Seeking Advice on Petition for Limited Driving Privileges After 10-Year Suspension in Ohio

[quincy]

… But shouldn’t six years of sobriety and all that she has accomplished during that time count for something in the eyes of the law?

Those six years of sobriety, and all that your daughter has accomplished in those six years, was in large part made possible by the law that restricted her driving for ten years. She was on a dangerous path and now she’s not and THAT counts for something.

Your daughter needs to congratulate herself on her last six years and, in four more years, she can celebrate being 10-years sober and a much much wiser driver.

 

[STEPHAN]

I am sure there are other options. She could move ...

 

[commentator]

We have here in my area, the child of a fairly famous celebrity who has had a drink and substance abuse problem since the teenage years and this person is no spring chicken now. The number of breaks and special circumstances and extra leniencies this person has been given by our local court system are ridiculous. There are long stretches of good times and bad times for this person through the years.

Everyone in the area kind of jokes but sometimes worries that this person is currently "out" and may be driving our roads. Every time that this person appears in media as having been charged again, a spokesperson for the famous family avers that they had turned their life around, that they were only doing this because of some new trauma they were dealing with. And yes, through the years, there have been many new traumas, public because of the family's celebrity, as all families go through crises and terminal illnesses and domestic problems.

With your daughter's record, I would NOT want to be the judge who gives her another chance early, goes out on a limb for her, and then sees her fall back into another circumstance where she re-offends, and perhaps causes a horrible tragedy. As for all she has accomplished, it is unfortunate but true that you cannot unring a bell, and she did ring it, three times and though you know she's a changed person......she still has the consequences, as though she had injured herself physically and would now have to go forward dealing with those problems.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for your perspective. I understand your frustration and the strong emotions tied to this issue, especially given the devastating consequences drunk driving can have. I am incredibly grateful that my daughter hasn’t caused harm to anyone, and I fully acknowledge the seriousness of her actions.

Not that I am excusing her behavior or choices in any way, shape, or form, and I know I'm going to take heat for this, but she was a "solitary drinker" She didn’t go to clubs or bars or parties with friends—she drove around old country gravel roads to places that were sentimental to her and drank to try to kill the pain of watching her father slowly die from a terminal illness. (I will say it again: I am not excusing her behavior, or implying that her offenses were not as serious because she committed them on back roads, I am simply giving details.) Her first two offenses involved being found passed out drunk in the driver's seat of her vehicle on back roads, with the vehicle running. Her third offense? I was the one who called local law enforcement after a phone call from her where I could tell she was drunk. I didn’t want her to injure or kill someone—or herself—so I made the call. They pulled her over 10 minutes later and arrested her.

I’m not one of those parents who thinks their kids walk on water and do no wrong or should be given special treatment. I don’t care who you are; if you break the law, you face your consequences.

As a parent, it’s been heartbreaking to see her make these choices, and I do support the legal consequences she has faced.

But shouldn’t six years of sobriety and all that she has accomplished during that time count for something in the eyes of the law?

It is not unreasonable for you to feel the way that you do about the matter. 6 years is a great deal of progress. The problem is, that those who made the laws decided, after consideration, that it needed to be 10 years rather than 6 or some other number. Yes, your daughter is rehabilitated and it would definitely help your daughter to be a more productive member of society if she could transport herself to work, however, it will be necessary to convince a judge of that and it will have to be within the judge's discretion to make that decision. Your daughter's attorney is the best person to make the call as to whether or not it is possible, and when.

 

[commentator]

Thank you for your perspective. I understand your frustration and the strong emotions tied to this issue, especially given the devastating consequences drunk driving can have. I am incredibly grateful that my daughter hasn’t caused harm to anyone, and I fully acknowledge the seriousness of her actions.

Not that I am excusing her behavior or choices in any way, shape, or form, and I know I'm going to take heat for this, but she was a "solitary drinker" She didn’t go to clubs or bars or parties with friends—she drove around old country gravel roads to places that were sentimental to her and drank to try to kill the pain of watching her father slowly die from a terminal illness. (I will say it again: I am not excusing her behavior, or implying that her offenses were not as serious because she committed them on back roads, I am simply giving details.) Her first two offenses involved being found passed out drunk in the driver's seat of her vehicle on back roads, with the vehicle running. Her third offense? I was the one who called local law enforcement after a phone call from her where I could tell she was drunk. I didn’t want her to injure or kill someone—or herself—so I made the call. They pulled her over 10 minutes later and arrested her.

