My brother's wife wants a separation from him...no clue what happens now?

[slicendice73]

Hi everyone

I live in the UK but my brother (also British by birth) lives in LA and has done for around 8 years. He married an American lady around 10 years ago and has 2 kids with her (aged 7 and 5).

In the UK he trained and worked as an optometrist but is unable to work as one in the USA due to there being differences between the UK and USA qualifications (I don't know the details, just that in order to practise as an optometrist in the USA, he'd have to take further training and qualifications, the cost of which is way beyond his means). He's been earning income by doing handyman type work (shopfittings, woodwork, etc). His wife works shifts at the docks.

Recently, his wife has said she wants a separation from him which I know has broken his heart...not just for the fact that that's what she wants, but also for all the upheaval and distress it will cause to the kids.

He's a devoted father and has dedicated himself to looking after those kids and being the best dad he can possibly be to them. His wife has not found it easy...she often struggles to cope and has taken to drinking heavily with her friends (a recent bout left her on the verge of alcohol poisoning apparently). These trips away with her friends are getting more and more frequent... she'll just take off to Vegas, for example, for 2 or 3 days and just leave him to look after the house and the kids. He's the one who does the majority of the parenting...taking the kids out, cooking, looking after them, etc.

I only heard about her request for separation today (from another family member) and I've yet to speak to him, but I would love to be able to at least provide some kind of help if I possibly can.

The trouble is, I don't know the first thing about this in the UK, let alone in the USA, so I'm desperately hoping someone can give me a few pointers as to what on earth he can/should do, or at least start preparing to do, what his options are, etc, etc.

If she makes a move to keep the kids, it will destroy him...yet my (admittedly hugely limited) understanding is that courts in the USA usually side with the mother in cases where one parent makes a claim for custody? Is that right?

Sorry if this is all a bit garbled, I'm still processing it all and I'm just trying to get a little bit ahead of the game so I can help him in some way.

Obviously I'll be speaking to him in person over the coming days so will get a better picture of exactly what the situation is, but if anyone can provide some guidance or direction, I'd be hugely grateful.

Many thanks

 

[Ohiogal]

Hi everyone

I live in the UK but my brother (also British by birth) lives in LA and has done for around 8 years. He married an American lady around 10 years ago and has 2 kids with her (aged 7 and 5).

In the UK he trained and worked as an optometrist but is unable to work as one in the USA due to there being differences between the UK and USA qualifications (I don't know the details, just that in order to practise as an optometrist in the USA, he'd have to take further training and qualifications, the cost of which is way beyond his means). He's been earning income by doing handyman type work (shopfittings, woodwork, etc). His wife works shifts at the docks.

Recently, his wife has said she wants a separation from him which I know has broken his heart...not just for the fact that that's what she wants, but also for all the upheaval and distress it will cause to the kids.

He's a devoted father and has dedicated himself to looking after those kids and being the best dad he can possibly be to them. His wife has not found it easy...she often struggles to cope and has taken to drinking heavily with her friends (a recent bout left her on the verge of alcohol poisoning apparently). These trips away with her friends are getting more and more frequent... she'll just take off to Vegas, for example, for 2 or 3 days and just leave him to look after the house and the kids. He's the one who does the majority of the parenting...taking the kids out, cooking, looking after them, etc.

I only heard about her request for separation today (from another family member) and I've yet to speak to him, but I would love to be able to at least provide some kind of help if I possibly can.

The trouble is, I don't know the first thing about this in the UK, let alone in the USA, so I'm desperately hoping someone can give me a few pointers as to what on earth he can/should do, or at least start preparing to do, what his options are, etc, etc.

If she makes a move to keep the kids, it will destroy him...yet my (admittedly hugely limited) understanding is that courts in the USA usually side with the mother in cases where one parent makes a claim for custody? Is that right?

Sorry if this is all a bit garbled, I'm still processing it all and I'm just trying to get a little bit ahead of the game so I can help him in some way.

Obviously I'll be speaking to him in person over the coming days so will get a better picture of exactly what the situation is, but if anyone can provide some guidance or direction, I'd be hugely grateful.

Many thanks

Send him here because this is NONE of your business legally. And quite frankly, you know nothing about the actual situation firsthand. You need to butt out and have your brother post here.

 

[Just Blue]

Hi everyone

I live in the UK but my brother (also British by birth) lives in LA and has done for around 8 years. He married an American lady around 10 years ago and has 2 kids with her (aged 7 and 5).

In the UK he trained and worked as an optometrist but is unable to work as one in the USA due to there being differences between the UK and USA qualifications (I don't know the details, just that in order to practise as an optometrist in the USA, he'd have to take further training and qualifications, the cost of which is way beyond his means). He's been earning income by doing handyman type work (shopfittings, woodwork, etc). His wife works shifts at the docks.

Recently, his wife has said she wants a separation from him which I know has broken his heart...not just for the fact that that's what she wants, but also for all the upheaval and distress it will cause to the kids.

He's a devoted father and has dedicated himself to looking after those kids and being the best dad he can possibly be to them. His wife has not found it easy...she often struggles to cope and has taken to drinking heavily with her friends (a recent bout left her on the verge of alcohol poisoning apparently). These trips away with her friends are getting more and more frequent... she'll just take off to Vegas, for example, for 2 or 3 days and just leave him to look after the house and the kids. He's the one who does the majority of the parenting...taking the kids out, cooking, looking after them, etc.

I only heard about her request for separation today (from another family member) and I've yet to speak to him, but I would love to be able to at least provide some kind of help if I possibly can.

The trouble is, I don't know the first thing about this in the UK, let alone in the USA, so I'm desperately hoping someone can give me a few pointers as to what on earth he can/should do, or at least start preparing to do, what his options are, etc, etc.

If she makes a move to keep the kids, it will destroy him...yet my (admittedly hugely limited) understanding is that courts in the USA usually side with the mother in cases where one parent makes a claim for custody? Is that right?

Sorry if this is all a bit garbled, I'm still processing it all and I'm just trying to get a little bit ahead of the game so I can help him in some way.

Obviously I'll be speaking to him in person over the coming days so will get a better picture of exactly what the situation is, but if anyone can provide some guidance or direction, I'd be hugely grateful.

Many thanks

I have to say I am floored that you took it upon yourself to post about your brothers personal issues. You don't even know what is actually going on and yet you're bleating it on the net. smh.

In this country Judges tend to rule for the best interest of the children. Best interest could be Mom or could be Dad, depending on the facts presented.

If you wish to help your brother you could assist him with the cost of a Divorce Attorney if one should be needed. Right now you don't actually know if he is actually having marital issues because you haven't bothered to actually talk to him.

 

[zddoodah]

I'm desperately hoping someone can give me a few pointers as to what on earth he can/should do, or at least start preparing to do, what his options are, etc, etc.

You said he lives in Louisiana, so he should seek a consultation with a divorce lawyer there. Other than providing financial and emotional support, there isn't anything else you can do. Anything other comments about his situation would require a bunch of factual details that shouldn't be posted on a public message board.

my (admittedly hugely limited) understanding is that courts in the USA usually side with the mother in cases where one parent makes a claim for custody? Is that right?

It's more complicated than that. It is still the case that the primary caregiver of children is, more often than not, the mother. Courts tend to want to keep the status quo because stability is generally perceived to be in the children's best interests. Therefore, in custody battles, mothers tend to prevail more frequently than fathers. But it's not BECAUSE they're mothers or women. If your brother is the primary caregiver of his kids, then that will work in his favor. Similarly, if his wife is the primary caregiver, it will work in her favor. If it's relatively even, then further factual inquiry would be needed.