What is the name of your state? NJ
Hi. I am putting my saga out here, and looking for input on how things should have been done differently, and advice on any areas that can be fixed or where I need to proceed in an alternate direction.
I am representing myself pro se after 7 years of postdivorce actions and questionable actions by attorneys. I am not able to obtain a lawyer.
BM and I were divorced in 2000. At the time, we had a 6 year old daughter, who has now turned 13. We share joint custody (that is exactly as the divorce decree reads) with BM being the Parent of Primary Residence. Standard visitation set, every Wednesday night, EOW, alternating holidays, time on birthdays, 2 weeks in summer. BM and I have never lived further than 5 miles from each other.
In 2003, BM filed a motion requesting that I be barred from taking DD to the doctor except for emergencies. I had taken DD to a doctor after three years of runny noses which had not been investigated past "colds" by the pediatrician. I am not provided by Mom with any information about child's health - I requested the child's medical records from her pediatrician. Allergist found basic dust, tree, grass allergies and prescribed allergy medication. Mom also claimed that I was mentally abusive to child and that this action of taking DD to doctor was actually part of my plan to separate DD from BM.
In 2004, BM filed seeking supervised visitation only, claiming mental abuse. She withheld visitation starting from a month prior to filing, claiming child did not want to see me. Child was 9 at the time. Court ordered risk assessment, which came back advising reunification and counseling. Family went to counseling, where Dr. recommended continued counseling. This all went on for approximately one year, 4 months before there was contact with DD, another 4 months before any overnights, and then another 4 months before the judge interviewed the child. Immediately following the interview, the judge returned visitation to the way it had been since the divorce.
In 2007, DD came to me requesting that I seek a change in custody. BM had remarried, was not giving any time to DD. BM was siding with new stepchildren, including forcing our 12 year old to follow the bedtimes of her 7 and 4 year old stepsiblings so as to not upset steps. Mom historically did not check homework, take interest in the child's life and concerns, and did not do the parenting things that DD saw me do and wanted from her mom. Child also wanted to attend church, and Mom always said ok, but then overslept so that they could not attend. Child, on Mom's decision, attends a private Christian school, and school policy actually requires that child be in fellowship with a Bible believing church, so the child's request was not out of line with Mom's responsibilities. Child wrote a letter to the court, requesting the change, and giving reasons. I gathered certifications from 17 people, stating that DD was happy, well-adjusted, and well-parented in my care. I also included emails between BM and I in which BM refused routine medical and educational information regarding the child, BM claimed that she did not report to me and therefore needed to give me no information. Also included were emails in which BM refused all additional requests for visitation, including requests that were initiated by child.
The day after the papers were properly filed in court, BM called 10 minutes before visitation, claiming DD was sick and could not come for visit. The following week, BM called 10 minutes before visitation, claiming that DD was in a panic over seeing me. I offered to meet BM and DD somewhere to talk about the situation. BM refused. I went to the police station, and met the police at BM's home, where I was told that DD was screaming because I showed up. They refused to enforce the visitation order.
The next day, I attempted to file an exparte to get visitation enforced. Judge's clerk claimed that unless DD was bleeding, I would not be able to get an order from the judge, especially since we had a date on my custody motion.
The day after that, I was served with a motion obtained by BM suspending my parenting time pending a show cause. Included in the motion was a repetition of BM's past complaints, which she had previously filed, and a letter from a CSW who worked out of the police dept. The CSW claimed to have met with child 2x, first on the day that she was "sick" and then the day of the 2nd missed visitation. CSW claimed that I play power games on my child, that my child is terrified of my historic treatment of her, and recommended suspension of all parenting time.
At the show cause hearing, I provided an additional 17 certifications from different people - pastors, neighbors, friends, congregants, and family members saying that DD had never been afraid of me. I also submitted a letter from our family counselor, who stated child and I had an excellent relationship,and that there was no fear.
Judge admitted to being spineless and refused to completely discount the CSW's report, even though he said that the recommendation seemed a bit of a stretch from the facts. He ordered 2 phone calls with child, a court risk assessment, custody evaluation to be done, and a plenary hearing on the custody motion. He also ordered a GAL. At a later date, he ordered nightly phone conversations, since proceedings were going more slowly than he anticipated.
At the end of the risk assessment, the risk assessor simply stated what my ex and I each said, stated that my DD said she was "emotional exhausted from dealing with me." and that she said I never let her be right. She also cited a letter from CSW which stated that DD wanted fewer phone calls with me. Risk assessor recommended psychological evaluations.
