Defamation on Facebook

[peterbeginning]

What is the name of your state? Washington

There is this "private" Facebook group called "are we dating the same guy?" The purpose of the group is to protect prospective dating women from dating potentially dangerous men. Typically abusive, toxic or men that have a habit of not being nice to women.

A woman of my past reach out to me several months ago and was down on her luck. I was always supportive of her and wanted to help any way I could. She was going through some things with the father of her child and was very "depressed." I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink sometime to talk and vent. She knew I had a fiance and was happy with her. I had no intent of being anything more than a friend and someone to reach out to. She mentioned if my fiance would know and I told her yes, she would know and not mind. My fiance trusts me and knows I will not do anything to jeopardize our relationship.

Fast forward to a week ago, she post on this "group" about me and how I have asked her for drinks and that my fiance wouldn't care or anything. She warned everyone to "beware" and run. Several women from my past who are members of this group decide to chime in. Most of them are women that I have not talked to or interacted with in several years. At least before the time I have been with my fiance. Most of the women are telling very elaborate stories and every detail of my life and my interactions with them. Very few facts are true and very outlandish. Some women who I went to school with or worked with are stating about how I am "creepy" or I have "harassed" them. These are women I have never interacted with or spoken to at all.

One of these women who is very ambitious decides to research who my fiance is. Find out where she works. Call her and imitates a "customer" and gives her all the facts and informs her about this group and she needs to see everything.

My finace knows me very well and is understanding that a majority of this stuff is false and all in the past regardless. But what she is distressed about is knowing there is a public forum speaking about her and I. Along with having the ability to find out how to contact her and where she works.

My biggest fear is I work in luxury automotive sales. I fear that a past or potential client could be part of this group of this group and recognize who I am. I also do not want the "industry" to see how these false accounts portray me. I have been curious if this is something I can bring attention of an attorney and have a legitimate case. If the least have my name removed from this page and make sure these women cannot contact me or my family anymore.

 

[Bali Hai Again]

What is the name of your state? Washington

I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink sometime to talk and vent. She knew I had a fiance and was happy with her. I had no intent of being anything more than a friend and someone to reach out to.

One of these women who is very ambitious decides to research who my fiance is. Find out where she works. Call her and imitates a "customer" and gives her all the facts and informs her about this group and she needs to see everything.

My biggest fear is I work in luxury automotive sales. I fear that a past or potential client could be part of this group of this group and recognize who I am. I also do not want the "industry" to see how these false accounts portray me. I have been curious if this is something I can bring attention of an attorney and have a legitimate case. If the least have my name removed from this page and make sure these women cannot contact me or my family anymore.

So did you two have a drink and “vent”? Peter, never listen to “little peter” and you will avoid these kinds of situations.

 

[peterbeginning]

So did you two have a drink and “vent”? Peter, never listen to “little peter” and you will avoid these kinds of situations.

we never grabbed a drink. And my intention was to never do any thing physical. It was just me seeing if you wanted to get out of the house. I didn’t have any other agenda.

 

[Taxing Matters]

I have been curious if this is something I can bring attention of an attorney and have a legitimate case.

You can meet with an attorney who litigates defamation cases for advice. The initial consultation is likely to be free or at low cost. But understand that defamation cases are not all that easy to win and the case itself could end up broadcasting the claims of the women far more than they are doing by themselves. These cases can also be expensive to litigate. Note that to succeed you need to show that the defendant has made a false statement of fact about you that damaged your reputation. Negative statements of opinion aren't defamatory. So statements like the woman thinks you are "creepy" is generally not a good basis for defamation.

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state? Washington

There is this "private" Facebook group called "are we dating the same guy?" The purpose of the group is to protect prospective dating women from dating potentially dangerous men. Typically abusive, toxic or men that have a habit of not being nice to women.

A woman of my past reach out to me several months ago and was down on her luck. I was always supportive of her and wanted to help any way I could. She was going through some things with the father of her child and was very "depressed." I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink sometime to talk and vent. She knew I had a fiance and was happy with her. I had no intent of being anything more than a friend and someone to reach out to. She mentioned if my fiance would know and I told her yes, she would know and not mind. My fiance trusts me and knows I will not do anything to jeopardize our relationship.

Fast forward to a week ago, she post on this "group" about me and how I have asked her for drinks and that my fiance wouldn't care or anything. She warned everyone to "beware" and run. Several women from my past who are members of this group decide to chime in. Most of them are women that I have not talked to or interacted with in several years. At least before the time I have been with my fiance. Most of the women are telling very elaborate stories and every detail of my life and my interactions with them. Very few facts are true and very outlandish. Some women who I went to school with or worked with are stating about how I am "creepy" or I have "harassed" them. These are women I have never interacted with or spoken to at all.

One of these women who is very ambitious decides to research who my fiance is. Find out where she works. Call her and imitates a "customer" and gives her all the facts and informs her about this group and she needs to see everything.

