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Changing geographical restrictions on custody order

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JW339

New member
What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state? Texas

Hi all. My name is Jane. My oldest son is 22, he has been involved with a very nice young woman with 2 children from a previous relationship aged 7 and 5 for close to two years now, living together for about 8 months.
Upon creation of whatever custody agreements (they were never a married couple) this woman says "it was put in the paperwork" that she nor the kid's dad could leave that specific town with the kids. They share custody alternating weekly.
My question is this-If this relationship continues and my son marries this woman, is there a consideration the court may hear to possibly lift the restriction?

*All the pertinent information*

The relationship seems friendly enough between all parties, and this is not anything being discussed immediately. It was lightly brought up by a family member to me in conversation, and now I can't stop thinking about it. They do struggle very much with finding quality childcare and employment in the area. The closest big city is about a 1 1/2 drive away. They face a real burden location-wise. The kiddo's dad is by all means and as far as I know a good father, he lives with his dad (grandpa), works for a very small family business making around 20 bucks an hour, and doesn't have any plans for college. Which works for him, and that is okay. However, it doesn't really work for the kid's mother, or my son, at least not to their own benefit as an individual family unit. Currently, they rent a very very small apartment for 1000.00 a month, plus all their own utilities. Things are often breaking, ac or heaters, plumbing, the literal air duct fell out of the ceiling over Christmas. As much as they claim there are laws landlords must follow- They simply do not. Myself, my son and his girlfriend, and nearly every neighbor in the 8-unit complex have complained/reported but all to no avail. Their childcare costs are insane, though dad does his share and splits the cost as he utilizes the care two weeks of every month himself while in his home, their end is roughly 162 a week. There are 3 daycares in this town, and they all have the same rates. Both mom and my son are taking college classes a few times a week, both are doing very well too with her looking to complete her associate's by next year. Both are working a minimum of 30 hours a week, as their employer likes to keep people below 40 hours as often as possible. Most employers in their immediate area do it seems. They have looked for similar entry-level jobs in the city, but both have been told a few times that they live too far "out" for the employer's comfort. Internet is shaky often dropping in and out so working from home is not really an option. They both look exhausted, she has no family in that area or really at all. We live about a 6-hour drive away ourselves.
It seems that if the mom can't progress or is hindered by the order, but is otherwise a good mother, the court may relax such restrictions in the best interest of the kids. I mean they do better when their parents do, right? Dad is a good dad, my son actually likes him and he likes my son. He has an advantage in this town, he isn't exactly fully responsible for all of his own expenses in this small town. The home he lives is in paid for by his parents, he is employed by his own family, and he has no plans to change that. The young woman said she asked him once if he would ever agree to change this agreement and he laughed and said he'd be in that town until he died- but the town has fewer and fewer opportunities for anyone, the schools are actually awful from what a quick search revealed, and most people there are under the poverty line. Is there any hope for my son and this little family to be able to move just a couple of hours to the nearest real city, where at least there are better jobs and better childcare options or is dads no enough?
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state? Texas

Hi all. My name is Jane. My oldest son is 22, he has been involved with a very nice young woman with 2 children from a previous relationship aged 7 and 5 for close to two years now, living together for about 8 months.
Upon creation of whatever custody agreements (they were never a married couple) this woman says "it was put in the paperwork" that she nor the kid's dad could leave that specific town with the kids. They share custody alternating weekly.
My question is this-If this relationship continues and my son marries this woman, is there a consideration the court may hear to possibly lift the restriction?

