Visitation, Coronavirus

[steve5505]

What is the name of your state? All parties in Colorado.

I am the Father in this situation. I am separated from my soon to be ex wife. We are awaiting a ruling from court to finalize everything.

We have two kids, I have them every other weekend for now, I was doing 1-2 weekday nights as well but with Coronavirus around I cant do that for the time being.

Mother has done some irresponsible things during this shutdown. She has taken the kids to a party that was supposed to be "socially distanced" and had her boyfriend and his two kids over for dinner. After those two incidents I got her to agree to stop doing that sort of thing. A few days after she agreed my son told me her boyfriend had come over. She was abusive to me in the relationship so I don't really consider anything was ever real between us so personally it doesn't bother me that she has a boyfriend. What I am concerned about is when the boyfriend visits the Mother, my kids and I are also exposed to anyone he has had contact with. He has a job in an office he is still going to everyday, and an ex wife who I'm told is working from home. I dont know if she is remarried.

I am living with my mother until divorce is final, she is in her 70s. So every time Wife/Mothers boyfriend comes over both kids my mother and myself are all exposed to everything that the boyfriend, his ex wife, and their two kids, and possibly even more extended if their are other relationships I don't know about.

I was able to get her to agree to stop having him over for now. She has a serious honesty problem so I'm concerned she's just telling me what I want to hear. She was also somewhat ambiguous in her response and refuses to agree to a more solid agreement.

I don't know if it's relevant but I stopped dating someone in early March because I didn't want to risk the exposure. So I have already made this decision myself without anyone having to twist my arm.

So my question is, is there anything I can do at this point if she keeps having him come over? As I mentioned I live with my mother in her 70's and she is terrified about the added exposure. If I can't get her to be responsible I might have to cancel all visitation for now until this thing is over. I hope that's not what I have to do that would break my heart. Thanks for any assistance.

 

[CdwJava]

If there is no court order, then there's no easy way to compel her to do anything. If your ex is not keeping the kids at home and not ceasing their potential exposure to others, it might be best for all involved - the kids, your mom,. and others - if everyone stays put. If the kids have been staying with mom, maybe they stay there until these orders and recommendations are lifted or relaxed, or you feel safe.

Absent a court order, she can't be forced to cease what she's doing.

If the two of you cannot work together, then that bodes ill for the future - AND for the wellbeing of the children.

 

[advocatesdenverco]

So my question is, is there anything I can do at this point if she keeps having him come over? As I mentioned I live with my mother in her 70's and she is terrified about the added exposure. If I can't get her to be responsible I might have to cancel all visitation for now until this thing is over. I hope that's not what I have to do that would break my heart. Thanks for any assistance.

I'm not an expert but really worried with the kids, we don't know the contamination the virus is unpredictable as a parent myself I rather ask for legal assistance to take the kids, for safety purposes.

 

[stealth2]

At the end of the day, w/o a court order (as CDW posted), you have little to no leverage. Frankly, even with an order - and especially with you relatively limited parenting time - you wouldn't have much. All you can do is convince Mom to let you have the kids FT until C-19 passes, refuse to potentially expose yourself/your Mom by refusing your parenting time (perhaps convincing Mom to give make-up time when this is over - in writing), or take the chance.

I, personally don't know how I'd handle things if my kids were younger, but I would hope their Dad & I could reach some type of agreement (I hear you senior members laughing!). However, our kids are grown, and it is not an issue.

 

[BuyLowSellHigh]

According to the CDC "children with confirmed COVID-19 have generally shown mild symptoms."




https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/children.html
Caring for Children
Based on available evidence, children do not appear to be at higher risk for COVID-19 than adults. While some children and infants have been sick with COVID-19, adults make up most of the known cases to date.
Children may have mild symptoms
The symptoms of COVID-19 are similar in children and adults. However, children with confirmed COVID-19 have generally shown mild symptoms. Reported symptoms in children include cold-like symptoms, such as fever, runny nose, and cough. Vomiting and diarrhea have also been reported.
It’s not known yet whether some children may be at higher risk for severe illness, for example, children with underlying medical conditions and special healthcare needs. There is more to learn about how the disease impacts children. You can learn more about who is most at risk for health problems if they have COVID-19 infection on Are You at Higher Risk for Severe Illness.

 

[not2cleverRed]

So my question is, is there anything I can do at this point if she keeps having him come over? As I mentioned I live with my mother in her 70's and she is terrified about the added exposure. If I can't get her to be responsible I might have to cancel all visitation for now until this thing is over. I hope that's not what I have to do that would break my heart. Thanks for any assistance.

