Spousal alimony

[stealth2]

One of the things the guys down the street always ask in these situations is "What is your alien abduction plan?" In other words, suppose your stbx drops off the face of the earth - loses interest, moves away, dies, is abducted by aliens - how will you care for your kids 24/7? Frankly, all parents should be able to answer that.

 

[LdiJ]

Ldji because in the long run, it's unsustainable. I become the daycare provider and she becomes the parent with fun time. I want to have a fun time and relax with my kids as well. Not to mention I will be solely responsible for their schooling for homework, for food, and everything in the middle.

Do you know how my life is currently? last week my kid went 4 minutes late in one of her E-learning classes and it was my fault i accidentally turned off the alarm and my spouse send me a text stating i should be more responsible and this is the reason why we are getting a divorce?


To the most part, we are still civil, however, I want to avoid contact with mom every day. This schedule means I am in contact with her 2ice a day and I really want to avoid it otherwise every day she will remind me what crappy food I am giving them, or the heat should be at 71 and not 70 degrees and that's why one of the kids coughed the other day.

When my ex and I split up, he came to my home every morning before work to help get our daughter ready for school, and came to my house for a couple of hours every evening after work, to help our child with homework and play with her while I ran errands and made dinner. He rarely took her overnight because at first, he was living in a home that was under constant renovation and construction and just wasn't safe for a child (his opinion), and later, because routines and lifestyles made our situation her norm. He and his girlfriend liked to go out to late dinners and live a late night lifestyle.

He then had her on Saturdays, (I sometimes joined them in whatever activity they were doing) and I had her on Sunday's. Holidays were usually shared.

As my daughter got older she expressed real gratitude to me and her father for not making her live the typical divorced lifestyle, and gratitude for the fact that she got to see her father nearly every day. Many of her friends were also jealous that she did not have to live the typical divorced lifestyle.

As I said, it was difficult at first. However we both did our best to leave our egos at the door, and it ended up being a good thing for us too, because we developed a friendship that was like having another sibling. So, my opinion comes from true experience in sharing a child on a daily basis. If I had it to do over again, I would do the same thing.

 

[Lookforward]

LOL You don't know my ex. I just stopped giving him rent-free space in my head and mm-hmmm'd him.

ETA: Another good response is "Thank you for your input." *click*

This is coming from experience most probably. I am trying to get there, hopefully, a couple of more year and i will do exactly what you do.

 

[not2cleverRed]

When my ex and I split up, he came to my home every morning before work to help get our daughter ready for school, and came to my house for a couple of hours every evening after work, to help our child with homework and play with her while I ran errands and made dinner. He rarely took her overnight because at first, he was living in a home that was under constant renovation and construction and just wasn't safe for a child (his opinion), and later, because routines and lifestyles made our situation her norm. He and his girlfriend liked to go out to late dinners and live a late night lifestyle.

He then had her on Saturdays, (I sometimes joined them in whatever activity they were doing) and I had her on Sunday's. Holidays were usually shared.

As my daughter got older she expressed real gratitude to me and her father for not making her live the typical divorced lifestyle, and gratitude for the fact that she got to see her father nearly every day. Many of her friends were also jealous that she did not have to live the typical divorced lifestyle.

As I said, it was difficult at first. However we both did our best to leave our egos at the door, and it ended up being a good thing for us too, because we developed a friendship that was like having another sibling. So, my opinion comes from true experience in sharing a child on a daily basis. If I had it to do over again, I would do the same thing.

Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it's a good idea for everyone. Frankly, if I could put up with my ex that much, we'd still be married.

I know people who want to keep the marital home, have the estranged spouse pay the mortgage, taxes, do the repairs, take care of the kids until 9-10 at night... because they wanted to have their cake and eat it; they want to maintain their lifestyle, but not be married.

I don't know what the status of the marital home - whether it a rental, a house owned free and clear by Mom. (OP said there are no debts. So I'm assuming that means no mortgage, since that is a debt.)

