False abuse allegations

What is the name of your state? Fl

I wasn't sure if I should continue in my old thread of "Recording Calls", but thought I might post under a new thread as this is a whole new topic.

My worst nightmare has come to life. For years my ex has told me he would turn the kids against me and he has. He and they are saying I have abused them physically. I have not. The children have been in therapy for about 4 years becasue theis divorce and custody situation has been horrible.

This man chases me around schools, daycares, airports creating scenes usually the police have to be involved.

He sends me hate email all the time....28 pages long....going on and on how he will win, and goes on and on that Iam abusing the kids.....I mean they are the ramblings of a mad man.

He refuses to pay child support, or any of the portion of his medical bills.

Our court order states that I am allowed to have telephonic access to the children daily, and that the other parent has the obligation to have the children return my call.

On August 1 everything was fine....the kids called and wished their sibling happy birthday we chatted and everything was just fine. They seemed happy to talk with me, and said they loved and missed me.

Then 2 days later a complete 180. When I call they scream I dont want to call you, and I am not coming home.

He says he doesnt care what the court order says he cant make them call me.

He claimed I was abusing them last summer and DCF investigated and all claims were unfounded. As I said I have had the kids in therapy 4 years, and this has never come out. He called the school couslor who then spoke with the children. They said the were fine, and not afraid of me. I have always taken my kids to the DR when they are sick and yearly for physicals and no abuse has been noted. No teachers, or daycare providers ever suspected I was abusing the kids.

I am hearbroken they are acting like this towards me, but I am very concerned. how do you defend yourself when the kids and their are saying you abused them? I mena how do you prove you didnt and that he is convincing the children are not being truthful? I am innocent....I would never hurt them....I have tried so hard to co parent with their Father but he is out of controll.

Has anyone had their kids do this to them?

meribeth said:

What is the name of your state? Fl

I wasn't sure if I should continue in my old thread of "Recording Calls", but thought I might post under a new thread as this is a whole new topic.

My worst nightmare has come to life. For years my ex has told me he would turn the kids against me and he has. He and they are saying I have abused them physically. I have not. The children have been in therapy for about 4 years becasue theis divorce and custody situation has been horrible.

This man chases me around schools, daycares, airports creating scenes usually the police have to be involved.

He sends me hate email all the time....28 pages long....going on and on how he will win, and goes on and on that Iam abusing the kids.....I mean they are the ramblings of a mad man.

He refuses to pay child support, or any of the portion of his medical bills.

Our court order states that I am allowed to have telephonic access to the children daily, and that the other parent has the obligation to have the children return my call.

On August 1 everything was fine....the kids called and wished their sibling happy birthday we chatted and everything was just fine. They seemed happy to talk with me, and said they loved and missed me.

Then 2 days later a complete 180. When I call they scream I dont want to call you, and I am not coming home.

He says he doesnt care what the court order says he cant make them call me.

He claimed I was abusing them last summer and DCF investigated and all claims were unfounded. As I said I have had the kids in therapy 4 years, and this has never come out. He called the school couslor who then spoke with the children. They said the were fine, and not afraid of me. I have always taken my kids to the DR when they are sick and yearly for physicals and no abuse has been noted. No teachers, or daycare providers ever suspected I was abusing the kids.

I am hearbroken they are acting like this towards me, but I am very concerned. how do you defend yourself when the kids and their are saying you abused them? I mena how do you prove you didnt and that he is convincing the children are not being truthful? I am innocent....I would never hurt them....I have tried so hard to co parent with their Father but he is out of controll.

Has anyone had their kids do this to them?

Click to expand...

Yep, and it hurts like HE$$. The way my situation has played out is the X and my DD both said, abuse, abuse, abuse! When questioned for specifics they couldn't come up with anything that resembled abuse in the legal or moral sense for that matter.

