Weird situation, common law wife of 20 years, how split in divorce.

[Andy1978]

Approx when did she stop contributing to the marriage financially and stop parenting/caring for your child?

It has been a steady decline, predating the diagnosis by probably 5-6 years. She had a few cashier type jobs for a year or two and worked as a visiting CNA type helper for the elderly for a short time, maybe a couple months doing that. She just decided to quit these jobs abruptly. The last job was 4 years ago approximately. As far as childcare, the last 10 years have been bad, bare minimum or less. I've just been putting up with it I suppose, as life is always busy and so is work, except lately!

 

[Just Blue]

It has been a steady decline, predating the diagnosis by probably 5-6 years. She had a few cashier type jobs for a year or two and worked as a visiting CNA type helper for the elderly for a short time, maybe a couple months doing that. She just decided to quit these jobs abruptly. The last job was 4 years ago approximately. As far as childcare, the last 10 years have been bad, bare minimum or less. I've just been putting up with it I suppose, as life is always busy and so is work, except lately!

Well, I doubt a Judge will care to hear how lacking wife is/was over the last 10 years or so because you stayed married to her, thus giving your tacit approval of her behavior.

 

[Andy1978]

Well, I doubt a Judge will care to hear how lacking wife is/was over the last 10 years or so because you stayed married to her, thus giving your tacit approval of her behavior.

Yes, by putting up with an increasingly unbearable situation, I screwed myself pretty good. Would have been better for all involved to split years ago.

 

[Taxing Matters]

Just bought a house a little over a year ago, first home purchase.
The house is in my name only, my common law wife is not on the mortgage or the title (as her credit was non-qual for the loan). We've been together common law for like 20 years, she has very rarely ever contributed financially and really not even to the home, which is always a mess, unkept and won't even make her son meals most time it's on me or my daughter (over 18) to do it. I work full time, self employed.

A common law marriage, once formed, is treated like any other marriage. To end a common law marriage you need to get a divorce. Marriages are treated as a partnership and the fact that she did not contribute financially to the household during the marriage isn't going to deprive her of her claim to half the assets accumulated during the marriage.

 

[Andy1978]

A common law marriage, once formed, is treated like any other marriage. To end a common law marriage you need to get a divorce. Marriages are treated as a partnership and the fact that she did not contribute financially to the household during the marriage isn't going to deprive her of her claim to half the assets accumulated during the marriage.

Understood, appreciate your input. Thanks

 

[stealth2]

Maybe I missed it, but where is the 12yo in this situation? All I've been reading is about "stuff". Perhaps sorting out the parenting arrangement is more important than who gets what?

 

[LdiJ]

Yes I consider it a joint proposition, but what I have had to put up with of course slightly biases my view.
My #1 question is: would a judge likely require us to sell the home and split the proceeds and #2, if alimony is awarded, generally what % of income and for how long for a typical case like this? I make a fairly meager yearly amount. Obviously every case is different.
Thank you

It depends entirely on how much equity there is in the home...and possibly where the down payment came from. The house is in your name only, and if the down payment came from an inheritance or gift, or even premarital savings, then the only part of it that would be a marital asset would be the principal and appreciation that has accumulated since you bought it. The only time you have to sell a house to split the proceeds is if you cannot use other assets to pay off the other party or cannot refinance to take the other party off the mortgage. You don't need to take the other party off the mortgage and not much principal and appreciation could have happened in just a little over a year.

 

[AlmostThere]

Since you are very concerned about how much you stand to lose financially in a divorce, perhaps you should seek marital counseling to try to improve your situation. And if she won't go, go on your own.

Also, hiring a cleaning service to come in every week or so is a lot less expensive than a divorce.

It can be very hard to be approved for long term disability. Did your wife appeal the initial denial? Did she work with anyone, or do it on her own?

 

[zddoodah]

Just bought a house a little over a year ago

So...how much equity do you have in the home? What was the purchase price, and how much of that was financed? Any idea if it has appreciated or depreciated since you bought it?

 

[xylene]

DIVORCE IS AN ADVERSARIAL PROCESS

It is not your place, role, or obligation to figure out how to make this split just or amicable or whatever.

You need a LAWYER asap. Her getting a a lawyer or not is 1000% NOT your concern unless or until ordered to!

She is the one who wants a divorce and she is the one with a history of leaving.

Talk to a lawyer about your real options