I’m not one of those parents who thinks their kids walk on water and do no wrong or should be given special treatment. I don’t care who you are; if you break the law, you face your consequences.

As a parent, it’s been heartbreaking to see her make these choices, and I do support the legal consequences she has faced.

But shouldn’t six years of sobriety and all that she has accomplished during that time count for something in the eyes of the law?

Since you are asking and seem to be wanting to discuss, I will also add this. What you reveal here may have a lot to do with how the judge is feeling and ruling around these circumstances. First of all, great kudos to you for actually calling someone on your daughter to stop her from drinking and driving. I can to some extent understand how hard this must have been for you. And I understand the utter impossibility of making another person, no matter how much you love them, do what you want them to do all the time.

However, and the judge may feel this way too, when you describe your daughter's drinking pattern here, this turns out to be a much more serious reason to refuse her a lot of leniency or benefit of the doubt. Because party drinking, where you should have called an Uber, you and your buddies were out at a bar and you drove home buzzed....that's the kind of drinking that people tend to age out of. Where they've got to be young enough to have the desire to go out on the town and have friends that are also so inclined, where you're on the party scene. Well, you do get too old to really want to do that, and our lives and jobs and other interests take over.

But someone who has found that solitary drinking is a thing to use to "kill the pain" of something bad that has happened in their lives, that's something that you do not ever age out of wanting to do. Those kinds of drinkers keep doing it all their lives if they don't work really really hard to avoid it. I hope your daughter is still in her treatment programs, heavily involved in her steps programs, and that she can work out constructive ways to get where she needs to get without having special leniency given to her. I have known the personal misery of watching serial solitary drinkers stay sober and do well for four or five or even ten years, only to have them plummet back down later. You can never relax and think the problem is solved. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.

 

[not2cleverRed]

But someone who has found that solitary drinking is a thing to use to "kill the pain" of something bad that has happened in their lives, that's something that you do not ever age out of wanting to do. Those kinds of drinkers keep doing it all their lives if they don't work really really hard to avoid it. I hope your daughter is still in her treatment programs, heavily involved in her steps programs, and that she can work out constructive ways to get where she needs to get without having special leniency given to her. I have known the personal misery of watching serial solitary drinkers stay sober and do well for four or five or even ten years, only to have them plummet back down later. You can never relax and think the problem is solved. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.

And the especially concerning thing is that she combined solitary drinking with a car, repeatedly.

There are plenty of solitary drinkers who make the mental calculation of ensuring that they do so in a safe space, avoiding driving.

But shouldn’t six years of sobriety and all that she has accomplished during that time count for something in the eyes of the law?

It does count. It counts as 6 out of 10 years. She has 4 years left instead of 10.

One solution is for YOU to provide housing and transportation rather than grandmother.

 

[Just Blue]

My ex was busted for DUI (.32) a few years ago. It had been almost 20 between #2 and #3. He got 9 months of house arrest (damn lucky on that and he had a great attorney) 5 years probation and 10 years loss of license.

All in all he got off lightly. He could have and should have gotten 5 years in jail.

 

[quincy]

And, it is important to note, the judge’s hands are tied by the law. He cannot simply alter the penalties previously imposed. The most potentially that can be done is to allow for the installation of a certified ignition interlock system. Whether daughter is eligible for this exception is a question mark, best investigated by daughter’s attorney (which apparently is something already being considered).

 

[Bali Hai Again]

This might be worth a shot:

https://www.justice.gov/pardon/file/898541/dl#:~:text=The petition shall be addressed,obtained from the Pardon Attorney.

 

[Foamback]

I am sure there are other options. She could move ...

Probably not in the US

 

[HAYLEN]

We have here in my area, the child of a fairly famous celebrity who has had a drink and substance abuse problem since the teenage years and this person is no spring chicken now. The number of breaks and special circumstances and extra leniencies this person has been given by our local court system are ridiculous. There are long stretches of good times and bad times for this person through the years.

Everyone in the area kind of jokes but sometimes worries that this person is currently "out" and may be driving our roads. Every time that this person appears in media as having been charged again, a spokesperson for the famous family avers that they had turned their life around, that they were only doing this because of some new trauma they were dealing with. And yes, through the years, there have been many new traumas, public because of the family's celebrity, as all families go through crises and terminal illnesses and domestic problems.

With your daughter's record, I would NOT want to be the judge who gives her another chance early, goes out on a limb for her, and then sees her fall back into another circumstance where she re-offends, and perhaps causes a horrible tragedy. As for all she has accomplished, it is unfortunate but true that you cannot unring a bell, and she did ring it, three times and though you know she's a changed person......she still has the consequences, as though she had injured herself physically and would now have to go forward dealing with those problems.

