14 Year Old Wild Child

[Bloopy]

I take it you guys know exactly who she's running around with? While sending such a nasty-i-gram is legal, I don't know how effective it is. If they can't controll their own child's behavior, how do they expect to controll someone else. If that person is underage I doubt he'll take it much more seriously than he does now. In fact, it would be a double-dog-dare to him and your niece.

If the person is an adult or family member, then hell yes, send the letter.

Obviously, she is getting her kicks from this and tightening the leash doesn't really give her replacement behavior. Since she has so much time and energy she needs something productive to do with it. Yeah, easier said than done.

If your brother & sister-in-law decide to go with some residential program they should take into account her intelligence. Sadly, most residential programs that are not high-dollar private simply don’t know what to do with “smart kids.”

To transition home from any program, they want to consider moving. I know that sounds drastic especially considering the land and livestock they have. But returning to the same environment with easy access to the same people can often mean a return to the same pattern.

It may be possible to connect her with her charter school so she is challenged academically. I don't know how realistic that is now that Pandora's box is opened.

 

[casa]

thanks casa.

i promise you they ARE parenting.

I don't mean to imply they are Not parenting...and in some cases parenting isn't enough to keep up with a teen hellbent on dysfunction/destruction. The sister I mentioned with the alarm system? She also spent $50,000 sending my nephew to very good program in another state for almost an entire year. They then relocated out of state to further remove nephew from the situation/peers he had previously been dealing with. It's ongoing maintenance. Ultimately though? It really does come down to the parents & the kid. And when the parents have exhausted all avenues~ then in comes life's harsh learning lessons (natural consequences) which can mean injury, juvenile hall, teen pregnancy, etc. etc. etc.

Unfortunately this situation isn't really a legal issue (Yet).

 

[5sfsniper]

She was in a charter school, i don't remember why she isn't now, but she is too smart for herself.

i was looking for a legal way to embarrass the crap out of HER and make her presence a liability to THEM (THEM = those who come out at night to play).

i have a plethura of young women i can hook her up with to 'chat' with myself.

All of them under the age of 24, 2 - 3 children and now struggling to get the education they could have easily gotten if they hadn't played the streets.

but you are all correct, the problem is with her and her attitude and well as her naiveté. so far, nothing bad has happened to her. she is surrounded by adults who really love her and take good care of her.

she has no clue where this path she is treading will lead her.

 

[Indiana Filer]

I'm not in NM, and I don't know the laws there. I just wonder if it would be possible for her to be referred to the police department for Runaway when she leaves home, since she would be leaving without a reasonable cause, and would also be refusing the lawful orders of her parents to not leave or to return home. In addition, NM may have laws on the books for incorrigibility. That would be the refusal to follow the reasonable and lawful demands of the parents.

If they report her as a runaway, she could be cited into juvenile court and face consequences of her actions. Since runaway and incorrigible would be (most likely) status offenses, they wouldn't constitute a criminal record. (Status offenses are those that are offenses just as a result of the individual's status as a minor.)

 

[alexandrianaz]

I just want to say that this is totally opinion based, but..... I was somewhat unruly myself.

The thing that motivated me to start taking school and such more seriously were three fold.

The first was an overnight stay in a dorm at the University of Arizona. I stayed with my cousin but most colleges have overnight experience programs. I got to taste a little bit of the fun, freedom, and excitement, that comes from doing well in high school and getting into college. It was such a blast and such a motivator for me. It made me realize all the fun I would be having in college if I just bit the bullet and went to highschool and did well, and it sounds like this girl has a lot of potential.

I ended up getting a mentor with one of the programs U of A had and whenever my parents were having problems with me or I was having problems with them I would call my mentor she was really cool and very understanding and provided a great outlet (ie wow that really sucks that your parents are being so lame about not letting you got to sophie's party after formal but maybe they'll let you have friends over at your house after the dance and you could probably even finnagle them into buying pizzas and renting movies for everyone) which they did and it was a ton of fun btw.

They also took me to a group home for pregnant teens and young mothers, I sat in on a group meeting and basically just listened to how much their lives sucked. It was a real eye opener, it opened up lines of communication for my mom and I.

The most scary thing for me (being so young and naive) was not that they were pregnant or had babies or had to work or couldn't go to school or party or anything like that. The most scary thing was that when these girls got pregnant they got left. Not a single one of them was still with the guy who got them pregnant they all left them when they found out. When I was young I had this idea that if I somehow got pregnant I would have to grow up but I would have this cool new instafamily, and it was definitely not like that.

And another piece of advice being this girl sounds smart, really smart and at the same time stubborn and naive. There's one thing you should probably realize. Punishments and threats of punishments will never work with this girl.

They never did for me and they really just fueled the fire. It was like a challenge to me. Do XXXX to me and watch how it either won't effect me, or I'll get around it, or I'll make do without it, or I'll find another way to get it and I'll really start to hate and resent you in the process. And oh btw, if you haven't figured it out I have much more of an ability to make your life miserable than the other way around so watch me make you and everyone around as miserable as possible and we'll see who wins this battle. (the secret is that the teen only has school and the parents misery to consume her life they have much more time and energy to devote to the battle than the parents who have jobs, bills, other children, parents, friends, and a crapload of other stuff to worry about as well as the problem child.)


So do yourself a favor and stop trying to outsmart and outconsequence this girl if she's as smart as you say she is she'll respond to logical proof of the good and bad consequences of her actions (not consequences like her cell phone getting taken real world real life consequences.) I wish you lots and lots of good luck. :0 whew that post was a duzy sorry its so long!