Disagreement with guidelines

[Winsome]

So this is not yet a court-ordered schedule?

The order says we have to follow the guidelines.

 

[Winsome]

Personally? Getting the vax isn't. Even *with* a potential reaction - parents get sick same as kids do - suppose Dad woke up on his w/e with a stomach bug? As for the party? Is it at Winsome's home?

I have had some mild reactions since taking it yesterday. I live alone and do not want the kids to get affected. I had planned this before she rejected my schedule. Not complaining, but my ex has put a lot of extra curricular activities on the calendar for me to take them to this weekend. It is as good as the kids not being there during my time. The party this Sunday is not at my home, but at a friends place, I can miss it. But these were all long planned.

 

[stealth2]

The order says we have to follow the guidelines.

Then you follow the orders, file for contempt, and see what the judge says.

Just scrolling through the IN guidelines (https://www.in.gov/courts/rules/parenting/#_Toc470850873), I am not seeing that exact w.e's are specified (i.e. 1st/3rd/5th)... Did the judge set a starting date? In other words, did the judge say on whatever date "as per IN guidelines, EOW starts on Friday of this week for Dad" or similar? Is there a status quo whe you have the kids that you can point to as the eow you've been following? Not being difficult, but you're not giving much to work with here...

 

[Winsome]

Just scrolling through the IN guidelines (https://www.in.gov/courts/rules/parenting/#_Toc470850873), I am not seeing that exact w.e's are specified (i.e. 1st/3rd/5th)... Did the judge set a starting date? In other words, did the judge say on whatever date "as per IN guidelines, EOW starts on Friday of this week for Dad" or similar? Is there a status quo whe you have the kids that you can point to as the eow you've been following? Not being difficult, but you're not giving much to work with here...

I wasn't aware until you pointed this out. The starting date for the order was from the date of the decree. The only guideline we have is the one in the link. So if there is a holiday in the middle of the regular EOW, then the parent gets the weekend before and after. For e.g. my ex got 3 weekends in a row for MLK, and other holidays early this year. I am supposed to get the weekend after Easter as this was my holiday. I had published my parenting time schedule in OFW a month ago, but ex says I did it at the last minute.

 

[stealth2]

I wasn't aware until you pointed this out. The starting date for the order was from the date of the decree. The only guideline we have is the one in the link. So if there is a holiday in the middle of the regular EOW, then the parent gets the weekend before and after. For e.g. my ex got 3 weekends in a row for MLK, and other holidays early this year. I am supposed to get the weekend after Easter as this was my holiday. I had published my parenting time schedule in OFW a month ago, but ex says I did it at the last minute.

I suspect the intent is for the *other* parent to get the w/e before/after a holiday, resetting the eow, versus giving one parent three w/es in a row. I could, of course, be mistaken.

 

[Winsome]

The guidelines have it that the regular weekend schedule does not affected if a holiday comes in between the eow. So a parent can get 3 weekends in a row.

 

[stealth2]

Fair enough. @LdiJ may be of more help, being in IN.

 

[LdiJ]

Hello -

State is IN. Per court order, I have mid-week and EOW with overnights with the children. Per the state guidelines, I am supposed to have had the children last weekend. But my ex refused sending the children at the last minute, and instead told me that I can have them this coming weekend. This weekend I cannot, as I have already made other commitments. I pointed her to the guidelines, and to the parenting time calendar that I published a month ago. But she refuses to budge. This is not the first time, she has refused sending the children on time in the past. After discussing and confirming the correct dates with my lawyer, I filed a contempt for her refusal to send the children during my regular weekend. This will be taken up during the hearing next month.

My question is, do you perceive I am not flexible enough to follow her schedule and take the children this weekend?

Thanks.

P.S: I do have an old thread, but it is not related to this topic. If I have misplaced this ask, please let me know.

The Indiana guidelines do outline what is supposed to happen if a parent has to miss a weekend for one reason or another. Which does indicate that the authors of the guidelines did anticipate that it would happen from time to time. That is probably the section that mom is referring to. You could have easily asked for a different weekend to be the makeup weekend instead of the one that was problematic for you. I suspect that mom won't actually suffer any consequences for this one. If she does, it's unlikely to be more than a slap on the wrist, since she did offer makeup time, as she was supposed to do.

Life does happen. It happens in ways that require parents to have enough flexibility that if something important or special is happening, that they work with the other parent. She was trying to work with you, you were not reciprocating.

 

[Winsome]

The Indiana guidelines do outline what is supposed to happen if a parent has to miss a weekend for one reason or another. Which does indicate that the authors of the guidelines did anticipate that it would happen from time to time. That is probably the section that mom is referring to.

This is not what she is referring to as you assume she does. If a parent refuses to send the children on another parent's weekend, it cannot be assumed that parent was trying to do her best for the children.

You could have easily asked for a different weekend to be the makeup weekend instead of the one that was problematic for you.

This isn't about asking for another weekend. It is about following the guidelines per the court order. She has refused sending the children in the past, and I do not doubt she will in future.

I suspect that mom won't actually suffer any consequences for this one. If she does, it's unlikely to be more than a slap on the wrist, since she did offer makeup time, as she was supposed to do.

So this means, I can also violate the guidelines and not send the children back to her when it is her time, and better yet, I can get away with it

Life does happen. It happens in ways that require parents to have enough flexibility that if something important or special is happening, that they work with the other parent. She was trying to work with you, you were not reciprocating.

Again an assumption that she was trying to work with me, but I was not reciprocating.

 

[stealth2]

Good luck in court.

 

[LdiJ]

This is not what she is referring to as you assume she does. If a parent refuses to send the children on another parent's weekend, it cannot be assumed that parent was trying to do her best for the children.


This isn't about asking for another weekend. It is about following the guidelines per the court order. She has refused sending the children in the past, and I do not doubt she will in future.


So this means, I can also violate the guidelines and not send the children back to her when it is her time, and better yet, I can get away with it


Again an assumption that she was trying to work with me, but I was not reciprocating.

She offered you a makeup weekend. The guidelines discuss that. You are deliberately ignoring that.

 

[Winsome]

She offered you a makeup weekend. The guidelines discuss that. You are deliberately ignoring that.

Sorry if that came out that way. She did not offer a makeup weekend. She changed the schedule completely switching my regular weekends to what she thinks I should get. I confirmed the correct schedule with my attorney and he agrees.

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry if that came out that way. She did not offer a makeup weekend. She changed the schedule completely switching my regular weekends to what she thinks I should get. I confirmed the correct schedule with my attorney and he agrees.

Ok, so you are saying that she has a different opinion than you as to when the scheduled rotation was supposed to start? Because that is not what you described at all in your first post on this thread.

Or, if that is not what you mean you need to spell things out clearly so that posters cannot misunderstand you.

 

[Winsome]

You are correct. She has a different opinion than I do. I have clarified, pointed, and did everything I could to help her understand the guidelines, also asked her to clarify with her attorney. But she does not budge. It was the same problem for the last several breaks and holidays. The net is I do not get the children on time or sometimes never get them because it is her way or the highway.

 

[doucar]

I confirmed the correct schedule with my attorney and he agrees.
So, you have an attorney who is involved with your case. Your questions should be put to your attorney, who knows the case, the judge's and what they will feel is important and not important in following the guidelines, rather than be put to strangers on the internet who do not know the details of your case or the judge(s) involved in it. It is fine to get other opinions, but the one that counts the most for you, your case and your child is your attorney. If you do not trust your attorney, it is time to get a new one.