Texas age to pick which parent to reside with

[txdadto6]

What is the name of your state? Texas
Good afternoon. I live in Texas and seeking advice about custody. I have a 13 year old daughter who is persistent about living with me. Her mom and I get along great for the past 8 years after a very ugly custody dispute. We all grew up (I am remarried) and we co parent great. My daughter asked to move in about a year ago but I did tell her that she should really think about it and that I support her wanting to live with me but she needed to be the one to talk to her mom about it first. It was dropped and never spoken about again but she did mention to her older sibling that she was scared to tell her so she left it alone. Well, she is not insisting again and she did finally talk to her mom but her mom told her straight up no. Our daughter tried asking her why and her only reasoning is that she has a good home and a good school with her, that she understood she wanted to live with me and that she could stay the rest of the summer but then she was coming home permanently. I did think it was nice and shows she is trying that she did at least tell her she could stay the whole summer and not just the standard 30 days. I have spoken to her about maybe we can ask for more time from her mother and then if by next year it still doesn't help how she feels we will see what the next steps are. She has been extremely upset ever since and I am just not sure what to do. Daily she is still telling us she wants to live here. She told her mom she is not upset with her about anything, she just misses me and wants to live with me since she has lived with her her whole life. Her mother is refusing to talk with her about it and being sort of ugly towards her when they do speak now which has her anxiety pretty high about going home. (Not helping the situation at all) I am sure her feelings are probably hurt. I do not want child support or anything like that, just to switch to me being the primary parent.

We both coparent well together and I do not really have anything bad to say about her as she will not have anything bad to say about I. We both own our own homes (well she lives with her boyfriend but its his owned home) Both have jobs, ect. The school my daughter is currently in is in a bigger city and does offer more programs but nothing is wrong with out school. (We live in a small town) We are both great and competent parents which is why I am not sure what to do here. I most certainly know if it was dragged into court she would be angry with me and it would probably throw all the hard work we have done down the drain but at the same time I feel like I am ignoring my daughters feelings. So I guess my main question is how likely is a judge to really listen to a 13 year olds requests in the state of Texas? Someone suggested putting her in therapy. Thank you for you time and any input is greatly appreciated.
Side note: We have also been suggested to do 50/50 but that is hard because mom lives over an hour away.

Side

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Texas
Good afternoon. I live in Texas and seeking advice about custody. I have a 13 year old daughter who is persistent about living with me. Her mom and I get along great for the past 8 years after a very ugly custody dispute. We all grew up (I am remarried) and we co parent great. My daughter asked to move in about a year ago but I did tell her that she should really think about it and that I support her wanting to live with me but she needed to be the one to talk to her mom about it first. It was dropped and never spoken about again but she did mention to her older sibling that she was scared to tell her so she left it alone. Well, she is not insisting again and she did finally talk to her mom but her mom told her straight up no. Our daughter tried asking her why and her only reasoning is that she has a good home and a good school with her, that she understood she wanted to live with me and that she could stay the rest of the summer but then she was coming home permanently. I did think it was nice and shows she is trying that she did at least tell her she could stay the whole summer and not just the standard 30 days. I have spoken to her about maybe we can ask for more time from her mother and then if by next year it still doesn't help how she feels we will see what the next steps are. She has been extremely upset ever since and I am just not sure what to do. Daily she is still telling us she wants to live here. She told her mom she is not upset with her about anything, she just misses me and wants to live with me since she has lived with her her whole life. Her mother is refusing to talk with her about it and being sort of ugly towards her when they do speak now which has her anxiety pretty high about going home. (Not helping the situation at all) I am sure her feelings are probably hurt. I do not want child support or anything like that, just to switch to me being the primary parent.

