and my daughter has expressed that she would rather be at my house. I’ve brought up these issues to my daughters mom and step dad asking things need to change or I’ll be filling for a new order. We currently split time 50/50. Her mom has never really been a stable person and just this past weekend my daughter called me from her room at moms house crying saying that her mom and step dad are having a really bad argument and thought she heard a slap and her mom saying “slap me again and see what happens”. Being concerned I call the local sheriffs office to do a welfare check. Long story short I’m asking if I or an attorney would have access to possible prior welfare checks to her moms house not made by me? I have a hunch that there has been and if that can be brought to court. Thanks for the help
1. Define "ongoing issues".
2. What was the outcome of the welfare check? Was an arrest made?
3. Did you call CPS regarding the DV at your Ex's home?
4. Did you ask your attorney about finding out how many welfare checks have been made?
5. How far apart do you live from the Mom?
6. Is DD is therapy?



You really shouldn't discuss custody or issues with St-dad. Just your wife.
 

t74

Member
DD is a teenager with a phone. DD should know that she should call authorities if she feels she or others in the house are in danger. If she can safely leave, she should have places (neighbors or public facilities like the fire station/library/etc or even the nearby fast food shop) identified where she can seek refuge while waiting for help. Authorities should prioritize a call for help from a child.

This is more important than positioning evidence for a custody case.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? California


There has been ongoing issues at my 13 year old daughters moms house and my daughter has expressed that she would rather be at my house. I’ve brought up these issues to my daughters mom and step dad asking things need to change or I’ll be filling for a new order. We currently split time 50/50. Her mom has never really been a stable person and just this past weekend my daughter called me from her room at moms house crying saying that her mom and step dad are having a really bad argument and thought she heard a slap and her mom saying “slap me again and see what happens”. Being concerned I call the local sheriffs office to do a welfare check. Long story short I’m asking if I or an attorney would have access to possible prior welfare checks to her moms house not made by me? I have a hunch that there has been and if that can be brought to court. Thanks for the help
A welfare check is just that, a welfare check. Its of no use to you in a custody case unless the police find something seriously wrong going on involving the child(ren).

What are the "ongoing issues"? Is it mom and stepdad fighting or are other things involved?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I agree that the "ongoing issues" are important. And honestly? A 13yo girl having "issues" with her Mom isn't all that unusual. So specifics matter. (And, certainly, DV in the home isn't okay, but teenage girls - having my own - being dramatic isn't strange, in and of itself...)
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I agree that the "ongoing issues" are important. And honestly? A 13yo girl having "issues" with her Mom isn't all that unusual. So specifics matter. (And, certainly, DV in the home isn't okay, but teenage girls - having my own - being dramatic isn't strange, in and of itself...)
To hear my 14 year old granddaughter talk, every adult in her life is abusing her...lol.
 

t74

Member
Although men are generally less able to "read" teenagers, an involved dad should be able to determine the difference between a drama princess complaint and a real safety issue.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Although men are generally less able to "read" teenagers, an involved dad should be able to determine the difference between a drama princess complaint and a real safety issue.
I don't disagree, but..... Many a parent (regardless of gender) slides past the possibility when dealing with custody issues.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
What is the name of your state? California

There has been ongoing issues at my 13 year old daughters moms house and my daughter has expressed that she would rather be at my house. I’ve brought up these issues to my daughters mom and step dad asking things need to change or I’ll be filling for a new order. We currently split time 50/50. Her mom has never really been a stable person and just this past weekend my daughter called me from her room at moms house crying saying that her mom and step dad are having a really bad argument and thought she heard a slap and her mom saying “slap me again and see what happens”. Being concerned I call the local sheriffs office to do a welfare check. Long story short I’m asking if I or an attorney would have access to possible prior welfare checks to her moms house not made by me? I have a hunch that there has been and if that can be brought to court. Thanks for the help
The 13 year old should be instructed that if she believes that there is violence going on that she should:
1) Ensure that she is in a safe place. Do not go to her mother's aid, do not intercede, stay out of the adult turmoil.
2) Call 911 first. Not you. She can call you after calling 911. It saves time if there's a real emergency, and it doesn't put you in the middle as the vindictive ex. (Not that you are vindictive, but the police/sheriff are used to dealing with people smearing each other.)

And definitely get the girl into some form of counselling/therapy. At the very least, she needs an independent/unbiased adult to talk to who she can trust, and it's best (for you, from a legal perspective) if that person happens to be a mandated reporter.

I know that you are concerned. You may even have valid concerns. But you need proof before you can do anything.

No matter how valid your concerns, if you do not approach the situation correctly, you will not get your daughter the help that she needs.

A local dad facing similar concerns to yours was not successful in dealing with the legal/family court system and getting a change of custody, and his oldest daughter died when she got between mom and mom's gun-toting boyfriend in the middle of committing murder/suicide.
 

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