My finace knows me very well and is understanding that a majority of this stuff is false and all in the past regardless. But what she is distressed about is knowing there is a public forum speaking about her and I. Along with having the ability to find out how to contact her and where she works.

My biggest fear is I work in luxury automotive sales. I fear that a past or potential client could be part of this group of this group and recognize who I am. I also do not want the "industry" to see how these false accounts portray me. I have been curious if this is something I can bring attention of an attorney and have a legitimate case. If the least have my name removed from this page and make sure these women cannot contact me or my family anymore.

Here is a brief overview of defamation law in Washington, published by the Digital Media Law Project (2014): https://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/washington-defamation-law

The discussion about you was hosted on a private Facebook page, so you only learned about it when your fiancée was contacted? Does your fiancée believe any of what was said about you? Is what was said about you true or substantially true?

There were suits filed in the past over defamatory content posted on a public website (Don’t Date Him Girl) with mixed results. But these lawsuits are not easy to pursue and they can be extremely costly, especially if the participants live in other states.

In addition, much of what is communicated in those types of forums can be judged “opinion” and not fact. A required element of defamation is that what is published is false fact. And the falsehood(s) must have caused (demonstrable) harm to reputation. You cannot support a lawsuit over what might happen in the future.

There are attorneys who specialize in defamation cases. It is unlikely that you will find an attorney willing for free to review the Facebook page and the situation you find yourself in, but a personal review of what was published will be necessary to determine if you have a legal action worth pursuing. I suggest you call a few experienced attorneys in your area to ask about their rates. A simple cease and desist letter with a demand for retraction might be all that is necessary to stop the potentially damaging gossip.

Good luck.

 

[stealth2]

This raises an eyebrow...

a majority of this stuff is false and all in the past regardless

 

[not2cleverRed]

we never grabbed a drink. And my intention was to never do any thing physical. It was just me seeing if you wanted to get out of the house. I didn’t have any other agenda.

Then why didn't you suggest going out for coffee?

"Drinks" suggests alcohol, an alcohol suggests lowering alertness, giving people an excuse to doing things they shouldn't.

If you intentions were noble and virtuous, then it would have been best done sober and alert. There's a reason Mike Pence brings his wife along to such meetings.

 

[quincy]

This raises an eyebrow...

Yes it does.

It is possible that some of what was published could be found defamatory but certainly what is true or substantially true, or pure opinion, cannot support a defamation claim.

And, even if defamatory comments were published on the Facebook page, the harm caused by the comments should be severe enough to warrant the potentially very high costs of pursuing a lawsuit. A personal review by an attorney well-versed in defamation law should be able to determine this.

I am curious why peterbeginning didn’t suggest that the woman-friend join him and his fiancée for a drink, if all was as innocent an invitation as claimed.

 

[Bali Hai Again]

Then why didn't you suggest going out for coffee?

"Drinks" suggests alcohol, an alcohol suggests lowering alertness, giving people an excuse to doing things they shouldn't.

If you intentions were noble and virtuous, then it would have been best done sober and alert. There's a reason Mike Pence brings his wife along to such meetings.

OP is a car salesman and they usually are very persistent. Perhaps he wanted to soften her up with drinks and sell her a car?

 

[quincy]

OP is a car salesman and they usually are very persistent. Perhaps he wanted to soften her up with drinks and sell her a car?

That is not what was described.

 

[zddoodah]

Fast forward to a week ago, she post on this "group" about me and how I have asked her for drinks and that my fiance wouldn't care or anything.

When you say "my fiance" (as opposed to "her fiance" or "my fiancee"), does that mean you are engaged to another man? If not, what does that mean? In case you don't understand why I'm asking this, a fiancé is a man you intend to marry, while a fiancée is a woman you intend to marry. Also, it's true that you asked her for drinks, right?

Several women from my past ... are members of this group

You realize this says volumes about you and the sort of women you pursue, right?

I have been curious if this is something I can bring attention of an attorney and have a legitimate case.

Maybe. One would have to know exactly what is being said. Defamation is the publication of false statements of fact (not opinion) that are harmful to the subject's reputation and, in most cases, which cause actual monetary damages. At this point, it doesn't sound like you've suffered any damages and that your best course of action would be to say completely clear of these women and consider why they all seem to have a negative view of you.

If the least have my name removed from this page

Contact Facebook.

and make sure these women cannot contact me or my family anymore.

You could, in theory, seek a restraining order. However, since none of these women have recently contacted you or any family member, there is no basis for such an order.

 

[quincy]

As to restraining orders, they will not prohibit or prevent speech, so the women can continue to talk about you, but restraining orders could be helpful if you and/or your fiancée are subjected to unwanted physical contacts or threats of violence or continuing harassment.

Nothing in what you have said seems to support the issuance of one.

Washington law (types of restraining/protection orders):
https://app.leg.wa.gov/RCW/default.aspx?cite=7.105.100