*All the pertinent information*

The relationship seems friendly enough between all parties, and this is not anything being discussed immediately. It was lightly brought up by a family member to me in conversation, and now I can't stop thinking about it. They do struggle very much with finding quality childcare and employment in the area. The closest big city is about a 1 1/2 drive away. They face a real burden location-wise. The kiddo's dad is by all means and as far as I know a good father, he lives with his dad (grandpa), works for a very small family business making around 20 bucks an hour, and doesn't have any plans for college. Which works for him, and that is okay. However, it doesn't really work for the kid's mother, or my son, at least not to their own benefit as an individual family unit. Currently, they rent a very very small apartment for 1000.00 a month, plus all their own utilities. Things are often breaking, ac or heaters, plumbing, the literal air duct fell out of the ceiling over Christmas. As much as they claim there are laws landlords must follow- They simply do not. Myself, my son and his girlfriend, and nearly every neighbor in the 8-unit complex have complained/reported but all to no avail. Their childcare costs are insane, though dad does his share and splits the cost as he utilizes the care two weeks of every month himself while in his home, their end is roughly 162 a week. There are 3 daycares in this town, and they all have the same rates. Both mom and my son are taking college classes a few times a week, both are doing very well too with her looking to complete her associate's by next year. Both are working a minimum of 30 hours a week, as their employer likes to keep people below 40 hours as often as possible. Most employers in their immediate area do it seems. They have looked for similar entry-level jobs in the city, but both have been told a few times that they live too far "out" for the employer's comfort. Internet is shaky often dropping in and out so working from home is not really an option. They both look exhausted, she has no family in that area or really at all. We live about a 6-hour drive away ourselves.
It seems that if the mom can't progress or is hindered by the order, but is otherwise a good mother, the court may relax such restrictions in the best interest of the kids. I mean they do better when their parents do, right? Dad is a good dad, my son actually likes him and he likes my son. He has an advantage in this town, he isn't exactly fully responsible for all of his own expenses in this small town. The home he lives is in paid for by his parents, he is employed by his own family, and he has no plans to change that. The young woman said she asked him once if he would ever agree to change this agreement and he laughed and said he'd be in that town until he died- but the town has fewer and fewer opportunities for anyone, the schools are actually awful from what a quick search revealed, and most people there are under the poverty line. Is there any hope for my son and this little family to be able to move just a couple of hours to the nearest real city, where at least there are better jobs and better childcare options or is dads no enough?
Simplest solution? Give Dad custody, then Mom & your son are free to relocate. The children's best interests of having regular and equal contact with both parents will trump relocating with one and a stepparent.

And, really? This is an issue you should distance yourself from, because you are not a party to the case (nor is your son, for that matter). The court will not be interested in his opinion or yours. This is between the two parents. When - and if - this issue arises? Mom should be dealing with it, with her husband's support.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state? Texas

Hi all. My name is Jane. My oldest son is 22, he has been involved with a very nice young woman with 2 children from a previous relationship aged 7 and 5 for close to two years now, living together for about 8 months.
Upon creation of whatever custody agreements (they were never a married couple) this woman says "it was put in the paperwork" that she nor the kid's dad could leave that specific town with the kids. They share custody alternating weekly.
My question is this-If this relationship continues and my son marries this woman, is there a consideration the court may hear to possibly lift the restriction?

*All the pertinent information*

The relationship seems friendly enough between all parties, and this is not anything being discussed immediately. It was lightly brought up by a family member to me in conversation, and now I can't stop thinking about it. They do struggle very much with finding quality childcare and employment in the area. The closest big city is about a 1 1/2 drive away. They face a real burden location-wise. The kiddo's dad is by all means and as far as I know a good father, he lives with his dad (grandpa), works for a very small family business making around 20 bucks an hour, and doesn't have any plans for college. Which works for him, and that is okay. However, it doesn't really work for the kid's mother, or my son, at least not to their own benefit as an individual family unit. Currently, they rent a very very small apartment for 1000.00 a month, plus all their own utilities. Things are often breaking, ac or heaters, plumbing, the literal air duct fell out of the ceiling over Christmas. As much as they claim there are laws landlords must follow- They simply do not. Myself, my son and his girlfriend, and nearly every neighbor in the 8-unit complex have complained/reported but all to no avail. Their childcare costs are insane, though dad does his share and splits the cost as he utilizes the care two weeks of every month himself while in his home, their end is roughly 162 a week. There are 3 daycares in this town, and they all have the same rates. Both mom and my son are taking college classes a few times a week, both are doing very well too with her looking to complete her associate's by next year. Both are working a minimum of 30 hours a week, as their employer likes to keep people below 40 hours as often as possible. Most employers in their immediate area do it seems. They have looked for similar entry-level jobs in the city, but both have been told a few times that they live too far "out" for the employer's comfort. Internet is shaky often dropping in and out so working from home is not really an option. They both look exhausted, she has no family in that area or really at all. We live about a 6-hour drive away ourselves.
It seems that if the mom can't progress or is hindered by the order, but is otherwise a good mother, the court may relax such restrictions in the best interest of the kids. I mean they do better when their parents do, right? Dad is a good dad, my son actually likes him and he likes my son. He has an advantage in this town, he isn't exactly fully responsible for all of his own expenses in this small town. The home he lives is in paid for by his parents, he is employed by his own family, and he has no plans to change that. The young woman said she asked him once if he would ever agree to change this agreement and he laughed and said he'd be in that town until he died- but the town has fewer and fewer opportunities for anyone, the schools are actually awful from what a quick search revealed, and most people there are under the poverty line. Is there any hope for my son and this little family to be able to move just a couple of hours to the nearest real city, where at least there are better jobs and better childcare options or is dads no enough?
Jane, Is "the very nice woman" aware you are posting her custody issues on a public website?
 

bcr229

Active Member
While the plural of anecdote is not data, I know two former couples who had to deal this situation within the last few years.