If Mom's issue is that Dad lives in a place where each kid gets their own room and own bed because he can't manage a $260K lifestyle on $75K, well, she needs to be corrected. It is not a legal requirement that children be given lavish accommodations. A parent is not unfit because kids share a bedroom. Or even if the kids share a bed.

One of the things the guys down the street always ask in these situations is "What is your alien abduction plan?" In other words, suppose your stbx drops off the face of the earth - loses interest, moves away, dies, is abducted by aliens - how will you care for your kids 24/7? Frankly, all parents should be able to answer that.

Honestly, I think OP would be fine if aliens abducted the STBX. The issue is seeing the STBX every. dang. day. First to take over parenting at 8 AM, then in the evening 4-5 PM when she gets home from work.

 

[stealth2]

Honestly, I think OP would be fine if aliens abducted the STBX. The issue is seeing the STBX every. dang. day. First to take over parenting at 8 AM, then in the evening 4-5 PM when she gets home from work.

But, if I recall correctly, there was an issue about 7 days a week if he has to go back to work away from home. Maybe I'm mixing that up with another poster. Will check.

 

[stealth2]

It's all about Doability. I can do 2/2/3 or 7/7 i just can't spend 7 days a week every day and keep the kids till 8 pm. That was her last proposal next week it will change. One consistency is that she wants to keep the kids overnight

This is likely what I was remembering. Can't or won't due to Mom's overnight issue?

 

[Lookforward]

But, if I recall correctly, there was an issue about 7 days a week if he has to go back to work away from home. Maybe I'm mixing that up with another poster. Will check.

No i can work from home indefinitely, i have an email written by my boss.

 

[LdiJ]

Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it's a good idea for everyone. Frankly, if I could put up with my ex that much, we'd still be married.

I know people who want to keep the marital home, have the estranged spouse pay the mortgage, taxes, do the repairs, take care of the kids until 9-10 at night... because they wanted to have their cake and eat it; they want to maintain their lifestyle, but not be married.

I don't know what the status of the marital home - whether it a rental, a house owned free and clear by Mom. (OP said there are no debts. So I'm assuming that means no mortgage, since that is a debt.)

If Mom's issue is that Dad lives in a place where each kid gets their own room and own bed because he can't manage a $260K lifestyle on $75K, well, she needs to be corrected. It is not a legal requirement that children be given lavish accommodations. A parent is not unfit because kids share a bedroom. Or even if the kids share a bed.



Honestly, I think OP would be fine if aliens abducted the STBX. The issue is seeing the STBX every. dang. day. First to take over parenting at 8 AM, then in the evening 4-5 PM when she gets home from work.

I am a little offended. I am suggesting that the OP consider something based on what seriously worked for my child, and you are seriously dissing it based on your on personal opinion of what you couldn't have tolerated based on your experience.

Are you really saying that no parents should ever make an arrangement where their children get to see both of them nearly every day, just because YOU couldn't tolerate it?

Many parents actually do leave their egos at the door so that their children can have the best possible life. We don't see that here very much because most of the parents who come here for advice are dealing with higher conflict situations. However, many parents do make it work.

 

[stealth2]

I will say that there is no *one* ideal solution that would work for every family. So it can be useful to read examples where parents went outside the box of eow/e & dinner once a week.

 

[Lookforward]

del

 

[Just Blue]

del

??????????? huh?

 

[Lookforward]

Jeez my apologies i think i deleted my own post.
Here it is
Guys sorry for the bombardment of questions.
We are working with a GAL and her decision will come out soon probably end of march

2 weeks ago mom sends me a text asking me if i am ok to send the kid back to school from E-School I didn't respond because i thought i should wait for the GAL decision. She emailed me CCed GAL and i agreed that it should be ok to send the kid to School from E-School. (kid stays home with me)

Yesterday she said she wanted to put the other kid back to Daycare and all i said to her was to wait until a decision is finalized and we can talk about it.
Today she sends another email to the GAL basically saying that all my kid does is watch tv and she's concerned and she wants him to go back to daycare. Note here kid was going to daycare in December when she asked me to remove the kid from daycare (Have her text).