We both coparent well together and I do not really have anything bad to say about her as she will not have anything bad to say about I. We both own our own homes (well she lives with her boyfriend but its his owned home) Both have jobs, ect. The school my daughter is currently in is in a bigger city and does offer more programs but nothing is wrong with out school. (We live in a small town) We are both great and competent parents which is why I am not sure what to do here. I most certainly know if it was dragged into court she would be angry with me and it would probably throw all the hard work we have done down the drain but at the same time I feel like I am ignoring my daughters feelings. So I guess my main question is how likely is a judge to really listen to a 13 year olds requests in the state of Texas? Someone suggested putting her in therapy. Thank you for you time and any input is greatly appreciated.
Side note: We have also been suggested to do 50/50 but that is hard because mom lives over an hour away.

Side

CHILDREN DO NOT CHOOSE. She dictates at 18. The court can hear her wishes but that is not the determining factor and is only one piece of the puzzle. Here is the law:

Sec. 153.009. INTERVIEW OF CHILD IN CHAMBERS. (a) In a nonjury trial or at a hearing, on the application of a party, the amicus attorney, or the attorney ad litem for the child, the court shall interview in chambers a child 12 years of age or older and may interview in chambers a child under 12 years of age to determine the child's wishes as to conservatorship or as to the person who shall have the exclusive right to determine the child's primary residence. The court may also interview a child in chambers on the court's own motion for a purpose specified by this subsection.
(b) In a nonjury trial or at a hearing, on the application of a party, the amicus attorney, or the attorney ad litem for the child or on the court's own motion, the court may interview the child in chambers to determine the child's wishes as to possession, access, or any other issue in the suit affecting the parent-child relationship.
(c) Interviewing a child does not diminish the discretion of the court in determining the best interests of the child.
(d) In a jury trial, the court may not interview the child in chambers regarding an issue on which a party is entitled to a jury verdict.
(e) In any trial or hearing, the court may permit the attorney for a party, the amicus attorney, the guardian ad litem for the child, or the attorney ad litem for the child to be present at the interview.
(f) On the motion of a party, the amicus attorney, or the attorney ad litem for the child, or on the court's own motion, the court shall cause a record of the interview to be made when the child is 12 years of age or older. A record of the interview shall be part of the record in the case.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Texas
Good afternoon. I live in Texas and seeking advice about custody. I have a 13 year old daughter who is persistent about living with me. Her mom and I get along great for the past 8 years after a very ugly custody dispute. We all grew up (I am remarried) and we co parent great. My daughter asked to move in about a year ago but I did tell her that she should really think about it and that I support her wanting to live with me but she needed to be the one to talk to her mom about it first. It was dropped and never spoken about again but she did mention to her older sibling that she was scared to tell her so she left it alone. Well, she is not insisting again and she did finally talk to her mom but her mom told her straight up no. Our daughter tried asking her why and her only reasoning is that she has a good home and a good school with her, that she understood she wanted to live with me and that she could stay the rest of the summer but then she was coming home permanently. I did think it was nice and shows she is trying that she did at least tell her she could stay the whole summer and not just the standard 30 days. I have spoken to her about maybe we can ask for more time from her mother and then if by next year it still doesn't help how she feels we will see what the next steps are. She has been extremely upset ever since and I am just not sure what to do. Daily she is still telling us she wants to live here. She told her mom she is not upset with her about anything, she just misses me and wants to live with me since she has lived with her her whole life. Her mother is refusing to talk with her about it and being sort of ugly towards her when they do speak now which has her anxiety pretty high about going home. (Not helping the situation at all) I am sure her feelings are probably hurt. I do not want child support or anything like that, just to switch to me being the primary parent.

We both coparent well together and I do not really have anything bad to say about her as she will not have anything bad to say about I. We both own our own homes (well she lives with her boyfriend but its his owned home) Both have jobs, ect. The school my daughter is currently in is in a bigger city and does offer more programs but nothing is wrong with out school. (We live in a small town) We are both great and competent parents which is why I am not sure what to do here. I most certainly know if it was dragged into court she would be angry with me and it would probably throw all the hard work we have done down the drain but at the same time I feel like I am ignoring my daughters feelings. So I guess my main question is how likely is a judge to really listen to a 13 year olds requests in the state of Texas? Someone suggested putting her in therapy. Thank you for you time and any input is greatly appreciated.
Side note: We have also been suggested to do 50/50 but that is hard because mom lives over an hour away.

