Please help me here in PA!

What is the name of your state? PA

First off here's some background information to try and help you see the big picture....
Hello all! I am a mom of a wonderful 4 year old little boy. His father and I were never married and he left me well before my son was even born. When I was in the hospital he came to visit once and asked if we could try and work things out. I said I would definately try as long as he would stop drinking and get some help. Well, That lasted about 3 weeks. Every weekend he felt the need to party it up and drink with his friends. He always wanted me to tag along and if I refused it would start an arguement. Needless to say..He wasn't helping me raise our son and partying and living the lifestyle of a 21 yr old when he was 27 was much more important. I told him enough was enough.

He didn't financially or physically help support our son. I filed for child support and he filed for visitation rights soon after. It's now been 4 years. He constantly complains about the amount he pays in child support. Anyways to make a long, long story short. We presented my son's father with papers so he could terminate his parental rights and then ofcourse my husband would adopt our son. He didn't sign the papers at the hearing. My lawyer said if you change your mind give us a call. Last night my son's father calls me asking for the phone number of my lawyer. I asked him why would you like to call him. He said it's about those papers. Apparently, in the last hearing the support got raised not lowered.

If he signs off his parental rights....Can his parents file for granparent rights??? What happens if he signs off his rights and doesn't sign adoption papers allowing my husband to adopt our 4 year old??

I'm a firm believer that a child deserves both parents in their life. However, if I wouldn't have filed for child support he wouldn't have filed for visitation rights. He'll get our son 4 days a month if that. Rarely asks to have him at his scheduled holidays, and most of the time his girlfriend at the time spends most of the time caring for our 4 year old when he is with them.

Anyhow...Thank you so much for any advice you can offer!

SNJ9107 said:

He'll get our son 4 days a month if that. Rarely asks to have him at his scheduled holidays, and most of the time his girlfriend at the time spends most of the time caring for our 4 year old when he is with them.

Anyhow...Thank you so much for any advice you can offer!

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OK, so it sounds like kiddo is with dad every other weekend. What's the problem with that?

If Dad is having kiddo EOW, and he doesn't agree to the TPR/SPA, it ain't gonna happen. You're not going to get his rights involuntarily terminated.

2Mistakes said:

OK, so it sounds like kiddo is with dad every other weekend. What's the problem with that?

If Dad is having kiddo EOW, and he doesn't agree to the TPR/SPA, it ain't gonna happen. You're not going to get his rights involuntarily terminated.

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In my reading, when mom filed for support 4 years ago, she offered the chance to terminate rights. Dad filed for visitation and refused to terminate.

Now, dad is calling, after complaining about support, apparently wanting to terminate. Poster is wanting to know what does terminating actually mean...

I believe, but I'm not a lawyer, that once dad is no longer legally dad, then the grandparents are no longer legally grandparents, but I could be wrong.

Additionally, I don't believe that dad has to consent to who adopts the child - once he has terminated his rights, he has no rights and therefore can't decide.

I also believe that the court might be unwilling to support a termination if you and your husband have been married only a little time (< 1 year).

I am not a lawyer, I'm just puling these things from posts here that I have previously read. You may want, while waiting for a response, to search for stepparent adoption on this site to see what might apply to your case.

SMinNJ said:

In my reading, when mom filed for support 4 years ago, she offered the chance to terminate rights. Dad filed for visitation and refused to terminate.

Now, dad is calling, after complaining about support, apparently wanting to terminate. Poster is wanting to know what does terminating actually mean...

I believe, but I'm not a lawyer, that once dad is no longer legally dad, then the grandparents are no longer legally grandparents, but I could be wrong.

Additionally, I don't believe that dad has to consent to who adopts the child - once he has terminated his rights, he has no rights and therefore can't decide.

I also believe that the court might be unwilling to support a termination if you and your husband have been married only a little time (< 1 year).

I am not a lawyer, I'm just puling these things from posts here that I have previously read. You may want, while waiting for a response, to search for stepparent adoption on this site to see what might apply to your case.

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Iunderstand that, but OP threw in there that dad ONLY has the child 4 days per month, trying to make dad look bad.

Well, 4 days per month is basically EOW. My step-daughter goes to her dad EOW, and that's about it right now b/c of his work schedule. He's a GREAT dad, and they have a GREAT relationship, only seeing each other 4 days a month.

