ABSENTEE PARENT

[Peel124]

My granddaughters mother who is the custodial parent, has been out of the state for 3 months. In her absence, her mother and sister have been "taking care" of my granddaughter, while her father (my son) continues to get her on alternating weekends, per their agreement. He has made attempts to communicate his desire to keep her longer, in her mothers absence, but has been denied this opportunity. The child support that is being paid, is not benefitting the child, who is being shuffled between her mothers family instead of having a stable yet temporary home with her father. Is there something he can do to change this. The mother is away with the father of 3 of her 5 children and even in her absence does not authorize my son to make any parental decisions regarding the daily well-being of his daughter.

 

[Just Blue]

My granddaughters mother who is the custodial parent, has been out of the state for 3 months. In her absence, her mother and sister have been "taking care" of my granddaughter, while her father (my son) continues to get her on alternating weekends, per their agreement. He has made attempts to communicate his desire to keep her longer, in her mothers absence, but has been denied this opportunity. The child support that is being paid, is not benefitting the child, who is being shuffled between her mothers family instead of having a stable yet temporary home with her father. Is there something he can do to change this. The mother is away with the father of 3 of her 5 children and even in her absence does not authorize my son to make any parental decisions regarding the daily well-being of his daughter.

What state? Has Dad been legally declared the legal father of this child and is there a custody order?

 

[Peel124]

What state? Has Dad been legally declared the legal father of this child and is there a custody order?

State of Texas and yes, he has been legally declared father. His child support is automatically deducted monthly and the custody agreement is bi-weekly visitation which both parents are very flexible with that based on holidays and other special events or just the child's desire to see her dad. The problem is the mothers parenting decisions from a distance, while receiving support that's not supporting the child and the father not being able to serve as a custodial parent in her continued absence.

 

[LdiJ]

My granddaughters mother who is the custodial parent, has been out of the state for 3 months. In her absence, her mother and sister have been "taking care" of my granddaughter, while her father (my son) continues to get her on alternating weekends, per their agreement. He has made attempts to communicate his desire to keep her longer, in her mothers absence, but has been denied this opportunity. The child support that is being paid, is not benefitting the child, who is being shuffled between her mothers family instead of having a stable yet temporary home with her father. Is there something he can do to change this. The mother is away with the father of 3 of her 5 children and even in her absence does not authorize my son to make any parental decisions regarding the daily well-being of his daughter.

Your son should really be asking his questions himself, because going through a third party (you) risks unclear information.

However, the key question here is when will mom be returning, if ever? If its going to be within a couple of months, its likely that mom will be back before your son can get anything into court for a decision to be made. If she is gone indefinitely, then he needs to hightail it to court for at least a temporary modification of custody, if not a permanent one.

The age of the child matters as well. If the child is a teen and would have to change schools (assuming schools start back up in the fall) and does not WANT to change schools, that could be a factor.

 

[Zigner]

I have to wonder how you, Peel124, know that the money is not benefiting the child. Are you privy to any financial matters relating to the mother of the child? I doubt it. Is the child housed, clothed, and fed? If yes, then mom is doing what is required of her.

 

[zddoodah]

Your son is free to seek a custody change and should consult a family law attorney about this.

 

[t74]

Grandma, The best thing you can do is help your son find and pay for an attorney practicing in the court where custody issues will be heard. The reason for mother's absence is likely important to the discussion.

He needs to discuss with the attorney adding to the order that if eithr parent is unavailable to care for the child that the other parent can take custody during the absence.

If there are legitimate concerns about the welfare of his child and/or the other children, child services should be contacted

 

[LdiJ]

Grandma, The best thing you can do is help your son find and pay for an attorney practicing in the court where custody issues will be heard. The reason for mother's absence is likely important to the discussion.

He needs to discuss with the attorney adding to the order that if eithr parent is unavailable to care for the child that the other parent can take custody during the absence.

If there are legitimate concerns about the welfare of his child and/or the other children, child services should be contacted

It is important however that you only do the bolded if the concerns are truly legitimate. Calling child services is NOT a shortcut to get the child into your husband's custody. You don't want child services involved in the child's life unless there is a real reason to do so.

 

[Ohiogal]

It is important however that you only do the bolded if the concerns are truly legitimate. Calling child services is NOT a shortcut to get the child into your husband's custody. You don't want child services involved in the child's life unless there is a real reason to do so.

I hope her son is NOT her husband. That would be illegal and definitely deny dad his child.

 

[stealth2]

I hope her son is NOT her husband. That would be illegal and definitely deny dad his child.

That was obviously a misstatement. One often made here...

 

[Ohiogal]

That was obviously a misstatement. One often made here...

It was funny. I know it was a mis-statement. I get that. I needed to laugh at SOMETHING today.

 

[Peel124]

State of Texas and yes, he has been declared the legal father and child support is automatically deducted each month. Provisions have always been made for the child who w

I have to wonder how you, Peel124, know that the money is not benefiting the child. Are you privy to any financial matters relating to the mother of the child? I doubt it. Is the child housed, clothed, and fed? If yes, then mom is doing what is required of her.

I know because at 11 years old she informs us and her other grandmother has also stated that the mother has not provided any financial support over these last 3 months and how she continues to expect others to shelter, feed and clothe the child. I was only looking for other opinions and perspectived on this situation, being her grandmother, I do my best to maintain a respectable distance from the parenting quarrels that may arise, but when I see the emotional, physical and psychological toll this is taking on an otherwise smart, fun-loving, active child....well, I just needed to see what information was out there and have already had conversations with my son on his plans.
Thank you for your comments.

 

[Zigner]

child who w

I know because at 11 years old she informs us...

It's pretty craptastic that you are involving your granddaughter in those adult conversations.

 

[Peel124]

It's pretty craptastic that you are involving your granddaughter in those adult conversations.

We dont involve her in adult conversations. In her 11 years, she's NEVER heard a negative word from us regarding her mother and NEVER will. She does exactly what we expect her to do, LOVE her mother, but as adults, we are responsible for her well being and that's why I'm on this forum, seeking advice on what steps if any can be taken to ensure she continues to grow into a healthy, stable person without any unnecessary and preventable childhood scars that may affect her later in life.

 

[Zigner]

We dont involve her in adult conversations. In her 11 years, she's NEVER heard a negative word from us regarding her mother and NEVER will. She does exactly what we expect her to do, LOVE her mother, but as adults, we are responsible for her well being and that's why I'm on this forum, seeking advice on what steps if any can be taken to ensure she continues to grow into a healthy, stable person without any unnecessary and preventable childhood scars that may affect her later in life.

Who is this "we" that you speak of? (It's a rhetorical question).

Please have one of the legally involved parties (for example, DAD) log on to ask his own questions about this matter. You have no legal dog in this fight.