Wealthy wife is Cheating

[Susie_B]

I am writing this for my uncle, who doesn't do any online. He is retired and lives in San Francisco with his wife, who is 15 years younger. They have been together for 15 years. She is a very wealthy Silicon Valley executive. She told him last week, while he was away for a few weeks visiting his parents in North Carolina, that months ago, she met someone who she has strong feelings for. It is a coworker, and they have been sleeping at his place and at her home. Now she is thinking of divorcing him.
He hasn't worked for years and is too old now. But during their time together, he went from a blue-collar lifestyle of renting a place to one of wealth where they lived in a 6 million dollar home. She has supported him and paid his medical insurance, car, and everything else.
He is worried about not being able to live on his own. What are his options, and will he get any sort of spouse support or a reasonable settlement to continue living well?
He did sign any prenup before their marriage and there are not children.

Thanks for any answers.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am writing this for my uncle, who doesn't do any online. He is retired and lives in San Francisco with his wife, who is 15 years younger. They have been together for 15 years. She is a very wealthy Silicon Valley executive. She told him last week, while he was away for a few weeks visiting his parents in North Carolina, that months ago, she met someone who she has strong feelings for. It is a coworker, and they have been sleeping at his place and at her home. Now she is thinking of divorcing him.
He hasn't worked for years and is too old now. But during their time together, he went from a blue-collar lifestyle of renting a place to one of wealth where they lived in a 6 million dollar home. She has supported him and paid his medical insurance, car, and everything else.
He is worried about not being able to live on his own. What are his options, and will he get any sort of spouse support or a reasonable settlement to continue living well?
He didn't sign any prenup before their marriage and there are not children.

Thanks for any answers.

How long have they been married? How much is his retirement income? How much does she earn? The adultery really doesn't matter. He will get an equitable distribution of marital assets. Spousal support? It is possible but there is not enough information.

 

[Zigner]

How long have they been married? How much is his retirement income? How much does she earn? The adultery really doesn't matter. He will get an equitable distribution of marital assets. Spousal support? It is possible but there is not enough information.

I'm assuming that it's California, which means it's community property, not equitable distribution.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm assuming that it's California, which means it's community property, not equitable distribution.

I won't argue. And therefore, that could be even be worse... or better... anyway... cheating still doesn't matter.

 

[Bali Hai Again]

I am writing this for my uncle, who doesn't do any online. He is retired and lives in San Francisco with his wife, who is 15 years younger. They have been together for 15 years. She is a very wealthy Silicon Valley executive. She told him last week, while he was away for a few weeks visiting his parents in North Carolina, that months ago, she met someone who she has strong feelings for. It is a coworker, and they have been sleeping at his place and at her home. Now she is thinking of divorcing him.
He hasn't worked for years and is too old now. But during their time together, he went from a blue-collar lifestyle of renting a place to one of wealth where they lived in a 6 million dollar home. She has supported him and paid his medical insurance, car, and everything else.
He is worried about not being able to live on his own. What are his options, and will he get any sort of spouse support or a reasonable settlement to continue living well?
He didn't sign any prenup before their marriage and there are not children.

Thanks for any answers.

If your uncle plays his cards right and consults with good divorce attorney’s and chooses one, he will be in a better position to get spousal support and/or a reasonable settlement to continue living as he is accustomed, rather than sitting idle worried about it.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I'm assuming that it's California, which means it's community property, not equitable distribution.

And 15>10, so it's a long term marriage.

Which is a way more significant factor than adultery,

 

[Zigner]

And 15>10, so it's a long term marriage.

Which is a way more significant factor than adultery,

I agree, with the caveat that we don't know if "together for 15 years" means they've actually been married that entire time.

 

[adjusterjack]

At any rate, being in California, a community property state, he may have won the divorce lottery.

Get him to a divorce lawyer ASAP.

 

[Taxing Matters]

What are his options, and will he get any sort of spouse support or a reasonable settlement to continue living well?

He won't be left penniless as a result of the divorce. He'll get at least some of the assets they have, particularly in a community property state like CA. However, he'll need a good divorce lawyer to get the most out of the divorce. There will be issues of sorting out what is community property/income and what is separate, the great disparity in income levels, etc. He's had 15 years of living a much higher standard of living than he would if he had been alone for all those years. So he's certainly benefited financially already from the marriage. He'll get a chunk of the community property and perhaps some alimony for a few years. But even with all that, he's going to have to make an adjustment to a lower standard of living than he has now. On the plus side, he may still end up better off after the split than had he never married her. She's the one who will end up losing part of what she worked to build up the last 15 years since she contributed far more financially than he did.

