50/50 for an 18 mth old???

[mbrooks]

What is the name of your state? CA

What do you think about 50/50 custody for an 18 mth old child? Not a good idea is it? My husband and I have had his daughter since June 1st since the mom was having a hard time finding stable housing. She was to find herself suitable housing and take the child back on July 11th - she never attempted such a thing. We want the child with us full-time since we are stable, the child can be around other siblings (not from the same mother). My husband recently had a talk with the childs mom and she stated she wanted to do a 50/50 type of thing. Im not happy with this request, I think its ok for older children that know what is going on. Its hard to explain a situation by writing it because I can go on and on but basicly, I just wanna see my step-daughter in a stable household - I, in no way shape or form want to keep her from seeing her mother, I just think she is unstable, she likes the "night life" and just seems to be less concerned about the well being of her daughter... Im sure some of you can understand my concerns. A little info would be greatly appreciated! At this point were thinking of just going through the child custody paperwork, hopefully it all goes smoothly!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state? CA

What do you think about 50/50 custody for an 18 mth old child? Not a good idea is it? My husband and I have had his daughter since June 1st since the mom was having a hard time finding stable housing. She was to find herself suitable housing and take the child back on July 11th - she never attempted such a thing. We want the child with us full-time since we are stable, the child can be around other siblings (not from the same mother). My husband recently had a talk with the childs mom and she stated she wanted to do a 50/50 type of thing. Im not happy with this request, I think its ok for older children that know what is going on. Its hard to explain a situation by writing it because I can go on and on but basicly, I just wanna see my step-daughter in a stable household - I, in no way shape or form want to keep her from seeing her mother, I just think she is unstable, she likes the "night life" and just seems to be less concerned about the well being of her daughter... Im sure some of you can understand my concerns. A little info would be greatly appreciated! At this point were thinking of just going through the child custody paperwork, hopefully it all goes smoothly!

EXCUSE ME??????
You and your husband have only been married since 4-1-5 you have real estate/renting troubles and trying to cleaar up his past debts, how does that make you so stable? The courts will look at your stability also. Don't think that we don't look at all the facts, next time you have a question, please provide the facts.

 

[LdiJ]

EXCUSE ME??????
You and your husband have only been married since 4-1-5 you have real estate/renting troubles and trying to cleaar up his past debts, how does that make you so stable? The courts will look at your stability also. Don't think that we don't look at all the facts, next time you have a question, please provide the facts.

Ok...I have gone back and reviewed your threads and (shock...lol) I agree with Rmet. I don't believe that you can demonstrate significantly more stability than mom at this point. Perhaps you can a little further down the road...but not right now.

However, I also agree with you that 50/50 is simply WAY too confusing for a child at 1 1/2. A child that young simply isn't old enough to understand what is going on. In another year or so that would be a much more realistic/viable possibility.

 

[stealth2]

Im not happy with this request, I think its ok for older children that know what is going on.

And, well, to be blunt - it's not up to you to be happy or think it's okay or not. It's between Dad and Mom.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

OP, step aside and let these parents work out custody of their child, even though you are married to the father doesn't put you in control, nor does marriage suddenly make Dad more stable than mom. A child of 18 months is flexible and all that is important is having security with food and shelter and a caregiver that loves them, it doesn't have to be in the same pace everyday, they are not a prize in some sort of a game.

 

[LdiJ]

OP, step aside and let these parents work out custody of their child, even though you are married to the father doesn't put you in control, nor does marriage suddenly make Dad more stable than mom. A child of 18 months is flexible and all that is important is having security with food and shelter and a caregiver that loves them, it doesn't have to be in the same pace everyday, they are not a prize in some sort of a game.

I didn't want to say this...but I must....for a household that already consists of 4 children...not counting the 1 1/2 year old, 400.00 a month in CS can be a motivating factor.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I didn't want to say this...but I must....for a household that already consists of 4 children...not counting the 1 1/2 year old, 400.00 a month in CS can be a motivating factor.