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I totally get what you’re saying about the challenges of giving second chances and the responsibility judges have to consider the bigger picture. It’s a tough balance to strike.

I know my daughter’s past mistakes can’t be erased, and the consequences are something she has to carry, no matter how much progress she’s made.

That said, I do understand why it’s a complicated issue, especially when you think about how these decisions can affect others. It’s not an easy situation for anyone involved, but I really appreciate hearing your take on it. It’s a good reminder of how these challenges impact more than just the person at the center of it all.

 

[HAYLEN]

And the especially concerning thing is that she combined solitary drinking with a car, repeatedly.

There are plenty of solitary drinkers who make the mental calculation of ensuring that they do so in a safe space, avoiding driving.



It does count. It counts as 6 out of 10 years. She has 4 years left instead of 10.

One solution is for YOU to provide housing and transportation rather than grandmother.

You’re absolutely right that solitary drinking combined with driving is particularly concerning—it’s a dangerous combination with potentially tragic consequences.

Regarding the suggestion of providing housing and transportation, I agree it’s an ideal solution. In a perfect world, I would love to have my daughter live with me and support her by taking care of her transportation needs. However, that isn’t feasible for us due to multiple reasons specific to our situation, which makes it all the more challenging to find a sustainable path forward.

Thank you for the advice and input—it’s appreciated as we navigate this difficult situation.

 

[HAYLEN]

Since you are asking and seem to be wanting to discuss, I will also add this. What you reveal here may have a lot to do with how the judge is feeling and ruling around these circumstances. First of all, great kudos to you for actually calling someone on your daughter to stop her from drinking and driving. I can to some extent understand how hard this must have been for you. And I understand the utter impossibility of making another person, no matter how much you love them, do what you want them to do all the time.

However, and the judge may feel this way too, when you describe your daughter's drinking pattern here, this turns out to be a much more serious reason to refuse her a lot of leniency or benefit of the doubt. Because party drinking, where you should have called an Uber, you and your buddies were out at a bar and you drove home buzzed....that's the kind of drinking that people tend to age out of. Where they've got to be young enough to have the desire to go out on the town and have friends that are also so inclined, where you're on the party scene. Well, you do get too old to really want to do that, and our lives and jobs and other interests take over.

But someone who has found that solitary drinking is a thing to use to "kill the pain" of something bad that has happened in their lives, that's something that you do not ever age out of wanting to do. Those kinds of drinkers keep doing it all their lives if they don't work really really hard to avoid it. I hope your daughter is still in her treatment programs, heavily involved in her steps programs, and that she can work out constructive ways to get where she needs to get without having special leniency given to her. I have known the personal misery of watching serial solitary drinkers stay sober and do well for four or five or even ten years, only to have them plummet back down later. You can never relax and think the problem is solved. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.

My daughter is still actively participating in her treatment programs and working hard in her steps. I completely understand what you mean about never being able to fully relax; it’s a lifelong journey, and every day presents its own challenges. Your insight serves as an important reminder to stay vigilant and supportive without becoming complacent.

I truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers. It’s comforting to hear from someone who understands the struggles and complexities of recovery.

 

[cbg]

Haylen, please allow me to say that it is so refreshing to see someone taking your attitude. So many times when posters get the answer they don't want to hear, they get rude and defensive and display an attitude that is not at all fun to deal with. Your recognition of your daughter's fault, of other perspectives, and simply accepting that the legal answer is not the one you want, is such a welcome response.

 

[HAYLEN]

Haylen, please allow me to say that it is so refreshing to see someone taking your attitude. So many times when posters get the answer they don't want to hear, they get rude and defensive and display an attitude that is not at all fun to deal with. Your recognition of your daughter's fault, of other perspectives, and simply accepting that the legal answer is not the one you want, is such a welcome response.

Thank you so much for your kind words! It truly means a lot to hear that my perspective is appreciated. I am really torn about her getting limited driving privileges. While I want her to gain more independence and not rely on others as much, the idea is also very daunting. Even though she’s been sober for years, the fear doesn’t go away. Four more years of sobriety won’t make it any less frightening for me than if she were to drive again tomorrow. As both the mother and daughter of addicts, I’m well aware of the challenges addiction and recovery bring. I’m so grateful that my daughter has been clean for 6 years, and my father for 10, but that fear will always linger. Thanks again for your thoughtful response.