I responded to the email but wondering what to do here because I don't think she will stop the email chain until i absolutely truly agree to all her demands.

My question is if I get another email from her with GAL cced should I respond back or should I just state something like I have already said what I wanted to.

I just don't want to look like both of us cannot agree on simple things because we do. I think she's somehow trying to create this issue to somehow tell the GAL that i cannot work with her so she should get more time with the kids and not me.

The kids are staying home with me. She goes to work and we live under the same roof for now.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I responded to the email but wondering what to do here because I don't think she will stop the email chain until i absolutely truly agree to all her demands.

My question is if I get another email from her with GAL cced should I respond back or should I just state something like I have already said what I wanted to.

I just don't want to look like both of us cannot agree on simple things because we do. I think she's somehow trying to create this issue to somehow tell the GAL that i cannot work with her so she should get more time with the kids and not me.

That would be a valid assumption. She wants to paint a picture of herself as the super parent, and you as the useless Dad.

Your version is that you're working from home and taking care of the kids, overseeing them at school, feeding them, etc. - all the things a SAHParent does.
Her version is that you're working from home and using the TV/electronics as a babysitter, barely keeping the kids alive. Why, you even turned the thermostat down to 70F once. (LOL. Mine only goes up to 65F. Somehow, my child survived.)

If she's going to cc the GAL, then reply all. Keep it short, simple, and civil. It can be as simple as, "I would like to wait for the GAL's decision, before making more changes to the kid's established routine." Although, frankly, the GAL is not going to be happy to have their times wasted with petty squabbles.

Give your lawyer a heads up that there's shenanigans going on.

DO request as part of the parenting plan that all parental communications goes through whatever service/app that the local courts prefer, so that they are in a form that's court admissible.

You might consider a right of first refusal clause - that you get the option of caring for the kids (more parenting time) over others. Especially since she's going to expect that you share in the daycare costs.

The kids are staying home with me. She goes to work and we live under the same roof for now.

I am glad that you are finally mentioning this in the thread.

Mom has been trying to paint the picture that she is the primary caretaker because she tucks them in at night in a house that you BOTH live in. THAT is why she wants you to agree to take the kids out of E-school and put them into daycare.

 

[Ohiogal]

As a GAL, I would state that status quo should remain until said time as there is a hearing to change things. Especially since there is no order. As a GAL, I would NOT be happy to hear petty squabbles especially when the parents live under the same roof. That tells me one parent needs a referee and can't handle an adult conversation about parenting.

 

[LdiJ]

That would be a valid assumption. She wants to paint a picture of herself as the super parent, and you as the useless Dad.

Your version is that you're working from home and taking care of the kids, overseeing them at school, feeding them, etc. - all the things a SAHParent does.
Her version is that you're working from home and using the TV/electronics as a babysitter, barely keeping the kids alive. Why, you even turned the thermostat down to 70F once. (LOL. Mine only goes up to 65F. Somehow, my child survived.)

If she's going to cc the GAL, then reply all. Keep it short, simple, and civil. It can be as simple as, "I would like to wait for the GAL's decision, before making more changes to the kid's established routine." Although, frankly, the GAL is not going to be happy to have their times wasted with petty squabbles.

Give your lawyer a heads up that there's shenanigans going on.

DO request as part of the parenting plan that all parental communications goes through whatever service/app that the local courts prefer, so that they are in a form that's court admissible.

You might consider a right of first refusal clause - that you get the option of caring for the kids (more parenting time) over others. Especially since she's going to expect that you share in the daycare costs.



I am glad that you are finally mentioning this in the thread.

Mom has been trying to paint the picture that she is the primary caretaker because she tucks them in at night in a house that you BOTH live in. THAT is why she wants you to agree to take the kids out of E-school and put them into daycare.

Semantics I know, but it was back in regular school for the older ones and back in daycare for the youngest.

Also, dad IS working from home so a great part of his attention does have to be on his job, or he won't have a job. E-learning probably keeps the older ones occupied for a chunk of the day, but dad couldn't really be faulted if he has to use the TV for a bit of babysitting on the youngest.