I think the responsible thing is to protect your mother from exposure to Covid-19, to the extent that you are able.

It would be reasonable to request more virtual time with your children for the moment.

 

[stealth2]

According to the CDC "children with confirmed COVID-19 have generally shown mild symptoms."




https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/children.html
Caring for Children
Based on available evidence, children do not appear to be at higher risk for COVID-19 than adults. While some children and infants have been sick with COVID-19, adults make up most of the known cases to date.
Children may have mild symptoms
The symptoms of COVID-19 are similar in children and adults. However, children with confirmed COVID-19 have generally shown mild symptoms. Reported symptoms in children include cold-like symptoms, such as fever, runny nose, and cough. Vomiting and diarrhea have also been reported.
It’s not known yet whether some children may be at higher risk for severe illness, for example, children with underlying medical conditions and special healthcare needs. There is more to learn about how the disease impacts children. You can learn more about who is most at risk for health problems if they have COVID-19 infection on Are You at Higher Risk for Severe Illness.

And what about OP's Mother? I care for my Mom - she's 90 (well, in a month-ish). And actually in excellent health (if we discount that pesky dementia). I am fierce when it comes to contact with me, her, etc. I adopted a dog today. I told the foster Dd to put her papers on the hood of the car. Bring her onto the deck before bringing my dogs out. Wiped all three dogs down with no-rinse shampoo before letting them in for the new one to meet Mom. I get groceries delivered, wipe everything down w/water/bleach or water/vinegar. I wash my hands religiously. Same with other stuff I get delivered.

If my kids were young? I'd likely tell their Dad how uncomfortable I was with them traveling for his parenting time. I would hope we could come to an agreement. But I would not put Mom at risk.

 

[BuyLowSellHigh]

The court's concern would be the welfare of the children, not the welfare of OP's Mother. The protection of OP's Mother is not a burden that can be placed on the children's Mother.

 

[stealth2]

The court's concern would be the welfare of the children, not the welfare of OP's Mother. The protection of OP's Mother is not a burden that can be placed on the children's Mother.

And the Court will not be involved in the near-term. OP needs to sort out what he will do NOW.

 

[BuyLowSellHigh]

You should only judge the actions of the children's mother based on the children's welfare. Whether it be now or later the protection of Op's Mother is not relevant to the care of the children.

 

[LdiJ]

You should only judge the actions of the children's mother based on the children's welfare. Whether it be now or later the protection of Op's Mother is not relevant to the care of the children.

However, again, he has to judge his own actions based on the welfare of his elderly mother who has generously opened her home to him.

 

[Just Blue]

You should only judge the actions of the children's mother based on the children's welfare. Whether it be now or later the protection of Op's Mother is not relevant to the care of the children.

The children's welfare is at risk due to the mothers alleged actions. Children are dying from COVID-19.

 

[BuyLowSellHigh]

The children's welfare is at risk due to the mothers alleged actions. Children are from COVID-19.

Please site your sources.

 

[not2cleverRed]

The court's concern would be the welfare of the children, not the welfare of OP's Mother. The protection of OP's Mother is not a burden that can be placed on the children's Mother.

Because it is the best interest of the children to be taken care of by adults, it might be considered to be in their best interest to avoid unnecessary exposure.

Additionally, it is usually considered to be in the best interest of children to foster healthy involved relationships with BOTH parents. It sounds like Mom is doing what she can to prevent that, because she is thoughtless and selfish - and seems to have a disregard for her own health too.

 

[steve5505]

Thanks for all the replies.

One extra note, the reason I have agreed to our current custody is because I live too far away from their school right now to take them during the week. Their schools are closed and I have no issue having them full time. The mother would not agree to that.

Another note, in order to get full decision making rights, the mothers case was because I claim she was abusive, there is no way I can make rational decisions with the mother. Now the mother is very hostile and uses foul language etc during our interactions. I think she is trying to provoke a conflict so she can reaffirm that case. I of course have my own feelings about how gross this is but that's irrelevant just FYI if that makes any difference here.

I know children are at much lower risk than the elderly, I have seen a couple of deaths reported but it's hard to find much info. Maybe because hospitals can't release minors info? I saw a case from LA county where they just reported "Someone under the age of 18" died, and I saw a case today I think from Detroit where a 5 year old died.

I have a friend who is a nurse and she is telling me she has had multiple pediatric patients hospitalized with Covid-19, though none of them have died. I hope none of them do.

I have made the decision to not expose the kids to any people I don't have too. The mother is only tenuously doing so "for now".

Does any of that info change anything? Thanks again.