I wish he never begged for a second chance after the divorce was filed. I was fine. I got over him after he left me with the divorce bombshell. It took me about a month, but I finally picked myself up and started moving on with my life.
Then he started calling. Every damn day. Telling me he still loves me. That no matter what happens—divorced or not—he wants to stay my “life partner.” What kind of BS is that?
Now it’s been a week since his last call, and I just realized something: I’m waiting for him to call again. It’s like he cracked the door back open when I had already slammed it shut. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why couldn’t he go cold turkey on this marriage and let me heal for good?
I don’t want to spend another minute thinking about him, but here I am—waiting. What should I do? How do I get back to where I was before he started messing with my head again?
Though I am not an attorney, I am an old lady who has seen a lot. Now I am about to give you some legal advice. This bird has TALKED TO AN ATTORNEY. He has figured out that he left you with some significant advantage in the divorce situation. And you are going to get some of his stuff. He somehow left himself in a vulnerable position. He could lose half his assets, depending on what state you are in, which I don't see mentioned, he could get stuck with paying you alimony, he could be "taken to the cleaners." In any case, I bet that is what he is missing, not you.
Subjective story here. My friend showed up on my doorstep, having been thrown out of the house by her wealthy and well employed spouse. With borrowed funds, she hired the local area "sock it to them" divorce attorney. Ten minutes later the husband called that same lawyer and was told he could not be a client because his wife was. The lawyer he did retain told him something like, 'Oh man, this is bad! What you need to do is get back together with her! No matter what you have to do. Then plan this better and then divorce her later."
And he turned on the charm. Oh boy, did he ever turn on the charm! Girlfriend is out of the picture, I'll come back to church with you (and even talked to her minister, asked them to intervene for him.) Pulled out all the stops, his goal being to get back in bed with her. At which time the divorce procedings became null and void. She held out for several months. But eventually, sitting there alone in a tiny apartment, missing her nice home, her head full of his promises and verbal persuasions, she gave in. And someone grimly commented, "Gee, I sure hope she had a nice time last night, it sure cost her a lot of money." Within a year, they were acfually officially divorced, this time on HIS terms. He set it up carefully and then chucked her out again. The girlfriend miraculously reappeared and became "next wife."
The miserable statistic is that an abused spouse usually goes home or takes them back at least five or six times before finally escaping the situation. You may tell yourself you weren't one of those abused spouses, but if you were unhappy enough to want a divorce, it's the same dynamic. Even if your husband was not wealthy and you're not going to get anything from him, remember, in that case, he's been using your stuff and money and everything and may be trying hard to get his nice position back. You were quite a prize, of course he will regret it!
Ditto to all the above advice. Block his stupid calls. Even if he fakes or threatens a suicide due to his lost love(it has been done!) keep strong. You have spent many years emotionally dependent on this person. Now you need to move forward, because like a person who is trying to quit any addictive bad old habit you are still vulnerable to its pull. Block those calls. Get that therapy. Avoid situations, like churches, where people will try to guilt trip you back into the same mess. Based on my experiences, a lot of those people are more in thinking, "Well, I suffered through it, everybody should have to!" than they are involved in advising what will be best for you.
Obtain for yourself the best legal counsel possible. Follow their advice. Get therapy. Work at growing yourself as a person. That you are aware of your vulnerability and have reached out here is a very good sign. Keep at it, with my good thoughts and blessings.