At the same time as the risk assessment was done, the GAL finally met with DD. He said DD wanted no fewer than three phone calls a week, and was amenable to starting supervised visitation, with an eye to reunification. He also stated, with no factual description provided, that DD wanted to rescind her certification to the court and that she was content with the current living situation. The judge ordered that the previously ordered custody evaluator be used to do the psychological evaluations recommended by the risk assessor. Judge ordered the three parties to schedule supervised visits. I spoke with GAL that day, and agreed to a supervisor. All of the choices, both from DD and BM came completely from BM's side of the family, even though there are numerous family members and friends on my side which were offered. We did not hear from the GAL for 7 weeks, despite multiple phone calls, letters, and emails from me, BM's attorney, and DD.
When the phone calls were each night, DD was frequently not available to take the call, or was not at a place where she could talk (movies, dinner out, at a friend's house). Once the calls went to three days a week, DD only answered the phone one day a week, even though I called three times. We had three phone calls, each lasting over 20 minutes. We spoke of simple things, school projects, movies we saw, shows on television. One the day of the last call, I asked DD if she wanted me to call the next night. She emphatically said yes. However, 2 1/2 weeks went by with no answer to phone calls. The judge had been away at some sort of training for two weeks. Opposing counsel was refusing emails from me because I had used an email confirmation software at one time. Finally, the GAL wrote saying that my abuse of my daughter had continued despite the lack of parenting time, and that I was using our phone time to abuse her. He claimed that my DD now did not want to speak to me on the phone, did not want to see me, and that I might in fact never see my daughter again.
I made an appointment with the psychologist who was to do the psychological evaluations. He requested further clarification from the court as to what he was supposed to do, since, strictly speaking, a psychological evaluation is not a psychological term. He attempted to call the court and the GAL but got no information. He and I had an intake session, since that would be the same no matter what eventually was done.
I also, by the point, had done some research and had discovered that the CSW who had written the initial report for the court, an additional report for the risk assessor, and was continuing counseling with my DD, was not actually licensed by the State to do counseling. His CSW has expired three years ago. He is not certified by any of the three state boards which certifies counselors. When I asked him for permission to confirm his credentials, he refused, stating first that he was not going to be used, and then that it was a matter of confidentiality. I was also informed that as a CSW, a social worker is not permitted to perform any clinical counseling. A social worker must be a LSW or LCSW in order to do clinical work. I informed the court and the two counsels of this counselor's lack of credentials.
to be continued...
Hi. I am putting my saga out here, and looking for input on how things should have been done differently, and advice on any areas that can be fixed or where I need to proceed in an alternate direction.
I am representing myself pro se after 7 years of postdivorce actions and questionable actions by attorneys. I am not able to obtain a lawyer.
BM and I were divorced in 2000. At the time, we had a 6 year old daughter, who has now turned 13. We share joint custody (that is exactly as the divorce decree reads) with BM being the Parent of Primary Residence. Standard visitation set, every Wednesday night, EOW, alternating holidays, time on birthdays, 2 weeks in summer. BM and I have never lived further than 5 miles from each other.
In 2003, BM filed a motion requesting that I be barred from taking DD to the doctor except for emergencies. I had taken DD to a doctor after three years of runny noses which had not been investigated past "colds" by the pediatrician. I am not provided by Mom with any information about child's health - I requested the child's medical records from her pediatrician. Allergist found basic dust, tree, grass allergies and prescribed allergy medication. Mom also claimed that I was mentally abusive to child and that this action of taking DD to doctor was actually part of my plan to separate DD from BM.
In 2004, BM filed seeking supervised visitation only, claiming mental abuse. She withheld visitation starting from a month prior to filing, claiming child did not want to see me. Child was 9 at the time. Court ordered risk assessment, which came back advising reunification and counseling. Family went to counseling, where Dr. recommended continued counseling. This all went on for approximately one year, 4 months before there was contact with DD, another 4 months before any overnights, and then another 4 months before the judge interviewed the child. Immediately following the interview, the judge returned visitation to the way it had been since the divorce.
In 2007, DD came to me requesting that I seek a change in custody. BM had remarried, was not giving any time to DD. BM was siding with new stepchildren, including forcing our 12 year old to follow the bedtimes of her 7 and 4 year old stepsiblings so as to not upset steps. Mom historically did not check homework, take interest in the child's life and concerns, and did not do the parenting things that DD saw me do and wanted from her mom. Child also wanted to attend church, and Mom always said ok, but then overslept so that they could not attend. Child, on Mom's decision, attends a private Christian school, and school policy actually requires that child be in fellowship with a Bible believing church, so the child's request was not out of line with Mom's responsibilities. Child wrote a letter to the court, requesting the change, and giving reasons. I gathered certifications from 17 people, stating that DD was happy, well-adjusted, and well-parented in my care. I also included emails between BM and I in which BM refused routine medical and educational information regarding the child, BM claimed that she did not report to me and therefore needed to give me no information. Also included were emails in which BM refused all additional requests for visitation, including requests that were initiated by child.