#1 - Mom wanted to move away. She was not remarried but her boyfriend had a better job halfway across the country. She filed to change custody. The judge told her she was free to leave, but Dad would get primary custody and she would get visitation, have to pay child support, and pay the costs of travel for visitations. The boyfriend left and she stayed behind.

#2 - Mom wanted to move away. She had remarried and was three months pregnant with husband #2's baby. Husband #2 was active duty Navy and had orders for an overseas posting. Mom filed to change custody so she could take her first child with her. Again, the judge told her she was free to leave, but Dad would get primary custody and she would get visitation, have to pay child support, and pay the costs of travel for visitations. She ended up divorcing husband #2 and now he gets Facetime visits with his child.

Tell your son not to marry this woman and make damned sure he doesn't get her pregnant. He does not want her legal/custody issues to become his legal/custody issues.
 

adjusterjack

Senior Member
The mom will have to go to court to get the judge to agree to the relocation. If she gets it approved, it will be with no change to the father's visitation, and she will have to incur the expense and effort of getting the children to the father.

That means a greater amount of mom's earnings will go to that endeavor which, in turn, means a greater amount of your son's earnings will go to support his new family.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Is there any hope for my son and this little family ...
You do understand that your son doesn't have a "little family", right? He's got a girlfriend that he shacks up lives with who has kids. Literally, that's the truth. As was pointed out above, she can give custody to dad and then she's free to move wherever she wants.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Their childcare costs are insane, though dad does his share and splits the cost as he utilizes the care two weeks of every month himself while in his home, their end is roughly 162 a week. There are 3 daycares in this town, and they all have the same rates.
Just some thoughts on daycare. The costs are about what I'd expect for two kids in aftercare, but... Mom& Dad might want to discuss/look into the possibility of an at-home caregiver after school. They might find that more cost-effective.

On another note, I would urge you to be cautious wrt to inserting yourself too much. My daughter is in a (somewhat) similar situation, although her partner is the father of her children. His mother inserts herself in all things and it drives my daughter insane (and therefore, her partner LOL) - to the point of almost being estranged. Just be careful.
 

PayrollHRGuy

Senior Member
Just some thoughts on daycare. The costs are about what I'd expect for two kids in aftercare, but... Mom& Dad might want to discuss/look into the possibility of an at-home caregiver after school. They might find that more cost-effective.
Do you think? 3 hours per day @ $12/hour x 5 = $180 + taxes and associate employer costs. And no backup for a sick caregiver.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
The mom will have to go to court to get the judge to agree to the relocation. If she gets it approved, it will be with no change to the father's visitation, and she will have to incur the expense and effort of getting the children to the father.

That means a greater amount of mom's earnings will go to that endeavor which, in turn, means a greater amount of your son's earnings will go to support his new family.
If it's even feasible at all once the children start school. They can't go to two different schools and getting them back and forth to one school would likely be impossible.

Bottom line? It is not going to happen...and least not in a way that gives mom primary custody of her children.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Just some thoughts on daycare. The costs are about what I'd expect for two kids in aftercare, but... Mom& Dad might want to discuss/look into the possibility of an at-home caregiver after school. They might find that more cost-effective.
Alternatively, you could offer to move closer to them and provide afterschool care... That's a solution I used after my divorce (we lived close to my parents), which allowed me to work 1 1/2 hours away for a while.
 
What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state? Texas

Hi all. My name is Jane. My oldest son is 22, he has been involved with a very nice young woman with 2 children from a previous relationship aged 7 and 5 for close to two years now, living together for about 8 months.
Upon creation of whatever custody agreements (they were never a married couple) this woman says "it was put in the paperwork" that she nor the kid's dad could leave that specific town with the kids. They share custody alternating weekly.
My question is this-If this relationship continues and my son marries this woman, is there a consideration the court may hear to possibly lift the restriction?