I suggest he see a divorce attorney for advice now on how to proceed. He doesn't want to make any mistakes going forward that might cost him in the property split or on the alimony issue. He'll want to be sure that he's not stuck with more of the community debt than is absolutely required under CA law. And he'll want to ensure that he preserves his rights to any retirement benefits that he's entitled to under the federal law known as ERISA and any further property rights CA provides. Because he has no children with her he at least is spared the obligation of child support, which in his situation could have been quite a burden. Apart from any alimony he gets, once the divorce decree is final and the asset split is completed he won't have any need to deal with her in the future.

If he does get alimony he'll benefit from a change in federal tax law that occurred around 15 years ago or so that used to make alimony taxable income to the ex-spouse receiving it and deductible for the ex-spouse paying it. Now alimony received is not taxable income, nor is alimony paid a deduction. Because CA income tax law closely matches the federal rules, it is likely that the same treatment of alimony will apply for CA income tax. I have not, however, researched it to find out what things CA treats differently.

It sucks to be cheated on, but in many states today that doesn't provide him anything extra in the financial settlement in the divorce. Most of the states that still do make an affair a significant factor in the property settlement are southern noncommunity property states.

 

[Taxing Matters]

And 15>10, so it's a long term marriage.

Which is a way more significant factor than adultery,

I don't know that in a community property state that the length of the marriage matters a whole lot either. That's found more in equitable division states. In my state (not a community property state) each year of marriage up to the tenth year changes the equitable split in favor of the spouse with the lesser income and assets. Once they have been married for 10 years, the equitable split is presumed to be 50% each, subject to certain things that adjust that one way or another. That's part of my state's effort to make the split of the married couple's assets more like the result that the couple might have obtained in a community property property state. Because of how community property works, no special rule like that is needed to achieve what my state is trying to do.

I agree that in most states adultery no longer has a big impact on the outcome in the split of assets in a divorce. As liberal as CA is, I'd be surprised if it had any impact other than accounting for any diversion of community property to the new love interest. The states that do make a bigger deal of adultery tend to be conservative southern states. Even in those states I don't think the impact of adultery today is as great as it used to be.

 

[stealth2]

And 15>10, so it's a long term marriage.

Not necessarily - we don't know that they've been married that long.

ETA: Was a pre-nup signed?

 

[LdiJ]

I don't know that in a community property state that the length of the marriage matters a whole lot either. That's found more in equitable division states. In my state (not a community property state) each year of marriage up to the tenth year changes the equitable split in favor of the spouse with the lesser income and assets. Once they have been married for 10 years, the equitable split is presumed to be 50% each, subject to certain things that adjust that one way or another. That's part of my state's effort to make the split of the married couple's assets more like the result that the couple might have obtained in a community property property state. Because of how community property works, no special rule like that is needed to achieve what my state is trying to do.

I agree that in most states adultery no longer has a big impact on the outcome in the split of assets in a divorce. As liberal as CA is, I'd be surprised if it had any impact other than accounting for any diversion of community property to the new love interest. The states that do make a bigger deal of adultery tend to be conservative southern states. Even in those states I don't think the impact of adultery today is as great as it used to be.

In CA 10 years is a factor for alimony, not the property division.

 

[Just Blue]

Not necessarily - we don't know that they've been married that long.

ETA: Was a pre-nup signed?

per opening post, no prenup

 

[stealth2]

per opening post, no prenup

Missed that, thanks.

Now.... off to search for a sugar daddy/momma (I'm not fussy).

 

[commentator]

Did I miss the actual age of the uncle? Inquiring minds want to know. And of course, how far into "been together" did the marriage actually occur which is going to be of paramount importance? I am gathering that the uncle is not wanting the divorce, is just wishing they could do business as usual. He has sort of been a "kept guy" and I guess that's a pretty nice set up if you can get it. He has living parents, and she's paying for medical insurance, so he's probably not Medicare age, not computer literate, hasn't worked in years...... I think an attorney is going to be happy to see him.