If your kids have been in counseling and nothing has ever come up, I wouldn't worry to much. Some idiots think that if they say it enough that makes it true. Wrong, there has to be proof and if it is not true there will be no proof. If the kids start spouting stories, professionals know when they have been coached. Let him keep saying it, it doesn't make it true. Continue to call your kids daily and document, date, time etc...if he doesn't let you talk. When it comes time for them to come home, be there to receive them where ever that may be. If he doesn't return them, call the police and get an attorney!

Also, you may want to get a book called "Divorce Poison" it may help you to work through his trying to alienate your children from you. It has some great pointers for counteracting the X's tactics.

Thanks so much fo rthe advise. I am so glad I have had tem in theraoy the last 4 years.

I call daily~ but yesterdsay my kids were screaming and crying they didnt want to speak to me!!! That hurt me terribly. I have never had them treat me like that.

I will get that book.

I called an attorney. He said that since he didnt put much merit into all of this because if the kids had told a counselor at their Dads then they are mandated to report it and then DCF is required to investigate especially since their sibling is in the home.

He also said we would handle it if he didnt return the kids, but he didnt see that happening as he has made arrangments to do so~

He said that there was nothing I could now~ even though our court order is specific about contact and he is violating the court order~ does that seem right?

My husband's ex wife constantly degrades my husband to the point that my stepdaughter feels it is obsessive. She lives in a delusional world. My husband has cried himself to sleep many nights over the things she has done to him through the kids. His 20-year-old son doesn't even acknowledge him anymore.

meribeth said:

Thanks so much fo rthe advise. I am so glad I have had tem in theraoy the last 4 years.

I call daily~ but yesterdsay my kids were screaming and crying they didnt want to speak to me!!! That hurt me terribly. I have never had them treat me like that.

I will get that book.

I called an attorney. He said that since he didnt put much merit into all of this because if the kids had told a counselor at their Dads then they are mandated to report it and then DCF is required to investigate especially since their sibling is in the home.

He also said we would handle it if he didnt return the kids, but he didnt see that happening as he has made arrangments to do so~

He said that there was nothing I could now~ even though our court order is specific about contact and he is violating the court order~ does that seem right?

Click to expand...

You can address that issue if its necessary to go back to court because he does not return them. Otherwise, its shouldn't be a priority until after you have gotten the kids back.

meribeth said:

What is the name of your state? Fl

I wasn't sure if I should continue in my old thread of "Recording Calls", but thought I might post under a new thread as this is a whole new topic.

My worst nightmare has come to life. For years my ex has told me he would turn the kids against me and he has. He and they are saying I have abused them physically. I have not. The children have been in therapy for about 4 years becasue theis divorce and custody situation has been horrible.

This man chases me around schools, daycares, airports creating scenes usually the police have to be involved.

He sends me hate email all the time....28 pages long....going on and on how he will win, and goes on and on that Iam abusing the kids.....I mean they are the ramblings of a mad man.

He refuses to pay child support, or any of the portion of his medical bills.

Our court order states that I am allowed to have telephonic access to the children daily, and that the other parent has the obligation to have the children return my call.

On August 1 everything was fine....the kids called and wished their sibling happy birthday we chatted and everything was just fine. They seemed happy to talk with me, and said they loved and missed me.

Then 2 days later a complete 180. When I call they scream I dont want to call you, and I am not coming home.

He says he doesnt care what the court order says he cant make them call me.

He claimed I was abusing them last summer and DCF investigated and all claims were unfounded. As I said I have had the kids in therapy 4 years, and this has never come out. He called the school couslor who then spoke with the children. They said the were fine, and not afraid of me. I have always taken my kids to the DR when they are sick and yearly for physicals and no abuse has been noted. No teachers, or daycare providers ever suspected I was abusing the kids.

I am hearbroken they are acting like this towards me, but I am very concerned. how do you defend yourself when the kids and their are saying you abused them? I mena how do you prove you didnt and that he is convincing the children are not being truthful? I am innocent....I would never hurt them....I have tried so hard to co parent with their Father but he is out of controll.

Has anyone had their kids do this to them?

Click to expand...

Keep all the emails and correspondence from Dad. You may need it once the kids are returned if you pursue Contempt of the Court Order. And, of course, get them back into counseling when they return.

