Co-parenting agreement without adoption, rare situation

[JayneM]

What is the name of your state?
What is the name of your state?Massachusetts and Missouri

Husband and I married in 2008 and lived in his home state of MO. In 2011, I left him and moved back to my home state of MA. We never divorced or legally separated. In 2013 while still in MA, I had a child by another man. He is still named on the birth certificate but is honestly a nonissue; besides being uninvolved from the start, he never attempted to pursue a relationship with child and is now incarcerated, so he essentially doesn’t factor into the equation. In 2014, my child (then 1 year old) moved back to MO with my still-legal husband. He became her “dad” in every practical sense. In fall 2019, I left him again due to our relationship and took my child back to MA. I did, however, encourage and facilitate them to continue a loving parent/child relationship, paying for her to fly to MO to visit him for a week over Thanksgiving break and for her entire February school vacation. He’s a great dad, and she loves him, and I have no desire to stand in the way of their relationship. He recently expressed a desire to officially adopt her. I have every intention of allowing him as much contact and visitation with her as is desired and feasible and I do not want nor have ever asked for or received any kind of child support from him, legally binding or otherwise. I am wary of agreeing to the adoption, though, because I don’t know what implications it could have on my ability to live where I choose (i.e. in a state 1200 miles away). I have heard of Co-parenting agreements and wonder if this is a viable option in this case. I believe his biggest concern is that in the eyes of the law, he is essentially unrelated to her and that could be problematic in the case of unforeseen circumstances. I hope this was clear. It’s a unique situation, I know. Thank you

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?
What is the name of your state?Massachusetts and Missouri

Husband and I married in 2008 and lived in his home state of MO. In 2011, I left him and moved back to my home state of MA. We never divorced or legally separated. In 2013 while still in MA, I had a child by another man. He is still named on the birth certificate but is honestly a nonissue; besides being uninvolved from the start, he never attempted to pursue a relationship with child and is now incarcerated, so he essentially doesn’t factor into the equation. In 2014, my child (then 1 year old) moved back to MO with my still-legal husband. He became her “dad” in every practical sense. In fall 2019, I left him again due to our relationship and took my child back to MA. I did, however, encourage and facilitate them to continue a loving parent/child relationship, paying for her to fly to MO to visit him for a week over Thanksgiving break and for her entire February school vacation. He’s a great dad, and she loves him, and I have no desire to stand in the way of their relationship. He recently expressed a desire to officially adopt her. I have every intention of allowing him as much contact and visitation with her as is desired and feasible and I do not want nor have ever asked for or received any kind of child support from him, legally binding or otherwise. I am wary of agreeing to the adoption, though, because I don’t know what implications it could have on my ability to live where I choose (i.e. in a state 1200 miles away). I have heard of Co-parenting agreements and wonder if this is a viable option in this case. I believe his biggest concern is that in the eyes of the law, he is essentially unrelated to her and that could be problematic in the case of unforeseen circumstances. I hope this was clear. It’s a unique situation, I know. Thank you

First, the way that you worded things makes it a bit unclear which man appears on the child's birth certificate. Is it your husband's name, or the biological father's name?

If its your husband's name, he would already be the child's legal father and therefore an adoption would not be necessary. He already has legal rights.

If it the biological father's name, then the biological father would have to consent to any stepparent adoption, unless you can convince a court to voluntarily terminate his parental rights.

If you are at all uneasy about a stepparent adoption, then you probably should not do it. I understand his desire to have legal rights, but its not necessarily going to be simple at all to do the adoption, even if you decide to agree to it.

 

[JayneM]

First, the way that you worded things makes it a bit unclear which man appears on the child's birth certificate. Is it your husband's name, or the biological father's name?

If its your husband's name, he would already be the child's legal father and therefore an adoption would not be necessary. He already has legal rights.

If it the biological father's name, then the biological father would have to consent to any stepparent adoption, unless you can convince a court to voluntarily terminate his parental rights.

If you are at all uneasy about a stepparent adoption, then you probably should not do it. I understand his desire to have legal rights, but its not necessarily going to be simple at all to do the adoption, even if you decide to agree to it.