Side

You need to take a parenting course because you do not seem to know how to appropriately parent your child.


18 is the age when a child can decide where to live.

 

[txdadto6]

Yes, I worded it incorrectly. I know they do not get to choose. I was just wondering the age in which she could have some sort of voice

 

[txdadto6]

You need to take a parenting course because you do not seem to know how to appropriately parent your child.


18 is the age when a child can decide where to live.

How in the world did you even come to the conclusion I do not know how to parent my child?? Very big assumption. I think not being able to parent my child would be be over here rooting her on to move in and finding reasons to not want to be with her mom but I have not. I actually asked her to speak to her and give it more time. Maybe I worded my question wrong. I know she is not able to make a choice until she is 18.

 

[txdadto6]

CHILDREN DO NOT CHOOSE. She dictates at 18. The court can hear her wishes but that is not the determining factor and is only one piece of the puzzle. Here is the law:

Sec. 153.009. INTERVIEW OF CHILD IN CHAMBERS. (a) In a nonjury trial or at a hearing, on the application of a party, the amicus attorney, or the attorney ad litem for the child, the court shall interview in chambers a child 12 years of age or older and may interview in chambers a child under 12 years of age to determine the child's wishes as to conservatorship or as to the person who shall have the exclusive right to determine the child's primary residence. The court may also interview a child in chambers on the court's own motion for a purpose specified by this subsection.
(b) In a nonjury trial or at a hearing, on the application of a party, the amicus attorney, or the attorney ad litem for the child or on the court's own motion, the court may interview the child in chambers to determine the child's wishes as to possession, access, or any other issue in the suit affecting the parent-child relationship.
(c) Interviewing a child does not diminish the discretion of the court in determining the best interests of the child.
(d) In a jury trial, the court may not interview the child in chambers regarding an issue on which a party is entitled to a jury verdict.
(e) In any trial or hearing, the court may permit the attorney for a party, the amicus attorney, the guardian ad litem for the child, or the attorney ad litem for the child to be present at the interview.
(f) On the motion of a party, the amicus attorney, or the attorney ad litem for the child, or on the court's own motion, the court shall cause a record of the interview to be made when the child is 12 years of age or older. A record of the interview shall be part of the record in the case.

Thank you for including this. I appreciate it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, I worded it incorrectly. I know they do not get to choose. I was just wondering the age in which she could have some sort of voice

Wanting to put her in therapy to get ammunition on getting a change in custody is a pathetic idea.

 

[txdadto6]

Wanting to put her in therapy to get ammunition on getting a change in custody is a pathetic idea.

If you look at my second reply, you would see that I DID thank you for putting that in. Also, never did I say it was for me to have "ammunition" Way to put words in my mouth. It was actually for HER benefit since being 13 is hard and maybe she is feeling the way she feels for something totally different like school or such. I am no the type of parent I am obviously being made out to be on here. I know people come on here all day being petty but we are not the ones. We both get along great and in the end I just want what is best for my daughter. It is possible to answer questions without being rude.

 

[Taxing Matters]

So I guess my main question is how likely is a judge to really listen to a 13 year olds requests in the state of Texas?

The judge will listen to the kid's preferences. But the kid's preferences are not controlling. The judge will look at everything presented and make a decision that puts the child's best interests first but also balance the rights of both parents. Note that what the child wants is not always in the child's best interests so a judge isn't automatically going to say what the kid wants must be the best thing. Teens in particular can change what they want pretty quickly and, moreover, often will test how far they can push things, sometimes by playing off one parent against the other. I'm mindful, for example, of a situation of relatives of mine in which the father had primary custody of the kids but the kids thought the father was too strict and really pushed to live with the mother instead, thinking her more lax attitude would be better. So they let the kids try that for a year, and the kids learned that a lax parent can be a disaster and returned back with dad before the year was over. Clearly what the kids thought would be great for them was really not in their best interests.