Another site which has some resources re; false allegations is: www.deltabravo.net

Don't let Dad bait you.

Keep track of the times when you call, both when you speak to the children and when you don't. If you can, keep track of what is said. A lot of courts won't admit it, but ours did. We had word documents and excel spreadsheets of attempted contact that went back 3 years. It helped my husband get custody of his then 5 year old daughter, because the judge actually looked at what we took to court. I say "we" because I was a witness to the calls, and was asked to appear in court.
I've also been falsely accused of abuse. It hurts, but in our case there's a madwoman and I'm able to shrug it off within a week or so.

Good luck.

Not so much a legal question

ok
My ex and I are meeting at the police station in his hometown. His choice...which is fine. I still havent talked to the kids. He states they won't get on the phone with me, and will put the ohone up to their mouth and they will say I dont want ot talk to you. Heartbreaking, but I am trying to remain logical.
My attorney has spoke with his and she says they are not filing anything...she got the distinct impression his attorney was tired of his games and using the kids
At the police station my ex has said the kids are not gonna go with you and they are gonna tell the plice you abuse them.
AS I said before NONE of this has been founded nor would it...I have NOT abused our children.
My ex also said that he was told by the police that if the kids are screaming terrified and running fromme that the police will not alllow me to take the chidlren....even with my custody paperwork.
I spoke with the police station and that state they do not get involved unless the adults get into a confortation. I dont plan on doing that but he sureloves to make a scene

My question: Has anybody had any dealing with this? I mean do I put the kids over my shoulder and force themin the car no matter how much they scream?

meribeth said:

My question: Has anybody had any dealing with this? I mean do I put the kids over my shoulder and force themin the car no matter how much they scream?

Click to expand...

Can you lift them?

The short answer is that YES, that's exactly what you do.

DO NOT engage in conversation with your ex AT ALL. No matter what he says to you, direct all of your attention to your children.

Remain calm.

Do not engage in negative behavior with the children.

If they fling accusations at you or say anything disrespectful or derogatory to/about you, respond with "I love you, even when you behave like this." (Practice saying it in the mirror and make it your mantra on the way over there)

Address any tantrums that they throw as you would if they did it at Wal-Mart or the supermarket. Pick them up, put them in the car, close the door, and drive away.

Stick to the counseling.

Do NOT, over the next few days/weeks, discuss any of the events with the children. Discuss ONLY in counseling and ONLY when you can do-so calmly. It's important that the kids not develop the idea that they made you sad or that they contributed to any negative feelings you have - they've been manipulated into behaving this way and you need to remember it's NOT personal.

/channeling of Dr. Phil.

Great advice CJane.

Meribeth, please take what CJane has to heart, remember, though this feels personal, it is not. What helped me to cope was knowing that what my daughter was saying and doing was not because she hated me or didn't love me. Her dad had pressured her into it and continues to try and do so. Your children are stuck between a rock and a hard place and can't stand up for themselves. They love you and deep down they don't want you to go away. They want and need to know that you love them no matter what! Where I did have a hard time was thinking that if I show her I love her no matter what, does that give her free license to continue to act this way. Does it let her feel she can do so as I will just sit back and take it. I'm glad I didn't give into that feeling. Letting her know I was the sane, stable, unconditionally loving parent helped her to see what was lacking in dad and now she has come around and isn't playing his games. She is actually trying to avoid him. Part of me feels I should reach out and tell him that he is driving her away, but I know it would just fall on deaf ears. He is hell bent and out of touch with reality. Sad for my DD.

Thank you foe the advice....I am going to do just that.

Has anyone had any experience with DCF if a child is saying they have been abused? As I said I have not....but if he has her ssaying it....I dont know how they handle it....I would think they would talk to their counselors they have had they last 4 years and doctors and school officials? I am just guessing.

He can be VERY manipulative....that is what bothers me. I feel so bad that the kids are stuck in the middle of this!!!!

meribeth said:

Thank you foe the advice....I am going to do just that.