Needless to say that is always a motivating factor

 

[stealth2]

I didn't want to say this...but I must....for a household that already consists of 4 children...not counting the 1 1/2 year old, 400.00 a month in CS can be a motivating factor.

Without a doubt.

 

[tigger22472]

Well, although I haven't looked at the other posts here I will go with Ldij and rmet... but also with Stealth in how it really isn't your decision.

I will beg to differ with you also on the 50/50 situation. I think it's even better to do it when they are younger. My step-daughter started doing it at 3 (yes I realize a bit older but still young) and she knows no other way. This is a way of life for her and she doesn't remember when it wasn't this way.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, although I haven't looked at the other posts here I will go with Ldij and rmet... but also with Stealth in how it really isn't your decision.

I will beg to differ with you also on the 50/50 situation. I think it's even better to do it when they are younger. My step-daughter started doing it at 3 (yes I realize a bit older but still young) and she knows no other way. This is a way of life for her and she doesn't remember when it wasn't this way.

Yeah...but at three she was old enough to understand that mommy or daddy was coming back...you could talk to her and explain things to her....and she could verbalize her feelings and help you accomodate them....it might have even worked for her at 2 or 2 1/2....but at 1 1/2 its not possible.

I will never forget taking my three year old niece for a week after her sister was born. (at least a week was the plan...LOL) The idea was to let my sister and brother in law have some time with new new baby without having to deal with "escape artist" Casey.

Please understand that Casey and I had a STRONG bond...plus, she adored my daughter and had virtually a sibling relationship with her.

We got through 4 days of the week because we could communicate....I can't imagine having attempted that without the ability to communicate. I can't imagine parents who attempt anything similar when a child is too young to communicate.

One night at a time is completely different...even two nights at a time can be completely different...even three...but when it gets to be longer than that...its NOT fair to the babies.

 

[mbrooks]

Wtf?????

OK this site is way depressing, sure you went back into my past postings....SO WHAT???? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSEHOLD REALLY?????? No you don't Im asking for advice NOT any type of mean words. Yeah, we HAD troubles with our landlord..... oh by the way..... were in the process of buying the house, all credit issues have been dealt with!!! Were STABLE as can be! We love our other 4 children we have no issues with putting food in there bellys no clothes on there backs. The mother of that 18 mth old is a drug user, out-at-all-hours-partying and sticks her kid in a pack in play all day long....so to all of you who gave me a negative reply... please don't judge people until you get facts right. I am so upset that I ask advice and I get this... Its just not right. Paying $400 in CS has NEVER been an issue, never behind a payment and with not having any court paperwork, you'd think if we were so bad off that we would skip out on payments.... NOPE never!!! We are good parents.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Just because you don't like the advice you get doesn't mean that it's wrong. You happen to have several people who frequently disagreeing here, agreeing. In California it is not unusual to have 50/50 if you live close enough, so far dad doesn't have grounds to get full custody.

Please refrain from disparaging remarks re biomom, remember your husband had a child with her, so she was good enough at one time for him.

 

[mbrooks]

I don't think anyone understands what we see when this child was with her mom . She is a known drug user (documented), is suicidal (documented) and we have written statements from her so-called pals that believe the little one is best with us due to the unstability of her mom (Statements were given to us w/o us asking). And, another thing, I think it is wrong for me to be judged as basicly the "evil step-mom", it seems as though ppl are thinking that I am the one initiating such plans against her mom. I am not, my husband is the one who seriously started inquiring into the best interest of his daughter - he wanted her full-time since her birth. Yes he has three other children, now what does that tell you... he is STABLE and an excellent provider for his kids no matter how many. Were off to see an attorney now.... Thanks for your comments though, have a wonderful day!!

 

[stepmom&mom]

I do not understand why anyone would come to this site for the sole purpose of getting confirmation that what they were doing is perfectly acceptable. If you are so sure that you are right, why even bother asking for advice. People here told you the truth. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's not the truth.

 

[stealth2]

Yes he has three other children, now what does that tell you... he is STABLE and an excellent provider for his kids no matter how many.

Actually, all it really tells anyone is that his parts work.