It is not the husband’s name on the birth certificate, it is the biological father’s name, who has been a nonentity in child’s life. My desire is to give my (never divorced from) husband some kind of legal assurances of his rights without his actually adopting her. Wondering if there’s some existing legal process or document to facilitate that

 

[JayneM]

It is not the husband’s name on the birth certificate, it is the biological father’s name, who has been a nonentity in child’s life. My desire is to give my (never divorced from) husband some kind of legal assurances of his rights without his actually adopting her. Wondering if there’s some existing legal process or document to facilitate that

Also I don’t think it would be all that difficult to get courts to terminate parental rights of biological father, as he had his rights terminated to another child (prior to me) and is currently incarcerated for 6-9 years on a manslaughter conviction

 

[LdiJ]

It is not the husband’s name on the birth certificate, it is the biological father’s name, who has been a nonentity in child’s life. My desire is to give my (never divorced from) husband some kind of legal assurances of his rights without his actually adopting her. Wondering if there’s some existing legal process or document to facilitate that

Well, you could give him joint custody, but if you do it would still be giving him the right to object to you moving the child away. You could name him the standby guardian in your will should something happen to you, but again, even though the biological father is not in the picture, he still has rights and both he and your entire family could challenge your husband being the standby guardian.

All in all, you either let him adopt (if you can get the biological father's agreement) in which case he would be equal to you, or you don't let him adopt and he has no legal rights. If there were no father named on the birth certificate he could assert legal right because he was married to you when the child was born. However, since there is another man on the actual BC, he couldn't remove him without a paternity test.

 

[JayneM]

Also, I have searched in Help section and FAQs and have been unable to find what “reaction score” signifies here. Could someone explain? Thank you

 

[quincy]

Also, I have searched in Help section and FAQs and have been unable to find what “reaction score” signifies here. Could someone explain? Thank you

The reaction score refers to the number of “thumbs up’s” or “wow’s” or “ha ha’s” (etc) a poster has received for their postings. The score really means very little.

 

[quincy]

We have a forum member who is a family law attorney (albeit licensed to practice in Ohio). Perhaps she will be by later to offer you additional advice. You can wait for “Ohiogal” to post. This forum also has several members who are knowledgeable in family law matters (I am not one of them ) and they might stop by later to offer advice, too.

Good luck.

 

[JayneM]

We have a forum member who is a family law attorney (albeit licensed to practice in Ohio). Perhaps she will be by later to offer you additional advice.

Thank you for your helping me to understand and navigate here

 

[quincy]

And you’re welcome, JayneM. I appreciate the thanks. I hope you are able to accomplish what you want to without too much trouble.

 

[t74]

This is a situation which cries out for counseling. What sticks out to me is there is no stated concern about what is best for the child just the parents.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state?
What is the name of your state?Massachusetts and Missouri

Husband and I married in 2008 and lived in his home state of MO. In 2011, I left him and moved back to my home state of MA. We never divorced or legally separated. In 2013 while still in MA, I had a child by another man. He is still named on the birth certificate but is honestly a nonissue; besides being uninvolved from the start, he never attempted to pursue a relationship with child and is now incarcerated, so he essentially doesn’t factor into the equation. In 2014, my child (then 1 year old) moved back to MO with my still-legal husband. He became her “dad” in every practical sense. In fall 2019, I left him again due to our relationship and took my child back to MA. I did, however, encourage and facilitate them to continue a loving parent/child relationship, paying for her to fly to MO to visit him for a week over Thanksgiving break and for her entire February school vacation. He’s a great dad, and she loves him, and I have no desire to stand in the way of their relationship. He recently expressed a desire to officially adopt her. I have every intention of allowing him as much contact and visitation with her as is desired and feasible and I do not want nor have ever asked for or received any kind of child support from him, legally binding or otherwise. I am wary of agreeing to the adoption, though, because I don’t know what implications it could have on my ability to live where I choose (i.e. in a state 1200 miles away). I have heard of Co-parenting agreements and wonder if this is a viable option in this case. I believe his biggest concern is that in the eyes of the law, he is essentially unrelated to her and that could be problematic in the case of unforeseen circumstances. I hope this was clear. It’s a unique situation, I know. Thank you

Jayne, is your daughter aware that your estranged husband is not her biological father? Do you plan on divorcing your husband? When is your daughters father getting out of prison? What is he in for?

 

[Ohiogal]

Also I don’t think it would be all that difficult to get courts to terminate parental rights of biological father, as he had his rights terminated to another child (prior to me) and is currently incarcerated for 6-9 years on a manslaughter conviction

Why did you lie when signing the acknowledgment... The hospital never would have let you sign it if you would have said you were married and you would have had to go to court.

 

[Zigner]

Poor kid