Has anyone had any experience with DCF if a child is saying they have been abused? As I said I have not....but if he has her ssaying it....I dont know how they handle it....I would think they would talk to their counselors they have had they last 4 years and doctors and school officials? I am just guessing.

He can be VERY manipulative....that is what bothers me. I feel so bad that the kids are stuck in the middle of this!!!!

Click to expand...

Here we call it CPS (Child Protective Services) Yes, X called them on me and had daughter make report that she is abused. The allegations were that we yell at her, we've spanked her brothers (though she didn't allege that we spanked her) etc...Nothing I guess that falls under "true legal abuse" CPS never even contacted us after the report was made. The GAL says she has a copy of the report, but that there is no evidence of abuse etc....I guess it depends on what he and the kids tell them. All you can do is cooperate with the agency and tell the truth. They will see through your X. The counseling should help immensely to show no past issues.

meribeth said:

Thank you foe the advice....I am going to do just that.

Has anyone had any experience with DCF if a child is saying they have been abused? As I said I have not....but if he has her ssaying it....I dont know how they handle it....I would think they would talk to their counselors they have had they last 4 years and doctors and school officials? I am just guessing.

He can be VERY manipulative....that is what bothers me. I feel so bad that the kids are stuck in the middle of this!!!!

Click to expand...

My ex just reported me to CPS (here, it's DSS) and they came out to do a home visit/safety check. They interviewed the girls separately and then interviewed me. They asked me for 2 references that could speak to my parenting abilities, took down the info about our GAL, asked if it was ok that they speak to teachers and the babysitter (who ex also reported), and then said "This is all so much BS. It's clearly a custody issue, not a safety issue."

I was TERRIFIED before they arrived. Really thought I was going to puke or pass out. But once they were here, and especially after they left, I knew it was just one more opportunity for the ex to show his ass. And he did it very well.

UPDATE on ALLEGATIONS

Well it was UGLY!!!

Went there to pick up kids. We met at police station. My one child was screaming abuse and the other not even present. My ex wouldn't let go of her and the cops said that since the child woke up with him that I would need a court order to make them remove the children from his care.

Went to the courthouse and my attorney explained it to the judge. The judge signed the ex parte demanding the release of the children and ordering the police to make it happen.

Go to his house with police and they STILL wont do it cause my one child was screaming abuse. My ex was acting NUTZ!!!! Screaming that they opened a DCF case this morning.

They called DCF....I went to my attorney office and got paperwork that showed the previous abuse allegations unfounded and all the paper wotk form their doctors and what not. Including the email trying to extort money form me.

3 grueling hours later (they were all inside) and I was in my car as instructed. I see myy ex and his clann all on his porch.....they are alone inside with the kids.

Finally they come out and talk to me. Ask to see the paperwork...get all my information...ask for me to sign a medical release for the therapist they have had the last 4 years...doctors...and all that. I cooperate.

She asks to see the judges orders....lets me know the allegations and that they do have to continue to investigate...I say I understand....the lady from DCF (who seemed to be a veteran with this) says to the police I see no reason not to uphold the judges order...remove the children from him and they are going home with the mother now.

I was relieved I really thought they were going to protective custody. They did not seem to be to impresses that he ha not called DCF sooner since he has been screaming abuse for a while. They also did not like it that he was trying to negotiate with me using the abuse card.

My ex went crazy...chasing me around the car in front of the kids. He did not catch me...screaming Please let them stay....

My one child was a wreck screaming and kicking all the way to the car. The other (the one screaming abuse earlier) came with some coaxing...crying but she came on her own....got in the car and was like I am sooo tired of this....I just kept saying I love you....and this is not your fault....they she looked at me and said I am really sorry mommy. I just said hey its gonna be ok, I love you, and its not your fault.

We go to the cousleor today.....

I am guessing that since DCF was there it was a good thing I had there blessing to leave....

Thanks for the advice...

Oh, holy crap. I'm gonna stop kvetching about MY ex for awhile.

Can you DO anything?