Weird situation, common law wife of 20 years, how split in divorce.

[Andy1978]

Just bought a house a little over a year ago, first home purchase.
The house is in my name only, my common law wife is not on the mortgage or the title (as her credit was non-qual for the loan). We've been together common law for like 20 years, she has very rarely ever contributed financially and really not even to the home, which is always a mess, unkept and won't even make her son meals most time it's on me or my daughter (over 18) to do it. I work full time, self employed. She has her own possessions and I would give her one of the cars. My concern is custody of our 12 year old son and ownership of the house, which is my only big possession I care about. She was diagnosed with M.S. about 5 years ago but could not get disability, as they found her capable of working, although she refuses to and refuses to contribute much to the household, citing that she has fatigue and is depressed and can't get a job. Disability denied her because, other than some numbness in her feet she is able bodied. She talks like she will take the house and move her new online boyfriend in here! I need some help here! Next step, rights as far as property, etc! Thanks very much. State is Colorado.
Just a side note also, she has in the past tried to claim that she is being abused, I am absolutely truthful when I tell you she is not, she truly has almost no real responsibilities as when the topic is brought up, she will go on tirades and tantrums about how me and the kids are trying to control her, etc, etc....Which is not the case, we just wanted more in terms of contribution to the household.
Thanks, sorry for long post.

 

[Just Blue]

Just bought a house a little over a year ago, first home purchase.
The house is in my name only, my common law wife is not on the mortgage or the title (as her credit was non-qual for the loan). We've been together common law for like 20 years, she has very rarely ever contributed financially and really not even to the home, which is always a mess, unkept and won't even make her son meals most time it's on me or my daughter (over 18) to do it. I work full time, self employed. She has her own possessions and I would give her one of the cars. My concern is custody of our 12 year old son and ownership of the house, which is my only big possession I care about. She was diagnosed with M.S. about 5 years ago but could not get disability, as they found her capable of working, although she refuses to and refuses to contribute much to the household, citing that she has fatigue and is depressed and can't get a job. Disability denied her because, other than some numbness in her feet she is able bodied. She talks like she will take the house and move her new online boyfriend in here! I need some help here! Next step, rights as far as property, etc! Thanks very much. State is Colorado.
Just a side note also, she has in the past tried to claim that she is being abused, I am absolutely truthful when I tell you she is not, she truly has almost no real responsibilities as when the topic is brought up, she will go on tirades and tantrums about how me and the kids are trying to control her, etc, etc....Which is not the case, we just wanted more in terms of contribution to the household.
Thanks, sorry for long post.

Are you sure you are Common Law married? Or do you presume you are because you have been together so long?

 

[Andy1978]

Thanks for the quick reply! We have filed taxes jointly as married for the duration of 20 yrs, although we split up in 2006 and she moved to CA for 6 mos, which makes me wonder if that reset the "common law" to 2006 instead. Thanks

 

[Just Blue]

Thanks for the quick reply! We have filed taxes jointly as married for the duration of 20 yrs, although we split up in 2006 and she moved to CA for 6 mos, which makes me wonder if that reset the "common law" to 2006 instead. Thanks

Not, the brief separation wouldn't reset your marriage. Do you plan on hiring a attorney? I recommend one for both of you. Who is the son't primary care giver?

She is likely to be awarded spousal support due to the length of the marriage and her disability. She will also get half the equity of the house. Whether she gains custody and child support will depend on who the Judge finds to be in the best interest of your son. Generally the parent who was the primary care giver gets custody.

 

[Just Blue]

https://www.healthline.com/health/multiple-sclerosis/early-signs

 

[Andy1978]

Not the answer I was hoping for! I was hoping that since she did not contribute (nearly at all) that spousal support would be off the table or at least difficult. In terms of home equity, you think I would be ordered to sell the house? She is the one primarily home with my son, although like mentioned before, little childcare is actually done.
Thank you

 

[FlyingRon]

Colorado will almost certainly consider you (common law) married. All the assets you accumulated while married are considered part fo the marital estate and will be equitably distributed at divorce. You seem to not understand what a marriage is. There's no apportioning the marital estate based on what the perceived "contribution" is. Marriage is a joint proposition.

 

[Andy1978]

Yes I consider it a joint proposition, but what I have had to put up with of course slightly biases my view.
My #1 question is: would a judge likely require us to sell the home and split the proceeds and #2, if alimony is awarded, generally what % of income and for how long for a typical case like this? I make a fairly meager yearly amount. Obviously every case is different.
Thank you

 

[Andy1978]

Another consideration: if we amicably agree on what happens to the house, and do a " no fault" divorce, but I highly expect she won't be amicable about anything here. It would be nice to avoid all the lawyer's expenses, etc.

 

[adjusterjack]

My #1 question is: would a judge likely require us to sell the home and split the proceeds

Not necessarily. Not if you can come up with the cash to offset her equity in the property. That's what an equitable division is.

#2, if alimony is awarded, generally what % of income and for how long for a typical case like this?

There are several alimony "calculators" at the following search result that should give you some idea.

https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=colorado+alimony+calculator&ia=web

 

[adjusterjack]

if we amicably agree on what happens to the house, and do a " no fault" divorce, but I highly expect she won't be amicable about anything here.

Oh, so your way would be amicable, hers wouldn't.

smh

I'm sure she would be amicable if you gave her everything she wanted.

 

[Andy1978]

Oh, so your way would be amicable, hers wouldn't.

smh

I'm sure she would be amicable if you gave her everything she wanted.

She wants it all, and then some, then more, is the general idea here. I don't think that is an amicable split anyway.

 

[Just Blue]

She wants it all, and then some, then more, is the general idea here. I don't think that is an amicable split anyway.

Per your first posting the impression you are giving is that you want everything except one of the cars.

 

[Andy1978]

Per your first posting the impression you are giving is that you want everything except one of the cars.

Obviously not, of course. I've never been through anything like this before , so trying to get a feel for how these things work and how things are usually split, etc. I now know a few things from your responses, such as, it doesn't matter how little someone contributes to a marriage, home or family in the end. Anyway I do appreciate your answers, all.

 

[Just Blue]

Obviously not, of course. I've never been through anything like this before , so trying to get a feel for how these things work and how things are usually split, etc. I now know a few things from your responses, such as, it doesn't matter how little someone contributes to a marriage, home or family in the end. Anyway I do appreciate your answers, all.

Approx when did she stop contributing to the marriage financially and stop parenting/caring for your child?