 

[Ohiogal]

If you look at my second reply, you would see that I DID thank you for putting that in. Also, never did I say it was for me to have "ammunition" Way to put words in my mouth. It was actually for HER benefit since being 13 is hard and maybe she is feeling the way she feels for something totally different like school or such. I am no the type of parent I am obviously being made out to be on here. I know people come on here all day being petty but we are not the ones. We both get along great and in the end I just want what is best for my daughter. It is possible to answer questions without being rude.

I wasn't being rude. You put the suggestion in a post in which you wanted to know about changing custody and that is how it came across. You didn't state that you wanted to put her in therapy in order to help her or for her best interest. You mentioned none of that. But rather you went from whether the court would listen to her to stating someone suggested putting her in therapy.

Consider how you sound.

 

[txdadto6]

The judge will listen to the kid's preferences. But the kid's preferences are not controlling. The judge will look at everything presented and make a decision that puts the child's best interests first but also balance the rights of both parents. Note that what the child wants is not always in the child's best interests so a judge isn't automatically going to say what the kid wants must be the best thing. Teens in particular can change what they want pretty quickly and, moreover, often will test how far they can push things, sometimes by playing off one parent against the other. I'm mindful, for example, of a situation of relatives of mine in which the father had primary custody of the kids but the kids thought the father was too strict and really pushed to live with the mother instead, thinking her more lax attitude would be better. So they let the kids try that for a year, and the kids learned that a lax parent can be a disaster and returned back with dad before the year was over. Clearly what the kids thought would be great for them was really not in their best interests.

Thank you for answering my question politely. Greatly appreciated. I 100% see where you are coming from and this is something I have talked with her about as I do know her mom is more stricter than I am but I also reminded her that it only seems that way because she is not with me as much as she is with her mom, if she lived with me she would probably think I am just as strict. I guess for now maybe we should see is counseling would help her to work out any of her feelings. Being a teenager is not easy and I am sure even more so when you have parents who are no longer together. My parents are still married to this day so I do not know how that feels. Again, thank you.

 

[Just Blue]

How in the world did you even come to the conclusion I do not know how to parent my child?? Very big assumption. I think not being able to parent my child would be be over here rooting her on to move in and finding reasons to not want to be with her mom but I have not. I actually asked her to speak to her and give it more time. Maybe I worded my question wrong. I know she is not able to make a choice until she is 18.

I came to that conclusion because you told your 13 year old child to tell her mother she wants to live with you. That is not appropriate parenting. Mom, on the other hand, did the appropriate thing by refusing to discuss the matter with her 13 year old child.

An option you have to spend more time with your daughter would be to move to her community.

 

[txdadto6]

I wasn't being rude. You put the suggestion in a post in which you wanted to know about changing custody and that is how it came across. You didn't state that you wanted to put her in therapy in order to help her or for her best interest. You mentioned none of that. But rather you went from whether the court would listen to her to stating someone suggested putting her in therapy.

Consider how you sound.

I agree and I apologize. I do see that I have not worded things correctly. I guess I was just wanting to know how likely a judge would be to listen to her and I am sure that is probably not an answer anyone could really give me as judges are all different. I absolutely did not mean by putting her in therapy would be for anything other than just for her and her feelings. She has been going through other confusing feelings as well this past year so I feel it would be beneficial for her.

 

[txdadto6]

I came to that conclusion because you told your 13 year old child to tell her mother she wants to live with you. That is not appropriate parenting. Mom, on the other hand, did the appropriate thing by refusing to discuss the matter with her 13 year old child.

An option you have to spend more time with your daughter would be to move to her community.

I just felt that me speaking to her mom would upset her and make her feel like it was my idea when it most certainly was not. I don't see how refusing to speak to your child about her feelings is being appropriate? Not saying me telling her to be the one to talk to her was, but completely dismissing your child and not even wanting to know why she is feeling this way? And then proceeding to call her and make her feel bad almost nightly for asking and then hanging up on her almost every time?
And yes, I should pack up my wife and kids and totally sale my home and buy a new home in a new city over an hour away? Considering her mother is the one who moved her from our community last year to live with her boyfriend over an hour away. That makes no sense.