The day after the papers were properly filed in court, BM called 10 minutes before visitation, claiming DD was sick and could not come for visit. The following week, BM called 10 minutes before visitation, claiming that DD was in a panic over seeing me. I offered to meet BM and DD somewhere to talk about the situation. BM refused. I went to the police station, and met the police at BM's home, where I was told that DD was screaming because I showed up. They refused to enforce the visitation order.
The next day, I attempted to file an exparte to get visitation enforced. Judge's clerk claimed that unless DD was bleeding, I would not be able to get an order from the judge, especially since we had a date on my custody motion.
The day after that, I was served with a motion obtained by BM suspending my parenting time pending a show cause. Included in the motion was a repetition of BM's past complaints, which she had previously filed, and a letter from a CSW who worked out of the police dept. The CSW claimed to have met with child 2x, first on the day that she was "sick" and then the day of the 2nd missed visitation. CSW claimed that I play power games on my child, that my child is terrified of my historic treatment of her, and recommended suspension of all parenting time.
At the show cause hearing, I provided an additional 17 certifications from different people - pastors, neighbors, friends, congregants, and family members saying that DD had never been afraid of me. I also submitted a letter from our family counselor, who stated child and I had an excellent relationship,and that there was no fear.
Judge admitted to being spineless and refused to completely discount the CSW's report, even though he said that the recommendation seemed a bit of a stretch from the facts. He ordered 2 phone calls with child, a court risk assessment, custody evaluation to be done, and a plenary hearing on the custody motion. He also ordered a GAL. At a later date, he ordered nightly phone conversations, since proceedings were going more slowly than he anticipated.
At the end of the risk assessment, the risk assessor simply stated what my ex and I each said, stated that my DD said she was "emotional exhausted from dealing with me." and that she said I never let her be right. She also cited a letter from CSW which stated that DD wanted fewer phone calls with me. Risk assessor recommended psychological evaluations.
At the same time as the risk assessment was done, the GAL finally met with DD. He said DD wanted no fewer than three phone calls a week, and was amenable to starting supervised visitation, with an eye to reunification. He also stated, with no factual description provided, that DD wanted to rescind her certification to the court and that she was content with the current living situation. The judge ordered that the previously ordered custody evaluator be used to do the psychological evaluations recommended by the risk assessor. Judge ordered the three parties to schedule supervised visits. I spoke with GAL that day, and agreed to a supervisor. All of the choices, both from DD and BM came completely from BM's side of the family, even though there are numerous family members and friends on my side which were offered. We did not hear from the GAL for 7 weeks, despite multiple phone calls, letters, and emails from me, BM's attorney, and DD.
When the phone calls were each night, DD was frequently not available to take the call, or was not at a place where she could talk (movies, dinner out, at a friend's house). Once the calls went to three days a week, DD only answered the phone one day a week, even though I called three times. We had three phone calls, each lasting over 20 minutes. We spoke of simple things, school projects, movies we saw, shows on television. One the day of the last call, I asked DD if she wanted me to call the next night. She emphatically said yes. However, 2 1/2 weeks went by with no answer to phone calls. The judge had been away at some sort of training for two weeks. Opposing counsel was refusing emails from me because I had used an email confirmation software at one time. Finally, the GAL wrote saying that my abuse of my daughter had continued despite the lack of parenting time, and that I was using our phone time to abuse her. He claimed that my DD now did not want to speak to me on the phone, did not want to see me, and that I might in fact never see my daughter again.
I made an appointment with the psychologist who was to do the psychological evaluations. He requested further clarification from the court as to what he was supposed to do, since, strictly speaking, a psychological evaluation is not a psychological term. He attempted to call the court and the GAL but got no information. He and I had an intake session, since that would be the same no matter what eventually was done.
I also, by the point, had done some research and had discovered that the CSW who had written the initial report for the court, an additional report for the risk assessor, and was continuing counseling with my DD, was not actually licensed by the State to do counseling. His CSW has expired three years ago. He is not certified by any of the three state boards which certifies counselors. When I asked him for permission to confirm his credentials, he refused, stating first that he was not going to be used, and then that it was a matter of confidentiality. I was also informed that as a CSW, a social worker is not permitted to perform any clinical counseling. A social worker must be a LSW or LCSW in order to do clinical work. I informed the court and the two counsels of this counselor's lack of credentials.
to be continued...