2Mistakes said:

OK, so it sounds like kiddo is with dad every other weekend. What's the problem with that?

If Dad is having kiddo EOW, and he doesn't agree to the TPR/SPA, it ain't gonna happen. You're not going to get his rights involuntarily terminated.

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I'm not trying to force him to terminate his rights. I've gone well out of my way to get him into parenting classes, have certain modifications added to our court order, to assist him in being a better father. When I child comes home from two days spending with their father spelling like urine, dog feces on their shoes, not having a bath since Friday morning coming home on Sunday night, coming home with new curse words that were learned, must I go on???

This is what I have dealt with. I've really stuck my neck out there trying to get him involved in his son's life. I invited him to birthday parties, over to the house christmas morning to watch his son open presents, preschool plays, soccer games..I've even offered to give him gas money!!! He doesn't call on birthdays, he never shows up to these events for his son. When it comes time for vistations...My son goes about half of the time he's supposed to go. He won't call he just won't show up to pick up his son. So, sometimes I really never know until after that point if he bothers to show up or not..It's kind of frustrating for me but it's even harder on my son!

It ticked him off ruraly when I filed for childsupport. I was out of work for 6 weeks, with no pay on maternity leave. Your think he'd offer to buy a pack of daipers...I had no choice. I just didn't have the means to support him by myself. Even when I went back to work I was only making then about $400 every two weeks and paying $400 in rent. I literally begged him to help me out..and I warned him that if he didn't I would file for child support.

Anyhow, my question mostly was...if he signs off his rights can his parents file for grandparents rights???
I'm not trying to force him to sign off his rights...It was offered to him that's all.

2Mistakes said:

Iunderstand that, but OP threw in there that dad ONLY has the child 4 days per month, trying to make dad look bad.

Well, 4 days per month is basically EOW. My step-daughter goes to her dad EOW, and that's about it right now b/c of his work schedule. He's a GREAT dad, and they have a GREAT relationship, only seeing each other 4 days a month.

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I'm only posting the facts. I have no need to make "Dad" look bad. He is ordered to have his son every other weekend. He rarely takes advantage of that. As well, most parents that live within 30 minutes from eachother around here don't just do every other weekend. Most custody situations are at least one or two nights during the week too....I guess what I'm saying is that compared to most people in this area in similary situations both parents share custody. He didn't want that and doesn't take advantage of what has already been set forth to him!

Besides, this isn't what I was asking..My question was about grandparents rights and how all this termination of parental rights work.

2Mistakes said:

Iunderstand that, but OP threw in there that dad ONLY has the child 4 days per month, trying to make dad look bad.

Well, 4 days per month is basically EOW. My step-daughter goes to her dad EOW, and that's about it right now b/c of his work schedule. He's a GREAT dad, and they have a GREAT relationship, only seeing each other 4 days a month.

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Actually...The offer to terminate his rights was last week. He filed a petition to have a review to see if the child support should be lowered. It was just reviewed last year. Anyhow, my lawyer gave him the option of terminating his rights. Last night, my son's father called me asking for my lawyer's phone number. He wanted to ask about those papers.

I thought the states did not allow for legal termination of parental rights... in the event the mother goes on welfare or otherwise the state will always go after the father for CS. Can someone please clarify?

This was just my understanding...But, the only way he would be allowed to terminate his rights and not be responsible for any child support is if my husband would adopt my child.
He could terminate his rights and still be required to pay child support. However, if my child is then adopted by his step father then my x would no long be required to pay child support either.
That is how they protect the state welfare system. LOL
That is what my lawyer had explained to me anyhow...

Google is your friend. Some states allow for gp visitation when a SPA is done. For example the NY statute is that the gp must be a biological or legal gp to be granted standing. Look to see if PA is the same. Since PA is worse than NY in gpv then your probably in trouble.

Rushia said:

Google is your friend. Some states allow for gp visitation when a SPA is done. For example the NY statute is that the gp must be a biological or legal gp to be granted standing. Look to see if PA is the same. Since PA is worse than NY in gpv then your probably in trouble.

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In PA standing for biological or adoptive grandparents, to sue for visitation, survives a steppparent adoption.