*All the pertinent information*

The relationship seems friendly enough between all parties, and this is not anything being discussed immediately. It was lightly brought up by a family member to me in conversation, and now I can't stop thinking about it. They do struggle very much with finding quality childcare and employment in the area. The closest big city is about a 1 1/2 drive away. They face a real burden location-wise. The kiddo's dad is by all means and as far as I know a good father, he lives with his dad (grandpa), works for a very small family business making around 20 bucks an hour, and doesn't have any plans for college. Which works for him, and that is okay. However, it doesn't really work for the kid's mother, or my son, at least not to their own benefit as an individual family unit. Currently, they rent a very very small apartment for 1000.00 a month, plus all their own utilities. Things are often breaking, ac or heaters, plumbing, the literal air duct fell out of the ceiling over Christmas. As much as they claim there are laws landlords must follow- They simply do not. Myself, my son and his girlfriend, and nearly every neighbor in the 8-unit complex have complained/reported but all to no avail. Their childcare costs are insane, though dad does his share and splits the cost as he utilizes the care two weeks of every month himself while in his home, their end is roughly 162 a week. There are 3 daycares in this town, and they all have the same rates. Both mom and my son are taking college classes a few times a week, both are doing very well too with her looking to complete her associate's by next year. Both are working a minimum of 30 hours a week, as their employer likes to keep people below 40 hours as often as possible. Most employers in their immediate area do it seems. They have looked for similar entry-level jobs in the city, but both have been told a few times that they live too far "out" for the employer's comfort. Internet is shaky often dropping in and out so working from home is not really an option. They both look exhausted, she has no family in that area or really at all. We live about a 6-hour drive away ourselves.
It seems that if the mom can't progress or is hindered by the order, but is otherwise a good mother, the court may relax such restrictions in the best interest of the kids. I mean they do better when their parents do, right? Dad is a good dad, my son actually likes him and he likes my son. He has an advantage in this town, he isn't exactly fully responsible for all of his own expenses in this small town. The home he lives is in paid for by his parents, he is employed by his own family, and he has no plans to change that. The young woman said she asked him once if he would ever agree to change this agreement and he laughed and said he'd be in that town until he died- but the town has fewer and fewer opportunities for anyone, the schools are actually awful from what a quick search revealed, and most people there are under the poverty line. Is there any hope for my son and this little family to be able to move just a couple of hours to the nearest real city, where at least there are better jobs and better childcare options or is dads no enough?
1) The girlfriend and the children's father are getting a great rate on childcare. The average cost of child care in the US is over 10,000 per year per child.
2) Your son and girlfriend have options to improve their standard of living. They are both choosing to pursue school and work about 30 hours a week. That is quite a luxury - especially for a single mom. Your son can put school on the back burner and get a second job while mom finishes her education. Then she can carry two jobs while he finishes his education.
3) It does not matter if the Dad's family is helping him financially. Mom's family can choose to help them, or you can help them if you wish to make it easier for your son to continue this relationship.
4 If your son does not want the complications that come with a single mother, then he should think about ending the relationship.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
1) The girlfriend and the children's father are getting a great rate on childcare. The average cost of child care in the US is over 10,000 per year per child.
Remember, though.... this is probably after -school care, given the ages of the children.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
While the previous posters are all correct, I would like to point out the crux of the legal issue your son's snuggle bunny is facing:

Case A) Mom and Dad of the adorable children come to a mutual agreement on changing the custody agreement. Mom and Dad write up the proposed new arrangement and file it with the court. If both parents are in accord on a proposed custody agreement, the judge will rubber stamp it. Well, unless both parents are proposing to neglect/abuse the children.

Case B) Mom and Dad of the adorable children disagree about what changes, if any, should be made to the custody agreement. That's when courts get involved. You and your son are not legal parties, so limit yourselves to emotional support; the only legal help you should be providing is money for a lawyer. Depending on when the current parenting plan was approved, it may be time to at least update a little, since both children are school aged. It is in the best interests (legally) for the children to have both parents in their lives. What kind of change might be ordered by judge depends on how active Dad has been in the kids' lives. If Dad has been seeing the kids EOW or less, and Mom can manage to maintain that level of that contact after the move, then a moveaway with Mom responsible for travel costs to maintain Dad's parenting time *might* be possible. If Dad has been a more active parent, then it might be ordered that Dad become the primary caretaker of the children. In any care, Mom creating the distance from Dad should mean that Mom shoulders the responsibility (monetarily and logistically) of facilitating travel.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
While the previous posters are all correct, I would like to point out the crux of the legal issue your son's snuggle bunny is facing:

Case A) Mom and Dad of the adorable children come to a mutual agreement on changing the custody agreement. Mom and Dad write up the proposed new arrangement and file it with the court. If both parents are in accord on a proposed custody agreement, the judge will rubber stamp it. Well, unless both parents are proposing to neglect/abuse the children.

Case B) Mom and Dad of the adorable children disagree about what changes, if any, should be made to the custody agreement. That's when courts get involved. You and your son are not legal parties, so limit yourselves to emotional support; the only legal help you should be providing is money for a lawyer. Depending on when the current parenting plan was approved, it may be time to at least update a little, since both children are school aged. It is in the best interests (legally) for the children to have both parents in their lives. What kind of change might be ordered by judge depends on how active Dad has been in the kids' lives. If Dad has been seeing the kids EOW or less, and Mom can manage to maintain that level of that contact after the move, then a moveaway with Mom responsible for travel costs to maintain Dad's parenting time *might* be possible. If Dad has been a more active parent, then it might be ordered that Dad become the primary caretaker of the children. In any care, Mom creating the distance from Dad should mean that Mom shoulders the responsibility (monetarily and logistically) of facilitating travel.
Mom and dad have a 50/50 rotating weekly schedule per the first post.
 

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